Okay, you’ll open the door, and mom will try to get to you instantly. You can get through that, right? You’ve just got home from Krakow, and she’ll be excited to see you, bare with it.

I breathed out, pressing the door open with a slow drawn out creak from its hinges.

“Hellooo? Who is it?”

Mother's voice rang out throughout the home, the sound of pots and boiling water clattering as she must have been preparing dinner. The smell of grilled meat, coupled with garlic and some form of herb, wafted around my nose, making me feel at my stomach.

Dinner first, definitely dinner.

“I'm home!”

I called out, and much to my surprise, it was Callum who rounded the corner.

“Holy shit, that was early.”

“Callum?”

I looked across the room at the grandfather clock. It was getting late, but usually, he was still out until five or later. To be home just before four was a near miracle.

“Kiyomi?! Welcome home deaaar!”

Hatsumi turned the corner at breakneck speed, using Callum's shoulder as a purchase point as she pivoted and launched herself at me.

“Wait, ma–ooof- tender! Tender! C'mooon.”

Mother damn near lifted me, the bag dropping from my grip, and the only thing keeping me grounded was the added weight of my buckler, still strapped around my left forearm.

“Oh?”

She let me down, looking my over as I grumbled, massaging my chest from the soreness still left behind.

“No wrap– forget it, we'll discuss it later. I'm just glad to see you home and unharmed.”

She pulled me in once more, much more gentle in her second approach, as even her tail seemed to scoop at the back of my calves.

“Having you gone for a whole month had us missing you more than we'd assumed.”

Her words were soft, and floated as if she were in the best mood of her life. It was strange, though, given her smile was betrayed by concerned eyes as she pulled away.

“Set your things in your room, dinner is almost ready so we'll be eating soon. You must tell us how it went.”

Best to do as I thought, too.

I reached down to fetch the pack, only to notice the diary and the folder nearly spilled from its open top. I froze a moment, glimpsing at mother and Callum just as she whispered something into his ear.

She didn't see the book, did she?

I slid the book and folder back into place, slinging the pack over my shoulder as I bound for the room.

Close, that one was close.

The door to my room swung open, the smell of collected dust, and the furs, soaps, and candles mother tossed inside permeated it to make it semi bearable. Opening the door to the balcony, I was greeted by the flow of fresh air, and the new clarity of mind I needed before joining them for our first meal together in some time.

And here I am, home, finally.

I unclipped the sword belts, the buckler, and tossed the pack aside. I let everything fall away, save the bodysuit, pants, and boots.

We survived the Krakow phase, and now we're home for real. Not hers, mine, and I can be at peace with that… For however long that is.

I dropped the face I'd felt sure of enough to seem held together, and let the waves of exhaustion hit me once more as I fell to my knees. Leaning against my bed, I buried my face into the comforters, and yelled.

What is it you want this for?! From these memories, you never seemed to want anything bad for her! For me? It’s so hard to tell now…

I squeezed at the comforter as I balled my fists into it, battling another spiral of confusion before wrapping my hands in the cool, soft, cotton and wool.

I hate you, you bitch!

I was clenching my teeth, damn near unsure if they'd crack under duress at this point.

‘This is your life, no one else's.’

I could feel my glare burning holes through my eyelids from the anger I felt rising, coupled with Lorn's pitiful display that made me roll over in my singular attempt to protest what was hidden from me. And for all it mattered, with what I was told, and with what I was forced to accept– I actually felt hopeless. I needed an outlet, now. Because the one I'd used for years, the one I'd focused my whole being on; ‘setting up Kiyomi's life’, was now thrown in my face. It was now ‘setting up my life’, a life that I didn't want to take.

‘You did not want to die, is that not what you begged for?’

I pulled my head from the sheets, breathing deeply as I tried to calm myself. Krakow was a job unfinished, and having Michal accompany our return was enough to stave off the ramping feeling of being lost, and the hopelessness that was to follow with it. All that, however, was over. I was back at the staging area, with not a thing in the world to be done.

What do you mean I didn't want to die?

I turned around, slumping against the bed as I let my feet slide against the floor. I needed a true moment of peace to secure myself, and this was the moment I had to do it. I didn't want to draw the concern of mother, as much as she outwardly acknowledged it as a fault of my personality.

If I recall my own thoughts, my last memory.

I buried the heel of my palm into my forehead, my bangs curtaining around my wrist. I exhaled, slowly drawing in breath, then releasing once more.

