You know what bugs me about most stories where someone dies or whatever and gets transported to another world? No one describes the actual feeling of being transported. If people knew that transportation like that felt like constantly plugging and unplugging and aux cord with their senses and nerves for two days then I'm sure people would still want to go to another world don't get me wrong, I just think they'd wanna go less as a fantasy where nothing can go wrong and more as something where things can and will go wrong. For example kinda like when I woke up, suspended upside down, in the nude. I couldn't help but wonder what in God's name I had done to deserve this situation or if deserving this situation even factored into anything as I understand it. ‘well at least nothing feels out of place or sore’ I thought to myself thanking my lucky stars. After a few minutes of me struggling to do much more than free my hands from their bindings I hear a door open and I suddenly have to choose to let them find me like this and ask to be let down or act like I'm asleep.
I already undid my bindings so I figured they'd sus out that I was awake eventually. The minute the blue toad dog guy locked eyes with me my decision was locked in.
I spoke first “Um…. Hi-”
Before I could finish my greeting the blue toad dog started screaming as if he had seen a ghost
“It's alive!, oh shlogg it's alive. Don't eat me! You understand me right? I'm not edible you…. What are you..?” The toad dog adjusted his visor as if to examine me.
I looked for a moment amazed both by the fact that aliens exist, also they speak English, and most alarmingly they don't seem to see many humans or seem to know what we even are also I'm naked still and need to use the restroom soon.
“Um….. you ok?” I said trying to gauge his reaction, hoping I could get a word in this time
“What's your name?”
He zooms in and out as if to study me “so you speak.. my name is Ulbreck Kerblu, scientist, researcher… that's it really what about you, alien?”
“I just go by Santana, I never thought I'd get to say this but alien is a relative term. To me you're the alien. Ulbreck.” I said “Also, can I get my clothes back please? Why am I even in this position? How'd I get here?”
Ulbreck sits back in his chair sipping on sort of pipe and blowing out luminescent bubble. I thought back to the truck. Did I die?
“We had assumed you had died after you just transported in and projected your bodily fluids onto me. We've had others transfer in like you only inside out, you aren't inside out are you? Anyways you're in the coroner's office which is also me.” Ulbreck started getting my clothes and started letting me down as he spoke. “You're in the Tartari system, like I said we thought you were dead at first and when looking at your brain scans all we could get were a few recent memories. From what I could gather you were a victim of a prank of sorts by some teenagers gone either terribly wrong or deviously right(?) I don't know enough to say much, before you ask though because apparently your entertainment seems to make a big deal about this we're communicating using very very very light telepathy”
I finished dressing as he said this and perked my ears up at his last sentence “so what I'm telepathic?”
“Not really, it's kind of like context clues for a very very basic language, you probably don't even notice that you're not speaking the language you do on your homeworld, wherever it is.” Ulbreck took a puff or sip(?) of his pipe, this time the bubbles were blue looking lost in thought “the stars in the sky were unlike nothing Ive seen on any maps.”
“Are you saying I'm lost in space?” I asked bluntly.
“You may not even be in your dimension” Ulbreck responded, “I've never seen anything like you and my kind live longer than most let me tell ya. If all first meetings are like that on your world I don't want to either.”
“Yeah, sorry I feel a lot better now but what do I do now?”
Ulbreck sipped on his pipe, “I have an idea but I have to ask a few questions.”
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I raised an eyebrow warily, “depends on your plan.”
“Well like I said you were basically the victim of a prank my someone using a space gate bomb to transport you to this location, schlogg knows what reason but since you're here you may as well apply for compensation from the galactic embassy and hope they'll give you some currency to get a ship to go home.”
With my eyebrow still raised I said “you sound skeptical about this, why?”
Ulbreck continued after taking in from his pipe and I realized that I would probably never understand what he's smoking or if he's sipping it instead, as he blue out multiple colored bubbles while coughing I got a sneaking suspicion.
“Ulbreck….? You high?” I asked curiosity, having set its sights on me.
“What!? No of course not! I'm a professional after all, I wouldn't do that on the job! Anyways the problem is that as you may have caught on to by now, no one knows where your world even is. Meaning that they may not recognize your claim as legitimate and even if they do all they could do is offer you some currency for supplies to get home, but it may not be enough. Especially since they probably caught whoever got you sent here.”
“Is it even worth it then?” I asked when a voice in the back of my head chirped up ‘dying in space might be better than on Earth'. I quieted the voice and continued “I need a backup plan if that's the case, maybe start a business? Or may-”
“I'm so glad you brought that up!” Ulbreck says blowing bubbles out again as I'm reminded of a family friend of my moms with the same mannerisms, she referred to herself as ‘like my Grandma’. I still remember finding out she no longer remembered me as I visited her in her old age and reflexively wince at the memory. “Hey you ok?” Ulbreck asks concerned
I assure him “yeah yeah, just a headache. Continue please.”
