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Chapter 14: Substitute

An icy claw gripped my heart when I heard Baroness Lafrenz’s words. I was afraid to hear what she would say next, but I couldn’t muster up the strength to stop her.

“Emmerich Guld, the real second son of House Guld, fell into a river a short time ago.” Baroness Lafrenz explained. “While we all wish for him to be found alive, Lord Emmerich is more than likely dead. His absence has left a hole in House Guld, so His Grace and Her Grace decided to bring in a substitute to take his place.” She nodded towards me. “That substitute is you, Lord Wulfram. However, make no mistake. You are not a real Guld. Think of yourself as a bandage to help heal the broken hearts of everyone here, nothing more.”

Tears pricked my eyes and I clenched my fists. She was lying, she had to be. The duke and duchess’ kindness was too warm, too genuine. There was no way she was telling the truth.

Yet, a part of me couldn’t help but feel doubt. It all made sense now. This had all been too good to be true. There was no way a family like House Guld would want someone like me for, well, me. They wanted to use me.

I tried to ignore this part of myself, but its words seeped into my heart like poison.

“You’re lying!” I yelled. “I’m going to tell the duke and the duchess what you said!”

The baroness gave me a cold smile in return.

“Go ahead,” she said. “They will only tell you the same thing. The only reason why they left it up to me in the first place was so they could keep up the pretense. However, if you confront them with the truth, they will have no reason to continue acting as they have. Is that what you want, Lord Wulfram?”

Her words doused my anger. No, I didn’t want that. I didn’t want that at all. Despite our short time together, I needed the warmth and kindness I received from Duke and Duchess Guld. No, I craved it. It was like sitting next to a fire on a cold winter’s night. I feared losing it more than anything else, even if it wasn’t real.

“In fact,” the baroness continued. “His Grace and Her Grace might end up sending you back to the orphanage they found you in. After all, they brought you here to fulfill a specific purpose. If you refuse to play your part, then you are useless to them and useless things get discarded. Do you want to be discarded, Lord Wulfram?”

“No!”

I couldn’t go back to the orphanage, not after experiencing what it was like to have a family and a home. I would do anything to stay here, even if it meant being a substitute.

“Then be a good boy and listen to me.” Baroness Lafrenz said. “As long as you do that, you can stay here and enjoy all the benefits that come with being a member of House Guld. Think of it as a contract or a bargain. Fulfill your end of the bargain, and you shall be paid for your efforts. Do you understand?”

I nodded. If I thought about it like that, it wasn’t too different from the odd jobs I worked back at the orphanage. Despite this, I couldn’t help but drown in sorrow. The first time I ever felt loved, and it wasn’t real. It was transactional, nothing more.

“When you and I are alone, you can be yourself, Lord Wulfram. However, in front of anyone else, you must play your part.” She frowned at me. “You’re an imperfect substitute for Lord Emmerich, so we’ll have to work hard to make up for your deficiencies. Don’t worry. I shall teach you. For your first, and most important, lesson repeat after me: I am not a real Guld. I am a substitute.”

I stared at her for several long seconds, before I opened my mouth and repeated her words.

“I am not a real Guld.” I said. “I am a substitute.”

Baroness Lafrenz grabbed my shoulder and leaned forward to whisper into my ear.

“I want you to repeat those words to yourself whenever you’re alone.” she said. “I want you to etch them into your bones, so you never forget that you are a fake and nothing more.”

The baroness stood up straight.

“Say it again.” she commanded.

“I am not a real Guld. I am a substitute.”

“Again.”

“I am not a real Guld. I am a substitute.”

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I spent the rest of the day in a listless mood. The whirlwind of emotions I had endured, exhausted me and left me with little energy to enjoy the rest of my homecoming. When it came time for dinner, I mustered up some enthusiasm to enjoy the meal, but Duke and Duchess Guld must have realized that something was wrong. They asked me about it several times, but I just told them that I was tired after everything that had happened. It was clear from their expressions that they didn’t believe me, but they let it go.

I almost broke right then and there. The worry in their eyes seemed genuine and I thought that maybe, just maybe, Baroness Lafrenz had lied to me. However, I refrained in the end. I couldn’t take the risk that she wasn’t lying, and that the kindness they had shown me so far had been nothing more than an act. So I kept my thoughts to myself and muddled through dinner.

After we finished eating, the other children and I prepared for bed. This turned out to be more involved than I was used to, especially with servants helping me wash up and get dressed in a separate set of clothes just for sleeping, so I was even more exhausted by the time we were done. Duke and Duchess Guld tucked me into bed. The duchess sat on bed beside me, while the duke stood off to the side.

“What do you think of your new home, Wulfram?” the duke asked.

“I like it here.” I said, smiling at him despite the pain in my heart. “It’s warm and beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here, Your Grace.”

