Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time. Change a couple of things, do something different, stop myself from ruining everything. But you know, that's not possible.

"Ariana?" A voice calls out for the hundredth time, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I jump, lifting my chin from the warmth of my palm. "Huh?" I voice in confusion.

Bella tilts her head at my response. "Have you even been listening to what I'm saying?" She asks me with discouragement.

I pout my lips, unable to answer her question. "What was your question?" I ask, laughing nervously.

She sighs, her head positioned toward the ceiling. Laurie snickers and snorts loudly, blurting out random incomprehensible words.

"That's not very lady-like," Layla jokes with furrowed eyebrows.

She spins her head around and faces Layla with a death stare. "What if I'm not a lady? Who are you to assume such things?" She says with a serious face.

"Oh?"

"Guys! That's not the point," Bella groans before looking back up at me. "Ariana, what's up with you? What has gotten you so..." She lets her sentence trail off.

My face turns bright red as I recall what I had been thinking about. What was I thinking about? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! It's not like I was thinking about what happened with-

"It's obviously Ethan," Laurie shrugs.

My jaw drops.

Ethan?

Out of all things, all people, she settled on Ethan?

"Just look at her," she smirks, an arm wrapped around Bella's chair while she leaned into hers. "Her face gets red just thinking about him."

That's not true. That was not what I was thinking about.

I roll my eyes and continue scribbling down equations in my notebook. In the middle of the school library, not many were speaking. Supposedly, we were in a silent zone but, my friends being themselves, didn't even try to follow the rules. I looked around us to see if anyone was staring. Noticing a couple of annoyed glares in our direction, I scoot back deeper into my seat in embarrassment.

With a finger on her chin, Layla whispers. "I did see them talking to each other this morning," she claims.

I turn to her with a frown.

She didn't have to expose me like that.

"We were only talking about our project," I argue. "I don't like him and I wasn't thinking about him," I mumble, going back to my papers.

Laurie smirks in disbelief, leaning in closer to me. "Then what were you thinking about, Ariana?"

What was I thinking about?

Well...

. . .

The light beamed through the windows, causing my eyelids to squint in discomfort. It was the morning, and I hated mornings with a passion. When I fluttered my eyes open, the realization of not being in my bedroom hit me. The room was of a cool temperature but warmth soaked throughout me either way. An arm was loosely wrapped around my waist while a blanket covered my body. I was on top of a hard surface, a body that was emitting heat like a radiator. I stared up at the person as my heart skipped a beat.

Andrew was beneath me, sleeping in silence.

Up close, I could see almost every detail of his face. From the way his black hair fell messily on his forehead to the way his plump lips slightly parted while he slept, everything about him made my heart race. It was different seeing his relaxed features, seeing him look so vulnerable like I could uncover all his secrets with just one look at his face.

He looked so pretty.

I stared at him while he slept peacefully. His traits were softened, eyebrows no longer in a frown, and eyelids shut without effort. My cheek rested on his chest. Listening to his steady heartbeat, I took in every rise and fall of his torso with every breath he took. Our legs were tangled, making it obvious at how much taller he was than me. The heat he was releasing made me realize how every inch of our bodies was touching. My face felt hot at the feeling of my side being against him but also at how close we were.

This was not how I imagined waking up.

And oh, my hand. My traitorous hand had trailed up his body and rested on his stomach, under his shirt, while I was sleeping. The heat poked at my fingers, sending a shiver up my spine and I shut my eyes in embarrassment. I could feel the hardness of his muscles under my touch but I didn't dare move my hand.

How did we end up like this?

I stared back up at him again, admiring the way he was resting without a worry shown on his face.

If only he could look like that all the time. He was always frowning, making it seem like anger was the only emotion he could express. I didn't know if he was always this way, but I wanted to. There was so much more to him than he let on, but his walls were so high, shutting me out every time I asked about anything.

My hand splayed across his bare stomach and I applied a little pressure, trying to feel with my entire palm. Without a thought, I took it further, curling my fingers and lifting my index. I used my finger to graze his stomach slightly, feeling the bumps and ridges of his abs.

