(REIJI)

We had our goal, but executing it was another thing. I thought the countless years of practice would have aided me in some way when trying to create living beings, but it was useless. It didn’t help that the others couldn’t assist me. We had many shared powers but we each had a uniqueness to us that we couldn’t begin to describe to the others. We just knew how to do things.

Knowing how and actually doing it are not the same thing. As I stand before the hundredth fleshy soup of the day before my feet I couldn’t help but return to my original fantasy of snapping my fingers and populating planets in an instant.

Grumbling to myself, I willed a small blanket of light to clean up the mess and looked around. For as far as even I could see was the familiar green grass that reminded me of the grass from back home. We had created this planet specifically for this purpose. It was slightly larger than Earth had been and has four continents, one for each of us to establish. Noticing the lack of others around me pulled me from my thoughts. The others had originally remained with me, expecting the same success I assume, but now they only visited from time to time. Well most of them had. I hadn’t seen Hikarus for a while now.

A while…

An emotion sparked to life within me and I nearly fell to my knees. Something we had purposefully tried not to mention or even think about for the entire time we had been here was threatening to come out. The loneliness and failure made for kindling to the flames of regret and sadness, and something deeper that I couldn't find the words for.

We have been here for a very very long time. I seemed to be the only one who thought of the possibility of returning, or at the very least showed some signs of not wishing to be here forever. Perhaps it's because I seemed to retain more of myself than the others over time, or perhaps that's just an excuse and they have these same thoughts but realize the futility of them. I too am losing myself, faster now during my attempts than ever before.

The realization that it must have more to do with using our unique powers struck me but it was pushed away. It doesn’t matter anymore. My fears and sorrows had finally surfaced and nothing would stop them.

The truth... The truth was that I had a family and a life that I missed. It wasn’t perfect but it was mine.

Had. I reminded myself.

It would be foolish to think they might still be alive, to think that for some reason that time passed here didn’t pass there. Maybe they had already died before we awoke here. The only thing that mattered is that they have passed. Hell, our world might have ended by now, either through self destruction or some catastrophic act of nature.

The images crashed into me and I fell to my knees. An echo of humanity left on a familiar planet Earth. An asteroid heading straight for it. Our star expanding into a red giant, incinerating the planet before consuming it in a puff of matter. My family along with Hik and Mik’s on a grassy knoll standing before four gravestones. Tears in their eyes as they cursed the heavens for taking their babies away from them before their time.

My vision zoomed in on my mother and father and I froze, a spark of white flame growing beneath my skin. It wasn’t them. I tried to focus on memories before coming here, fueling myself with my growing rage and sadness. My first Christmas, complete strangers. First day of school, there was a random woman beside me. A birthday party around my teen years, I was surrounded by faceless adults, the only ones standing out were my best friends but they appeared as they do now. My graduation party. Again, no one but them were recognizable.

My fists clenched causing space to crack around me. I could feel my energy spiraling around, destroying whatever it touched. I didn’t care. The blinding rage at myself was too overwhelming. I wanted to destroy, to take out my feelings on something, anything, but I knew I would regret it the moment I let it control me again.

I knew the events of my past like a story. It wasn’t mine anymore yet I still held on to that me. To others I must have appeared controlled and reserved, but inside I was a tempest. I didn’t dedicate myself to martial forms for fun, I did it for self control. My parents were kind people. That kindness is something I shared but unlike them I had a limit. They were too kind. Throughout their lives they let others walk all over them because they preferred kindness and to be gentle, even to those undeserving.

Their own family members were the main culprits. My grandmother, aunt and paternal uncle would always need something, usually money, and my parents would bend over backwards for them to ensure they were happy. The last thing they looked out for was themselves and they suffered for it. They put off medical needs and even food if their family so much as hinted at it. It was pathetic. As soon as I was old enough to understand what was going on we argued. I knew they could see the abuse yet they still gave in, even with it all, if they didn’t they would feel horrible about not helping them. So they never stopped. I’m not one to talk though. I never once stood up to them, I only took it out on my own parents who already had so much weighing them down. But even with all that, they listened to me and made sure I was alright. I kept getting into fights with random kids around my age and almost got in legal trouble but of course, my parents helped me. After yelling at them, attacking other kids and being generally unstable they tried their best to comfort me and eventually helped me find a way to manage my anger. In early high school they introduced me to different martial arts and body training and I delved in head first. Using my stocked up emotions I excelled and practiced self control through diligent physical effort. I didn’t have another altercation until years later with Heaven’s father.

