Battlemaid had managed to slink to the back and away from all the attention that seemed to drive her systems crazy. She alternated the use of her new advanced cooling systems and her more traditional ones, and slowly regained full control of her faculties.
A tiny voice said, "I won." It took Battlemaid several seconds of processing to discover it was hers.
"Yeah, you did. That was a clever ploy." Lifting one set of beans up to lick them, Swiftpaw Deathbringer engaged in the most traditional of feline tasks, ignoring everyone who paid him any attention.
"Th-Thanks. Um, I have some leftover fish I didn't use. Would you like some?"
Freezing mid-lick, Swiftpaw lifted his head and gazed into the innocent face of Battlemaid. "I believe that question is rhetorical, but to facilitate the delivery of fish to my feline person—yes."
Reaching out and carefully lifting Swiftpaw, Battlemaid carried him back to where she'd been working. There was a small filet of fish left on the bench, and with Swiftpaw standing on her shoulder, Battlemaid deftly cut it into small strips for him, put it on a plate, and held it up for his inspection. "Will this be sufficient?"
Nodding his head, Swiftpaw deployed his ultimate weapon and snatched a little piece of the fish to test. Sniffing, licking, and giving it a good nibble, he decided it was worthy of his time and picked it off his clenched claws delicately.
Smiling a little at the purring bundle she was holding, Battlemaid felt relaxed that she didn't have to worry about Swiftpaw's enjoyment or if he was enjoying himself. Lorissa had spoken of him enough times that she knew if he was purring, he was happy. "Battlemaid does not know if she can do this dancing challenge. Knowledge of the art form is limited, and I fear asking Master for help in case he helps."
Swiftpaw would have responded. He would have given Battlemaid all kinds of advice on how to handle love and engage with a paramour without overheating—but there was fish and fish was far more important than everything else.
Only when it was all gone, and he'd carefully licked the plate, his paw, and washed his face did Swiftpaw deign to answer her unasked question. "I will help you learn to dance if you get me a whole fish."
Tilting her head to the side, Battlemaid assembled the map of what she would be giving and getting from the deal. "Another fish means buying it, which means Battlemaid will need to go shopping. This is possible." Without even thinking about it, she started patting Swiftpaw, which earned her more purring from him.
"It will end up costing you two fish."
"Huh?" Battlemaid couldn't work out the logic involved. "Why?"
"You have a date—with Stanton." When his statement didn't have the immediate result he expected, Swiftpaw sighed. "Imagine being on a date with him, just the pair of you, with him staring longingly into your eyes." The heat that began radiating from Battlemaid was proof enough that Swiftpaw had found an infinite resource of fish.
"Engaging extreme cooling," Battlemaid said, as the inbuilt spell Stanton had given her kicked into gear and chilled her core components. She let out a relieved sigh and returned to thinking about Stanton. "How are you going to teach me?"
Swiftpaw began to purr loudly. "To answer that question will cost another fish."
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Glad he'd somehow survived without starting a war, Stanton stood up and looked around. He spotted Battlemaid talking with Swiftpaw, and figured the pair were up to something that could keep. "I know this engagement thing is complicated—and important—but even if mother only takes my opinion in a small way, know that the pair of you are already ahead of anyone else because you both took the time to come here and get to know me. I—"
Angel crashed through the exterior door and looked around. When she spotted Stanton, she shouted, "Stanton, there's a fight and k—" She managed to stop herself blurting out a bunch of things she knew she shouldn't only because she noticed everyone else present. "Uh, there's a fight outside and a bunch of k—" When her eyes fixed on Cleverclaws, she censored herself again.
"Oh? A fight going on? Well, maybe we should go and set a good example and see if anyone is hurt." It might be a blatant attempt to get two werewolves to help deal with a problem, but Stanton felt that anyone he was going to end up engaged to, was probably going to get sucked into this crazy life he'd started living.
Following Stanton, along with everyone else, Gisse felt a weird unfinished sense. There was something that hadn't happened that should have. Worse, still, it seemed to be internal. She made a wild guess that it was Stanton and the ring she'd gotten for him. "S-Stanton?" She tried to get his attention, but he seemed intent on leading the way outside.
There was shouting outside. People running away from something had a tendency to look behind them, so Stanton looked that way too. There were dozens of people already tied up by a huge group of kobolds, and the draconic minions were in the process of catching more people. "This is going too far."
"We can take care of this." Triana looked at Elspeth and raised one fuzzy eyebrow. "Want to show off for our future husband?"
The context was perfect for Elspeth. A contest of strength that wasn't a direct interaction between herself and a larger werewolf. "Sounds good. I bet I can kill more of them than you."
Using the distraction of two big werewolves to let the whole group go ahead of her, Lorissa plucked Swiftpaw from Battlemaid's arms. "I'll help take care of this. You go out and keep Stanton safe. He can't transform with so many people watching him."
