Well screw this depressive mood, I’m going to go out and bask in the sun for a bit. I need a change of mind after that meeting, I can’t really stand thinking about the past too much nowadays…

“How did the meeting go Freyr?”

“It went as good as I expected, basically a signed paper saying that I am a useless individual both physically and mentally.” I responded back to ellen with a bittersweet smile.

“They’re wrong you know, after working here for the past year I’ve noticed that you are by far more gifted and interesting than anyone else here.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed to say that as a staff member of the hospital haha, I know you’re just trying to cheer me up. I’m fine though, I appreciate the effort but please don’t think you need to cheer me up, I’m not that pitiful, at least not yet.”

Ellen smile abruptly disappeared from her loving face as soon as I said the words. As she regained her posture she was just about to open her mouth, but I really couldn’t bear with it so I jolted out the door.

Damn it… I took out my frustration on ellen who does nothing more than support me, she’s the only “friend” I have here. Hopefully she didn’t get too disgruntled by my selfish statement. I honestly am that pitiful, but I refuse to admit it at least to others. If there is something I hate above all in this screwed up world it’s to be looked upon like a helpless lamb…

As I stood in front of the dormitory I started doing some stretching which soon turned into some old teachings I used to receive by my old friend and teacher. More precisely it was a three pronged combo from the martial art Muay thai. A left jab to the face followed by a right kick to the thigh and lastly a spinning back fist to the side of the skull.

It used to by my favorite technique to train, it’s simple, effective and packs a real punch so to speak. After a few reps I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my hip as I gritted my teeth close fisted with my eyes closed.

“Are you okay!?”

I turned my head to see ellen running straight towards me with worried eyes.

“I’m fine it’s just my hip joint acting up again. God dammit.”

Ellen shifted her eyes up and down assessing me with curious alongside a worried expression.

“I’m sorry for before, I didn’t mean to take out my mental anguish on you… You are my only friend in this place, but I can’t stop feeling envious when I see you…”

“Envious? Why?” Ellen said slightly shocked.

“Even under those loose scrubs I can see that you have a well trained body, you know when I was a kid I used to be full of life, trying out new sports every other month. I wasn’t ever good at any of them, but it was still fun to move my body. And then I found martial arts, I loved it even though I was horrendous with it.”

“That was muay thai that you were practicing just now wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, my old friend used to teach me after lockdown in the local boxing gym where I was born. I trained hard for 6 months, that was 4 years ago now. It’s one of the happiest yet disastrous moments in my life…”

“How so?” Ellen responded with a smile that didn’t quite seem like a smile.

“Well, I injured myself repeatedly, thinking I just did the techniques wrong, or that it was because of my stiff ligaments. One time when I was sparring with my friend I landed the most satisfying punch I had ever mustered, a spinning backfist that actually managed to topple my friend to the ground for the first time during our various sparrings. Yet before I could savor the moment my friend pointed out my busted hand… we had to rush to the hospital in the middle of the night. After a checkup and bandaging I was notified that I had two hairline fractures running across my bones, and my hand had been popped out  of the socket…” I responded as I clenched my fist and stared into the ground.

“Is that when?”

“Yeah that’s when I got notified about my ligaments, not only do I have weak bone density and stiff ligaments, my ligaments are loose, meaning that they easily pops out of their socket, due to this I got strongly advised not to do anything physically straining. *sight* apparently this manifested with my aging, and since then it’s only gotten worse. I don’t give a crap about my mental diagnosis, I can live with that, if fact the ADHD and the Aspergers is what makes me who I am and I’m proud of that. But being physically weak is hundreds if not thousands more times taxing. For the first time in my life I found something I wholeheartedly put all my effort into, only to be slapped across the face by life itself.”

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

After rambling on like this I couldn’t muster any strength recalling my past and pondering about my future. I felt myself slowly break as I finally got a huge rock of my shoulders that was weighing down on me, yet it was also holding me together by the sheer force.

“Freyr, I don’t really know what to say to make it better… But just know you got me, don’t forget I’m here for you even when I’m not on the clock. And know that you are not weak even if you break down, or even if by some miracle you could open the floodgates to let those buried emotions you have out…”

Seeing her forced smile as she herself seemed as if she was closer to break down than I was I couldn’t restrain it anymore, I fell to my knees as my back hunched over and my arms fell down lifelessly. Ellen hugged me tight as my chin rested on her shoulder… After gathering the last of my strength I swung my arms around her and grabbed her loose plasticy scrubs tightly. Tears streaming down my grueling face…

I don’t know how much time passed all I know is that I didn’t let go for a long time, as she stroked my back gently I felt my worries slightly dissipating. I honestly didn’t even know I felt this bad. The wall I had been building for the past few years started to crack ever so slightly. I knew that this won’t fix anything but, it felt refreshing relieving the slightest bit of the pressure…

After I pulled away and wiped my face with my sleeves we stared at each other awkwardly, it was just a fleeting moment but it felt much, much longer.