I opened my eyes, tears still streaming down my face. I was floating in a globe of spiraling white energy that was eating into the ground beneath my feet and through the globe I saw Heaven standing there, smirking at me. With great effort I took a deep steading breath and relaxed my unstable energy. Finally floating back down to my knees in the perfectly spherical crater I had created.

“Jeez, is it that frustratin-” Heaven froze when she saw my face.

The everpresent smirk on her face cracked and for the first time in ages she frowned for real. She remained standing there for a moment, clear confliction on her face until finally she shook her head and appeared kneeling in front of me, her hand on mine.

“What’s wrong?”

I studied her face for a while in silence, trying to figure out if that was genuine concern I was seeing there.

“We’ve been here for a long time,” I said with a raw voice. I didn’t have the energy to explain everything and knew she’d understand what I mean.

Her frown deepened and after a few seconds she nodded softly.

I guess Heaven really is still in there somewhere.

Relief flooded through me at the thought. Watching my friends lose themselves over the eons had been harder to witness than grieving for my family. Part of me wants us to stop but I’m not dumb enough to think it would work, or that it would last forever. I savored these moments more than I cared to admit. Times when it felt like we had returned to our old world and nothing had changed.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“For what?” She whispered back.

For not being able to save you all.

“For making a mess,” I forced a chuckle and motioned to the scorched landscape and half circle crater.

She chuckled.

“At least you leave something to repair, unlike Mik.”

I allowed myself to smile and released a wave of white light to roll over the scene and wipe it clear of all signs it was just destroyed.

I returned my attention to Heaven and noticed the smirk was back. I sighed internally and waited expectantly.

“Any progress?”

I shook my head. I have the idea of how and what I want to do, but when I try it doesn’t turn out right. I found everything else so easy this entire time that I didn’t think we could struggle like this. Especially when I knew how to do it. The frustration sparked inside me again but I strangled it.

I realized I had lost myself in thought again. I returned my attention back to Heaven, who was still watching me but her smirk was gone.

“How can you use your powers properly if you hate them?” She spoke quietly but sincerely.

I blinked in surprise but ended up smiling. Of course she knew, I wasn’t hiding it well and she had spent the most time with me in both worlds.

“How can I not hate them? I see what they do to you.”

She hesitated, as if searching for the right word.

“Do you think I was happy before all this?”

I couldn’t answer. I wanted to believe she had been at least sometimes, but from the look on her face… it was clear I would be wrong.

“I don’t have to live in fear and be broken anymore, Rei. Even after getting away I was still haunted. A sudden shadow sent me running in fear of it being him. I had nightmares every time I tried to sleep. I couldn’t even shower without worrying he’d sneak in.” After a few breaths she continued, “But now?” She raised her fist and smiled. “Now I have the power to be free, to be safe, and the best part? I don’t remember him anymore.”

I stood up and offered her my hand to help her, though it was unneeded. She still took it and stood, giving a small curtsy. I scoffed but gave her a hug. “Thanks.”

She hugged me back and then twirled, laughing like she used to but this time cyan energy was circling around her. “I think you’re about to make a lot of progress so I’ll leave you to it. Have fun.”

I watched her fly away for a while until the growing itch to use my powers returned. I had been thinking of this power as a curse this entire time while the others have benefited from them. If the powers help us get what we want… then what do I want to gain?

Power? No. Something that comes from power. Do I want freedom too? Deep down that felt wrong and I knew why. My entire life has been a struggle for control. With my parent’s support I was free. Freedom is dangerous, what I want is order. The peace in order I found through great effort I could now have at a divine level. I could give everything order. Pure freedom leads to chaos. The power inside of me ignited into a roaring pearl flame. I’ve been trying to jump to the end when I should be filling the world with the required ingredients first. I must create order within the world before implanting something as chaotic as humans into it. It’s so obvious now. Life doesn’t begin at man, just like this universe it must be created from the beginning.

