Chapter 7 - Nightly Conversations

The journey after that incident was mostly strained.

Kassa and Neiro had met up with them on a meeting point the group had specified earlier on, but Kassa never breathed a single word of apology, so the girl refused to find a way to communicate with someone who had slighted her without the smallest reason. Neiro also seemed to stick to Kassa, so the distance between them grew involuntarily.

Instead, she stuck to Zenon, who she weirdly liked, despite the fact that they hardly ever talked. She could sense his steady flame and though his quiet solitude did bore her after a while, it also gave her a sense of peace the others did not.

From time to time, she talked to Rize and swarmed her with the questions that definitely didn’t lessen. Quite the opposite, with each day they travelled, more and more question popped into her head, demanding to be answered.

And so she learned about Clans, organizations for Immortals mostly founded by Lesser Gods. There were specified Clans for almost every profession, but also bigger, generalized ones, who only cared about the strength of its members. Being in a Clan apparently meant meeting many people and learning from those stronger and more experienced than oneself but it also meant binding yourself to their laws and their orders.

The girl had crinkled her nose at that, disliking the idea of being bound to someone like that. If someone like Kassa were her superior and she’d have to obey her orders, she was fairly sure she wouldn’t.

She also learned about the Plane of Gods in general, about the fact that there were so many different places and cultures in it that it was rumoured that so far there had been no one to ever see all of them.

In fact, no one really seemed to know where the Plane of Gods ended or if it had any borders - sometimes if you travelled far enough, you’d just end up on a completely different spot on a map without having any idea how you got there. Sometimes, you didn’t and ended up making a circle.

All of that made mapping quite arduous and being a cartographer, apparently, was a very popular job in this world. Especially as no one had ever managed to draw a complete map of the Plane of Gods and the one who could do so was promised apprenticeship by a High God in person - something that never happened before.

All in all, the Plane of Gods was complicated.

Rize told her that they were in a rather rural place that was based on a world of fighting with swords, magic or living without technology like electricity and instead embracing the beauty of a simple, traditional life. It was mostly a refuge for the Immortals who had spent their mortal lives in a less developed world and did not wish to adapt to the more futuristic ones.

The girl didn’t really mind that. She understood the concept of electricity quite fast after Rize explained it to her and while she would like to see it one day, she was in no hurry. A world of swords and combat sounded fun in its own way and it wasn’t as if she had a shortage of time on her hands.

For now, though, they were headed towards the capital of the Fiftieth Eastern Province they were in, a city called Fall’s End that was praised as the biggest in these parts of the Plane of Gods.

Five sunsets - days, as Lyndon kept correcting her - after she had departed with Neiro and his group, they exited the forest that had seemed to stretch on forever.

The girl had left the woods before, but only to stalk prey in the plains or cross from one edge to another. The woods had, after all, been much safer for her troupe of companions, many of which would’ve been immensely vulnerable in an open field.

Back in her excursions, though, she had never even seen the streets and houses that greeted her now.

They’d come to a small village on the edge of the forest named Lacta, where about six hundred houses had been built in a circle around a square. Rize told her it was small for a village but the girl already found it incredibly exciting.

She was mesmerized by seeing other people like her - Immortals. The people they met on the streets of Lacta were far more diverse than Neiro’s group. There were some with skin darker than a tree’s bark and some with hair as colourful as flowers, she even saw someone who had horns similar to hers, which made her grin even brighter.

So she wasn’t that weird after all! If there was someone with horns like her in a small town like this, then surely it wasn’t all that uncommon, which relieved her a lot. She didn’t want to be too different.

While they were in the town, they planned to spend the night in an inn - a house specifically opened for travellers, apparently.

The girl furrowed her brows at that. Why would she need a house? So far she’d always been fine without a roof over her head and she didn’t see why she’d need one now.

