The morning sun blasting through the window blinded my eyes. I slowly nudged them open as they tried to adjust to the light. My eyes were dry and it felt like I had barely slept last night.

I thought I slept well.

I was going to, at least, but I ended up crying instead. Maybe that's why it felt like I didn't get enough sleep.

I groaned at the thought of going to school. Rubbing my eyes with my palms, I huff and get out of bed, walking grudgingly towards the bathroom and getting ready for the day.

My first class today was English, followed by chemistry and biology. I felt like barely an hour had passed and I was already walking in the hallways of McAdams. The air felt chilly inside and I regretted not having brought a hoodie with me. With every step I took towards my class, I glanced behind me.

Andrew was following me very closely but he didn't dare speak to me. His fists were stuffed in his pockets while a scowl rested on his face.

He was barely a few feet away from me and yet, he didn't say a single word.

I knew he didn't want to talk, but I wanted him to. I wanted to talk to him even though I told myself last time that if he wanted me to stay away, then I would do as he wants.

So, I stepped to the side to let him pass me. However, instead of going in front of me, he froze in his place and pulled out his phone, clearly pretending to keep himself busy with it.

I frowned at the action, waiting a few seconds for a change of mind, and decided to just go along my way. As I predicted, he followed behind me and cleared his throat.

Why was he acting this way?

Whatever. I promised myself to stay away and do as he said. If he wanted to talk to me then he would have to initiate the conversation first.

Entering the class, I examined the curious glances of my classmates and lowered my gaze in embarrassment.

I hated when people stared at me for no reason.

My bag was on my back so I lowered It on the floor next to my desk and sat down. Though I was hoping for it, Andrew didn't come sit next to me.

It shouldn't break my heart the way it did.

I shake my thoughts out of my head and bring my chemistry notes of out my bag, revising the work I had done yesterday for the exam I had later on in the day. I had many exams this week and I wasn't planning on failing them just because of a minor inconvenience.

"Hey," someone says from next to me, plopping down on the seat.

I spin my head around and face Ethan who was looking at me with a curious look on his face. "Hi," I reply.

"What'cha working on?" He asks, leaning closer to read my notebook. The smell of his icy cologne filled my nostrils.

"Chemisty."

He nods with pursed lips, crossing his arms and leaning into his chair. His curly brown hair was neatly styled in a way that made it look like he didn't touch it at all. I admired the way his eyes glowed when he spoke, making me jealous of not being blessed by such a color.

"Liking the view?" He remarks playfully.

I break out of my thoughts and look back down at my paper, embarrassed that I've been caught.

He already thinks that I like him, now I'm just making it worse.

Clearing my throat, I feel someone staring at me fiercely. As I turned around slightly, I noticed Andrew staring at Ethan with an unrecognizable look on his face, sending shivers up my spine.

When his eyes meet mine, he raises his eyebrows before looking away abruptly, rolling his eyes.

"I'm gonna bring you somewhere really nice," Ethan suddenly spills. He winks at me before continuing. "Make sure to wear something that matches the vibe."

I smile awkwardly and wait for the teacher to come walking through the door. The boy next to me keeps on talking about the same things over and over, sucking my social battery out of my skin.

This was going to be a long day.

◆◈◇

I observed the person looking back at me in the reflection of the mirror. Wavy brown hair cascaded down my shoulders, reaching the middle of my back. I wore a short flowy black dress that went to my knees and black heels to match with it. Usually, wearing a little mascara to school wasn't a problem but my cousin insisted on adding more makeup for the date, despite my refusal.

I didn't want to because I wasn't trying to give him the wrong idea, though I already did. But I didn't want to impress him.

I sigh lowly and slump on the bed. Laurie, who was sitting next to me, tilts her head in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

I spin towards her, thinking of a good reply to match her expectations.

I couldn't just tell her that I actually didn't like the guy I was going on a date with.

"Nothing, just... nervous," I lie with a crooked smile.

She smiles at me in empathy and scoots closer to me on the bed. She rubs her hand along my spine to soothe me. "It's okay to be nervous, Ariana. It's your first date after all."

I look at her guiltily, wanting to tell her the truth but unable to.

Maybe telling her some type of truth will ease the unbearable feeling that I'm holding. "I'm just... scared that it turns out bad," I sigh.

She purses her lips in thinking. "I mean... I don't blame you for thinking that way, but you shouldn't overthink it. What's the worst that could happen?"

