Mikomi let out a sigh as he knew that he had underestimated Ryan’s thinking process. Ryan was never the serious type so it was easy for Mikomi to dismiss him as someone who wouldn’t understand his feelings. The fact that he had been proven wrong shook him a little bit at first but that feeling slowly turned to humor as Mikomi began to laugh a bit to himself. Ryan grew a bit more agitated as he felt that Mikomi’s laughter meant that he was mocking him but before Ryan could say anything, Mikomi answered him.
“It’s amazing how close, yet, so far off you are.”
Mikomi turned around and faced Ryan. The look on his face was something that Ryan had never seen before.
“You say I came back because of Serah… in that you are correct; however, I didn’t come back here to get closure. I came back to confirm something. I came back to confirm the fact that I had failed.”
“Failed? At what?”
“I wish I could tell you but you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t understand.”
Ryan gritted his teeth. He had taken just about all that he could have from Mikomi.
“Stop it, Mikomi,” Ryan muttered under his breath.
Mikomi tilted his head to the side as if he thought he had heard him say something. Ryan looked up at him and knew what that look meant.
“You heard me, Mikomi. Stop it. Stop treating me as someone who doesn’t get it! Why do you think that way about me? Is it because I’m always trying to stay positive? Is it because I get too excited over things like spending time with someone who is supposed to be my best friend? That I’m always happy to share things with you. Is it because of my sense of humor? What is it, Mikomi!? JUST WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR!?”
Mikomi remained silent.
“I am who I am but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I’ve made some bad decisions and came off like an idiot, sure. I completely misjudged Serah because I didn’t want to be outcasted like she was. It was dumb on my part but do you honestly think that you can stand there and accuse me of being completely dense?”
“I know how much you loved Serah. I know what she meant to you. Anyone could tell that just by looking at the two of you together. I know her death has you hurting inside but how much longer are you going to drag this out? Do you think Serah would want you acting this way? If she were here right now, what do you think she would say to you if she saw you in this state!? What do you think she would say if you told her that you failed? Speaking of which, just what in the hell have you failed at!? You think you failed to protect her!? The reality is, Mikomi, that it could have happened to anyone. You can’t protect people against bad luck. It’s just something that happens. It’s not meant for you to forget about her but you have to come to terms with the fact that you just couldn’t do anything about it!”
Just couldn’t do anything about it!? I CHANGED THE ENTIRE WORLD AND IT STILL DIDN’T MATTER! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO LECTURE ME ON NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!?
Mikomi fought with everything he had to hold in his anger. He had to remind himself that Ryan didn’t know about the things he had gone through and probably never will. Even if he told him everything, there is a guaranteed zero chance that he would believe him. Still, Ryan had caught Mikomi’s reaction to his words. While his thoughts remained locked away in his head, his facial expression gave it all away.
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“Say, Ryan. Let me ask you a question. What would you do if it were possible to be given a second chance at life?”
“What do you mean?”
“What would you change? Would you try and win the lottery to give yourself a better life? Would you relive your life the way you had lived it before or would you throw caution to the wind and try and change the darkest parts of your life so that you could relive it all happily?”
“I… don’t know what I would do. I guess it would depend on the reason why I was given a second chance.”
“I guess that’s true. It would be different for everyone. I’ve been wondering lately just what I would do if such an opportunity were real. Let’s say that I was killed and on my deathbed, I was given a second chance. Let’s say that I also retained all of my memories up until the point I died. Once it all sank in as to what happened, the goal is obvious, isn’t it? Find out who killed you and prevent your death so that you can continue life where you left off, right? What if, along the way, you remember there were parts of your life that weren’t very desirable and you wanted to change them? Would you be content with letting everything happen all over again or would you try your hardest to change things for the better?”
“I think I would try and change things for the better,” replied Ryan not knowing where Mikomi was going with all of this.
“What if you do but the world needs to maintain balance? What if all of the changes you made didn’t matter in the end? What would you think then?”
“I guess that I would feel like a failu…” Ryan stopped dead in his tracks and looked up at Mikomi. “Mikomi… what are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying that I failed to protect Serah. I wish that I could do it all over again and save her but would the world allow that? Would the world just kill her all over again to maintain balance? It would be futile to do it over again, wouldn’t it? One thing you come to realize over time is that there truly aren’t any second chances in life. No matter what you do or how hard you try, there’s only that one chance. If I couldn’t save Serah from being hit by a car, then I failed to preserve that only chance that she was given. Standing here on top of her grave, I have confirmed that I truly have failed. That’s why I came back.”
Ryan didn’t like the way Mikomi was talking. His voice and tone had changed dramatically. Mikomi spoke with venom in his voice as if he were lashing out at the world but doing it calmly. The way Mikomi delivered his words sent a chill down Ryan’s spine. He didn’t know what to say in response to that. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he understood Mikomi’s obscure example. All he could do was stare at the ground at Mikomi’s feet. After a few moments of silence, he lifted his head and saw the same look in Mikomi’s eyes. Even still, he had to ask him a question.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
Without hesitation, Mikomi answered him.
“I’m just going to live the rest of my life. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
Mikomi turned and walked away. Ryan wanted to stop him but thought twice about it. There was something about the way he said those words that bothered him. He didn’t feel as if Mikomi meant what he said. Nevertheless, he felt that it would be best just to let him go for now. Ryan turned toward Serah’s grave and muttered some words under his breath.
“I’m sorry that you had to hear all of that. I’m sure you can see that it means Mikomi still loves you very much.”
Ryan had given Mikomi a fairly decent head start before heading back home. On his way back home, Mikomi stuck his hands back into his pockets and, once again, got lost in thought.
One thing I realized is that in the end, we become nothing more than an empty shell. Our contents spill out and it is those remnants that the world chooses to remember us by. Those remnants contain our memories and our accomplishments. One may even say that it’s our very soul. In the end, we simply are just nothing more than empty shells. Those who choose to fill themselves before the day they break are truly foolish. I should know, I once thought that myself.
Continuing to live my life unaltered means that I’ve emptied my shell. All that would be left to wait for is the day when I break. I thought that it meant that I wouldn’t leave anything significant behind for people to remember me. I thought by coming here this is what I would ultimately want but it just isn’t so. I’ve already left my mark by changing the timeline and yet, the world fought back. The world took away everything I had accomplished. I can’t empty my shell even if I tried because the world already emptied it for me. Perhaps I’ve already passed the point where my shell broke?
If it were true, I wouldn’t be thinking about revenge on this world. Serah’s death was more than just a failure. It was an oversight on my part. I could never live with myself if I simply dismissed it as an error. Nobody could ever do that to the one they truly loved. I can’t consider her death as a simple error, especially when I could have been more cautious and could have prevented it. It has become a burden that I must carry with me in my heart. Serah will continue to live on forever there and it is her broken shell that will become my strength. The strength to press forward and strike back at this world.
The fact that my friendship with Ryan is still intact is a sign that the world can’t balance everything. It also means it’s rebalancing things in the order that I unbalanced them. I saved Serah’s life first and saved my friendship with Ryan second. That means if I save my father’s life, the world will balance things out by ending my friendship with Ryan. However, if balancing the world means something will happen that will be the direct opposite of what I did to unbalance it, I have a greater chance of succeeding in keeping things unbalanced.
This seems like another unwritten rule Sebastian elected to hide from me and rightfully so but the problem is… I’ve discovered it on my own. Now I will use this knowledge to strike back at the world which took all of my efforts away… and it will start by preventing my father’s death.
By the time Mikomi finished his thoughts, he had arrived back at his house where he stood on the sidewalk gazing up at his front door.
This time… I will NOT fail!