Chapter Eight - Recruitment Drive By

"I have told you that this is a bad idea, right?" Alea Iacta asked.

Teddy rolled her eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd said that. In fact, it wasn't the second time either. She didn't bother to keep count, but she was sure that if she had, she would be impressed by how often the minion repeated himself.

"It'll be fine," Teddy said. "You know what they say. A bear always knows."

Alea Iacta's brows drew together above the big sunglasses he wore. "I don't think that's something anyone says."

"Well, they would if they knew how much a bear knows," Teddy said. "Besides, if things go wrong, the boss can Sisterportation me out of trouble."

Alea Iacta looked down at her. "And what about me?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Minions are expendable. That's just like, basic villain stuff. And it's why we're getting more minions today. Think about it, these new minions will be under you in the totem pole. So when it comes time to expendableate a minion, they'll be expendabled first."

"Those aren't words," he muttered, but that didn't stop him from walking.

They had exited the subway network under the city into an area not too far from their base and from the school. It was an old capitalist failure. A place with a bunch of storefronts, a good quarter of which were closed down with 'For Rent' signs hanging on the windows.

These had been stores owned by small families and run by locals, but then a few bigger, boxier stores had opened up and now they'd been run out of business. Capitalism doing as capitalism did.

The remaining storefronts were a bit of everything. There was a Chinese food place, a place that sold flowers, then another Chinese food place with a different name, then at the end, an ice cream place with a big terrace.

Those weren't their destination.

"That's the place," Alea Iacta said, pointing across the street towards a shop nestled in between the rest. It was called Silver Spectre - Comics and More, and the front of the store featured several bigger-than-life cardboard cutouts of strange characters. A woman in a skimpy fantasy outfit, a big hulking guy in power armour. That sort of thing.

"Looks weird," Teddy said. It wasn't like a normal store, she didn't think. They mostly sold card and board games, and like, dice and stuff.

"It is," Alea Iacta said. They reached an intersection, and he sighed as Teddy grabbed his hand while they crossed the road, but those were the rules, so he didn't complain any more than that. "That's the nerdiest store around. You won't find anyone more desperate and socially awkward than in there. Or at least, when that kind of person is outside of their bedroom."

"Uh-huh," Teddy said. "I guess that'll make it easy to recruit them, but then I'm not sure if I want weird people as minions."

"Because you and your sisters fill that role already?" Alea Iacta asked.

Then he hissed as Teddy kicked him in the shin. Not very hard, but enough for it to smart. "We're not weird. We're dangerous," she said.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this bunch is pretty nerdy. Like, very nerdy. It might be hard to, uh, communicate with them."

"You're not that way?" Teddy asked.

"What? No. I'm not a geek or a nerd or anything."

"I thought you were in a theatre group," Teddy said.

Alea Iacta let out a long breath. "Low blow," he muttered.

They crossed the parking lot (Teddy wasn't sure if that counted as a road, so she didn't let go of his hand, just in case) and then slipped into the store with a jingle of the bells over the door.

The place had a smell that Teddy wasn't used to. It was warm cardboard, flat soda, and sweat, all covered in a thick perfume. The store was divided into two sections. The front had a few stands with games and little figurines and a bunch of toys, with a long counter running the length of the room behind which were more displays with card packs.

The other section ran next to the main one. It looked like they'd opened up the wall into the store next to this one and had converted that one into a play area with a bunch of tables. One of them was occupied by a small group of four who all seemed busy playing cards.

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A guy was behind the counter, sorting through a box and putting new card packs onto a wall-mounted rack. He glanced back, seemed a little worried when he saw Alea Iacta, then relaxed on seeing Teddy.

Weird.

"Hey," Alea Iacta said. "Just here to meet the others. Uh, is there like an entrance fee or something?"

"New here, then?" the guy asked. "Nah, you're good. Just keep an eye on your daughter." He turned back to put more cards into place.

Teddy looked up to Alea and noticed that his expression had gone weird. It was like he'd just bitten into a lemon, or something that Trinity had found on the floor.

"That's them?" Teddy asked with a gesture towards the four at the card table.

"Yeah, that's them," Alea Iacta said. "I found them online. They're a group of mask-enthusiasts. Big on the whole heroes and villains scene."

"They work for the heroes?" Teddy asked.

"No, no, they go where heroes went and take selfies and stuff, and they spend hours online speculating about which hero could beat up which villain, or vice versa. Oh, and they hound people for signatures on merch and stuff. Basically, they're big on the fan-scene part of the mask world."

"Oh," Teddy said. She nodded as if she understood. These people were knowledgeable about heroes and villains and things, which meant that they were basically perfect. They'd already know that the Boss was the best. "This is gonna be so easy," she said before confidently walking over.

The group paused as Teddy approached, but that was okay, it gave her some time to check them all out. Of the four, there was only one girl. A shorter woman, about the Boss' age, with bright green eyes and a lot of freckles. She had a t-shirt on with a smiling Silver Fox on it.

Next to her was a shorter, chubbier guy with a hoodie and jeans and messy black hair. He had almost as many zits as the girl had freckles.

And across from them were two more guys. One was a tallish guy with darker skin wearing a cardigan. He smiled at Teddy, but seemed as confused as his friends. The guy next to him was even taller, and he looked like his shirt was a size too small for all the muscles he had.

Teddy narrowed her eyes and judged them for a while. Then she shrugged. The Boss could decide if they were worthy. "So, which one of you wants to become a minion?" she asked.

The zit-faced boy chuckled. "Hey kid, that's one hell of an opening."

Teddy crossed her arms and stared at the group, unamused by the boy's laughter. "I'm serious," she said with determination. "We're looking for minions."

"Hi," Alea Iacta said as he came up behind her and gave a little wave. "How are you doing? She's, uh, entirely serious."

"Yeah, I am. The Boss is looking for help, and Alea Iacta said that you bunch know a lot about heroes and stuff. So if you want to be part of our crew, now's your chance."

The group exchanged puzzled glances, trying to gauge whether Teddy was joking or not. The girl with the freckles leaned forward with curiosity in her eyes. "Are you for real?" she asked, her voice a mixture of disbelief and excitement.

"Absolutely," Teddy replied, nodding firmly. "So, who's in?"

Then they started laughing even harder than before and Teddy felt her cheeks getting all warm and angry. She turned towards Alea Iacta, locking eyes with him. This wasn't how things had happened in her head!

He sighed. "I don't think they believe you," he said.

Teddy held back a gasp, then turned back to the four. "You think I'm lying?" she asked.

"Kid, who even are you?" the muscular guy asked. "Now unless you brought a deck and want to play in the next round... we're a bit busy."

Teddy worked her jaw. This wasn't working out at all! She had imagined that they'd be falling over themselves to work for the boss, not... this. No, that wasn't fair at all! She had to impress them, properly.

So she did the obvious thing, and turned into a bear.

"Oh boy," Alea Iacta said.

All eyes widened in shock and disbelief as they stared at the massive apex predator in front of them. The group around the table scrambled to their feet, knocking chairs over in their haste.

Teddy, still in her bear form, stood on her hind legs and growled. "Now," she began, her voice deep and guttural. "Who wants to be a minion?"

***