Suffering's Journal: Narration of dying man's conscience

Did you want to choose this way? For I'm your conscience, I'd disagree with this. Aren't you afraid the things might happen after? What if they will turn their back from you someday. Aren't you afraid of betrayal, disloyalty or even being murdered at the end? I know you are starting to be deaf and numb with my voice. I'll hope that you wouldn't end miserable after this. All I want for you was to live long enough and where you had already done your unfulfilled desires right now.

So how was your first kill? Does it satisfy you? I couldn't help but laugh with the face you are making for this moment. It seems that my voice was too amplified right now and to think that I still exist. I feel so grateful while you were in a miserable state because of taking someone's life, you deserve it for doing something to immoral. How could you be worthy to be called a human after you killed one? Just because you think that person may harm you soon, you'll have the right to eliminate it. Now, where is the guy who once want peace and rule loving person that I know? The guy that I watch to strive in this changing world.

Your life had been tinted by blood in just a few years. I regretted that I had been mute and you became deaf while gaining experience. By the way, I'd also remember the time that you murder someone innocent, it was the time you were so guilty. I couldn't even help to laugh again when you make the same miserable face. But, isn't that you should be guilty after killing so many people even they're stupid and immoral like you. Don't you think that they may have a chance to change? Then, how about you? Wasn't you an innocent young man a few years ago. But now, I despise you.

Now, you're running for your life. The law has been hunting you. A year ago, it's a pity that I already pointed you into a different path but you had chosen to ignore it. I always want you to be safe but rather you choose a dangerous path. I don't know why you became like this, but maybe it was the human nature that may you go against the things that bind you. It seems that humanity is always striving and doesn't want to be contented. I know that in just a few days, you'll be cornered by your so-called friends who were blinded by greed. I don't know what could happen to you next but you need to be firm to live.

For what I thought, you were betrayed and cornered but you could still escape. That escape gave you severed wounds all over your body. To think of it, you're already dying. In your desperate moments, you try to console yourself and I'm even surprised that you heard my silent voice. In your desperation, you cried. I couldn't help to be grateful in your misfortune because you have chosen to acknowledge your grave sins. Even though it was pretty late, you choose to correct the mistakes that might even push yourself into the grave. Also, I couldn't help to be amazed by your courage to surrender yourself with your blurred consciousness.

Now, you're facing the consequence of your action but still, you keep your perseverance against the things that might harm you. You don't even make a single appeal against the evidence presented in the court. You already have chosen to admit all your sins and the people behind your killings. I couldn't help to sighed when you refused to be a witness. After you were charged as guilty, you died. You were ambushed when you were on the road to jail. At your last breath, you managed to spoke the few lines, "I'm lost and had been found, yet I don't have sufficient time."

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Suffering was listening to the narration of a dimming light in front of him. He turned to the dimming light and offered a seat but it was rejected.

"If you're think that's it, you've come to a wrong place. This place didn't give any judgment and you assumed that you're already dead. So, you don't fit in any criteria of this place," Suffering started in a calm voice.

"What do you mean, I don't fit in any criteria here?" the dimming light confusedly asked.

Suffering shakes his head.

"You're assumed dead and this place didn't welcome the dead. This is the place of the living to be called for last chance in God's Mercy before they kill themselves," Suffering explained.

"Then? Why I'm here? I'm just a mere conscience?" the dimming light asked with more questions and started to doubting itself on why he was here.

Suffering chortled as he knew that the thing conversing with him was confused about its existence.

"You're no mere conscience. You're an untainted part of the soul. When the whole soul chose to repent, it started to return to its pure form. You're a soul that was deeply confused with itself. Your a soul in the first place," Suffering enlightened and answering it partly.

"Why I'm here?" the dimming light revealed a man in his early 30's and wearing a prisoner's clothes upon its enlightment.

"You repented, aren't you?" Suffering asked ignoring the soul's inquiry.

"I guess," the soul uncertainly answered.

Suffering smiled.

"You repented yet you didn't have faith. If you face God and his judgment this time, you have a large margin of falling to Hell. You're subjected to His justice, not to His mercy," Suffering cut his explanation upon seeing the depressing expression before him.

"But you must remember, you're not it the place of judgment rather in a counsel. Don't worry that much," Suffering advised.

The soul breath out a sighed of relief.

"You still have time for redemption. God didn't want to see someone will fall to damnation even he repented," Suffering hinted giving out a bright smile.

The soul couldn't be helped to make his eyes widen upon hearing Suffering's hint.

"You, you mean..."

"Yes, you still have time for redemption. Your journey will not end with the ambushed. Your life was just getting started and you won't die with regrets. I'll be happier, if I don't see you here next time. Even though you won't remember much of our conversation. I hope you will lead a happy life," Suffering interrupted as he was giving a closing remark.

A bright smile appeared to the soul's face and mouthing a thank you before disappearing to Suffering's vison. Meanwhile, Suffering could only give out a sighed of relief upon delivering the good news. Then, he turned to the stack of papers before him. He took a rubber stamp on his drawer and making last the paper on the stack as "Delivered".

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