J'VANN

It was evening by the time they walked out of the nondescript building and onto the streets of the city. It was strange to be drawing people's stares again, after the village had gotten so used to them over the days spent fighting the bandits. In reality they weren't drawing nearly as much attention as the had in the village at first. Obvious outsiders were less of a rarity in the city, and even the scales on J'vann's face weren't too unusual, but after going unremarked for so long the attention was odd.

“Well,” Andry said. “I was wondering whether or not I should go with you guys...I guess I don't have a choice, do I?”

“I kind of expected you to go,” Aurina smiled. “We'll have to call dad, when we get a chance. Tell him before you leave. Although I think he's expecting it.”

“I knew he was going to go too!” Rimni said. “I mean he used to be a coward, but I guess he's alright now. I mean he did help us beat the bandits.”

“Stop talking about me like I'm not here, runt!” Andry growled, but the corners of his lips were curling up in a smile.

“Alright I'm gonna call it,” Verro said, slapping the palms of his hands sharply together. “Our first mission as an order of knights? Big success.”

“Moderate success,” Sasha countered. “I mean we got pretty beaten up.”

“And we almost destroyed the planet,” Tyram added.

“But we didn't,” Fann pointed out. “Don't discount luck. Or maybe J'vann was calling down a little heavenly interference.”

“And we did beat the bandits,” Verro said. “I mean alright it was a tough fight, but we're new at this. We'll get better. I know it was my first large scale battle.”

“You have been in smaller battles before?” J'vann asked.

“Well yeah,” Verro said. “Didn't I tell anybody? I fought in the rebellion.”

“There's a lot of rebellions,” Rimni pointed out. “Especially since the Ruin Wars, if you believe the old folks.”

“The one on Aljana,” Verro rolled his eagle eyes. “I never told anybody I was from Aljana?”

“You did not,” J'vann said. “But it fits with a theory I've had.”

“I suppose there's nothing left to do but rest until our departure tomorrow evening,” Sasha said.

“Don't be silly!” Fann said. “Are you crazy? We can't do that!”

“Why not?” Sasha asked. “I thought we had all agreed leaving was the best thing...”

“He means the resting part!” Verro said. “We're here in a strange city--”

“Well it's only kind of a city,” Fann said a little disparagingly.

“It's a city,” Verro said. “But alright a strange place then, and we've only got one more night to go experience it before we have to leave! And we're boarding tomorrow evening, so if we go and get incredibly hung over we can sleep it off in the morning!”

“I'm not used to cities,” Sasha said.

“No of course not,” Fann nodded sagely. “You wouldn't get to see much through the bars of your kennel—ow!”

“On Shaad the clans keep mostly to the forests,” she continued, not even acknowledging the blow she'd delivered to the back of Fann's head, “and our living places are often very spread out. We do not generally cluster close to each other. The closest we have is Wyldynsmute, the great meetingplace. We gather there, but no one stays for very long. The permanent residents are all elders or outworlders.”

“I kind of know what you mean!” Aurina said. “I've never even been out of the village before! Well, not since I was too young to remember. But isn't it interesting here?”

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

“I suppose so,” Sasha said doubtfully.

“What about you? Aurina asked, stepping into Tyram's line of view. “You're being really quiet.”

“I've just been...thinking,” Tyram said. “I don't know if I'm coming with you guys.”

“What?” Verro said. “But we all said--”

“Oh I'll leave the planet,” Tyram said. “Of course I will, I won't put all these people at risk again. But after that battle I've been thinking...I dunno. I might not be up to this.”

“What do you mean?” Rimni said. “You're strong! You're really really strong!”

“Yeah I'd say you're one of the toughest guys here!” Fann put in. “You'd be the toughest if I wasn't--”

“Fann,” J'vann said. “Now is not the time for jokes, especially if you do not understand the problem.”

“Why don't you look surprised?” Fann asked suspiciously.

“Because I have been expecting this,” J'vann said. “You said “might” and “don't know.” So you have not decided yet?”

“No,” Tyram said. “Not yet.”

“We will be here when you are ready to talk,” J'vann said serenely.

“Well I won't!” Andry barked, grabbing Tyram by the collar. “What the hell are you talking about now? You're the one who dragged me into this, remember? And now you want to give up?”