“But the beds are far more comfortable!” Rize exclaimed when she compained and dragged her by the hand. She did shoot Zenon a panicked look, but he only looked at her without a shred of pity and shrugged as if to say ‘better go along or it’ll get worse’. She rolled her eyes at that, but complied.

She regretted it the instant she stepped into the doors though.

In that moment, she decided, that she didn’t like houses. At all.

They felt suffocating, the ceiling too low, almost as if crashing down on her, the walls to close, almost closing in on her. She felt as if she was a captive, in walls that didn’t even allow her to look outside and, worst of all, she felt farther away from the stars than was comfortable for her.

Not being able to see the stars was bearable, for a night or maybe two, but only if she couldn’t change it. Like, when it rained or snowed or clouds covered the sky, she could live with that, as long as she could still feel the stars above her. If she didn’t see them for a longer time, her skin began to twitch and feel uncomfortable and her stomach ached as if to scream at her that something was wrong.

She had always needed the stars.

And now, to have a ceiling of metal, wood and clay between her and those that called to her, it felt so plainly wrong that she couldn’t stop the shivers that wracked her body as soon as she stepped inside.

Nonetheless, she tried to suppress her grimace and walked after Rize, who had bought a room for the two of them. Money had been another thing that had to be explained to her - but a currency used for trading seemed logical to her, so she did adapt to it quite was.

Inside the room they had rented, there were two wooden constructs with feather-filled linen on top of them - beds, apparently, meant for sleeping.

The girl stared down at them with a weird expression, but Rize looked at her quite expectantly, so the girl shot her a fake grin.

“Are you alright?” Rize asked, after she’d dressed in more comfortable clothes and sat down on her bed, eyeing her with a comforting gaze, “This must all be a lot for you, I’m sure. I was also really scared and confused when was born here.”

The girl looked at her, knowing it was the kindness of her flame that urged Rize to try and comfort her, even if she did not need that comfort.

Sure, it was all confusing and a bit much, but scared? No, she wasn’t scared. Excited, overwhelmed maybe but when she thought of all that happened and what might happen, there wasn’t a shred of fear in her heart.

“I’m alright,” she gave her answer with a smile, a real one this time, after all, she was grateful that Rize would concern herself over her. 

Rize looked at her with doubt in her eyes but seemed to settle for her words and moved to go to sleep. The girl also moved under the covers and put her head down on the soft pillow, acutely aware of every end of the feathers that she lay on.

It was soft and comfortable, no doubt, but as she lay in it, eyes wide open she couldn’t help but think of the forest floor she’d lain on the past months.

Travelling with the other Immortals made her aware of the differences between them and her, even though she’d never mentioned them out loud. There were many, more than she liked.

For one, they ate beasts.

Just like her companions, they hunted each day, slayed those that they deemed lessers, and cooked them to sate their urges. She had always declined, still not familiar with the feeling of hunger itself and she didn’t see the sense in killing and then eating a stranger that had never offended her in any way if she didn’t need it to survive. They seemed to need it, so she refrained from judging them. If it were necessary for her, she wouldn’t hesitate to kill.

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Aside from that, they seemed to need far more sleep than she did.

While she had slept before, it was about once or twice in a moon cycle - month, as it was officially called - and even then only for half a day maybe and all energy she needed filled her body again.

Rize, Lyndon and Kassa were different. They needed a few hours each night, sometimes even more. Even Neiro, their leader and the strongest - at least on the surface - needed sleep every other night.

Again, she was an exception, along with Zenon, which didn’t surprise her at all. Actually, she would’ve been surprised if someone who was stronger than her had more limitations than she did.

So there were many discrepancies between her and them.

Was it all because she was Chaos-forged? Because she was Firakha?

Or was it because of herself?

She frowned as she thought of it, wide awake.

There wasn’t a shred of fatigue in her and, combined with her heart’s faint call for the stars, she knew she would spend the rest of the night lying awake, pondering over things she couldn’t change.

“Rize?” she whispered into the darkness, knowing from her breathing that the woman wasn’t asleep yet.

