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49. Breaking The Cycle

"You remember what to do?" Matius asked nervously and Jayln rolled her eyes.

"Of course. But cast it quickly, I don't think I can stand another shocked recognition."

"Right." Matius opened the door.

Fenrin was curled on the floor. He glanced up but before he could talk, Matius chanted and waved his hand. Matius stretched his fingers out, connecting to Fenrin's mind once more but this time his other hand was locked on Jayln’s and they both found themselves in the black space of Fenrin's mind.

Jayln glanced around. "It really is dark," she muttered.

"What are you doing here?"

Jayln jumped as Fenrin leaned over her menacingly.

Matius pulled her next to him. "We're here to help. Niv has poisoned your mind. Help us mend the wound."

Fenrin flickered, his face pained as he hissed, "Niv has already taken everything. There's nothing left."

Jayln stepped forward. "Yes there is. Show us what you've kept safe."

"Nothing is safe." Fenrin frowned.

Jayln squeezed Matius's hand, signalling him and Matius reached forward, pulling at Fenrin. A sliver of light slithered out of him and Jayln caught it.

The darkness took shape. A cave instead of an abyss. A large metal cage swaying on the air. Inside a man, chained and beaten. Matius and Jayln carefully stepped forward, listening to his muttering.

"Have to stay awake. Have to stay awake," he repeated over and over, his eyes bloodshot.

"But, pet, there's so much you still have to show me." The voice was playful and Fenrin flinched. The chain rattled and rose, forcing him to his knees. Niv floated over, her fingers curling around his chin. "You have so much to give. I want to enjoy it before everything is gone."

Fenrin gasped and the mark on his forehead pulsed and shone. The cavern faded and a young boy ran down a warmly lit hallway.

"Careful, Master Fenrin," an old man, dressed formally chided and the boy slowed, sticking his tongue out when the man's back was turned. He rounded the corner, running into a girl and falling down. The girl shot him a look and he reached to help her up.

"Sorry, Ly."

His twin sister ignored his hand, standing on her own. She gave him a nasty smile. "Careful Fen. You don't pay attention tomorrow and I'll win for sure."

Young Fenrin stiffened. "That's not going to happen," he said coldly.

Jayln leaned over. "Do it now. His sister was always one of his demons." Matius cast the truth spell and they waited.

Lyra grew angry and she turned to go but then flickered and Niv appeared. She circled Fenrin and Lyra turned back, speaking with Niv's voice.

"Yes it will. I'll win and Father will take me with him. He'll forget about you and you'll rot here like I have for years. Happy birthday to me."

With a last angry look, Lyra ran off and Fenrin clenched his fists. Niv faded.

The scene crumbled and Fenrin hung in the cage, glazed eyed as Niv flickered from stolen Azir body to the lean, pale form of grown Lyra. A confident woman with dark leather armor and a long straight plait of pale hair. She circled the cage.

"There he is. Fenrin the dog. Always in a cage. First Father's, then mine. Tried to run, but oh no," she said with mock concern, "poor mutt’s trapped again. You should have just accepted your fate. Why not be my dog, like you were Father's? Everyone knows I'm the winner. I'm the one that got away, that succeeded. You never were smart enough to get out like I was. Now you're back where you belong. In a cage."

Fenrin struggled to get to his sister but was held back by the chains. His eyes full of rage and hatred. Niv smiled, breathing deep.

"How do we fix this?" Matius asked and Jayln bit her lip.

"She's feeding off the hatred he has for his sister. We need to counter it."

"Counter hatred? With what? Love?"

Jayln squeezed his hand again. "That's it. I can get us there, be ready."

She took their clasped hands and put it to her own forehead. Matius concentrated and a memory flickered about in the corner. He blew it over, and Jayln grabbed it.

"— murdered in her sleep I hope?"

The crying Jayln answered, "She died peacefully in her sleep."

"Shame. There's nothing quite like coming home to find your mother hacked to pieces. It really stirs the blood."

Jayln cocked her head. "Is that what happened? To your mother?"

Fenrin flinched and Matius lunged, catching the edge of a new memory.

A night, a campfire crackling low in the still warm, fall air. A beautiful woman in a blue cloak hums as she stroked the hair of the boy half asleep on her lap.

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The boy shifted and stared up at the sky. "You should be sleeping," the woman murmured.

"Stars are too bright. They keep me up," the boy said with a mischievous grin.

The woman shifted, moving the little boy so he is resting on her shoulder. "Hush. We have a lot of walking to do tomorrow."

The boy wiggled and the woman turned, pulling herself into a bedroll as the boy snuggled next to her. She kissed his messy hair. "I love you, little Fen."

"I love you too." He closed his eyes, little fist full of his mother's cloak.

Jayln turned and saw the other Fenrin watching, expression confused. "Matius, look."

Matius turned towards the other Fenrin and muttered a spell. Soft blue emotion gathered around and Matius blew gently so it gathered around older Fenrin.

"What..." he muttered, reaching out to touch the soft blue cloud. He winced and Matius held Jayln up as she stumbled when the memory shifted suddenly.

Fenrin, older and dressed for a fight crashes through the door. His eyes immediately falling to the body on the floor, hands folded over the stab wound on her chest.

"Mother!" He fell to the ground stroking her hair.

Niv flickers into view.