“You know… I… Ehmm, nevermind…”

Ellen seemed torn as she was contemplating something, she probably wanted to say something to cheer me up but couldn’t find the words. Either way it made me relieved, I didn’t put much thought into it as I changed the subject. We talked for a couple of hours about this and that, mostly small talk and some more things about my past. We parted ways and I went home to my small room as I got the most blissful sleep I’ve experienced.

For the first time in years I woke up before my alarm rang, I felt uplifted, ecstatic actually. I felt my body and mind burning with vigour I hadn’t felt in years. As I was in good spirits I went and tried to find Ellen to try to thank her for yesterday, yet she had apparently called in sick. I didn’t think much of it and went about my day lounging around and reading my favorite web novels.

A week passed and I was starting to get worried, Ellen had still not showed up to work. I’m worried that my rambling and crying took a toll on her mental state. Maybe it’s my fault she has been gone for so long. I asked her supervisor trying to get an update on Ellen, she only said that she had taken a leave of absence due to personal reasons, which only seemed to prove my worries…

As I was in a deep trance of depressing thoughts regarding the matter I heard loud knocks at my door. I slowly got up wondering who it could be as I’ve never had anyone knock on my door during the two years I’ve spent in this place. To my surprise when I opened the door it was Ellen. She seemed in high spirits with an unusually broad smile.

Before I could ask what she wanted or what she’s been up to the past week she suddenly grabbed my arm and told me to come with her. before I could even reply she janked my arm and started running. I couldn’t get a firm grip under my feet and seemingly just ragdolled behind her.

Before I knew it we were in front of a japanese looking dojo. It looked run down and extremely cliche, as if it was straight out of a manga or something. There was a wall encompassing the entire house, it had black tiles at the top and was made of hundreds maybe thousands of stones with no stone alike the other. At the center of the wall was a tall gate, the doors were made from a greenish wood that seemed to be extremely sturdy and thick. On the door was a ruggish sign that stated “苗の道場”

“Where have you brought me and what does that sign say?” I asked whilst tilting my head as I was trying to wrap my head around where and why she brought me...

“This is the dojo that I train at, My Sensei and my fellow disciples live and train here. The sign says ‘dojo of the seedlings’.”

Dojo of the seedlings? Sounds cheesy, but why would she bring me here knowing that I can’t do martial arts anymore? She isn’t the type of person that would try to shove that into my face so she must have some other motive…

Ellen walked towards the gate ignoring my state of confusion as she pushed the giant gate doors open as if the were made of cardboard. How is she that strong? I mean the force you would need to open those doors is nothing short of olympic body building kind of strength. It doesn’t seem physically possible for Ellen to move them, from my understanding she has more of a general athlete’s build.

Without another word she once again grabbed my arm and led me into the courtyard, the dojo looked just as a expected, cliche and big, it has a deck outlining the main house, with sturdy beams holding up the roof that is covered with red tiles. The wood has a greenish tint just as the gate doors behind me. The dojo protrudes a gentle yet strict feeling. the courtyard is filled with lush green grass that is neatly trimmed and a multitude of different tree’s in various stages of growth.

Walking up the steps to the dojo I can’t help feeling my entire body becoming ever so tense. We enter through some sliding doors as we are greeted by an old man with a long and silky white beard that resembles an elongated triangle as the tip curls upwards. His face has multiple wrinkles suggesting he’s at least over 70 years of age. Clad in a white robe with various black patterns inscribed upon it. His eyes were vigorous to the point of me being intimidated. His hair is tied back into a long pony tail that stretches far below his shoulder blades.

“Greetings young Freyr. This is the dojo of seedlings, you must have many questions as to why you are here but first let’s have some tea and converse slightly.” The old man said as he gestured towards a low table surrounded by cushions.

I honestly didn’t know how to respond as I stared dumbfoundedly, after a moment of hesitation I sat down on the cushion opposing the old man, Ellen sat down to my right. Soon after a maid wearing a yukata came out with a traditional japanese tea set, as she started preparing the tea in front of me I started getting lost in thought over how weird the situation seemed.

“I might be able to help you with you physical anguish, yet it all depends on how you will answer my questions, if I am not satisfied I won’t be able to help you. And even if I am satisfied I might not be able to help you either. It all comes down to yourself, and if you are destined for this path…”

What the hell? how is this man supposed to be able to help me? The doctors don’t even know why my physical condition is the way it is. Nor is there any cure that can magically fix my bone structure or my ligaments? Even though I trust Ellen this is too much, false hope will only crush me I can’t take anything he says as fact that is for sure… But then again what if he can help me? Dammit my gullible optimistic heart is acting up once again. My mind was racing back and forth, struggling between cold rationality, and optimistic emotionality. The never ending battle that has always plagued my mind.