I didn't know if I was just imagining it, but I felt his heartbeat quicken under my ear.

Continuing with what I had been doing, my finger danced slowly on his skin, tracing the shapes of invisible circles. His skin was soft and smooth, making me want to explore every part of it. I trail down my finger past his belly button when I hear his breath hitch, catching me off guard.

What the hell was I doing?

I jolt up and heat races to my cheeks. Removing the heavy hand that was wrapped around me slowly, I tried my best to get off the couch without waking him up. The moment I leave my spot, regret washes over me almost immediately.

I was lucky enough that he didn't wake up, so I tiptoed my way to the bathroom and closed the door quietly. My hand raises to my chest to feel my quick-paced heartbeat. Trying to regulate my breathing, flashes of his face resurface in my mind.

Get out of my head!

We were only sleeping- nothing more, nothing less.

But I was missing the warmth of him already. I wanted to stay. I wanted to be with him longer. I wanted to feel his presence near me again. I could always leave the bathroom and run back to him, but surely that would wake him up.

No! What was I thinking?

What kind of perverted maniac thought of things like that! I was touching him while he was sleeping.

Surely he wouldn't know, right?

I sighed in shame and crouched on the bathroom floor, resting my head on my knees.

How was I going to face him after doing this?

I stared at my hands, my fingers in particular.

How dare you guys move without asking me.

Fuck you.

I frowned in frustration and got up in a swift move. Making my way to the sink, I brush my teeth with a spare toothbrush given to me by Lisa the day before and brush my teeth.

With every stroke, his face popped up in my head again. I tried to keep my face from heating up again but no matter how much water I splashed on my face, it only kept getting redder and redder.

Giving up, I turn the doorknob and open it slowly, letting it creak as I try to see if Andrew was still in the same spot.

To my surprise, he was gone. I walked into the living room and back to the couch we were at, examining the state of it. The blanket was gone and the couch looked lonely again, as if no one had touched it that night.

What was I doing...

I shake my head and continue my steps up to the basement door. Coming into the hallway, giggling and fighting sounds fill my ears.

The kitchen finally comes into view and I watch the children with amusement. Antonella and Antonio were fighting over who would make the next pancake while Tia Maria scolded them about how to make the perfect one. Lisa sat at the counter, watching some show on her phone while she cut fruits slowly, clearly consumed by the screen. Little Mateo had taken the opportunity to steal chocolate from the Nutella jar on the counter thanks to everyone's distracted attention.

I chuckled lightly, but loud enough for their mother to notice my presence.

"Buenos Dias! How did you sleep?" She asks me with a smile on her face.

Sleep? I slept well- too well actually! I slept on your son's chest and took the opportunity to-

I shake my head in a hurry, urging the thoughts to leave my mind.

Changing the subject, I decide to expose Mateo. "I slept well, but if Mateo keeps on eating all that chocolate, I'm afraid you won't be sleeping well tonight," I laugh genuinely.

She furrows her forehead while turning to Mateo before her features fall and frustration washes over her face. "Mateo! Te dije que no!" She whines with a hand running down her mouth, looking down at the little boy's chocolate-covered face.

Lisa, hearing the sudden distraction, lifts her gaze and notices me. As soon as she does, a sly smirk goes up her face and the corners of her eyes crinkle in amusement.

She knows.

I lower my head in embarrassment, unable to keep eye contact with her. Lisa got up from her seat and strolled past me, a bowl filled to the brim with square fruits in her hands.

"I'm done with the fruits," she tells her mom.

Tia Maria nods in approval and asks her to set it on the dining table. She turns around to watch the twins' work. "Tonio, Nella, are you guys finished?"

Tonio, who was making the last two pancakes answers her with a yes while Nella whines about not having made them instead of him.

"Nella shut up. Last time you did the whole batch," Lisa rolled her eyes.

Her sister frowns at her and disagrees. "That's only because Tonio was at his friend's house."

"It doesn't matter. You still made them."

Antonella was about to respond when Tia Maria cut them both off. "Chicas, stop fighting and set the table already."

"Let me help," I try to include myself.

