o. o. o.
Shirou didn't return home until very late that night. Kiritsugu didn't go looking for the boy, instead spending most of his time on the porch staring up at the sky.
... Or coughing up blood. His condition had been constantly getting worse after all. His breathing had become more difficult and his heart rarely beat without hurting.
Still, this sensation was nothing new to him now. Other than the intensity, he had become accustomed to the throbbing pain in his body. It was the curse of constant regret that truly never went away and ensured that he would not be blessed with a quiet and peaceful death.
The sound of the front door opening and the light steps of Shirou walking through the house slowly calmed the man down enough to finally drink some tea and clear his throat somewhat. He subtly brushed his hands on the side of his clothes so that the boy wouldn't notice the blood that he had coughed up earlier.
Shirou appeared quietly from the living room and stood still a fair distance from his father. The house was quiet osave for the chorus of the evening insects.
"You took your time." Kiritsugu mused almost casually. There was little mirth in his tone, however it was still a far cry from how he held himself when he left the boy.
Shirou shifted nervously from side to side. "I had to take the Sakura back home, and then think about what happened today."
"Sakura?" Kiritsugu asked, feinting ignorance.
"The girl that I helped from the bullies." The boy answered. "She lives in those western buildings on the rich side of town."
"I see." The father mused. "… You used magic in public." He stated in a darker tone.
"You were angry that I was getting hurt…" The red head excused himself feebly. "I only reinforced my bones and skin so that the damage would be less. No one noticed… well they did, but they just thought I was just different like that."
Kiritsugu sighed. "Not only did you break one of the major rules I set up for you, but you still don't understand Shirou. You planned for yourself to get hurt. That's just as bad as doing it without knowing it."
"But if I tried to fight them and win, then I would have needed to use more magic!" The boy argued.
"Did you try to think of other ways to get rid of them that didn't involve fighting?" Kiritsugu frowned. "Such as changing your voice to that of an adults and scare them off? I know you are capable of doing that."
Shirou looked away guiltily. "No…" He mumbled.
The father remained quiet as he began to drink again. He knew the boy well enough to know that once the latter recognized his errors, or at least what came out of his errors, he would at least try to figure out what the problem was on his own and attempt to fix it.
Kiritsugu knew what the problem was. He knew what would happen should it remain unaddressed. However, addressing it was the main problem that he still had trouble with.
Shirou was distorted, and it was his greatest strength and weakness. He needed the boy to recognize it, realize its affects on him, and adapt to it in such a way that it would not truly shatter his son later on in life.
It was like trying to get a rampaging alcoholic to adapt to a life where he has to cut back on his drinks but not cut off his intake completely and make sure that he wouldn't binge ever again. Now make said rampaging alcoholic a traumatized eleven year old boy with a fairly short temper with access to magic and replace his addiction with "alcohol" with an addition to "help people", which in contrast is significantly more difficult to argue against doing. This was what Kiritsugu was attempting to accomplish. Right now though he was still at the "get him to admit or realize he had a problem" step.
Shirou nervously stepped forward, closer to his father. "Did… did you really kill a lot of people?"
"More than either one of us would like." Kiritsugu sighed, looking up at the sky.
"And… did it was all to become a hero?" The boy shakily asked.
"…" The Magus Killer remained silent before finally deciding on his answer.
"It was… at first." He started off slowly. "I wanted to be a hero of justice. To rescue people. Or, was it simply a childish attempt to convince myself that I could stop bad things from happening again?" He laughed bitterly. "My father had a Sealing Designation, and because of his carelessness condemned the entire island we were staying on to death for his research… but even after that mess and all the dead, he still wanted to continue his research."
He closed his eyes, losing himself in the memories. "… He didn't know that a freelancer had come into contact with me and explained the situation. Explained why all those people I was friends with were killed by Enforcers and the Church. If he had decided to stop, we probably would have managed to escape the island and live somewhere else in peace. But he didn't care at all for other's lives. Only... he only cared about me."
"He should have. He was your dad." Shirou reasoned out simply.
Did he? Kiritsugu wanted to think so no matter how much it hurt, but his father was a Magus. It wouldn't have been out of character for the man to be more concerned about the family magecraft than his son. "Maybe. Regardless, what he did, his research was too dangerous. So, when I came back to him, no older than you were now, maybe even younger, and he explained what he planned to do and turned around…"
He chuckled dryly and held out one hand, making a gun shape with his index and thumb before making a bang sound. "One to drop him, then a few more in his heart and head just to make sure he was really dead." He pretended to ignore the shocked look his son was giving him. "The sad thing was that he had stayed on the island that long because I hadn't come back yet."
