Thousands of thoughts swarmed Quin’s mind, however, now that he was fully conscious again he was aware the situation he was in. Pondering over what had happened just several steps away from a Fire Wolf pack with numerous members certainly was not the best idea, though.
He did not stop for at least an hour and after he found a place that looked safe to him he sat down letting his thoughts to flood him.
What the fuck was that?! What was I doing during those days and why? How come I didn’t even realize it? He felt an incredible, stabbing pain in his head and then he became surrounded by pitch black darkness. Deep in it, he sensed the same thing he had before: that bizarre and disgusting egg-like thing.
Just like the last time, it brought about some kind of strange force of attraction, but it was a lot more fierce than before. He could not even react and the egg had been already within his sight. Its rippling was faster and more intense than he remembered from before, however, strangely he no longer found its aura that much disgusting or repulsive. He knew that it was something bad and harmful for him, but for some reason, a part of him felt attracted to the aura it was releasing. That part of him urged him to stop resisting and just let egg consume him; that way everything would be fine. There would be no worry, no sadness, and no pain, only life he could enjoy.
No matter how he felt, he knew that it was not something he should ever do. His previous instincts started to rise up and it was clear what their aim was. The feeling of impending death he had experienced before returned as well but it was different. No, it was exactly the same it had been and the only thing that changed was that he was able to sense it more clearly. It was not his impending death that he felt, but simply the aura the egg exuded.
He would most certainly find something like this very exciting if he had read it in a book, however, it was his own mind and life that was in peril. It took most of his willpower to resist its power, and he was growing weaker and weaker.
Although the feeling of impending death was not for him, he knew that if he were consumed by the egg that would be equal to his death. Did he want to die? Even though the idea that death would be easier had crossed his mind more than once due to his constant agony and especially after becoming aware that his cultivation had been destroyed and due to its consequences, the answer was an obvious no. Despite all of these things and what he had to face since the Coming of Age Ceremony he was not ready to give up. No matter how bad it had been, it was still his life and even if it was virtually non-existent, he still had some hope. As long as he was alive there was a chance for his life to turn around and even if it did not, maybe he could find a meaning to it.
He had not gone through the constant torment of pain for weeks, just to give up now. He completely resolved himself now and fought back against his fierce enemy with all of his power. It lasted for an eternity for him and was the most difficult thing in his life, but the egg started to finally draw back. In the end, he was the one who came out victorious but it was not a true victory. Quin did not make the egg disappear, he only suppressed it.
It was weaker but he could feel its desire to break out and he knew that it would try to do so if he ever let his focus down a bit.
Damn! Seriously, why are these thing happening to me? I’ve already had a hard time maintaining control over the pain and now I have to constantly look out for that egg... In my mind? Why are the Heavens punishing me? Have I done something that bad in my previous life, or maybe in my current one? He thought back the various things he had done. Alright, I know that I wasn’t always the nicest kid and did a couple of bad things to other kids, but that was different. I was strong, a genius and they were only weak nobodies, so I had the right to do that!
But what am I currently? A weak, pathetic nobody... No, that’s not right! Haven’t I just thought that as long as I’m alive there’s hope and a chance for things to turn around? When I left the capital hadn’t I decided to see things optimistic and just leave the others behind? Am I really a pathetic nobody? In the past months, I’ve been through more than the vast majority of people and I don’t think anyone at my age could do better, heck, I doubt they could’ve done half as good as me. Besides I didn’t just lose an average or good cultivation and future, I lost the best. Nobody could’ve fallen as big as I did.
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Yet, I persevered, even when my friends turned their backs on me, even when Aline did, even when that damn pain started and even now against that egg. Maybe I’m weak right now, but I am not a nobody and especially not pathetic! I had never given up, not when I started my training years ago and every bit of it was exhausting, not when I lost to Mang due to my inexperience, not when I had to face hundreds of Shriekers alone and I won’t start it now! I’ll persevere and I’ll find my path again!
After his resolve, he felt a lot better and his mood improved as well, but his thoughts quickly returned to one of the questions he had asked himself, that whether he had done something that bad in his life. I no longer feel that I’m worthless even if I am weak, however then what about the others? Did I truly have the right to act like that to them? To look down on them and to humiliate them when they were in my path? What would I feel now if somebody did the same things to me? Even the two persons who helped me the most have just normal elements. Leyn who had always supported me has the water element, while Mang, who I was so pissed off of but did risk his life for me, for us back then has the earth element.
Yet the funny thing is that who I had to be disappointed in are Alinor and Aline who have unique elements... He let out a long sigh. Aline? Why do I feel like something’s amiss? I clearly remember the intensity of my feelings toward her when I had just left the city, then why is it so different now? It just feels empty now... And thinking back, why did I let her speak to me like that? When I try to remember the time I met her the first time after I had left the hospital, and the reason why I acted like that, I just can’t understand. Why was I the one who felt guilty? It just doesn't make any sense. Damn, is it because of that egg? Is that the reason behind why my feelings changed and why I can’t seem to find logic in my thinking back then? Argh, my mind feels like it’s in pieces!
As he could not solve his issues and because thinking about these kinds of things just started to make him feel more annoyed and stressed, Quin decided that he would stop for now. He had been in a lot of fights in the recent days and today’s fight had been especially tough, so he decided to check his body's condition.
Shit! How did I not even notice these things? Quin observed his body and realized that his right pinky finger went missing, as well as two phalanges of his left ring finger. His right arm was also severely burned -- most likely due to his battle with the fire wolves -- and it was awfully painful to move it. To top it off his whole body was covered with numerous scars, injuries, and bruises and it seemed that the only part that remained intact was his left arm. A hunter? Me? It’s laughable! Jumping on your enemy without a second thought, without caring for your own safety? That’s just plain stupidity and not the sign of you being a hunter or a predator! He pointed his mental gaze at the egg inside his mind, well, at least he tried to do so -- he was not even sure that this was a thing -- and looked at it with contempt. You damn egg! If I ever get to know who placed you inside my mind or what you are, you can be sure that I’ll pay back the debts tenfolds! You hijacked my mind, reduced me to a man of almost pure instincts and then left my body in pieces! Quin was even angrier at the egg now, but unfortunately, he could do nothing about it.
No doubt, he was not too happy about the situation, however, except his one and a half missing fingers and the burn on his arm, his injuries would be able to recover in just a few weeks with proper care.
Although he was dead tired, he could not let himself rest as he had to go and find some herbs to be able to start treating his body as soon as possible.