“Yes?” came the muffled reply.

“Can you...give me a name?” She was hesitant to ask, since the topic was close to her heart, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted one so badly, an identity, a word to identify herself with as she constantly doubted her own existence.

Rize was silent for a long time.

“I could,” she finally said, “but it wouldn’t be a good idea.”

The girl sat up and shuffled until she could see the lying figure of the other Immortal.

“Why?”

“Because I already have a name. You probably don’t know, but giving someone a name is an important matter here. It forges a connection. The first thing we do when we tame a beast is give it a name to bind it to us, and when we enter a Clan, we are also given a Clan-name that binds us to is. That’s how important it is. My name was given to me by my parents, who have given birth to my soul, so the connection was already there and wasn’t changed by the name-giving, as it was with most people here. But if I were to give you a name, I’d basically force you under my command. And both you and I don’t want that.”

The girl’s frown tightened, but no matter how much she disliked it, she couldn’t disagree. She imagined what would’ve happened to her companions if they were captured and had their true names rewritten by fake ones, forcing them to submit. The image itself made her feel repulsed.

“Then how can I ever get one? Can I give myself one?” 

“Names can only be given as a gift and you can’t gift yourself,” Rize shook her head softly, “I don’t know how other Chaos-forged Immortals do it, but if I were you I’d wait until I’d meet either someone you trust with your life or someone who also doesn’t have a name. If two people without names would gift each other, the bonds would cancel each other out and you’d be left with only a faint connection.”

“I understand,” the girl said softly in return. It would be hard to find someone else without a name but then again, the other possibility didn’t sit well with her either.

She had no one she’d entrust her life with, and even then, giving someone your life and giving them the power to control you were two completely different things.

She was silent after that, staring at the ceiling even more awake than she’d been before.

In the dark, she was only too aware of her unbranded, untamed flame, burning inside of her with ferocity but also uncertainty. Would she never get a name as they had?

Then again, did it matter if she didn’t?

I know who I am, don’t I? Do I really need someone else to tell me?

She frowned at her own thought and then shook her head. Thinking in circles would do her no good.

As soon as she heard Rize’s breathing go steady and slow with the weight of sleep, she slipped out from under the covers and stealthily opened the window.

They were in the topmost floor and the roof of the inn wasn’t too far away for her to grasp onto it and silently pull herself upwards. She’d climbed many trees in the past moons - no, months - so swinging herself on a roof like this proved little trouble.

Once up, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her chest.

Balancing on the edges of the tiles with her bare feet, she smiled as she tilted her head towards the sky. Her brothers and sisters shone with brilliance above her, only outshone by the moons that casted threefold shadows behind her. She felt the light seep into her, both the reflected starlight of the moons and the far-casted light from the other stars.

She took a deep breath and then lay down on the roof, folding her hands beneath her head to watch the sky.

Despite the uncertainty inside of her, she was looking forward to the next days. Fall’s End was apparently a big city, where she would be able to enter a school and meet people who were new to this world like she was. Maybe she would even find someone who was new to everything, including life, like she was, that would be great.

“Couldn’t sleep?” a voice came from the dark and the girl sat up, eyes warily darting through the half-dark of the night.

On the other side of the roof was Zenon, his silhouette dark against the moons but his flame unmistakable.

The girl smiled as he came closer and finally sat down next to her, but she remained tense. It wasn’t as if she knew him all that well.

“I don’t seem to need as much sleep as you do,” she said with a half shrug, unsure what else to say.

Zenon looked at her curiously, but didn’t seem to find her as weird as she thought she might be.

“It’s not like we all sleep the same amount. We tend to need less the stronger we are,” he explained and then looked away from her into the night sky.

She spied his flame again, finding the amount of power he carried still enough to match hers, if not surpass it. Was it because of her powers then, that she was able to stay awake as long as she did?

Partially, she guessed.

