When I heard that Mom was angry with Dad, I expected to hear more shouting when I approached Dad’s office. However, to my surprise, I heard nothing. If it hadn’t been for Rosalind’s words, and the expressions of the knights guarding the door to Dad’s office, I wouldn’t have known that anything was wrong. The two knights were pale faced, with sweat beading their foreheads. They reminded me of mice who caught sight of a cat stalking about.
The two knights gave me sympathetic looks as I approached the door to Dad’s office. The moment I opened it, Mom’s shouting hit me like a physical blow. She was so loud, I feared that the entirety of Kaltbrand Castle could hear her.
“-were you thinking Anselm?” she yelled.
I closed the door and cut the shouting off. The sudden silence hit me almost as hard as the shouting had. I gave the knights guarding the door a questioning look.
“Grand Sage Arend enchanted His Grace’s study,” one of them explained, “To prevent anyone from eavesdropping. As you just witnessed, it’s powerful enough to stop even the Knight Commander’s shouting.”
I nodded in thanks, before facing the door once more. Bracing myself, I reached over to open it with shaking hands. By some miracle, Mom’s shouting didn’t hit me again when I opened the door. Instead, I heard Dad’s pleading.
“Sophie, please calm down,” he said in a cajoling tone, “It was all Wulfe’s idea.”
I made my way inside the study and closed the door behind me to prevent anyone from overhearing. No need to get outsiders involved in our family’s personal business. Mom marched towards Dad with murder in her eyes, each of her steps echoed out like thunder. Dad fled from her, running around his desk, while trying to placate her at the same time.
Anyone else who saw this would have been flabbergasted to see Anselm Kaltbrand, the Reichwald Empire’s only grand duke, fleeing from his fiancée like a henpecked husband. I just found it entertaining.
“So what if it was Wulfe’s idea?” Mom yelled, her words punching me in the ears. “You’re the Grand Duke! You shouldn’t have gone along with it! What were you thinking, letting everyone know that you hired Wulfe to pretend to be your heir?”
“We didn’t let people know,” Dad said, “We just planted a few rumors here and there.”
“A few? You call that few?!” Mom stopped chasing Dad and pointed a finger south. “I heard about the rumors all the way back in Warrior’s Rest! Why do you think I came back so soon? They must have spread all the way to the Mistwood by now!”
Dad held his hands in front of him in a placating gesture. He also kept his desk in between him and Mom, just in case.
“I don’t see what you’re so upset about.” He said in a soothing voice. “We’re just giving House Steuben and their allies enough rope to hang themselves with. It will all work out in the end.”
Mom clenched her fists so hard that they started shaking.
“The problem is that they’re going to demand another lineage test,” she said, in a low voice. For some reason, this scared me more than her shouting had. “A public one. When that happens, Wulfe will find out the truth.” She paused to take a deep breath. “You promised me, Anselm. You promised me that you would let me tell Wulfe. You promised me that you wouldn’t interfere!”
Right. I think it was time I intervened.
“You mean the truth that you’re my birth parents.” I said.
Mom whirled around and stared at me in shock.
“Wulfe,” she breathed out, “How long have you been there?”
“A while now.”
I walked towards my parents. Mom stepped back, as if afraid of me coming closer to her. She looked as if her greatest fear had come to life.
“Wulfe already knows the truth, Sophie.” Dad said in a somber voice.
Her face twisted, as if a maelstrom of emotion raged inside her.
“You told him.” She whispered, still staring at me.
“I gave him a nudge.” Dad said. “After that, Wulfe put the clues together himself and went to Arend to confirm them.”
I gave both of my birth parents a hard look and opened my mouth to demand an explanation. However, before I could, Mom rushed out of the study. Her sudden movements caught me off guard, giving me no time to react. I turned to chase after her, but Dad stopped me.
“Let her go, Wulfe.” He said. “Sophie will just keep running if you go after her now. Give her time to calm down.”
I stared at him as he walked over to the door to his study and closed it.
“Why did she react like that?” I asked, shocked.
I never expected this from her. To me, Knight Commander Bardin had always been a distant and lofty figure. Even when I grew to know her as a person, and even after I found out that she was my birth mother, I retained some of my hero worship towards her. However, as Mom fled, she seemed as frail as any other human.
“How would you react if Duke and Duchess Guld suddenly appeared in front of you?” Dad asked.
I swallowed as a shiver of fear ran down my spine.
“I…” I paused and let out a sigh. “I would have run away as well.”
Dad gave me an understanding smile.
“That’s something you have in common with Sophie.” He said. “Just as you have complicated feelings regarding House Guld, she has complicated feelings regarding you.”
I looked at the door to the study.
“What happened?” I asked. “Why does she feel that way?”
Dad shook his head.
“I’ll let Sophie explain her past to you.” He said. “She deserves that much.” He nodded. “However, I will say this. She harbors a great deal of guilt. She blames herself for losing you.”
I thought back to the conversation I had with Mom several weeks ago, back when we hunted the Proteans.
“During the chaos from twenty years ago, Mom said that she lost someone dear to her,” I said. “She saved the Barrens and became a legend, but paid a heavy price for it.”