Passing by me again, Lisa hands me a stack of plates, taking my offer for granted. I humph at the sudden weight in my arms and grab them tightly. Heading to the table, I set a plate in front of each place. Lisa on the other hand had set the forks on the plates and sat down on her seat.

At that, the twins gathered their dishes and threw them in the sink. They head over to her and grab a seat, one of them at each end of the table. I followed them and sat next to Lisa's mom, who was seated across from her eldest daughter.

"Where's Andrew?" She asks.

"Dunno," Lisa answers before reaching her hand to grab a pancake and getting a slap.

Her mom stares at her with wide eyes, in disapproval. "We have to pray before we eat, and we will not pray until your brother is here."

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Lisa sighed and leaned back into her chair with her arms crossed. For a while, we listened to the nagging of the twins and the squeaks of Mateo, who was playing with his plane and his car, making them crash into one another. Lisa bickered about how it was unfair that we had to wait for Andrew and I chuckled at each sentence she spat out.

"He's always the source of problems around here," she complains.

"Lisa," tia scolded her with a frown. "Don't say that about your brother. You know damn well that we all owe him around here."

"Not all of us," she rolled her eyes, hinting at me.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Andrew pops up into the room. His jet-black hair fell over his forehead, dripping with water while he rubbed a towel to dry it. Instinctively, my eyes darted to his, and, for a moment, all we did was stare at each other. He was wearing a white shirt, different from the one he slept in, and black sweatpants with an unfamiliar logo on them.

After realizing he'd been staring for too long, he clears his throat, throws the towel on a chair, and takes a seat across from me.

"See? You couldn't wait two minutes?" Tia Maria mocks her, making Lisa roll her eyes back. "Alright, give me your hands children. Let us pray," she says as she hands out her hand to me and her other one to Antonio. "Where is Nella now?" She sighed, seeing as the seat at the other end of the table was empty.

"In the bathroom," the other twin answers, eyeing the chocolate in front of him.

Andrew's mom throws her head back with a sigh and decides to do the prayer without Antonella. As we all hold hands, I realize that Andrew's was the one I'd be holding. He offers me his hand and I stare at it before looking up at his endearing eyes. A hint of shyness flashes through them and I reach for his hand. The moment our skin makes contact, the warmth seeps through my palm, reminding me of the situation that happened this morning. His hand was rough but soft, holding mine delicately as if any sudden move would break it. My heart raced as I became aware of how every inch of my hand was touching his.

Tia Maria beginning her prayer brings me out of my thoughts, and I slam my eyes shut to keep myself from thinking about anything other than her words.

Even so, the words faded out and I couldn't hear anything else but my pacing heart.

"Ariana?" A voice calls out, snapping me back to reality. "We can eat now," she chuckles.

I stare back at the woman who called out to me and take in the situation at hand. My face became red like a tomato when I became aware that everyone had stopped holding hands, except me and Andrew. I look up at him in embarrassment and watch his curious eyes, covered by a frown.

"Sorry," I mumble before yanking my hand out of his, in a hurry.

How embarrassing.

I wanted to go home. This was not how I expected my Sunday to go.

We all begin eating and I watch as Mateo makes a lake out of syrup on his plate, gaining wide eyes from his mother. Antonella, who had come back eventually, was stacking pancakes like a tower, using chocolate as cement. Her twin, on the other hand, was eating like a sophisticated person. I watched Lisa, who was observing everyone until her eyes landed on me and a smirk sprawled across her face. Her gaze flickered between me and Andrew and I looked down at my plate in humiliation.

Andrew was cutting his food with his knife when she spoke up, making him freeze. "So," she begins. "How did you sleep, Ariana?"

I stir in my place, trying to come up with a response. "I slept well," I answer, almost choking on my glass of milk. "Why?" My voice cracks as I clear my throat.

She stares at me in amusement as my eyes flicker to Andrew, who is holding his fork in the air, glaring at me with anticipation.

"No reason," she sounds. "I just happened to wake up early today and I saw something pretty interesting on the couch," she taunted, taking a bite of her strawberry-covered pancake.

My heart raced in anxiety, unaware of how far she was willing to take this.

"What did you see?" Tia asks with a chuckle.