I squint my eyes in reflection, the thousands of possibilities swirling in my head. "Well, his card could decline... or maybe he might ask to split the bill. I might say something I shouldn't have, or spill something on him. He might think I'm awkward, or-"

"Stop that," Bella sighs, tilting her head up towards the ceiling.

My eyes follow hers while she lectures me about how 'if I wanted to stop people-pleasing and start standing up for myself I had to cease with this type of thinking'. As usual, her words faded out and my mind hurried over analyzing every outcome of what could happen.

I couldn't mess this up. I had to enjoy myself. It's not right to go on a date with somebody you don't like. I'd given him false hope and now I had to make up for it.

She stopped speaking once my phone lit up. I checked the number and sighed, nerves filling up my stomach while I read what the message said. My date was outside of the house, in the driveway, waiting for me.

"I guess this is it," I speak quietly.

Laurie snickers with a large grin. "Come on, get out of my house and go enjoy your date."

I huff as I get up from my seat, dreading the evening that was about to unfold. "Thank you for letting me get ready at your house by the way," I tell Laurie. "My parents would have killed me if they found out that I was going out with a boy."

"Oh, don't worry about-"

"You should be thanking me. I'm the one who negotiated with your mom about us 'going out'," she says as she quotes the air with her fingers.

I snicker in amusement while getting up and grabbing my purse. "I still can't believe she fell for that. Nothing of what you told her made any sense." I say, wrapping my winter jacket around my shoulders.

"What can I say?" she shrugs. "Parents love me."

Laurie gets up in one swift move and pushes my back towards the door. "Come on now, you wouldn't want to make your future husband wait, would you?"

I roll my eyes at her and tighten my grasp on my purse. We make our way to the front door of her house and I take in a breath before opening it. The door hung wide and, before I stepped out, I turned back to my friends. "I'll see you guys later, I guess."

"You'll be fine," Laurie replied with crossed arms while Bella nodded her head in agreement.

I gave them a weak smile before leaving and shutting the door behind me. I stared up in front of me, spotting Ethan in his white car.

I walked over to the passenger side of the vehicle and knocked on the window. Consumed by his phone, it took him a while before he realized I was waiting for him to unlock the door.

As soon as he did, I opened it and hopped in. His eyes examined my figure, the black dress I had on and my face full of makeup.

"Nice," he nodded.

An awkward feeling grew inside me at his choice of icebreaker.

Trying to ease the tension, I tried to compliment his outfit. "I like your..." I trailed off, trying to find something I truly liked. "...cologne."

Truth is I was kind of disappointed by his choice of clothes. A soccer jersey wasn't something I was expecting him to wear. He'd told me to wear something nice, and I did, but he, on the other hand, didn't try to put any effort.

He gave me a grin and put the car in drive. "Thanks," he said as he pulled out of the driveway. "It's my lucky cologne. I wear it whenever I go on a date."

I nod slowly, my lips set in a hard line while I stared out the window at the falling snow.

"It's like half empty now," he chuckled and my eyes went wide.

Was this something people usually said on dates? In the romance books I read, people didn't mention the amount of girls you went out with.

"Interesting," I noted without thinking.

At that, he turned his head towards me, one hand on the steering wheel as he drove down the roads. "What do you mean by that? Is it a bad thing? I'm making my money well-spent."

In a panic, I attempt to redeem myself. "No, no. I'm saying that you're telling me this as if you want me to know that you've been on multiple dates before."

I just made it worse.

Bring me home I don't want to do this anymore.

I scooted deeper into my seat, wishing it could swallow me whole.

He kept quiet the rest of the trip toward who-knows-where, making me feel out of place, which I was.

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

This was a mistake. I shouldn't have agreed on impulse. It was all because of that damned Argentinian guy at the gym who keeps grabbing my attention without even trying.

Soon enough, he pulled up in front of an average-sized building and parked in a random spot.

"We're here," he declared and jumped out of the car.

I followed behind him and walked along his side to the restaurant.

"I figured you might like this place..." he said as he faced me. "...because you're Mexican or something."

My face froze and I didn't know what to think.

Listen I love Mexicans and all but how could he get my ethnicity wrong? Haven't I already told him that I was Colombian?

Do I correct him? No, if I correct him he'll be embarrassed. I've already made things awkward enough, I can't risk it.