I expanded my senses along with a blanket of gentle white energy that covered the entire planet and sunk to the depths of the oceans. I could feel the planet almost begging me to bring order and life to its surface. A request I would grant, but one step at a time.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

My aura embraced me and blended with my voice, hollowing it out, “Patience, I will establish order.”

~~~~~~

A green and brown striped feline pounced on a dark brown rabbit that was frozen in place from fear. Its razor sharp teeth shredded through the rabbit’s tiny throat, spilling its life blood onto the grass beneath. The rabbit's fading eyes searched wildly for anything to help, finally meeting my eyes. With tears in my eyes for the death, I willed a small amount of comfort to the struggling form and it calmed down and peacefully passed on moments later.

Loss of life was always sad, but it was required for order to continue. The large feline made a signal sound, something between a howl and a purr, beckoning two fuzzy cubs to emerge from the underbrush of nearby foliage. They ran to their mother and began their feast. As they chowed down on the rabbit, their mother finally noticed me and she froze. She was stuck deciding between fighting or fleeing for a moment before she, too, relaxed and her pupils fully dilated. I smiled and waved then walked away.

The scurrying of rodents and songs of birdlife was a beautiful symphony for my exploration of this forest. Filling the world had taken much longer than I imagined it would, but it was a small price to pay for success. Though… I might have gone a little overboard. All it took was the first mythical creature suggestion from Hikarus for me to let my imagination take over. I think the others will love it.

Once I was out of the forest I held out a hand and waited for the bird that had been following me to land. It reminded me of an eagle but it had amethyst feathers and deep violet eyes with pure white skin underneath. It cooed softly and nuzzled its head against my other hand that I had raised to pet it.

“How long are you just going to stand there?” I asked without turning my attention away from the bird.

“It looked like you were having a moment,” Miklaus said. “Think of a name for it yet?”

“Hm, she kind of reminds me of you. How about Mikky?”

“It seems your naming sense hasn’t changed at all,” he chuckled.

I gave the eagle one last pat and sent it on its way, the light dancing through its feathers as it soared through the sky into the clouds.

“Are you ready for the next step?” Mik continued.

I hesitated.

“Do we really need to add humans to this paradise? We all know what they do to a planet.” I said averting my gaze.

He was silent for a moment before he walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“That’s why we are here, my friend. Besides, can you honestly say you feel satisfied stopping here?”

I sighed. “You’re right.” I released my aura, hollowing out my voice, “ I wouldn’t be satisfied.”

Miklaus smiled to my side as I held out my hand. “Let there be man.”

My pearl white aura dripped from my fingers into a growing silhouette of flesh and bone. Like a sick puppet its skeleton was expanding while growing vessels and muscle and finally skin wrapped around it. In a matter of minutes a fully grown adult male was standing before me, but for now it was lifeless. There was one last step. I had attempted to make humans a few times already and found that even post creation they aren’t “alive” like the others creatures I created. They needed something more, a soul. I raised up my palm and compacted an orb of pure energy into a now blue-white pulsating crystal.

Without waiting for more doubt to cloud my mind I pushed the crystal into the male’s chest and waited. It only took a couple heartbeats. The man’s eyes shot open and he inhaled sharply. Before I could smile I noticed something was wrong. His sky blue eyes were bloodshot and expanding. No, not just his eyes, his entire body was wriggling and swelling beyond what should be possible. I sent my aura into his body trying to stabilize him somehow but even I couldn’t fix this mess. I barely had time to cover my face before he exploded into a mist of red and gore. As he exploded a pain sizzled into my heart and like a knife of flame it stabbed into it. The man’s feelings and emotions, his life, flashed before my eyes as the pain grew deeper. I fell to my knees and screamed.

Two presences descended next to me with Miklaus already at my side.

"What happened?" Heaven asked, a mixture of concern and confusion in her voice.

"I'm not sure," Miklaus admitted. "He created a mortal and well… well that happened. " He gestured towards the spray of chunky gore splayed out on the grass. "As soon as it exploded-"

"I felt-" I tried to say but my voice cracked. Clearing my throat I tried again. "I felt its, his death."

After considering for a second I explained further.

"Not just his death, his life. His tortured momentary existence was mine for a moment and I felt the agony as he had in the end. It has to be because I created his soul. There was no other difference between him and everything else I've made."

"You made a soul?" Hikarus asked, finally joining the conversation.

I just smiled up at him.

"Did you put one in that world serpent I saw on the way here? Is that how it got so much stronger than the beasts around here?"

"Yes and no. The soul stabilizes the more complex forms, while its power is from the effort I put into her creation. And before you ask, even I don't know why certain things are considered more complex. I only understand that they are."

His red eyes blazed with curiosity. "What else have you made?"

"That would ruin the surprise, why don't you explore a little."

Hikarus' eyes widened, then he was gone.

A moment later he returned looking a little embarrassed.

"Are you alright?"

"You can go," I laughed.

He was gone before I even finished.

Miklaus walked up to clean up the remains of the first man but something inside of me told me to stop him.

“Wait, Mik.”

“Hmm?”

“I want to bury him.”

He regarded me for a while, his face completely emotionless, until he eventually just shrugged.

I slowly got up and cradled whatever parts of him I could find with my aura and brought it together into a neat little pile. My aura continued into the earth beneath my feet. The ground quaked and shifted as I tore open a deep fissure that stretched for miles. Gingerly I used my aura to raise the remains and lowered them into the fissure. I thought about closing it, but the realistic side of me knew that he wouldn’t be the last person I’d need to bury.

“I think I want to be alone for this.”

Heaven’s smirk dissolved while Miklaus nodded, as if he expected this, and flew away.

“Are you sure you don’t want me here?”

Power flooded me and pooled into my hand. “You’ll only distract me,” my hollowed voice declared.

Her eyes widened and she smiled. “Yes sir.”

Honestly I did want them here but the thought of breaking down every time I failed was something I didn’t want them to have to see. Apparently Miklaus will see it anyways but there wasn’t much I could do about that. For now I just have to push forward before I can doubt myself and what I’m doing to these people.

At least their suffering doesn’t last long. I tried to comfort myself, but I knew it changed nothing for them. My connection to them was somewhat worrying for the future. I’d worry about all that after I succeeded. That was my only job now.

“Round 2.”