“Like I was saying I have a proposition for you I would love to travel the system and continue my research in my old age. Retirement for my species…. Well let's say I've worked a long time. I don't mind helping you out if you work for me, or rather with me on a business I plan to start. Maybe you'd be interested? You'd be paid well, well at least you'd be paid and have your own ship and if I croak before you get home you can take all the currency and do as you please, as long as you bury my body on an uninhabited planet I don't care too much.”
“Ok… do y-”
“Maybe some decorations at a grave over a cliff with a great view and a decent bottle of booze.” He continued.
“Ulbreck”
“An ocean view is a must…. I'm done now, for now, I think.” he says going back to his pipe
“You expect to die?” I ask befuddled at the situation. “You realize we just introduced ourselves a moment ago right? Also no offense but where on earth am I going to find an uninhabited planet?”
“Well not on earth I'd imagine, that seems like your homeworld and that'd cause quite a stir I'd imagine.” He chuckled out more bubbles, purple this time.
“Point is, I…… accept.” I sighed, “it's the best offer I have at the moment and I have no real choice, but I also don't have a reason to deny you your request. However, how would I even find an uninhabited planet?”
“Don't worry we'll cross that bridge when we get there.” Ulbreck stands up and starts walking towards a door “Come along then, you can stay in the room next to mine until you get your currency from the bomb claim”.
“Wait what? I haven't even put in a request for a claim yet?” I was confused
“You just showed up in the middle of my operating room flinging boys of debris taken from your surroundings when you departed from your homeworld. You're lucky you didn't accidentally kill anybody. My staff had a field day when they got a good look at you. You will be the subject of many medical students’ urban legends for eons to come I assure you.”
I stopped in my tracks as we stepped outside “Wait, Ulbreck. You're a doctor? Really?” I asked.
“What, you're surprised? I'm not just some old groaken ya know I run a clinic.” he said pointing to the sign on the building's window. As I look at the unfamiliar letters I feel the urge to blink and I try to fight it but Ulbreck’s pipe hits my head and I cry out in pain.
“Don't fight it! let your eyes blink or you'll hurt them you fool now look again and let your eyes blink.”
As I do what he said the letters started to change? Shift? I'm not quite sure what had happened but my eyes could clearly read ‘Kerblu Clinic and medical supplies’ in plain english!
“It's a subtle bit of telepathic technology. The sign’s camera shoots beams into your eyes and changes the sign in a way that your brain could understand it. Cool huh?”
“I guess” I said, trying it out on other signs around me. “Telepathic technology is a term that'd bring warning signs to others back home but I'm not one to care personally”
“Hmph” Ulbreck starts walking across the street to the elevator “come along, it's getting late. You must be tired since you can't appreciate amazing technological genius.”
“Uh…. Ok Ulbreck” I said I guess I hit a nerve, I'm not sure what I did but I pushed it out of my mind as my stomach growled.
“Here, take this” Ulbreck put his hand out and a fob was given to me. “You can use this in your room for food and clothes along with any other amenities you need. Stay inside because it's going to rain tonight. We just need to wait for your compensation currency and then we'll get started”.
“Ok. Thanks” I said, I watched him go into his room, he put his hand on the door handle and the fob activated the lock and unlocked. I copied the process on the door he pointed at as he yawned saying “that room's yours; enjoy goodnight”.
“Night” I replied going inside the mostly emptied room, amazed at its cleanliness. ‘Its definitely cleaner than my studio’. I thought to myself as I looked for a food source and all I saw was a sort of… synthesizer..? I put the fob up to it and the machine spoke “WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST?” It was so loud I covered my ears “first please be quieter, around my voice lever if possible please”
“MAKING ADJUSTMENTS, ADJUSTING ADJustIING adjusting. Is this current voice setting optimal?”
“Yes.” I say thankful for the noise having stopped.
“Thank you for choosing Kerblu brand synthesizer for all your home care needs! It looks like it's dinner time! Clear your mind and think of your needs and we'll be happy to provide you anything so long as we have material in the repository. Right now you are at 100% capacity.”
“More telepathic tech huh? Ok.” I close my eyes and focus on something I'd find appealing to eat ‘how about a burger? Three double cheeseburgers with onion rings and all the fixings.’ I open my eyes again to the smell of three cheeseburgers just as I had imagined them, and onion rings, better than I'd ever tasted. As I sat down to eat for the first time since being lost in space. I looked out the window, admiring the rain. It looked much the same as earth while clearly being different. It sparkled in the light that shone from Street lamps in the vicinity. It really soothed me as it came down. It reminded me of simpler times. I found it so familiar but so alien all at once.
“I miss home, but I don't want to go back.” I admitted to myself absent-mindedly as
I munch on an onion ring looking out the window staring out the window; through my own misty windows.