Duke Guld gave me a stern look.

“Father.” he said.

I blinked at him in surprise.

“Call me ‘Father,’ Wulfram.” the duke said.

“And call me ‘Mother’.” Duchess Guld said, giving me a kind smile. “We’re your parents now. You don’t have to be so formal with us.”

Tears pricked my eyes, though I held them back as best I could. Why? Why would they do this to me if I was just a substitute for their missing son? Their real son? Still, as painful as this was, it was still better than living in the orphanage.

“Father.” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Mother.”

Duchess Guld embraced me.

“Good boy.” she said, before pulling away. “Now, get some sleep. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow.”

I nodded. Duke and Duchess Guld turned off the mana crystal lamps, before leaving my bedroom. I waited for a few minutes, keeping an ear out to make sure I was alone. When I didn’t hear anything, the tears I had been holding back this entire time started to fall. They streamed down my cheeks, and I curled up into a ball as I let out racking sobs. However, crying brought no relief or release. The pain in my heart never eased. If anything, it grew worse.

Lost in my misery, I didn’t notice the intruder who snuck into my room until they touched my shoulder. Caught by surprise, I yelped and flailed about. I got entangled in my sheets and fell off my bed.

“Wulfram!” a girl’s voice. “Are you alright?”

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

A pair of hands helped me get untangled from my sheets. When I was free, I looked up to find Lina crouching next to me. I could make out her features despite the darkness. The orphanage used candles, since mana crystal lamps and oil lamps were expensive, and only sparingly. After night fell, the orphans often navigated in complete darkness to get around, allowing us to hone our night vision. Lina wore a concerned expression on her face.

“I apologize for startling you.” she said in a sincere tone. “I tried calling out to you, but you didn’t hear me.” Her hand caressed my cheek. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

My face flushed with shame and embarrassment when I realized that Lina, the spring goddess, had caught me in such a disgraceful state. I covered myself with my sheets and hunched over to hide my face. After everything that had happened, the last thing I wanted was to do was face Lina. I didn’t think I could bear it if she decided to mock me for my weakness.

However, to my surprise, Lina didn’t reprimand me or mock me. Instead, I felt her wrap an arm around my shoulders.

“Let them out.” she said in a gentle voice. “Let the tears out. Don’t worry about anything else. I’m here for you.”

Her unexpected kindness surprised me. I thought she hated me, since she rejected me as her brother earlier. Still, her words shattered what little self-control I had left and I started crying again. This time around, the ugliness inside me drained away with my tears. The pain in my heart faded away, until only a dull ache remained. When I finished crying, my eyes felt sore and my throat felt rough.

“Do you feel better now?” Lina asked.

I nodded.

“Enough to look at me?”

I stilled at that.

“I’m covered in tears and snot.” I said, my voice muffled by the sheets.

Lina giggled.

“I don’t care about that.” she said. “In fact, I have a handkerchief if you want to wipe your face clean.”

I paused for a moment before nodding. With some trepidation, I sat up straight and removed the sheets covering my head. When I looked at Lina again, I found her looking at me with a gentle expression on her face. She held a handkerchief in her hand. I reached over to take it from her, but she shook her head.

“No,” she said, her voice stern. “Let me.”

I sucked in a breath and held still as Lina reached over and wiped my face clean with her handkerchief. It was the first time someone had ever done anything like this for me, and I didn’t know how to react. When Lina finished, she studied her work for a moment before giving me a satisfied look.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you look pretty when you cry?” she asked.

My jaw dropped.

“What?”

“I already knew you were handsome,” she continued, as if she hadn’t heard me. “But when you cry, you look like a work of art.”

My eyes widened. Lina thought I was handsome? Despite her odd words, I felt pleased.

“I want you to promise me something, Wulfram.” Lina said, leaning in closer. “Promise me that you’ll never show this side of yourself to anyone else. Promise that you’ll only show it to me. I want to keep it all to myself.”

Her green eyes bored into me with a strange intensity. I almost wanted to look away, but her gaze held me captive.

“Uh,” I said, my voice trailing off. “I promise?”

Lina beamed at me.

“Excellent.” she said, before sitting beside me and pulling her knees up.

We spent the next several seconds in silence, sitting side by side. Now that I stopped crying, I felt her warmth as she pressed against my side. She wore some kind of nightgown, which gave her an ethereal look.

“Why were you crying?” Lina asked, breaking the silence. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

For a moment, I thought about telling her the truth. However, in the end, I decided against it. If she knew why her parents had adopted me, then there wasn’t any point in bringing it up. If she didn’t know, then I didn’t want to be the one to tell her. What if that ruined everything? It was better to keep it to myself.

“I’m not used to all…” I gestured to the room around us. “…this. It was overwhelming.”

