Holy hell, Vaughn, when did your balls drop like that?!

“Lord Janusz, what is it you are so set on that you need to speak with me alone?”

I stood, placing my hand on Vaughn's shoulder in a vague hope that he’d remain standing next to me.

“You knowing of my presence is a violation of trust between Brenton and Krakow. You cannot expect to draw out my stay for whatever gain you may see. You won’t get it. Regardless of what you know of me, and what you seek, I can do nothing to change either the outcome of reality, for Damus, or myself as it stands.”

I exhaled, preparing myself to speak of a subject I could barely tolerate within my mind. It was the fastest way to ensure the subject was shut down and we could go home without turning the entire visit to Krakow sideways

It took everything in me to maintain my posture as my stomach turned itself over as I gave myself to the mind is spent the week holding at bay.

“I will speak plainly. The fact of my heritage was not known to anyone outside what I imagine to be a select circle of confidants. Whoever it was that decided to divulge this fact, did so without the knowledge that even I only just recently came to accept these facts. I won’t draw this out with bullshit, no noble, floral twist to my words. I may as well be of common blood with what little I can sway from here. If I hold influence anywhere, it is in Brenton, not in the greater Damus, nor with my motherland.”

I was matter-of-fact about my words, speaking as plainly as I could manage and struggling against the memories and experiences as they directed me. I had to hang onto myself if I wanted to end this without any more issues. I sighed, the tingle of adrenaline numbing the feeling in my palms. Lord Janusz did so as well, straightening himself.

“Well, knowing who you are, and as you so eloquently brushed my efforts aside to bring your presence to light. At the mention of lead pipes, you seemed vehement of the fact, and I saw the facade drop in most ways but your vocabulary. Pardon my change of subject; why the intrusion on the lead pipes? Why the concern for a people not your own?”

He seemed unsure of me as much I was of him. After so solidly being put down in his efforts, he expressed his lingering curiosity about my singular ‘outburst’ of opinion, granted he asked my perspective from the start.

“Because what I said was true. I don’t care for the needless harm of innocent people, be it from ignorance or deliberate action.”

I felt myself holding my chin higher than usual.

“I know the things I stated as fact, not as opinions or hearsay.”

He tapped the table, looking at his finger as he did.

“And your experience? In Va’ren?”

I shook my head.

“Elsewhere, you will simply have to take me at my word… And if I may speak out of turn within your home once more?”

Vaughn looked back to me over his shoulder as if I was crazy. Janusz entertained my words though, gesturing for me to continue.

“Regardless of the cause, the man you condemned to be your ‘canary in the coal mine.’ He will die a death I wouldn't be of greatest conscience influencing. It is out of turn, being some foreign meddler in this matter, but I would appreciate my conscience being free of a torturous death…”

His eyes peered up at me, his head unmoving.

“Would you carry the same compassion, knowing this man will either be a murderer or a rapist?”

I cringed to myself momentarily.

“I suppose his death was declared through some sort of judicial means, Lord Janusz?”

He nodded.

“Then I’d prefer, as the same foreign meddler, that my own influence does not skew Krakow’s own sense of Justice in this specific matter. Can you empathize with that?”

He simmered on the words, remaining silent.

“I do, you being half my age at the least, I can empathize with the misplaced compassion.”

Misplaced, fuck off.

He continued to tap.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“I will waylay the course of action, leave him to his predetermined fate. The end result will be the same.”

He looked up, breathing deeply.

“Lady Kiyomi, I know much about you. You say you do not hold sway, but believe me, that will change. You’re talked highly of in Brenton, even if from the position of a commoner. You’re deified in your homeland by your mothers people. That ignored, even at a state level, more men than you can imagine have their ears to every speck of wood, soil, and stone. Every asset is considered with the coming turmoil, even you. You may not realize this, but a lonely orphan welp, with the right name, can polarize even the most timid of serf. Now bring to thought one that holds what you carry everyday.”

The weight of Janusz’s words crashed upon us, but more so upon Vaughn. He was smart, and Janusz’s words did little to starve the attuned imagination of every clue as to what kind of noble blood I wielded. Vaughn seemed to hold himself together, but his wavering was clear enough for Janusz and myself to both observe. The noblemen waved a hand.

“I am rambling… For now, I bid you safe travels. I doubt you will leave Damus any time soon, we will have later opportunities to parlay. Do have a safe trip home.”

Vaughn grabbed me by my elbow at Janusz’s words, damned near running with me in tow. I could see the sweat on his brow as we made our way out, and unfortunately, upon exiting the guild, it seemed both of us were of body and mind to void our stomachs for the same reason.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That was closer than I could have cared.”

Jozef exclaimed, nearly collapsing on the couch. Vaughn and myself trailed behind, and everyone in the room seemed curious of how the encounter played out. Jozef himself also perked up, hopeful for some kind of update to how the meeting went. I was worn out, however, even with the pang in my stomach to replace the food I’d eaten barely an hour earlier. I ran up stairs, passed Vaughn, and passed Beryl. I slammed the door and locked it, louder than I would have liked, but I was on the verge of collapsing amidst the mental turmoil. Fully registering the events, the conversation with Janusz, and with Vaughn, how much he suddenly knew about me, and hearing that he understood far more than I anticipated. If he knew that much alone, then how much did Beryl know? How much did Lorn know? Callum? Mother? Stannis? I thought they all knew vaguely, that I—Kiyomi may have been high born. But the fact Janusz, and Jozef, that they knew more, that, while possibly a bluff, they knew of my true name, and if they knew that—

Has everyone been hiding it from me? Have they all known? If so, how much more do they know?

