Callum’s P. O. V

‘What’s even the point?’

That had been my general state of mind for the past two weeks… or was it three?

I didn’t know.

Wishing I were still asleep, I opened my eyes and glared up at the sky.

It was a beautiful day. The clouds in the sky were few and fluffy, like layered cotton just waiting to be slept in. The birds were chirping their songs and a light breeze passed, rustling leaves and reminding me that I was naked.

Getting up, I looked around for any available robes, thankful I didn’t have to go too far before I spotted one. But, still, it was much farther than I was used to, and it just reminded me again of how nothing would ever be the same.

Natalia used to hang them… somehow, she always knew the general area we’d all be in after the full moon.

I returned to the house and dragged myself to the bathroom. Some people say that a good shower’s enough to get them out of a funk and ready for the day.

Liars.

Showers were only good for crying my lungs out without being overheard by everyone in the territory. And they still weren’t completely useful for that purpose. Even with the shower set to its rowdiest spray setting, James, the guy in the room next to mine, had started giving me strange looks. My only consolation was that he generally kept to himself so word of my daily tear fests wasn’t likely to spread.

The shower was the only place I was really allowed to grieve. Getting dressed, I had to leave my room to a world where I needed to pretend that I was okay with the death of my mate.

Immediately, I made my way to the work house where meetings and important events were held. With school done, the immersive aspect of our training had begun, so all those next in line for high ranking positions had to spend at least six hours in the work house, observing our predecessors and familiarising ourselves with important information.

Harry could get off a few hours a day cause he claimed that he did work in his office in our dorm-like house already. It was a blatant lie, but Alpha Lightwood seemed like the kind of man that would still be in charge even after Harry took the position anyway, so no one really said anything.

I didn’t care. Going to the work house just meant that I could be alone with my thoughts for most of the day. I’d received praise a few times for my dedication to putting in more hours than required. Honestly, I just wanted to be away from the rest of my peers for as long as possible.

About an hour later, my dad walked into his office and stopped, seeing me seated in the corner, “In early again, son? That makes this a full two weeks now.”

So it had been two weeks.

I shrugged, “Just eager to learn.”

“I knew you’d hit the ground running as soon as you were born. Gifted, that’s what you are.” He settled behind his desk and started on paperwork, “Alright, give me the news for today.”

I withheld a sigh, reciting the headlines and details from the news posts I’d been reading on the WolfNet.

Somewhere in my dad’s mind, he was still holding out hope that I’d be a Gifted Werewolf and become a prodigy Beta.

Just like Connor.

Done with the news, I took a stack of yesterday’s paperwork to study and sort through. I was to help him send the papers to the places they needed to go, but first, he always had me read them and ask about any I didn’t understand. But I preferred to look for answers elsewhere.

The one time I’d gone to him with confusion on something, he’d given me a withering disappointed look. Then he’d gone on to rant about how I should understand it and why couldn’t I just get it and how Connor would never get confused by something so simple. After about half an hour of all that, he’d gotten round to giving the most belittling explanation possible.

What’s even the point?

By the time I was done reading and sorting the paperwork, and was getting up to deliver them, Harry walked into the common room.

“Man, that was a good full moon! Tay just went wild.” He announced, an open ended intonation that he clearly expected me to try and top.

I tried, and probably failed, to plaster on a grin, “Yeah, Cade was just all over the place. I almost couldn’t find my way back.”

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Cade had done nothing but go to the tree where Natalia’s scent had been strongest during the search and whimpered, sniffing around, hoping to catch a whiff of it. It had long since faded, but it didn’t stop him from trying. I’d begged him to take me close enough to the edge of the forest before the night ended for me to get back early and not have to see anyone else. Thankfully, he’d complied.

“Even after the full moon, Kylie still didn’t want to let me leave the bed this morning. That girl fucks like a rabbit.”

I couldn’t even try to come up with some fantastical story about Brittany, so I made an impressed sound and high-fived him, apparently placating his ego enough for him to move to his dad’s office.

I’d been avoiding sleeping with Brittany since that night. I knew I’d still need to in two and a half months, but even the thought of kissing her felt like spitting on Natalia’s memory. I just felt guilty that I’d quit sex with her so abruptly. She’d already cornered me twice on the matter, and being tired from the work house had been my excuse both times, but that excuse wouldn’t fly a third.

‘She’s my mate now. I should do something to make up for it…’ I tried to convince myself.