"That's very thoughtful of you," I smile and look up at the name of the place.

La Cocina Dorada.

He shrugs with a smirk on his face. "Yeah, well, I put a lot of thought into the things that I do."

Seeing as I wasn't going to reply to that, he clears his throat and makes his way to the double doors, opening them to let me in first.

The moment we enter, I pull my jacket off and take in the surroundings. Multiple families sat at different tables while laughing and chattering loudly. The warm colours of the room made my eyes relax, and comfort took over the intense feeling in my body. I heard bits and pieces of Spanish sentences that made me feel at home.

Although he got my nationality wrong, he didn't fail to choose a good place to eat.

I should be giving him credit instead of being pissed at a simple, innocent mistake.

A beautiful waitress with her hair up in a bun came to greet us. "Holá!"

"Hey there," he winked at her with a smile. "Uh, I've got a reservation for Ethan," he continues in a a more questioning tone than a neutral one.

She nods and signs for us to follow her. Bringing us to a booth, she hands us menus once we settle inside. My eyes followed the papel picado decorations that were hanging from the ceiling. The multiple colours painted on the walls brought my intrigue and I stared at the portraits of iconic Mexican figures in the walls. Right next to us, Frida Kahlo dug her eyes deep into my soul.

"You picked a nice spot," I tell him.

He chuckles and thanks me.

I grab my menu and examine the options. Everything sounded so good but I already had something in mind.

"I'm taking Enchiladas," I blurt out.

He looks up at me from his menu and snorts. "Seems like you've got experience."

I raise my eyebrow in confusion.

Experience in what? Was he calling me fat?

I think he was just saying that because I'm Latina.

Probably.

I shake my head and ask him what he's taking.

The corners of his lips quirk up and he gives me a weak shrug. "I'll just stick to the basics: Tacos al pastor."

Soon after, the waitress came back to take our orders and left to the back of the restaurant.

The laughters in the place were thriving and little children's giggles echoed throughout.

I couldn't believe how I've never been here. Me and Cristian always used to go out together to try new things. I assumed we went to every possible place but I guessed not.

"You've got a nice smile, Ariana," he says, catching me off guard.

My gaze shifts to his eyes and the smile on face falters when I realize how I didn't feel anything after his statement.

"Thanks."

He squints his eyes at me, clearly trying to figure out if my sentence had a double meaning.

Man, was I selfish.

I was so self-centred I couldn't even thank him politely.

I clear my throat and try to ease the situation. "So," I begin. "Do you compete with others in boxing?"

I knew nothing about boxing. Hopefully he couldn't see through that.

He laughs at my question and scoots closer. "They're called tournaments."

"Sorry," my face heats up in embarrassment.

"I've been playing ever since I was small. My brother used to show me his skills when he beat me. I got jealous so I begged my parent to let me join boxing classes." He raises his arms and threw them behind the back of his head, leaning into the seat. "But now, times have changed. I'm the one who beats him up every time," he laughs.

Like he beat up Andrew.

Well that's what he said, at least.

I never got to know what happened between them. I've gotten bits and pieces about their history but never the full story.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about him, but I just wanted to know something about him. This one thing minimally.

He blabbed on about his passion without a thought, letting himself get carried away with his self-gloating. The food was set on our table and we began to eat while he kept going back and forth.

"People who keep asking for rematches piss me off the most. It's like: do they not learn the first time?" He laughs mockingly.

My eyes drift up in a split-second. "Are you talking about Andrew?"

He freezes while his eyes narrowed slowly at me. "How do you know?"

Shit, I forgot he didn't know I was the mascot at the festival.

"I just happened to hear from someone else-"

He cuts me off, impatient to spit out all the drama. "Yeah, I am." He crosses his arms. "He's a bitch who holds grudges against everyone," he continues, taking a bite of his taco.

I don't say a word and look down at my food. "...Remember when you told me that he has a history of cutting people off?" I ask hesitantly.

"What about it?" He furrows his eyebrows.

I mumble my words, hoping he doesn't hear them. "...What did you mean by that...?"

His green eyes examine mine profoundly and then there's a sudden change in the air. He sits up straight, seeming happy that I asked him such question.

"I'm glad you asked that," he smirks, finishing the rest of his taco and wiping his hands on his pants.

I fix my posture, getting myself ready for whatever was about to be said.