I slinked down, sliding against the wall as I did. Just like I did in the bathroom, the rush of all the worry and anxiety came back. The room was my haven, my small bite of the world where I could feel safe right now. Where I could let my mind fall apart in peace, away from the face of hiding the turmoil from Beryl or Vaughn.

All of them, I’m here trying to figure this out. To salvage what I can for her, destroying myself for it. But they just guide me along. Beryl and Vaughn? I can’t blame them. I could never bring myself to blame them, but mother? Lorn? Everyone that’s taught me my entire life here so far. None of them mentioned how much they knew, and I sure as shit doubt Janusz discovered what he knows in a void.

I pulled my legs to my chest, holding them as I tried my best to keep steady.

How much do they know?! Vaughn spoke like he knew more than I ever let on!

I clenched my teeth.

Don’t be stupid, they’re smart, and they’ve seen that status update for two years now! There’s no way they wouldn’t have looked into it—

A knock at the door, then silence for a second. It was faint, but I could hear beryl’s body shifting over the wooden floorboards, and Vaughns feet left slight shadows underneath the door.

“Kiyomi?”

It was Vaughn’s voice, not Beryl moving out of her ‘mom mode’ concern.

“Listen, Kiyomi, I—“

“How much did you know?”

I found myself feeling angry for some reason, at myself, for withholding the fact, and from being kept in the dark. At everyone except these two, i could only fault myself for them being here in the moment. I don’t deserve to speak to them as if they’re somehow at fault.

“Kiyomi, we—“

“How. Much, Vaughn? And when?”

…

Another break of silence. Not a word could be heard from the other side of the door.

“We’ve known since we chose our classes... We were told everything there was to know.”

From who?! Who told you?!

“How?”

“Kiyomi, we—“

Beryl spoke up.

“I asked, how?”

Another pause.

“Lorn told us, and asked if we understood what it meant, that we were retainers. Kiyomi, we didn’t know that you—“

“Bullshit, you didn’t know.”

Another pause, Beryl speaking next.

“Can you atleast speak to us about it? About what happened? Kiyomi, there doesn't seem like there’s a better time, you keep yourself so walled off about it.”

I continued to grit my teeth.

“No, I’m not ready.”

My voice fell off to a whisper.

“I don’t think I ever will.”

This isnt your life to suddenly turn around and throw away. You push them away, and what will she get. Can you even push anyone away yourself? You have those feelings, those emotions, welling up. All the same thoughts and hopes, the same fears, the same sense of rightness.

I hugged my legs even tighter to my chest.

I don’t want to be here right now, not with them, not with anyone. I can’t—

“Kiyomi, if you won’t open the door, then we will. Beryl, can you get Jagoda with her keys?”

Shit!

“No, Beryl, I want to be alone right now! Can’t you let me just have this?!”

“I’m getting them right now, Kiyomi, you need someone for this. We can’t just watch you beat yourself up anymore.”

Beryl’s slithering once more echoed over the boards.

Fuck! Just leave me be! Think, is there anything—

I stared out the window.

The ventilation shaft.

I stood, stripping myself of all the clothes I’d been forced to wear for the day.

“C’mon, c’mon- shit!”

I stumbled across the floor, falling to my side as I pulled my legs free of the skirt while forgetting my boots. I fumbled with the belt, pulling my legs free and kicking the boots off as fast as I could. I could just barely here the muffled conversation down stairs.

“Fuck, where are they?”

“Kiyomi, what are you doing?”

Vaughn sounded worried through the door, the wooden frame clunking as he leaned against it to hear.

Don’t answer him, don’t, don’t let them convince you. The minute you break down, your sense of self—

I nearly wanted to stop everything I was doing, but this idea that I could somehow lie to them, that my mask of strength would crack all too easily if they pressured me now. I grabbed my bodysuit and trousers, the clothes coming on far quicker than I took to undress. I could hear Beryl’s tail across the boards downstairs, then the stairs themselves.

Faster.

I grabbed my belts, feeding them around my waist and synching them tight, and Wyrmstooth, latching the sword to the mounting rings. I slid on my boots, then swung the window open.

C’mon, there has to be a way out of here. Think!

I looked around every which way, the only thing i could see as a means of escape against the sheer rock wall being the open window to the study below.

Oh shit— shit shit shit!

Kiyomi’s fear of heights hit in full force as I hesitated.

Fuck it, we know we can survive being thrown. If our body can handle impacts that would kill a man, what’s to say we can’t survive the fall.

“Kiyomi, we’re coming in now!”

The door latch was clicking as Beryl fumbled with the keys.

“Damnit, it was this one I thought?”

Now or never!

I grabbed the window sill, clenching onto it for dear life as I lowered my feet out the window, the swung with all the momentum I could manage. Air rushed past as I fell, just barely landing inside the window of the study, my legs thudding against the desk.

“Ah, fuck!”

I’d landed on my tail.

“Shit, always fuckin hurts—“

I stumbled forward, the rolling chair to the desk rolling and clattering to the ground. I yanked open the door as fast as I could, Beryl and Vaughn realizing what I’d done with a clattering of footsteps and the brushing of wood.

“Kiyomi, wait!”

Vaughn called out.

Run, as fast as you can!

The house wasn’t packed by any means, and all it took was me running past Jozef and the others one last time. And with my escape, I could be with myself.