Cade scoffed, ‘Go ahead. Put roses on the bed and make romantic love to Brittany while Natalia is digested and rotting with some bear. Because of you.’

I couldn’t reply.

Cade had all but stopped speaking to me since we found out she was dead. He mostly stayed in the shadows, popping up once in a while to remind me that I’d practically driven her to her demise. I knew he was still angry, but he really didn’t need to keep telling me. We both knew I never stopped torturing myself with that knowledge anyway.

The day trudged on, as usual. I stayed as long as I could, keeping myself busy with tax details and some finance entries till James came for me again.

“Closing up, Howling.” He called from the door.

I placed my book back in its place and joined him to leave. For the past week, he’d been the one to tell me when the building closed and walk back with me. Despite my desire to avoid his curiously concerned looks, he was really the only one I could stand to be around these days, cause he rarely spoke. People thought he was dense for not joining our group of future higher ups, but he was practically the acting Gamma so it never devolved into bullying like it would if he were another person. Plus, he was a year older than most of us so he probably had much better things to do with his time.

I envied him.

On our way back, I saw Brittany pull up to the parking lot with Kirstin and walk to the house. They seemed to be hanging out more lately.

Brittany was saying something that had Kirstin laughing, and she looked in our direction. In that second, her smile seemed expertly forced, like it was an art.

I’d need her to teach me how to perfect it some time.

We ended up converging paths on the way to the door. As soon as Brittany saw me, she gave a little squeal and ran to me, practically wrapping her legs around me in her hug.

“Hey babe! You’re back late again.”

I hugged her back, forcing my arms to stay put, “Just trying my best, baby.”

“You’re so hardworking, I love that about you.” She gushed, letting me go to kiss my cheek.

I smiled down at her and we walked into the house. I waved James off while Kirstin gave Brittany a wink that surely didn’t say anything at all and found her way to Kylie.

Another thing to agonise over. I still felt horrible for allowing her to drag me off that night. The guilt was compounded by the facts that she was Brittany’s friend, practically my family, Harry’s mate and that I’d abused my own mate with her.

Definitely my lowest point.

Brittany grinned at me and began dragging me, I assumed seductively, by my shirt to her room upstairs. I tried to get into it, returned her kisses with as much passion I could muster and focused on the feeling of her mouth on my neck. But, just as she was going to rip my shirt off, I held her wrists, shaking my head.

“I can’t…”

Silence.

I looked up to see her glowering at me with a look that would make any man stop and think.

“Are you fucking serious, Callum?!” She growled, “Are you serious!? I don’t know why the hell you’ve suddenly decided to become a damn asexual, but can you not?! You’re my goddamn mate! I bought your bullshit excuses cause I thought you’d come to your senses and realise how lucky you are to have me, but now you’re just being an imbecile.”

I looked away.

She scoffed, “Don’t tell me you’re so emo cause you didn’t find your mate once the fucking clock struck twelve?”

I needed to tell her at least one of the reasons I felt so bad, she deserved to know, “I’m sorry, Brittany… I cheated on you that night. With Kylie.”

Slap!

The force of it turned my head. I blinked, my hand coming up to feel the growing sting in my cheek.

“I know you’re not telling me that you messed around with that WHORE! WHERE IS SHE?!” She roared, shoving me out of the doorway and stomping out of the room.

‘Shit!’

I followed her, trying to prevent a major natural disaster, “Brittany! Please, wait! I’m sorry, let’s stop and talk about this, please!”

I caught up to her before she finished descending the stairs wrapping my arms around her from behind.

“Let go of me, you fucking asshole! KYLIE, YOU BITCH! GET YOUR STUPID ASS UP HERE, NOW!! HOW DARE YOU FUCK MY FUCKING MAN?!” She screeched, her legs kicking wildly.

I could barely hold her. I’d stopped working out, Cade wasn’t lending a smidge of strength and she was still alpha born, contrary to what her frame would have you believe.

By now, a lot of other members had peeked out and gathered to see the drama, drawn to the smell of conflict like a pack of bloodhounds.

“We didn’t sleep together! Please, Brittany, it was just a stupid mistake!”

At that, she bit my arm.

I hissed at the pain, but tried to hold on, so she threw her head back and hit me square in the nose.

Staggering back, I let go of her.

For good measure, she kneed me between the legs then continued on her warpath.

Luna, what had I done?