Her daughter glances at her, seeming grateful for her question, and opens her mouth, mischief filled in her eyes. "Ariana and Andrew were-"

"Lisa," a low groan echoes throughout the table, making her stop. I glance at Andrew and notice the irritation on his face.

"Aw, look," his little sister, who'd secretly come back, notices. "His ears are pink."

His head turns to Antonella in a split second, distress apparent in his eyes. His eyes flicker to mine, through his lashes and he looks away almost immediately, clearing his throat.

My heart beat quickly.

I glanced at Lisa, noticing the way she was watching her mother, so I got curious and observed Tia Maria. A smile was clearly evident on her face, masked with a hint of relief and happiness. The curled-up corners of her lips showed a sign of aging as faint wrinkles on her face became a little bit more noticeable.

We continued eating as I took a couple of glances at Andrew, sometimes catching him doing the same and sometimes not meeting his eyes. Even so, when we locked eyes, my heart skipped a beat every time.

I think I did like him.

But the scowles he sent me didn't make me feel like my feelings were reciprocated. They made me feel like he knew what we did, that he didn't like it, and that he'd never do it again. I felt like he hated every inch of my presence. But, the way he looked away every time gave me some kind of hope that maybe, just maybe, he liked me too. As a friend at the very least.

. . .

My stomach grumbled, so I ran to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. My mom, who was making dinner eyes me up and down in disbelief.

"We're eating in 30 minutes. Can't you wait?" She asks.

I whine in exasperation. "Can I grab a plate and go upstairs? I have so much to study for and I can't study when I'm hungry."

She sighs as her hand mixes the spatula in the pot. "You need to eat with us. Your father is coming back early today."

I nod in excitement, glad that he could finally eat with us for once. My father was a very hard worker and I admired him for that. He grew up in a small town in Colombia, away from the city. At some point in his life, he migrated here with his brother for 'a better life', as he calls it, and brought along the rest of our family. I'm grateful for the opportunities in this country, but every time I come back from a visit, I wish I spent my childhood with the rest of my peers, surrounded by my people. Even so, I'm grateful to be here, to have friends like mine, and to be able to pursue a career worth my time.

Having grown up in an environment like his, he only wants the best for me. So, he pushes me to study and achieve high grades. Whenever I did get a bad grade, he'd get mad at me and urge me to work harder. I understood his point of view. I knew why he acted like that. But, even so, it still hurt how making him proud was such a hassle.

Cristian is the second to come home, after me. He slams the door open in haste and kicks off his shoes before throwing himself on the couch, sighing loudly, as if he's never relaxed before.

"You're such a drama queen," I roll my eyes, walking over to him. "How was work?"

"Amazing," He looks up at the ceiling, his eyes filled with a daze.

I chuckle in amusement, observing the way his eyes sparkled. "What happened to you?"

He suddenly pops back into reality and frowns at me. "Can't you be quiet for a second? I'm trying to appreciate my day," he continues, leaning back into the couch and relaxing into it.

"Pfft!" The sound comes out of my mouth. "Fine," I say as I walk over to the table and plop on a seat.

My leg bounces up and down while my mind travels elsewhere. I had my phone in my hand, watching video after video, but I wasn't focusing on any of them.

I might have a little crush on Andrew.

The problem was that my friends thought I liked Ethan. And if I told them otherwise, they would probably disown me.

This was such a bother.

Why would I ever start liking him? How did It even come to this? I didn't even know what I liked about him. Maybe it was the way he cared about the people he loved, maybe it was the way he looked, or maybe I was lying to myself.

I think I was overthinking it, lying to myself because they were trying to convince me that I liked someone else.

Suddenly, the door closes open, revealing my dad coming inside with the same old lunchbox he'd been carrying with him to work, for the past three years.

"Hola," me and my brother say in unison.

He exhales loudly like he'd been holding it in the entire day. My father goes to greet my mom and takes his seat on the couch.

"How was work today?" He asks Cristian. At that, my brother's face goes red, seeing as he actually had to answer the question this time and he couldn't avoid it like he did with me.

"Papá, we're having the Christmas party this year, right?" I try to save my brother.