At the time, I thought she was talking about a lover that she lost. However, thinking back on her words, I realized that she meant me.
“Yes.” Dad said, wearing a bitter expression . “However, I bear my fair share of blame as well. Johanna’s death devastated me. I wanted to die and join her. Sophie saved me. While I never loved her as much as I loved Johanna, she is my best friend. If it hadn’t been for her, I might have taken my own life.” He let out a self deprecating chuckle. “Johanna’s death hurt Sophie as well, yet even then, she still looked out for me.” He shook his head. “Even so, it took me a long time to recover. If I hadn’t been so weak, so useless, then maybe she would have trusted me more. Maybe… Things wouldn’t have gone the way they had.”
I studied Dad and realized that even those at the peak of the mortal world were still flawed and prone to mistakes like any other human. Even with the little I knew, I could tell that what happened twenty years ago was a complicated affair, one that scarred the hearts of the ones involved.
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“I don’t blame you.” I said, and I meant every word. How could I not? When I saw the pain in Dad’s eyes, I realized that neither he nor Mom wanted to give me up. They lost me, and they suffered from that loss. “And I don’t blame Mom, either. I lived a difficult life, yes, but not a bad one.”
I almost mentioned House Guld, and how well they treated me, but I stopped myself. It seemed tactless to mention how well my adoptive parents treated me to my birth father.
“Thank you for saying that,” Dad said, “However, it will be a while before I stop blaming myself.” He nodded towards the door to his study. “It’s even worse for Sophie.”
I followed his gaze.
“In that case, I should go reassure her as well,” I said.
Dad nodded.
“I think it’s been long enough.” He said. “You’ll likely find her in the western gardens. It’s one of her favorite places in the castle.”
I blinked in surprise at that. That was something else Mom and I shared in common. It amazed me just how alike we were, even though we met well after I became an adult.
I nodded at Dad and made my way towards the door. However, before I opened it, he spoke up.
“I know I’m a bit late, and it’s shameless of me to say this now, but I love you, son.” He said. “I’m proud of the man you’ve become, even though I have no right to say that considering the circumstances.”
His words struck me like a lightning bolt and I found it difficult to breathe. I struggled to find a response.
“You don’t have to say it back right away.” Dad said in a wry tone. “Go. Sophie is waiting for you.”
With that, I opened the door and fled the study.
----------------------------------------
I found Mom in the western gardens, just as Dad said I would. On the way there, I regained my composure, though I still felt a little off balance from Dad’s words. I berated myself for running away like a coward instead of responding. It shouldn’t have been difficult to say ‘I love you’ back to him. Yet, in the moment of truth, the words stayed stuck in my throat.
The truth was, I didn’t know if I loved Dad or not. I admired and respected him, and even started calling him “Dad” in my mind. However, that was a far cry from love. Despite our blood connection, the two of us were still strangers to each other. We had known each other for less than two months. That wasn’t enough to make up for a lifetime spent apart.
However, I didn’t hate him. In fact, I liked him. That was enough of a start. I grew to love Duke Guld as my father, and I was sure I could grow to love Dad as well. We wouldn’t have the same relationship that I had with Duke Guld, but that was okay. We didn’t have to. Grand Duke Kaltbrand was Dad and Duke Guld was Father.
Mom stood in the middle of the western gardens, staring up at the moon, which bathed everything in its silver light. A cool breeze blew through the gardens. Even though it was winter, this was still the Barrens.
I made some noise as I approached Mom, to avoid startling her, but she didn’t react. I stopped a few feet away from her, unsure of what to say. When I left Dad’s study, I had all sorts of things in mind. However, now that I was here, I found myself tongue tied.
“Johanna loved this place.” Mom said, breaking the silence. “She said that even though the other gardens in the castle are brighter and more colorful, this one reminded her that the Barrens had its own kind of beauty.” She chuckled. “She also said that she loved how peaceful and quiet it was. Since everyone else favored the other gardens, this one was all hers.”
I looked around and nodded. At first, I didn’t think much of the western gardens. However, as time passed, I grew to appreciate its charm.
“You loved her a lot.” I said.
Mom nodded, still staring up at the moon.
“Yes, I did.” She said. “I also hated her.” She took a deep breath. “Teach-… Count Wirner, my father, never acknowledged me as his daughter when I was growing up. He always considered me his greatest shame. You see, my mother was Countess Wirner’s personal maid. When the late countess died, Count Wirner drowned in sorrow and sought comfort in my mother’s arms. However, when she became pregnant with me, he blamed her for taking advantage of him in his moment of weakness, even though he approached her first.”
Mom spoke that last part in a sneering tone.
“To his credit, Count Wirner ensured that my mother and I were taken care of,” she continued. “We never lacked for anything material. However, Count Wirner always saw me as a blight on House Wirner’s honor and treated me as such. He never abused me or my mother, but he never treated us with any warmth either. We were outcasts within House Wirner. Pariahs.” She let out a bitter laugh. “Despite this, I strived to earn his affection. I thought that I proved myself worthy, I could earn his love. So I worked hard and pushed myself, all so I could prove myself worthy of House Wirner.”