He shook his head and sighed. "After that, I did jobs for and with the freelancer who found me in the first place. She taught me. She fed me. She clothed me. In a way she became the mother I never had, but I still killed in the process. Always killing in order to keep more alive…"
Kiritsugu continued for hours. Telling for the first time uncensored stories of his past, of what he's done. Of his daughter, his wife, of his decent into borderline madness, everything. He never used last names, and left out many facts about the fourth war, including the fact that he had started the fire and that it was held here.
But ultimately, he gave Shirou Emiya a true picture of what his father was, and what the world could be like. It was likely he had scarred his son once more, but so long as these scars served the purpose of reminding him that he had others he would not relent in the slightest.
"Shirou…" The tired assassin spoke once more, his throat dry from overuse. "You have a very difficult life ahead of you, not only as a magus, but as my son. There are no doubt people who have a grudge against me that would take out their frustrations on you. You will face many trials, and I am trying my best to prepare you for them, but that is all I can do. You have to deal with them yourself…"
The boy was now sitting next to him with bags under his eyes. Whether it was from being up for so long or from mental exhaustion was anyone's guess, but it no doubt prevented him from detecting the proclamation of his father's oncoming death. "The trials of being a magus right?" He muttered tiredly. "… I… can sort of get what you mean by me risking myself. I guess it's why so many other kids don't like getting involved with the bullies. I always just thought that they were all just cowards… but now that I think about it, it does make some sense."
"They could be cowards regardless." Kiritsugu corrected. "Unless backed into a corner, most people in today's society try to avoid fighting themselves as much as possible."
"It's hard though…" Shirou continued. "I have this power, and I know what's right and what's wrong, but even though I have to hold back, I always have the urge to do something…"
"… Sword…" The father sighed.
"What?" The boy blinked.
"It's your element and your origin." The man explained. "Sword. It explains why you're so adept at tracing weapons and turning things into weapons and related objects. Because of your origin you're compelled to fighting when put up against violent problems. When you're out of your league, you're compelled to think of yourself as a disposable tool. Useful, powerful, dangerous, but disposable."
"Y-you knew what my origin and elements were?" The boy's eyes widened in shock.
"I had hoped that you would be told when you got older and more mature, but I see that you needed to know this now not for your magic but for yourself." Kiritsugu stated. "I guess it's affecting your judgment more than others' are. I would say that it also explains your short temper, but then again all kids have that."
"Sword." The boy repeated, as if trying to convince himself that this was his true nature. "I'm a living sword huh?" He smiled weakly. "That's pretty cool in a way I guess. Learning sword magic and all."
"Sword magic." The father snorted and shook his head before being struck with inspiration. He nearly hit himself for not thinking of this sooner. "Shirou, let me try to put it in an easier way for you to understand. You know that the best swords not only have powers and pick their owners… but they have special scabbards too?" He pat the boy on the head gently. "You have to find that son. You are not a hero of justice. You are a sword of justice, but you are still human which makes things more complicated. You can't be swung all the time at every unfair thing within your reach and sight, and you can't simply just let yourself be wielded by anyone that asks for your aid. Otherwise, you'll chip and rust yourself with blood until you're nothing but a shattered mess of what you once were, or become a cursed blade that lashes out at everything and prevent people from coming near you. You need to reign yourself in order to prevent this from happening. I've been trying to do this by teaching you self control, but in case that fails you may have to find someone or something to do it for you. It can be a friend, a loved one… anything really so long as it enables you to control yourself. Does that make sense?"
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Shirou was silent as he analyzed Kiritsugu's analogy. It was surprisingly accurate when applied to the boy. Japan has multiple legends about swords in its rather colorful history, both holy and demonic. Some stories actually had legendary weapons becoming tainted and bloodthirsty which enforced the comparison even more. "Yeah. It does." Shirou nodded slowly, though Kiritsugu guessed that it was because the boy didn't want to agree with it completely. "I need to take care of myself. I'm a sword. But I also use swords. I can break differently from other people…" He looked at his hands as if seeing something else.
"…My body is made of blades…"
The father suppressed the shiver going down his spine, only nodding in response. "Yeah. It is. Just make sure you take care of them all." He smiled sadly down at his son. "You'll need them in good condition soon enough…"
o. o. o.
It had been several months since that day and much had happened.
Shirou's magic training had progressed significantly. His projections were stronger and he was beginning to produce more common non-weapon items from memory now, albeit very basic ones. His alteration skills had improved slightly, though once more his strength was primarily in projection and reinforcement. He could make some very basic bounded fields if needed to keep normal humans away, and his hypnotism skills had gotten to the point where if truly needed he could managed to manipulate a normal human to forget certain events or do things for him, not that he had any test subjects other than Taiga who he simply just made eat like a normal human being for once or take him to see a movie once in a while…
But the biggest event that transpired by far was… Kiritsugu's death.