He turns to face me. His eyebrow raises in questioning. "Why are you me asking that? Of course, we are."

I nod, pursing my lips, and flicker my eyes to Critian's, who was sighing in relief, urging me to keep the conversation going.

Every time my dad had the opportunity, he would bombard my brother with questions about his job. He never approved of it, but my brother never thought of it as an obstacle. He chose his own path and dealt with it, but obviously, my dad was still not convinced by his choice of career.

"No reason," I reply, thinking of something else to add. "... I just really like these reunions and I know some people don't have these types of parties so I'm really grateful for them."

Did any of that make sense at all?

Ugh. Whatever.

My Mom joins us with a beaming smile on her face. "What if I invited the David family over on Christmas?"

My father squints his eyes at her and nods in approval. "Good idea."

"Great!" She exclaims.

My jaw drops in astonishment, surprised at how fast my dad agrees to invite people he's never met before to a tradition kept between him and his brother.

That happened so quickly- What?

"Why did you agree so fast?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

He thinks to himself for a while. "Well," he begins. "It would be a shame that the little chicos spent Christmas alone."

"Right, right," I answer, about to say something else when he suddenly starts questioning me about school and my studies.

I mentally prepared myself for the long lectures and discussions I was about to go through. Though I tried to save my brother from it, I was going to be bringing him back into the mess because there was no way that I was going to handle this alone.

Here we go again.

◆◈◇

"You're going to do this."

I shake my head with a nervous chuckle. "Oh no, I'm not."

"Oh yes, you are," my cousin replies.

"It's just a small crush, it'll go away on its own," I argue.

She rolls her eyes at me, letting out a huff. "Come on, Ari. Go ask him out already. We see the way you look at him."

I don't even look at him! What was she talking about?!

"Bella, I'm not doing this! I have better things to do."

She frowns. "Ari, Laurie told me she saw him here right before she left. It's now or never."

"No," I decline.

She sighs in frustration before lifting her gaze and a smile crosses her face. "Didn't you say you wanted to conquer your social anxiety? This is how you start."

I squint my eyes at her, defeated. She had a good point and I wasn't going to deny it. Perhaps it was a good start.

"Okay..." I agree. "...I'll try."

She beams up at me and pushes me towards the gym.

It still stood in all its glory, intimidating anyone from ever entering the building.

I take a couple of steps towards the glass door before taking a glance behind me. She mouths me to go and I listen, turning back around and stepping inside the place.

Here I was again at the gym, about to ask some guy out. To be honest, one of the reasons why I agreed to ask him out is because once he rejects me, I'll be able to get this 'crush' over with and move along with my life, never talking to him again.

Hold on- never talk to him again? That was impossible! I had a project due at the end of the semester, and he was my partner.

Shit.

Why would I agree to this?

Isabella was watching me from outside the building while I was standing near the empty register so I took my chance and went inside. Why was no one ever at the counter?

I exhale deeply and march on, coming into a room filled with exercising machinery. I felt so out of place with the amount of people who were using the equipment while I stood there. I didn't know the first thing about exercising. I was always eating anyway. Eating and studying at the same time, barely getting my steps in.

I felt judging eyes on me as if they knew I didn't belong there. It made me self-aware of my posture. I bet I looked ridiculous stepping into a gym with a body like mine. It wasn't like I was overweight or anything, but I wasn't super skinny either. I eyed all the girls lifting weights around like it was nothing, with envy, wishing I looked like them.

What was I here for again? Right, I just wanted to pass the time and go back outside to tell my cousin that Ethan wasn't there.

At the end of the gym, I see a boxing ring with a couple of people surrounding it. Right next to it, a few boxing bags were hanging from the ceiling, that were being used by two people, one of them I recognize being Andrew.

My heart skips a beat at the sight of him. He threw his punches around, getting back into position each time flawlessly. His muscles clenched and twitched while his face grimaced at every jab. Andrew wore a skin-tight black long-sleeve, covering his abs, and black shorts that revealed his well-shaped calves.

"Ariana?" Someone laughed next to me. "What are you doing here?"