With the night sky above her, giving her enough starlight to feast on for months, how could she ever stay asleep?

“The stars are beautiful, aren’t they?” he said after a while.

Her head snapped towards him and she couldn’t suppress a giggle herself.

“Are you calling me beautiful?” she couldn’t hold the words back.

Bewildered, Zenon looked to her and then suddenly realized what she meant. He laughed as well, mirth breaking through the usual somberness of his face.

“I was actually referring to your siblings up there, but I suppose you were one of them not too long ago, weren’t you?” He said easily, looking from her to the stars.

The girl also looked up, at the stars that now gave her life. Her siblings.

What a nice way to put it.

“I guess I was. I can’t remember it though,” she shrugged.

Zenon didn’t say anything else either, so they lay in silence for a long time.

After another while, he stood up and stretched his arms and then turned to leave.

“Goodnight, girl without a name,” he said with a smile that she earnestly replied. He was a good person, she could see it in his steady flame, even if he had his secrets.

“Goodnight, Zenon,” she called after him.

It was only when he abruptly turned around, any traces of smiles lost, that she noticed her blunder.

Fury in his eyes, he walked back to her and grabbed the collar of her clothes, easily lifting her from the roof to hang in his grasp.

“How do you know that name?” he asked, his voice colder than ice. She pressed her lips together as his fingers sneaked around her throat, threatening to tighten, and her own eyes grew livid with rage.

“Let me go,” she hissed with the little air left in her mouth but with enough acid to burn his face.

“How do you know that name?” he repeated, this time his voice was loud and his fingers tightened.

That was when something inside of her snapped.

It was a mixture of anger and survival instinct but when his fingers around her throat took her air away, she couldn’t help but act.

She threw one of her dangling legs up and, with surprising agility, violently kicked at the arm that was holding her.

A satisfying crunch echoed through the night as Zenon’s arm fell and he involuntarily let go of her. She landed on her feet and swiftly retreated a few paces.

She didn’t think much as she drew fire around her, lighting the night with crimson glow, every bit ready to hurt.

He may be stronger than her but she would be damned to go down without a fight.

Zenon however stood almost frozen, staring at the arm she’d just broken. She crouched down, legs tensed to run wherever it would become necessary.

“Tell me how you knew that name,” he said once more, this time a little less frantic. His eyes met hers again, dead serious. She stared back, still burning with rage.

“I can see it, okay?” she spat, accusing, “I can see your flame and your true name is branded on it. It’s not like I knew it was a secret.”

The last words were a bit of a lie - she wasn’t that dumb - but she couldn’t help defending herself on this. She would’ve told him that if he’d asked her, but there was no way she wouldn’t fight back when attacked.

He was silent for a while, as if contemplating about her words, but finally nodded.

When he looked at her again his eyes were filled with guilt.

“I’m sorry about that. I tend to get agitated when it comes to this,” he pressed his lips together, but that did little to appease her.

“Oh so you think saying ‘sorry’ makes me forget that you tried to strangle me instead of asking? Well, tough luck,” she snapped, no less angry than she’d been before.

On top of that, she was almost a little disappointed to see him back down so easily. Her hands itched for a fight and she knew he could give her one, but apparently, he wouldn’t.

So, instead of provoking him further, she turned around and made her way away from Zenon.

“Wait!” he called out to her after a while. She paused but didn't turn around, unwilling to give him any more of her time.

He looked uncertain for a while, but then his resolve hardened.

“If you ever tell someone my real name, I won’t let you off,” he said, his voice low again.

She stared him down, wondering if he really thought her that meek.

“More threats?” she half-laughed, not impressed, “I’m not scared of you, Zenon. You may be stronger than me, but not so much that I’ll let you walk all over to me. Maybe next time you'll ask when you want something from me instead of demanding it.”

With that, she left him there, quickly jumping down from the roof and sprinting off into the forest. What she needed right now was to get the anger out of her system, or else she’d probably try to do more than break his arm.