“And what if I'm really not cut out for this?” Tyram shot back, shoving off Andry's hands. “It'll just put all of you in danger! Shouldn't I figure that out before I go tearing off into space with all of you?”

“No we kind of get that part,” Sasha said. “What we don't get is where this is coming from.”

“Yeah,” Verro said. “We're all knew at this, man. And you took down Jalgoz! You got the big bad guy! In a one on one fight!”

“I know,” Tyram said, his voice a little horse. “I know I did. Look, I just...I need some time to myself to think, alright? Let me go sort out my head. I'll be back in time to catch the shuttle, don't worry.”

“Do what you need to do,” J'vann said. “We will be here.”

The others watched Tyram turn away and walk listlessly into the crowd.

“No,” Andry said. “You know what? Screw this. I'll catch up with you guys later too.”

“Where are you going now?” Aurina asked.

“I'm going to punch him in the face until he makes sense!” Andry called back, disappearing into the crowd just like Tyram had before him. The group stared after them both in silence.

“Does uh,” Fann scratched his head. “Does anyone have any idea what the heck just happened there?”

“I don't get it!” Rimni said. “Why would anyone not want to be a knight if they could be? They're not making any sense!”

“They make sense to somebody,” Verro eyed J'vann. “You said you were expecting this.”

“I have been,” the Verdant Knight said. “It seems none of you have realized it yet. It has been eating at both of them, each in their own way. Andry, from before we got here, and Tyram since the fight with Jarlo.”

“But he beat Jarlo!” Rimni threw his hands up in frustration.

“Rimni,” J'vann said. “Where do you come from?”

“What?” Rimni said. “What does that have to do with...you know where I...”

“Yeah that's a question,” Sasha said. “Where do you come from? All we've heard about is what happened after you came to live with J'vann.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Rimni said, his face pallid and sullen. “I don't see what it's got to do with anything anyway.”

“Your expression is enough to make my point,” J'vann said. “I will not make you discuss it. But Verro, you fought in a rebellion.”

“Well yeah,” Verro said. “But it was just a couple of big street brawls, I wasn't in any of the real battles...”

“But people fought and died,” J'vann said. “Yes? And you fought and killed beside them.”

“Well obviously,” Verro said. “Come on, the Aljana Rebellion? Nobody? I know we were supposed to be a more important country before the Ruin Wars but I thought one of you would have at least heardof it...”

“I heard of the country,” Fann said. “I didn't know about a rebellion though, sorry. There's a lot of rebellions around.”

“Fann,” J'vann continued. “I won't tell anyone even about the hints you have given me, but the circumstances of your life cannot have been much better than Rimni's, if I have correctly guessed your homeworld. My own past is...complicated. And Sasha you said the first person you ever killed was a bandit in the first battle on this planet...but the hunter clans of Shadd are renowned across the galaxy. To be granted the Wolf Regalia, I assume you must have been exceptional.”

“I took down a Shy'gkar naked with nothing but a wooden spear,” Sasha said proudly. “Nothing. In the right of Sha'vild we hunt naked, wearing only warpaint.”

“Good strategy,” Fann nodded. “You blinded the beast before attacking. Hah! Missed me.”

“What's your point?” Sasha asked, glaring at Fann as he scuttled out of punching range.

“My point is you might not have ever killed another sentient before now,” J'vann said. “But you've been in mortal combat with hundreds of living things. Now...what do you know of Tyram's life? And Andry's?”

“Well it always sounded like Tyram came from the same kind of village we did,” Aurina said. “Not as remote maybe, but a lot the same. I think that's why they argue so much, they're so much alike. Both trained by their grandfathers, both raised on farms...”

“Yes exactly,” J'vann said. “A farm. Their experiences of death are the deaths of a farm. Illness, or the organized slaughter of an animal grown from birth to serve as food. And then for the first time, both Tyram and Andry fight a real battle. Not the planned and careful slaughter of an animal but desperate struggle of life and death. And being so similar they respond in very similar ways, altered slightly by their personalities. And Tyram has it far worse.”

“Dude,” Fann said. “Nobody understands what you're...”

“He won,” Aurina said. “That's the problem. That's what he can't forgive himself for. He won.”