“You didn't protect her. She died because you were weak.”

"No wonder he's in a loop," Matius said. "Everytime he finds a peaceful memory she has no problem twisting it away from him. Better to feel nothing, remember nothing."

"So, do we keep deflecting back to better memories," Jayln asked.

Matius shook his head. "No, from what you and Niv have said, Fenrin has more tragic memories than happy. Besides I can't say I'm up to trying to out-maneuver Niv. We need to break the cycle. She's not around anymore to instigate the shifts. This is his memory of her damage."

Matius waved a hand and Niv vanished. "She's not really here." The memory faded and they were back to the black void. "The cycle is over, Fenrin just doesn't know it."

The man in question was hugging his chest. Jayln whispered, "You said his true form was two faced? So how do we make it just one?"

"Convince him this isn't real?"

Jayln snorted. "I had to convince you it wasn't real. I don't think he'll believe it. I think the problem is that he's given up hope. He's a master survivalist, but he needs not to survive but to escape."

She stepped towards Fenrin, Matius following, their hands still clasped. "Let me try something."

As they approached, Fenrin crouched, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "No more. No more. They shouldn't be here. I got rid of them," he muttered.

Jayln knelt down. "It's okay. You did it. She can't touch them anymore."

He looked at her, scanning her face suspiciously. "Then why are you here?"

"Because you brought us here."

Matius squeezed her hand. What are you doing? Jayln ignored him, continuing, "It's not enough is it? You're still hurting."

Fenrin lifted his hands from his chest, they were wet with blood. His eyes flickered with fear. "They won't stop bleeding."

Jayln reached out and Ferin sat down. Eight gaping stab wounds were on his chest, blood poured from them, intestines poking through. Jayln tried not to vomit. She touched his chest, resting her hand on above his heart.

"You've got to fix this. What do you want me to do? Focus and tell me."

Fenrin stared at her and the blood stopped. "I know you," he said slowly.

"Why am I here?" Jayln asked, turning the question to Fenrin to answer.

“Tell me, what is your goal? What do you want to do?”

Echoes of Jayln's voice filled the void.

“I've decided to trust you. I'm not ready to give up, are you?”

"Jayln..." Fenrin said and she nodded.

“And what makes you happy, Fenrin?”

Fenrin looked up as Jayln appeared in the familiar chair from when they'd first met.

"And what makes you happy?"

Fenrin turned to the memory. "Winning," he mouthed with the memory.

That Jayln frowned, "That's...not a lot."

"And..." Fenrin reached out, the memory of Jayln disappearing, leaving behind a golden glow. "And freedom."

"And?" Jayln urged.

Fenrin closed his eyes, "And a cool breeze on a hot day. The smell of the forest after it rains. And keeping a promise."

He opened his eyes.

The golden glow grew brighter and brighter. Fenrin looked at Jayln, scared. He reached out and grabbed her hand and she held it tight. "What do you want me to do, Fenrin?"

"I want it to end, I want to get out," he said, his voice filled with pain and anguish.

"Then let's go." She pulled him up. "Where to?"

Fenrin gave a sideways glance at the pulsing golden glow. "But what if I'm wrong? What if this is the safer place."

Matius stepped toward the glow. "You can stay here in the dark, or you can take a chance. Whatever you do, we're here with you. What do you want?"

Fenrin set his jaw. "I want to get out."

He stepped forward, and linked together the three stepped into the glow...and onto a battlefield.

Fenrin released Jayln's hand, drawing his sword. A faceless opponent raised a blade and soon the two were dueling. People screamed and there was a massive dark ocean. All around memories flitted and flickered. Jayln turned to Matius who nodded grimly.

"This is more like it. This is more of what Yu'jana's mind was like. You did it, you got him to break the loop. He can face his memories now and I can start purging Niv's influence."

Matius stumbled and Jayln grabbed his other arm. "Oh, sorry. I think we may have to leave now. I don't know how much longer I can keep us both here."

Jayln glanced at Fenrin who was traipsing across the battlefield. "Let's go. We'll come back when you're rested."

In a flash they were back in the tower, Matius stumbled back and Jayln let go of his hand. Fenrin used the bars to hold himself up.

"What the..." His eyes narrowed, "What did you do to me? Who are you?"

Matius gave him a tired smile. "Name's Matius, you might have a nasty memory of me floating around in that head of yours but it’s not real. Niv did a number on you and I'm going to help you sort it out. You've a tough mind there and you've worn me down but I'll be back tomorrow, promise."

Fenrin frowned and caught sight of Jayln.

"Jayln?" He flinched.

"Yes, it's me. Look I know you're hurt and it's going to be hard to try to fix everything that's happened but I know you'll make it through this. Try to get some rest and eat something. We'll be back soon."

"But I..." Fenrin started but clutched his forehead, voice growing distressed.

"Easy there," Matius warned. "Best you try not to think too hard. Maybe I ought to..."

He turned to Jayln and she bit her lip. "Fenrin?" He looked up pained. "Matius can help you sleep, but I want to know that you're okay with that. I promise nothing will happen to you, Niv is gone, there's no one to hurt you."

His eyes were panicked but he met Jayln's. Recognition, confusion, fear, despite all of it, he nodded and Matius waved a hand. Fenrin slumped over, asleep.