My last memory was barely taking the step to become ‘human’ again. Trying to reach out and connect. That war, it took everything. It left me a husk. The last time I begged for my own life, that was where I think I should have died to begin with. France. Dijon. It should have been there.

This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

I dropped my arm, tilting My gaze to my bag, the red spine of the diary visible through its opening.

What am I supposed to think of these memories? Of the ‘continuity?’ What is it you want past that, Solah? For fuck sake, I can't believe that spite you showed was real. No way.

I shook my head.

But…

And then sneered, kicking at my pack, sending it sliding across the room and under the wardrobe at its far wall. I thought past myself, at Mother and Callum in the next room, at the ridiculousness of all this. This was somehow my life now? What was the next step? I never thought that far, and it was showing, even through the battled emotions I could barely understand.

Square one… square one… what should we do next?

I tapped the floorboards.

Michal needs to get used to this life, we've got that grounded well enough. A stalker hunt will be good for us, and it will clear one of our tags for the year.

I ground my teeth together again.

But the hunt feels– inadequate? For me? I want to let loose, just for now. I need something that I can let my tantrum out on. And I can't do that with anyone present.

The dying light bulb in my head managed to flicker somewhat.

There we go, next plan… that's what I can look forward to. A Stalker kill… to myself, I– holy fuck. That wording makes me sound like some psychopath. Step back… a stalker, that I can clear, myself.

I stood, straightening myself to head back out for dinner and to spend time with the family rather than wallowing in pity like I tried before.

That's your next focus, kill a Stalker, by yourself. Let the rage out, and be done with it. Let yourself be the one you play, not her… Or is my distinction skewed? For now, though? You haven't seen your mama or uncle in a month! Go enjoy your time with them! You always do, don't you?

I mustered the best forced smile I could manage.

They're not hers, they are your family. Your family. Yours. Noone else's. And you can love them, because they love you. You're not alone. Not alone in this… Alone… I'm not… I'm not alone… Then why does pushing away everything she loves- loved, hurt… so much?

----------------------------------------

“Hey mom, sorry we were stuck in Krakow as long as we were.”

I peeked around the doorway to the kitchen, a tunic and fresh pants keeping me from stinking the place past any reasonable level. I needed to bathe, but fresh clothes did some work towards saving that event for a free hot meal.

“We’ve got a new one ready for you to try out. Spicy river crawler, with peppers and rice.”

Mother hefted a pot, bringing it to the table that Callum sat at, as he patiently waited and carved at a small piece of wood.

“Good luck, shit had me married to a toilet for three days. Hmph.”

Callum huffed, tossing the carved piece of wood onto the countertop.

“It’s good but damn.”

He straightened himself, getting close to the table.

“How was Krakow? Those other two stay out of trouble?”

Callum asked with a raised brow.

“I’m waiting, c’mon, tell me, I’ve been dying.”

Can’t let the protective father aura fall, can you?

“Callum, calm down, I’m sure the trip went fiiine. How many marks did you manage to land?”

Hatsumi had to stifle a laugh as she flicked her hand towel at Callum’s shoulder. As usual, her nature as ‘supporting mother’ came through with something to help, as much as she may have known or not.

“We pulled in an alright haul, a few hangman trees, a Viper vine, and one of those puppeteering tree trunks.”

I shuddered a bit, remembering the wolf-in-sheeps clothing. As invulnerable as I ended up being to them after the first one we took down, it wasn't fun, anticipating a virtual skinwalker just popping up out of the ground at any moment. Mother raised a brow.

“You say that like you’d skip on the mark if you saw one.”

“Tch, I will from now on.”

I pulled a chair for myself aside, dropping into it.

“Thing popped out the ground and scared the daylights out of me. Thankfully, mana-break made it a walk in the park. The things can’t very well get a hold of me with their tendrils, so it was just walking up and tearing the mollusk thing from its hidey-hole.”

Mother nodded, placing scoops of the meal into bowls already in front of us.

“Popped out of the ground? I'm surprised you'd see one of those around closer to the cities. You informed the guild, aye?”

I shook my head, setting my elbows on the table and bringing my head down. My words were muffled, but not to the point they couldn't hear.

“Didn't have to, managed to burn it with my sword while it had me locked in its grip.”

I shook the hand I burned while doing so.

“Hurt like hell though, and Beryl gave me one heck of a talking to after.”

“Language, Kiyomi.”