It should have been obvious to Shirou that something was wrong. The man had grown more lethargic. He had been coughing more, and after a point he had simply given up trying to hide the blood that was coming out of his mouth…
Shirou assumed that all Kiritsugu needed was to be exposed to his projections of Avalon enough to get better. He should have known otherwise…
But despite all this, Kiritsugu's last few hours on earth were relatively calm. He didn't cough. He wasn't in pain. He didn't lament. All he did was sit in his favorite spot on his porch with his son, drink tea, look at the beautiful summer moon, and talk to his son.
They talked about several things. Dreams. Magic. Taiga. Ilya and Iri. Adventures. After a while Shirou was simply talking constantly, thinking that his father was listening to him but just too tired to respond, but with the same relaxed smile on his face that he had when they both first entered the home and told Shirou he had a family again.
It wasn't until later that Shirou discovered why Kiritsugu stopped talking.
The man's funeral had been postponed for some reason. According to his will, his body was to be taken to a special location in Europe for some kind of preparation that he specifically requested before being cremated, as how most Japanese treated their bodies, and returned to be buried at the Ryuudou Temple.
Aside from Shirou and a good portion of Taiga's family, only Waver and Sirius were there for the funeral.
"It's not yer fault lad…" Sirius smiled sadly when Shirou brought up the idea that he could have done more to help Kiritsugu. "He knew his time was comin' b'fore he even adopted ya. Ah can tell ya right now that he lasted tis long only cause of ya, and he went out with a happy smile on his face, the bastard. Tat's a lot more than he ever could have hoped for considerin' what his life was like…"
"Shirou…" Waver knelt down in front of the boy after Sirius' words of comfort. "Kiritsugu asked us to help continue with your magic education after he died, but we can't be here all the time. In order for us to properly teach you a fraction of what you'll need, you would have to come with us to England during your major school breaks. The spring, winter and summer ones, and you will have to self teach yourself when you are here. That itself won't be much of an issue since we had already set up additional bounded fields around your home to increase your privacy to that of a workshop, and double that for the shed which technically is your workshop, however we wanted to ask your permission to do so first. Sirius and I are busy people, so we need to plan all of this beforehand in order to make things work…"
Waver hesitated, clearly debating whether or not to keep going. "Kiritsugu may not have told you this, but there is going to be a very dangerous event held in Fuyuki in a several years that he initially didn't want or expect you to take part in, but facts have come to light that have changed everything. All three of us have been training you to be prepared for it when the time comes. You, of all people are the best hope we have at resolving this said event without things getting out of control."
He took out a long wooden box and gave it to the boy. "All of us, your father included, have put several important items in here that would prepare you when the time comes. The box will not open until the appropriate time. It will let you know when that is. As an extra precaution, the letters inside are enchanted so that only the person who it is intended for can open and read them. Keep this in your home where no one will find it…"
That had been over a month ago. The sword element magus had already come and gone to England for his first session of training since Kiritsugu's body had returned during the middle of his summer break, and even though he was exhausted mentally and physically, he could tell that Sirius and Waver had gone easy on him due to him still getting used to his father's death. It had annoyed him somewhat that he couldn't check out the Clocktower since his existence was supposed to be somewhat of a secret, but he couldn't complain much since his lessons were already more than enough of a distraction, and his homework for his next trip to England was just as tedious.
Especially English, which he wasn't that good at in the first place.
It didn't help that Sirius was the first one to try to kick start his lessons in that particular language… that is until Waver finally got wind of what was happening and rescued the very confused and frustrated boy.
At the moment though, Shirou was simply sitting on a park bench near his home and staring off into the sky. School would start in a few days and Taiga had been smothering him since he got back home. He wanted some time to himself…
"You're back." Mumbled a small voice to his side, snapping him out of his absent minded state. He turned to see the familiar purple haired girl looking at him almost curiously from the side.
"Oh um… you're, Sakura right?" Shirou asked, trying to remember the girl's name. He had not seen her since that day he walked her back to her home. "How are you doing?"
The girl didn't respond at first as she looked at the boy with defeated eyes, as if looking for something. "Thank you." She said softly.
"Huh?"
"For back then." She continued. "The bullies. I never thanked you before."
"Oh…" He laughed nervously before scratching his head. "Yeah. Thanks."
"I would like to thank your father too." She continued, stopping as Shirou froze before sagging in his seat. "Something wrong?"
"Dad died a few months ago." The boy said in a sad tone.