"Basically," he starts. "Me and Andrew used to be friends. Shocker, right?" He laughs, expecting one back from me.

I forgot to laugh and only realised it when he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Anyway, we used to be super close. We met back in middle school and had been inseparable ever since. We'd always hang around eachother to the point where people assumed we were brothers," He tells me. "That was back in high school by the way," he shifts closer. "We went to boxing practice together usually, but one day he didn't show up to school or to practice for like a whole month. When he got back, I was obviously excited to see him..." he stops, remembering the moment. "...but instead of sharing that excitement with me, he just stared at me as if I was the cause of all his problems. He looked like he wanted to kill me."

I frown, confused. "Why would he act like that?"

He breathed in. "That's what I asked him- You'd expect him to answer like a normal fucking human being but he started cursing at me."

My eyes widen. I was shocked but not too surprised because that's the way he is. For now at least. Perhaps he was different before.

"He brought up the things I told him about me and started attacking me for whatever reason," he continues, grabbing his third taco and taking a big bite out of it. "Verbally, I mean."

"Then what?" I lean in, intrigued.

"Well, I wash pished at him for frowing away a friendship of five years, so I told everyone about hish shecrets and shit," he shrugged and swallowed down his food. "One day, out of nowhere, he pulls up to practice for the first time in forever and starts beating me up for spreading rumours about him. I wasn't gonna stand back and let him beat the shit out of me, so I beat the shit out of him instead."

"So why does he hate you so much if he was the one who caused the problem?"

He scoffs mockingly. "That's the way that he is, Ariana. That's why I told you to back off from him."

I looked down at my half eaten plate.

Something was off. The story wasn't clicking together. Why would Andrew despise him that much if Ethan claims not to have done anything wrong.

"...But he's not like that. He's nice when you get to know him."

He rolls his eyes. "That's how he'll be in the beginning... And then, poof! He cuts you off out of nowhere," he exaggerates with his hands.

"But what happened between you guys was a long time ago, I'm sure he changed now."

He leans back into his seat once again, crossing his arms with a mocking smile on his face. "People don't change that easily, you know."

"That's not true. He cares a lot about-"

"Why are you talking to me about another man? Aren't you on a date with me?" He stares at me with furrowed eyebrows.

I clasp my lips shut and regret the conversation. "Sorry," I mumble.

I took it too far.

He's right, I shouldn't be thinking about another guy if I was going on this date with him. I did him dirty.

Shame washed over my face and I continued eating my food silently.

Suddenly, he continues blabbing about himself as if nothing had happened. The words went in one ear and out the other while my mind tried to make this whole thing make sense.

But it couldn't.

It didn't make sense to me why Andrew would do all of this. He was the type to curse at people but he wouldn't take it this far.

Oh, what do I know? Barely anything about him.

And he did the same thing to me, for all I care.

Ethan was a good guy. He was thoughtful and funny. Plus, he liked me. I should be giving him more credit. I should be liking him instead, paying him more attention. Something was not letting me do that.

The rest of the evening went by smoothly. Although most conversations were about him and him only, it was still a nice night.

The food was amazing and I was sure to tell my brother about this place- Obviously, without mentioning the fact that I went out with a boy.

The drive back home was quick and I asked him drop me off at Laurie's house because I didn't want my family to catch me. I didn't tell him that other part though. I told him to drop me off at her house because I left my car there.

Mind you, I don't own a car, nor a drivers license.

The car came to a stop next to the curb and we sat in silence. He took in a breath before beginning to speak. "It was nice going out with you," he says.

I smile back at him. "Yeah, it was fun. Thank you for this."

Then, something in his eyes shifted and his stare grew heavy. His eyes dug into mine as if to try and read my mind. They flickered to my lips and I started to feel uneasy. As he was leaning in slowly I subconsciously backed away at the same speed.

Was he going to kiss me?

It was too early, I didn't want to kiss him. I couldn't, not like this.

As a way to escape the problem, I swung the door open and hopped out. He followed behind me to the porch of the house. When we got to the doorstep I tried to brush off what happened by ignoring it completely.

"It was a nice evening, I appreciate you taking me out."

He slowly reached his hand up to my face and took a strand of my curls in between his fingers, playing with it for a second before sliding the strand over my ear.

"I hope we get to do this again..." he whispers, eyes digging at my lips.

"Me too," I say in a hurry. "I should head inside now," panic washed over me.