“Sorry, mama.”

I brought my head back up, leaning into the wooden backrest.

“How about Krakow? Aethelwulf asked about you, he hadn't realized you'd be gone so long after your last conversation. You went to the temple there like he told you, yes?”

I froze, the seizure, the days of my brain scrambled like some struggling psych patient, and the meeting with Janusz, all as fresh as if they just occurred. Mother and Callum both looked back and forth, each of them shuffling awkwardly at my reaction. Mother seemed to rub her already dry hands into her cloth, while Callum placed his hands in his lap.

“Kiyomi.”

Mother straightened her posture for a second.

“Mom, I’m fine. Krakow went smooth, enough said of it on that front.”

I dropped my head back over the rest.

“We may have also gotten another party member.”

The table went silent as she took her seat.

“Another party member? That’s unexpected.”

I nodded as I looked at the ceiling.

“A priest from the temple of Solah there, Michal is his name.”

“His name? Michal?”

Callum leaned against the table as I looked back down, prodding a fork at his food.

“I have to meet this guy.”

Callum looked down at his bowl.

“Whatever ‘dad’, just— I wasn’t ecstatic about it, but Vaughn and Beryl both agreed we needed another healer. So my hands are tied on that one.”

“Tch, another for me to—“

A loud thump could be heard from under the table, and Callum seemed to change colors for a moment before exhaling sharply.

The hell is that about?

“You can meet them tomorrow dear, right, sweetie?”

I nodded, picking up my own fork as I idly prodded at my meal. I wasn’t hungry for some odd reason, but still, a hot meal was welcome over camp food all the same as before.

“Kiyomi, there’s something we wanted to—“

I looked up from the meal, the two looking to each other one more time before Callum continued. Mother shook her head and Callum relented with a sigh.

“I wanted to tell you about ah— right, the focus, for Beryl! It’s almost done. Should be done just in time for her birthday, wanna see it sometime?”

I smirked.

There was that, can’t wait to see the look on Beryl’s face when we give her that.

“Sure, but I’m taking the new guy on a stalker hunt tomorrow evening with Vaughn and Beryl.”

Mother began with her own meal, speaking before shoveling a fork full into her mouth.

“Already? You only just got back.”

She looked disappointed at seeing me gone so soon was an actual loss for her.

“It’s not like we can hang out, mom, the keep has you under its thumb with your work, right?”

I prodded at my food. Still not taking a bite.

It’s not like I can stand being with empty hands, either. I need something to focus on, and something to let loose with. How fast can I take a stalker down without Vaughn or Beryl there? Can they use mana— no, wait, they can’t use mana break.

“Right, yes… actually.”

She seemed dejected.

“I don’t, I have the next few days away from work.”

She took another idle bite, and her prying eyes signaled for me to actually take a bite of the dinner myself before I garnered her suspicion that something was wrong. I took my bite, swallowing before continuing.

“I could take some time at home to practice with that guitar I bought.”

We shared a smirk over the suggestion, mother taking another bite soon after.

“That would be nice, I think Stannis used to play an instrument, right, Cal?”

Cal?

Callum nodded to the side, continuing with his meal as he looked up at each of us. He smirked, then chuckled.

“If you call torturing everyone around you with horse hairs playing music? Yeah, he played.”

“I’ll check with the guy I bought it from when I get back for some tips.”

“Guy?”

Jesus h Christ, Cal!

I rolled my eyes.

“Still with this, jeeze, I’m not ‘interested in boys’ right now.”

I've no clue how to handle that emotional baggage yet. I know Kiyomi feels something, because it makes me feel awkward as all hell. Being very much conscious of Callums reasoning helps matters none with the fact I know Vaughn and Beryls natural dispositions as well.

I had to pull the air quotes with Callum, showing that I knew his emphasis very well with each and every guy I seemed to encounter.

Still don’t get his problem with Beryl, though. Trying to seem impartial with Vaughn— cut the thought from your mind, fuck!

“I think I’m full.”

I said with a sigh, only having a few bites to begin with.

“Can I get ready for bed?”

I looked to mother, who raised a brow.

“It’s barely past sundown.”

I nodded.

“Just wanting to get ahead of it.”

I said with a shrug.

“You’re excused.”

She said meekly.

Cover broken, she knows something is up.

Part of me wanted to say something, to ask if she knew about my past, but same as Lorn, I felt beaten down from my original need to confront her.

“G’night.”