The horse gives out a neigh as I kick it back into a slow trot, most likely unhappy with having to lug all of us on its back yet again. The Mrs is seated in front of me, too exhausted to carry on fighting for now. We’ve taken one of Spike’s socks and stuffed a rock in it, tying it around her head and lodging the rock in her mouth as a kind of makeshift gag.

Nasty? Sure.

Effective? Oh, buddy. Absolutely.

“I dunno about this plan, man. You sure you wanna try it?” Spike asks, sitting behind me.

“Not like we have much of a choice.” I reply, pulling on the horses mane in an attempt to keep it in the backstreets.

“We could always call for a car…”

“Not a chance, Spike. If this all goes tits-up, then we can call in a favor. Until then, we follow the plan.” I reply, tipping my hat lower. The Mrs has been giving us the silent treatment for some time now, refusing to even look at us. Not like keeping silent is very difficult for her right now.

Or unwelcomed.

“So, let’s go over your ‘master’ plan again… Just so we’re all clear on the details.” I hear Spike say, a trickle of doubt entering his voice. “So, we hide the horse and the Mrs until we find a good hiding spot somewhere near the hotel. Somewhere away from prying eyes.”

“Correct.” I say, giving him a nod of confirmation.

“Okay. Then, while you stay behind to watch her and make sure she doesn’t escape, I walk into the hotel and go up to my room.”

“Correct again.” I say, giving the horse a pat on the side for a bit of reassurance.

“Okay, cool. Once I’m in my room, I empty out my suitcase and return to our hiding spot with it. Correct?”

“Correct.” I say, wiping the sweat from my brow.

“Cool, cool. Then, we’re going to, and correct me if I’m wrong, stuff Mrs Davids into the suitcase, with the gag still in?”

“That’s correct.” I say, guiding the horse gently around a puddle.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

“Okay, okay. Cool. Cool. So I didn’t hear any of that wrong. After we, once again, stuff Mrs. Davids into the suitcase, we’re going to walk back to the hotel together, and go to the room. Where we’ll contact the client. Get him to organize us a private jet, and then sit tight while we wait for said private jet to arrive. Correct?”

“Correctamundo, buddo.” I say, squashing a cheeky mosquito that landed on the back of my neck.

I hear him sigh.

“We’re fucked, aren’t we?”

I turn to face him, bringing the horse to a halt.

“Listen, listen. This’ll work out much, much better than dragging a naked, screaming woman in handcuffs into our hotel room in the middle of the fucking day, now won’t it? We just stuff her in, run up to the hotel room, chuck her in and sit tight. Easy peasy. No money spent, no cops called, no prison time. No worries.” I say, kicking the horse back into gear.

After riding in complete silence for a few minutes, only broken by the occasional squashing of a mosquito, I pull the horse up inside a quiet side alley, right behind what seems to be an abandoned building. Looking around the corner, I can recognize the street as the one that leads to the hotel.

We’re close.

I turn to face Spike. “Look, the hotel is right around this corner. If this doesn’t work, we can call in the car. If the madam doesn’t fit into the suitcase, we can call in the car. If anything puts the mission in danger, we can call in the car. But so far this is our best option. It’s also, coincidentally, a good option. So right now I’m hearing a whole lot of complaining, and not a whole lot of suitcase packing.”

Spike sighs, pulling his legs over the side of the horse and sliding off. I swing my leg off the one side, sliding off as well. The pang in my ass from riding bareback is making itself known, bigger than ever. Feels like I bruised the damn thing.

I grab the Mrs’s arm and help her off. Once her feet touches the ground, she starts struggling against me, twisting her body in an attempt to break my grasp.

“Hey, easy, ma’am. I don’t wanna hurt you unless I have to. Don’t make me have to.”

She ignores my warning, bringing up her leg in an attempt to kick me. I pull her towards me, my leg reaching in front of hers to trip her. Once her balance is off, I force her onto the ground, on her back.

“Get up.” I say to her. “Come on now, I’m sure your back must be raw from all the time you’ve been spending on it.”

I pull her up, allowing her to get her legs crossed under her. She glares daggers at me as she sits.

I look up at Spike, worry on his face. “You sure you’re gonna be fine with her?” He asks.

“I’ve got her. Just get moving and grab that fucking bag. Oh, and grab some rope. We're gonna need that.”

Spike shakes his head while running his hand down his face. After a few seconds, he looks back up at me, gives me a nod, and turns to leave.

“Oh, and hurry.”

He nods again, and disappears around the side of the building.

I sit down, leaning my back against the wall. I take out my pack of smokes, pulling one out the box. I light it and take a pull.

After a few puffs, I turn to look at the Mrs She’s watching me intensely, every muscle tense, like a cobra ready to strike. She’s most likely trying to find an opportunity to bolt.

“You do realize you’re not getting away, right?” I ask her.

She just keeps staring at me.

“Alright. Well, we have some quality time before Spike gets back. We might as well get to know each other during that time, right?”

Her eyebrows lower into a frown at that.

“Hey, I got an idea. Wanna hear the story of how I got into this business? It’s a juicy story, I guarantee.”

She shakes her head, mumbling what sounds like “no” and “fuck you” to me over and over.

“Well, you’re gonna hear it anyways. Be sure to listen up. I’m not gonna repeat it a second time. Oh, and save your questions for after I’m done, I get sidetracked easily.”

She starts screaming again, the gag muffling most of the noise, much to both my relief and amusement. I feel myself grinning, as I take another drag.

“Well, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Hmm… Let’s see... I was about nine years old, when I met my first girlfriend. Caroline was her name…”