That same hand suddenly sets itself on my back discreetly, making the feeling intensely awkward and uncomfortable. My heartbeat sped up in panic.

I hated this.

I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this. I hated this.

I hated this.

I could feel his breath hit my face as he leaned in closer, inch by inch. The beats of my heart pounded into my chest.

He's going to kiss me.

I don't want to kiss him. I don't want him. I don't want it.

Tell him to stop.

No! I cant. It's not right to go on a date with someone, tell them how much fun you had, and then break their heart.

It's your right. You don't have to kiss him if you don't want to.

I have to. I can't break his heart. He's going to hate me. I hate being hated.

You shouldn't do something you don't want-

He leans closer, closing the distance a little more. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for everything to be over, my heart beating at a drastic rate, making my chest begin to hurt.

PUSH. HIM. AWAY.

PUSH HIM AWAY? NO, I CANT! I DONT KNOW HOW!

"If you don't want to kiss me, just say so," his words bring me out of my stance, eyes snapping open.

I stared at him with a blurry vision, trying to make out his picture.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. I'm just not ready," I apologize, lowering my head in shame.

"It's okay," his emerald eyes stare back at me in pain. "I don't blame you for not feeling the same way."

My lower lip quivered slightly and I let out a short breath. "I'll... I'll see you at school," I tell him before opening the door and shutting the door closed as soon as I get in.

Hearing the closing of the door, both Isabella and Laurie come to greet me with smiles and curious expressions on their faces.

My back leaned against the door while my chest heaved slightly as I tried to regain my composure.

"What happened?" Bella asks with worry.

I looked up at them with shame. A sniffle makes its way in my nose and I feel my eyes get wetter. "He tried... to kiss me..."

Laurie comes closer to me, wiping a faint tear off my cheek. "Isn't that what you wanted?" She asks in a whisper.

"No," I blurt out. "I don't like him. I never did."

Their faces dropped in disbelief. I didn't know if they were disappointed, angry or sad. I couldn't read their expressions. I wouldn't blame them for feeling that way. The person who caused all of this was me. My incompetence caused all of this.

"You mean to tell me you went on a date with a guy you don't even like?" Bella asks with wide eyes.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

"I know," my eyes drag to the floor. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Ariana-" Bella begins to speak before getting cut off.

"Let's bring you home," Laurie declares with a tone that makes my cousin shut her mouth.

Look what you did. You ruined everything. Now, everyone hates you.

That's not true. If my friends hated me they wouldn't have brought me home.

You said you were going to learn from your mistakes. You said you were going to be better. Why would you lie? Why would you make false promises?

Tears rolled down my face while I sat on the ground, knees up to my chest. The floor was cold, making me shiver every couple of seconds and my tears fell continuously.

Why couldn't I have just kissed him? I could've pretended at the very least. I had to own up to my mistakes.

Then again, I didn't want to kiss him. I couldn't just force myself to do something I didn't want to do.

What was going to happen now? How will my friends feel about me lying to them? How will Ethan feel about me leading him on?

Why was I like this? Why couldn't I be a normal human being and stand up for myself?

It's not fair how some can walk the earth without worrying about other people's perception of them.

It was around 11 at night and I was still in my dress, makeup splattered on my face. I didn't know if the amount of crying I had done ruined it.

I didn't really care.

My room was a mess, both from when I came back from college and turned it upside down looking for this dress and from just an hour ago when I threw my purse and its contents on the floor.

"I don't want to live like this..." I mumble to myself with a hiccup.

Looking up from the comfort of my knees, I stare at the wall in front of me, zoning out while my thoughts swirled in my head.

You did this. Own up to it. Stop acting like the victim. You knew it was wrong since the beginning. You should've-

A knocking sound makes it way on my window, catching my attention. I sniffle and get up from the ground, making my way over to it.

A black bird stared at me from the other side of the glass while it croaked.

With a frown, I tapped on the glass repeatedly to shoo him off. He flew away and I climbed on my bed, lying in a fetal position.

As soon as I closed my eyes just for a moment of rest, the same sound echoed.

I got up quickly and prepared myself to shoo the bird off once again. To my surprise, the bird wasn't there so I slid the window open to look outside for it.

I popped my head out the window in search when I noticed a figure standing in the snow, right under my window.

"Ariana," he said while the small rock in his hand dropped to the ground.