~~~~~

“Round 5,231,” I said, my voice hollow without my power flowing through it.

I had stopped collapsing after around the thousandth. I couldn’t tell if I was getting used to it or if I was emotionally numb. Whatever it was, I was grateful. I could speed up my attempts if I didn’t have to mentally recover after each one. Each one improved from the last to the point where they had all started dying the same way. They crumbled and disintegrated at my feet. I had no idea what the problem could be so I did the only thing I could. I continued on.

~~~~~

“Round 17,326.”

Maybe if I created them from birth and accelerated their growth? Was my thought process several thousand ago. So I slowly lowered the age of those I created, all the way to fetal stages. No change, except now I had the joy of watching those crumble into pulp. At least there was less to bury.

~~~~~

I stopped counting long ago. I paid attention to nothing else but my creations and my failures.

Create.

Implant soul.

Hold them in my arms as their life ceases to be.

Feel their tragic existence as if it were my own.

Toss them into the quickly filling fissure.

Repeat.

Repeat and hope for change.

Repeat and…

My fuzzy vision cleared and I focused on a somewhat still formed body part.

No…

I had withdrawn my aura as soon as this one failed, something I hadn’t done before. Why would I? I had to keep creating.

Dread filled my weeping heart.

I released my aura and the truth dawned on me as the limb instantly crumbled apart.

I fell for the first time in what must have been years. The grass underneath me was long dead.

They always died after they were fully created. It hadn’t made sense the more I thought about it. If there was something wrong with their physical body they would die before I implanted the soul into them. Instinctively I knew the soul wasn’t causing any harm. Then what was it? Why had everyone been dying?

I just sat there staring into the sky. The sun kept passing by overhead but I didn’t notice or care. Even when a presence descended next to me I didn’t move or acknowledge him. He didn’t say anything either.

“I killed them,” I finally said.

Miklaus didn’t say anything, he just watched me without a single shred of emotion on his face.

“So many I hadn’t even counted.”

“Three mill-”

“I didn’t ask!”

“Oh, sorry,” He said emotionlessly.

I sighed and got to my feet. I stretched out, though it was unnecessary.

I stared at the fissure for a while until I decided. I bent down and placed my palms against the ground. Like an embrace the earth was slowly brought back together leaving only a small raised mound in the center for me to finish with later.

“We need to free up some space for everyone. Everywhere has become something’s home by now,” I said to change the subject.

"Already taken care of."

"Oh, really? What did you do?"

"Since we had so much space in the inner planet I created special pockets for them to live in."

"Wow. That's… a much better idea than mine."