I felt cold as I realized that my experiences growing up in House Guld paralleled Mom’s experience growing up in House Wirner. At Baroness Lafrenz’s urging, I strove to prove myself worthy of House Guld, afraid that they would toss me aside if I didn’t. However, there were a few key differences between our experiences. The biggest was that House Guld treated me with warmth and affection, while Mom endured disdain and contempt from her own father.
“None of my efforts mattered.” Mom said, clenching her fists. “No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, Count Wirner never acknowledged me. To him, I was the bastard daughter he wished he never had. Meanwhile, my half-siblings received everything I wanted. They didn’t even have to work for it. Count Wirner showered them with love just for existing. I hated them for it. Why them? What made them so special? Why not me? I asked myself those questions over and over again, yet the answer always remained the same. They were legitimate, and I was not.”
I started to see where this was going. The similarities between the circumstances around Mom’s birth and mine could not be ignored. It was clear that Count Wirner’s treatment left deep scars in her heart. I imagined that those scars influenced her decisions regarding me.
“I thought things would change when I joined the Order of the Coldsteel Blade, but they didn’t.” Mom said. “He treated me like I was just another knight under his command. No, that isn’t quite right. He treated me worse. At least with the other knights, he acknowledged their accomplishments. Not mine.”
Mom fell silent for a while after that. I remained quiet and waited for her to continue.
“That was when I realized that nothing I did would ever be good enough for him,” Mom said. “It was a heavy blow to my heart, and I buried myself in work to escape the pain. Anselm and Johanna married each other right around that time. My sister and I never had much to do with each other before that point, so it came as a surprise when we grew closer to each other after she married my best friend. Soon, we became sisters in truth. The next few years were among the best of my life. When Johanna died, it felt as if someone had ripped my heart out.
“It was worse for Anselm. He loved Johanna with his entire being. For him, it was as if he lost his reason for being. Fearing that he would take his own life, I took action. At least, that was what I told myself. In truth, I just wanted relief from my own pain.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if that makes me more like Count Wirner or my mother. Regardless, a few weeks after Anselm and I slept with each other, I found out that I was pregnant with you. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. However, I feared that Anselm would treat you the same way that Count Wirner treated me, so I kept my pregnancy a secret. It wasn’t easy, but I managed it.”
Mom stopped and took a deep shuddering breath.
“When I gave birth to you, I couldn’t stop crying.” She said, her voice thick with emotion. “You were my little bundle of joy, my sweet baby boy. I swore to myself that I would do everything in my power to protect you, and that I would give you everything I never received from Count Wirner. We would be a real family, just you and I.”
Tears pricked my eyes when I heard this, and I felt my heart breaking. I almost wanted her to stop speaking, so I didn’t have to hear the next part of this story. However, it didn’t matter. I already knew what came next.
“Around that time, a massive horde of demonic beasts invaded the Barrens.” Mom said. “It was the biggest one in decades. Count Wirner was still devastated from Johanna’s death, so I picked up my sword and acted as knight commander of the Order of the Coldsteel Knights in his place. To keep you safe, I sent you south, away from the fighting. I thought about sending you to Kaltbrand Castle, but I feared that someone would figure out your true identity so I decided against it. I have regretted that choice countless times ever since then.”
“What happened?” I asked, speaking up for the first time since I arrived in the western gardens.
Mom took a moment before answering.
“A group of demonic beasts attacked the caravan you were with.” She said. “When I heard about what happened, I rushed to save you but it was too late. The demonic beasts killed everyone, or so it seemed. I thought I lost you. My grief drove me mad and I threw myself into the fighting. Somewhere along the way, I became an Aura Master. I don’t remember when it happened. My memories from those days are blurry in my mind.” She shook her head. “After we drove the demonic beasts back, I told Anselm about you. I thought he would grow angry with me. Instead, he mourned your death with me. Life continued after that. In time, the pain dulled and our hearts healed. I devoted myself to the Order of the Coldsteel Blade. Any hope I had for a family died with you.”
“It did?” I asked, surprised. “I thought you and Dad…”
I trailed off, unable to finish that sentence.
“No,” Mom said, “Anselm and I are best friends, but nothing more. I had no interest in becoming Grand Duchess and Anselm had no interest in marrying at all. The only reason why we’re getting married now is because of you.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. On the one hand, at least my parents were getting married, so I would no longer be an illegitimate bastard. On the other hand, I was a little disappointed that my parents weren’t marrying for love. They were marrying to secure my position. I knew that was normal among the nobility, but still. Perhaps growing up in House Guld had spoiled me.
Still, perhaps there was hope for my parents. Duke and Duchess Guld married for political reasons, but they ended up falling in love with each other. Perhaps the same thing would happen with Mom and Dad. Then again, perhaps not. They’ve known each other for decades. If they haven’t fallen in love already, chances were that they wouldn’t fall in love at all.
“The Order of the Coldsteel Blade was my life.” Mom said. “I intended to choose a disciple from among my knights and make them my heir. At least, I did until last year, when I found you again after the battle at Jagged Tooth Pass.”