The girl's eyes flashed for a moment. Whether it was pity or mirth no one could tell. "I'm sorry for your loss." She muttered. "He was a very scary person."
"That was the only time he was like that." Shirou argued. "Normally he was very kind. He was pretty sloppy at times and he couldn't cook for the life of him, but he was a good dad. The best…" He shook his head before smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I bet you don't want to hear about my problems after we just met again."
"What will you do now?" The girl asked, a tinge of curiosity in her otherwise empty voice. "Did you move?"
"Ah. No." Shirou shook his head. "Dad left me the house." He pointed to the general direction he lived in. "My neighbors are scary and weird, but they're nice and are taking care of everything else for me. I'm starting secondary school soon so I'm thinking of trying to get a job or do something to earn money soon to pay for food and not be a burden on everyone. I'm pretty good at repairing things even though I'm young."
He puffed out his chest proudly. "I fixed old man Fujimura's motorcycle a few days ago and he paid me a lot of money. The good thing is that he keeps on breaking it. A lot of the parts are old from what I've heard, so I won't have to worry about paying for food…" He looks to the side slightly annoyed. "… So long as Fuji-nee doesn't come over for dinner every night."
"He left you his home?" The girl tilted her head to the side curiously. "What about your mom?"
Shirou calmed down a bit. "I'm adopted." He said bluntly. "My real parents died in the city fire a few years ago and dad never married."
"So you're all alone now…" She said aloud, not really to anyone in particular.
"Yeah." The boy sighed before trying to put on a brave smile. "But dad and Sirius-jiji and Waver-Nii said that I'm stubborn as heck so I should be able to take care of myself just fine. If I can't… well then Sirius-jiji and Waver-nii said that if that happened they would come over here, beat up whoever's giving me a hard time… then beat me up for taking up their time…"
He laughed nervously. Almost all of his recent training in England had been practical application of his magic to fighting. He had to learn quickly if he wanted to live a good portion of the time. He could confidently say that he could at least fight with a sword now… though he had to alter it to fit his body size… and he had no real style… and for the most part all he was really good at the moment was running away and dodging with a sword in hand…
Shirou loved Sirius like a crazy drunk fun grandfather, but the problem was that Sirius taught like a crazy drunk fun demonic grandfather that couldn't hold back.
The girl looked at him for a little while longer before turning to walk away. "I have to go back home. Would it be ok if we meet here again?" She asked.
"Sure." The boy shrugged. "I'll probably rest here on the weekends after food shopping if I don't have anything else to do."
She nodded. "I will see you next weekend… sempai."
"Sempai?" Shirou tilted his head to the side. "My name is Shirou Emiya. You can just call me that Sakura. You're younger than me?"
She shook her head. "I have another year to do before I go to secondary school. You are my senior. I have to respect that." With that she walked away back up the hill to where her home was.
"Weird girl." Shirou mused. "Better not tell Fuji-nee about her. Knowing her she'd probably just do something weirder…"
o. o. o.
Sakura entered her home quietly, but not unnoticed.
"I see you've been going out occasionally during the weekends." Zouken Matou mused curiously. "Have you made a friend?"
Sakura knew better than to lie to the seemingly frail old man. "Yes. His name is Shirou Emiya and he is my sempai by a year." She answered bluntly.
The old man's eyebrows raised in surprise for a moment before they lowered again. "Emiya? Is his father's name by chance Kiritsugu Emiya?"
"If it is it doesn't matter." She replied somewhat nervous. If her new friend had her grandfather's interest already. "His father recently died."
Zouken once more expressed a sign of pleased shock and amusement in the form of a twisted smile that was more suited for a cadaver than a human, which disturbed the girl even more despite the fact that she did not show it.
"I see…" He mused, almost disappointed. "A shame. Poor boy." He shook his head in seemingly pity before walking away, his soft steps unheard and his cane barely making any more sound than that. "You can play with the boy so long as you do not use it as an excuse to skip your training."
The girl remained quiet for several seconds, not truly believing that the old demon had given her so much leniency. "Th-thank you." She quickly bowed before going straight to her room, not believing her fortune or this turn of events.
"Shirou Emiya." Zouken mused as he went down the secret staircase down to where he kept his familiars. "If he truly is the heir to the Magus Killer, then he would no doubt be a contender for the next war." The old man knew that the next Heaven's Feel ritual would occur far sooner than anticipated. His study of Sakura's body with the implanted shards of the previous Grail and his knowledge of the structure of the ritual itself had told him this much.
"It would be wise to keep an eye on him for the time being," He smirked. "This upcoming war should prove to be more interesting than I had originally anticipated. I may have come to possess a new key piece sooner than expected…"
o. o. o.