He gave me an actual smile in response.

"We haven't just been sitting here while you worked. Which brings me to the next thing we need. With all the wildlife here now, we believe we should create guardians for the mortals. To keep them safe and to rule over them."

"What kind of guardians?"

Heaven and Hikarus descended next to Miklaus and smiled.

"I take it you've succeeded?" Hikarus asked.

I nodded, not wanting to get into the details or dwell on it so I asked again.

"What kind of guardians did you all have in mind?"

Heaven spoke up this time.

"Beings like us."

(Miklaus)

"We've…realized the impact our presence would cause…" Heaven continued, but I couldn't focus on the conversation anymore.

Why did I tell him the number?

I knew Reiji wouldn't have wanted to know, at least not while he was already so guilty about it. I knew it would hurt him, so why didn't I care?

We had been apart for many years as he attempted to create life, but that's not the reason for my lack of care. It was a bizarre feeling. I had cared, but just like the waning guilt I felt for my words, it too was sucked into the void within my mind.

I frowned.

Was I once worried about these changes? I had to have been, right? That must have been why I agreed that we needed guardians to watch over our world instead of it being us. We were losing ourselves the more power we used and the longer we were here. I had been scared of the process, but now, all I felt was tranquility.

My features relaxed into the increasingly common expressionless look I wore now.

This was right. This is how a true God should be.

My eyes traveled between my old friends' faces.

Hikarus was calm on the outside but I could see his red eyes blazing with an intensity I never saw before. He was heavily invested into this whole process, though that itself surprised me. His old self would have been off in the corner of the universe testing new things he found interesting.

Perhaps I was the odd one to not find this interesting. We are creating an entire world that will be full of intelligent life, with people. People like we used to be.

Heaven was still explaining our plan to Reiji. Between sentences I could always see the hint of her near constant smirk. If I tried to show anyone in our past lives this elegant and confident Heaven, they'd never believe they were the same person.

I frowned again, this time in deep thought.

Are we the same people? Am I… still my mother's son?

With a slight startle I realized that it doesn’t matter, not to me and not to this universe. It doesn’t care about who I was before, all that matters is that I am Miklaus. The infinite. The everything. All.

My glowing eyes landed on Reiji. I could see right through the mask he wore to hide his pain over his previous actions. It was pitiful really. The Reiji I saw when he first began his journey of creating life was my mental image for how he should be. It fit his powers perfectly, but of course something had to go wrong. He had to feel. Tsk. I wondered for a moment if I could share my inner void with him before I noticed the others all staring at me.

“Yes?”

“Oh good, so you were listening,” Heaven replied sarcastically.

Reiji stepped forward to cut off the beginning argument, but I held out a hand to stop him.

“I was actually thinking about names for ourselves. The guardians of this world will be Gods, it only seems right that the… True Gods should stand out.”

“True Gods… I like that,” Hikarus said.

Reiji laughed, “A bit egotistical if I do say so, but I have to admit it's…true.”

Heaven rolled her eyes. “Speaking of names, we have to decide on how we want to name our Gods as well. Reiji already shutdown my numbered suggestion.”

“I did like your Pantheon idea,” Reiji cut in.

“True, but we couldn’t agree on who got which.” She pouted back.

“Ah, how about this,” I said as I conjured a hat in my hand full of pristine pieces of folded paper.

They all shook their heads in disbelief but didn’t argue against the idea. They even seemed to have some fun with it and kept their choices hidden, though of course I could see them.

“Before we move on to our Gods, I want to finish up here first.” Reiji said after a moment.

Without waiting for us to respond he drifted back to the small mound he had created over the sealed up crater earlier. He knelt down and gently placed his hands in the dirt. A wave of white energy slowly crept from Reiji until it covered the land around us for miles. Once finished he drew the aura back into himself and then he touched the top of the mound. The dirt shook momentarily until from the top large plant grew, surpassing my height. At the very top of the plant bloomed a colorless flower with four petals, each at least 5 feet long.

Reiji motioned for us to join him, and we did. There weren’t many words shared during this time. We could tell this was important for him and despite all the time and changes we’ve gone through, respected that.

He placed his hand on the petal nearest him and we mirrored his actions.

“Inject a small amount of your power into the flower,” Reiji almost whispered.

“What are we making?” Heaven asked her face strangely serious.

“A shrine to our humanity.”