I tear my eyes off of him and turn to face the person who called me. Ethan stared at me with eagerness, arms crossed over his white shirt.

"Oh!" I blurt out, "I just- I'm here for-" I stumble with my words.

"Ariana," he chuckles. "Are you here to see me?" He asks.

I raise my eyebrow at him, confused. "What do you mean?" I question nervously.

"I saw Laurie pass by," he glances around. "She was staring at me."

Cutting him off, I frown. "She has a boyfriend."

His eyes widen, embarrassment washing over his face. "No, that's not what I was gonna talk about," he says, but I was too busy gawking at the man behind him to completely take in his words.

"What did you wanna say, then?" I mumble, distracted.

He shifts his weight onto his other foot, staring at me with determination. "I was wondering maybe you and I could..."

I don't reply to him, still observing the same guy who filled my thoughts these past few days, who turned around and seemed to notice me. "Hm?" I sound.

"We could go on a date?"

"Sure," I agree before realizing it was too late.

My heart drops and I try to find an excuse to replace my agreement. It was to no use. I didn't want to disappoint him. His face lighted up and he smiled genuinely at me, showing excitement for my response. My heart aches in shame.

I was going on a date with someone I didn't like.

"Are you free Friday?" He asks.

"Yes," I reply with a weak voice, trying to force excitement out of me.

"'Aight then, send me your address and I'll pick you up at 7."

"Okay," I plaster a smile on my face.

He gives me one last smile and waves me goodbye, heading out of the place. My thoughts race with each other, each one popping up in my head like a flash.

Why would I agree to something I didn't want? This was not how I expected it to go. I thought I'd be the one getting rejected. Actually, I didn't even think I'd see him, let alone get asked out first. Did he seriously like me? We barely knew anything bout each other. What did he like about me?

"Ariana," a familiar deep voice speaks from behind me.

I turn around and I'm met with the same onyx eyes. His face up close, I realize how his cheek had a small bruise on it, tempting me to touch it. His bottom lip was also slightly cracked, leaking a little bit of blood. His face was sweating while his hair was tousled, indicating all the exercising he had been doing. He towered over me, staring deeply into my eyes.

"Why did you come all this way to see him?" He asks me with a low voice, hinting at his frustration.

"I didn't," I reply in a hurry. "I came to see you," my words come out rushed, not allowing me the time to review them before I spoke.

His frown falters and his features soften in surprise. "I..." he hesitates, his eyes darting across the room and landing back on mine. "You shouldn't have. I'm not worth coming all this way."

"And what if I don't care?" I say without thinking, regretting my words right after.

He doesn't say anything but simply looks down at his shoes as he runs a hand through his hair.

"Andrew, we're friends. I can come see you if I want to."

He looks at me in anguish, eyes nervously looking away. His body seemed tense, making me wonder what had gotten his nerves up.

"Were friends... right?" I wonder, worry tinting my voice.

"I don't know," he states, breaking my heart.

My face shifted into a pained expression, guilt eating at me for some reason, while my heart shattered into pieces. There was no reason for me to be feeling guilty, but I couldn't help it. It felt like I did something wrong. I should've tried to get to know him more before asking him things like that.

I think I assumed too quickly that I liked him. It was probably a feeling of friendship that I was chasing after. Getting to know more about him had been on my mind ever since our first interaction because I wanted to know why he was this way. It wasn't a feeling of attraction that I had with him. I was too quick to judge, like always.

My eyes began to well up while tried to stop them from filling up with tears. Seeing my reaction, he loses composure and tenses. Looking around, I watch the way he tries to find an escape. The moment he steps foot into another direction, I grab his writs in a hurry.

"Andrew, no," I beg. "Don't just leave."

His eyes soften. "Ariana," he begins, making my heart flutter at the sound of my name. "You don't want to be friends with me."

He pulls out his wrist from my grasp and leaves the place in a rush, leaving me standing in the middle of a building I barely know. I was left with my racing thoughts, left with my growing disappointment, left with my threatening tears.

What was the point of anything with him? All he did was leave at the end. Maybe he was right, being his friend wasn't a good idea.

Maybe I should stay away.

So, I'll stay away.