“I see.” she said in an understanding tone. “I’m not surprised. I know the place where you used to live is very different from Guld Manor. Anyone would be overwhelmed by such a drastic change in environment.”

I noticed it earlier, though I hadn’t given it much thought at the time, but Lina spoke more like an adult than a child. Her words were very mature.

“Yes, it is.” I said with a shrug. “I’ll get used to it. I just need some time.”

Lina wrapped her arm around my shoulders once more.

“If you feel overwhelmed like this again, let me know.” she said. “I will hold you while you cry.”

I felt touched by her words, though a part of me wondered if she just wanted to see me cry again. Still, I felt a fluttering of hope in my heart.

“Thank you.” I said, giving her a small smile. I hesitated before asking my next question, but I had to know. “Since you’re being this nice to me, does this mean you accept me as your brother?”

“No,” Lina said in a hard voice. “I will never accept you as my brother.”

The fluttering hope in my heart died out. Tears pricked my eyes again.

“However, I don’t want you to misunderstand,” she continued. “I may not accept you as my brother, but I will still love and protect you.”

I blinked at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Lina shook her head.

“You don’t need to be family with someone to love them.” she said, before turning to look at me. Our faces were so close together that I could feel her breath. “Do you know what I thought when I first saw you, back in Towerton?”

I shook my head.

“I thought you were a soft-hearted fool.” she said in a warm voice. “Who else would risk their life like that for a complete stranger?”

I wasn’t sure how to react to that. Her words sounded like an insult, yet her tone suggested otherwise.

“After you saved my life,” Lina continued. “I realized the best way to repay was to love and protect you. The world is unkind to soft-hearted fools. Clearly you need someone like me to keep you safe from the bad people out there who would take advantage of your kind nature.”

I stared at her in disbelief. Just what kind of person did she think I was? A pushover? Back in the orphanage, we all looked out for each other out of necessity, but we never let anyone take advantage of us. Pushovers didn’t last long. Still, I wasn’t displeased by Lina’s words.

“You want to love and protect me,” I said, speaking each word with care. “But not as my sister.”

“Correct,” Lina said with a nod. “If you love and protect me, I’ll love and protect you.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “However, you must never consider me your sister. In return, I won’t consider you my brother. Understood?”

I nodded, though I didn’t understand what Lina meant. Not really. Even back then, she had viewed our relationship with an eye to the future. She was thinking in the long-term. Considering that she was only a year older than me, it was a little frightening. However, I never realized any of this until much later, when I left Guld Manor, and I found out that Lina reciprocated my feelings. That was when I came up with the idea to earn a noble title in order to become a true member of House Guld instead of a substitute. That said, this was all several years into the future from this point.

After I agreed to Lina’s words, the two of us sat in silence again for the next few minutes.

“Do you want to know what I thought when I first saw you?” I asked, feeling a bit shy. Despite this, I continued on. After all, she told me what she thought. I figured it was fair for me to do the same. “I thought you were an angel, or a spring goddess.”

Lina’s eyes widened, before she giggled and reached over to pat my head.

“I knew I made the right choice in picking you.” she said.

I flushed at her words. Her hand felt nice on my head, and I felt a bit sad when she stopped.

“Though, I don’t know if I want to be an angel or a goddess.” Lina said, tapping her lips with her finger. “Divine beings are far too removed from the mortal world for my liking.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Aha! A queen. Yes, that works. Instead of a spring goddess, I’ll be your spring queen. What do you think?”

I nodded. Angel. Goddess. Queen. It didn’t matter to me. As long as Lina kept me by her side, I was fine.

“That would make you my winter king.” Lina said, looking pleased with herself. “Given the color of your hair and eyes, it’s likely that you or your ancestors came from the Barrens, a land of ice and snow.”

I stared at her with wide eyes.

“But I’m not a king.” I said. “I’m just an orphan.”

Lina narrowed her eyes at me. Her gaze contained the same intensity from earlier.

“If I say you’re my winter king, then you’re my winter king. End of story. Understood?”

I nodded. My intuition told me that disagreeing with her wouldn’t end well for me.

“Good boy.” Lina said, beaming at me and patting my head.

After that, the two of us sat next to each other in silence, before I started to nod off. Lina left, while I climbed back into bed. Thus ended my first day at Guld Manor.

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“Would you like to purchase this music box?” one of the music shop employees said, pulling me back to the present.

I nodded. The music box would make a good present for Mina, who enjoyed these sorts of things. Or she had when I left. A lot could change in three years.

“It’s a gift, so wrap it up,” I said. “Send the bill to House Kaltbrand.”

The music shop employee’s eyes widened as he took in the implications of my words, before he gave me a hasty bow and wrapped up the music box for me. Afterwards, I left the music shop and continued searching for gifts for the members of House Guld, humming the folk song as I went.