Setting aside her thoughts of the upcoming date, Battlemaid nodded to Lorissa. "Okay. Hopefully nothing happens—I don't think Gisse would let any harm come to him."
Lorissa nodded to that. "Go. I'll deal with these kobolds." When Battlemaid left, she lifted Swiftpaw up to look at his angry face. "She was feeding you, wasn't she?"
"There was fish. If there is not more fish for me later, I will expect you to restore honor to your name by falling on your sword." Nonetheless, he let the magic of Lorissa's transformation wash over him and he became the blade for her wand.
With her body slowly lowering back to the floor after the light show, Lorissa let out a soft sigh that trailed into a purred, "Nya." Magical energy flooded her. Flicking her tail, she strode for one side of the big kitchen and slipped out a delivery door there. The sound of mayhem made her ears turn, and then her head too, to locate the fight in progress.
Rushing into the street, Lorissa cut down two of the kobolds with one huge slash that caught them on their torsos. "Nya! You didn't think you could attack while I was getting my claws done, did you?"
Catching two kobolds that were trying to flank Lorissa with one huge paw, and tossing them into another group trying to reach Elspeth, Triana said, "Free the hostages. We'll brawl with this lot." Rushing past Lorissa, Triana dove to where the kobolds were trying to drag their prisoners away and stopped them with her fists. At her side, Elspeth made a good showing too.
In her hands, Swiftpaw Deathbringer performed flawlessly. Lorissa made a series of swipes at the restrained people and their bindings fell to the ground around them in neat little piles. "Go. Get away from them. Nya."
The fighting was a great way to work out her anger at being beaten in the contest, or so Elspeth thought. The kobolds were like skittles to them both, and they dealt with plenty of them while driving the rest back. She heard the unmistakable tones of command coming from around a corner in an alleyway. "Triana, keep on them here. I think I know where their leader is!"
The Evil Pig of Evil was annoyed. "If I find out one of you blabbed about this, and that's how they got here so fast, I'll… I'll not put you back together. Keep them moving! At least get one of the pesky humans!"
It was with great glee that Spitstoomuch dragged the bound woman into the alleyway. It warmed his evil little heart to be the first to successfully follow orders. Nonetheless, it got a bit darker. Turning to the entrance of the alley just behind him, he looked up and up and up at the big werewolf.
"Normally I might not care about you," Elspeth said, reaching down and picking the kobold up by the neck. Spitstoomuch's attempts to cut at her with his dagger went ignored mostly, until she grabbed his weapon arm and pulled it off. "But, you caught me on a bad day." She threw the kobold deeper into the alleyway with a fair bit of force.
Dodging Spitstoomuch's body only barely, the Evil Pig of Evil let out an annoyed squeal at the werewolf that even now pushed the bound person back into the street behind her. "You! Seize that wolf!"
"It's always easy to find the one in charge," Elspeth said, stalking toward the Evil Pig of Evil, "It's always the sanctimonious bastard yelling orders rather than doing something."
The kobolds weren't idiots, but they had all given their oaths to their pernicious porcine patriarch. Putting herself between the Evil Pig of Evil and Elspeth, Lookspretty closed her eyes and cowered in place. When the expected (and temporary, but still inconvenient) death didn't come, she cracked open one eye. Staring up at the immobile wolf, she felt an excited fervor overtake her.
The magic had come out of nowhere. Elspeth was stuck in place, unable to move, while the kobolds danced for joy and tied her up. Slumped down on the ground, still contained in evil magic, she whined and looked up at the tiny pig that should have been so easy to overpower. She wanted to eat it so much!
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"Well, well, well. A werewolf? You will make a fine addition to my evil army!" Looking around at his excited minions, the Evil Pig of Evil gestured to the open manhole with one evil trotter. "Leave the humans. Take this one down and lock it in the strongest cell we have!"
When Triana reached the alleyway's entrance, and looked inside, all she saw was kobolds rushing to get to the sewer entrance, some dragging others or even just bits of others. "Elspeth?" Approaching the sewer, she was struck by the horrid smell coming up. "Ugh, this is horrid. Where is that damn wolfess?"
Stalking back out of the alley and looking for Stanton, Triana found Lorissa first. "Did you see where Elspeth went? I thought she ran into the alley ahead of me to delay them, but when I looked it was empty. Well, there were some kobolds still running, but no werewolf."
"She's a big girl, nya, she'll probably be beating up on a pile of kobolds somewhere." Walking over to the manhole cover with the smooth gait of a trained feline, Lorissa slowly brought Swiftpaw's tip under the huge disk and, with a flip of her wrists that would have been impossible were she still just human, she sent it twirling into the air and finally to land over the hole.
"So, what's the deal with all this? Stanton was holding back and I noticed you slipped out and came back all fuzzy."
"Nya. We're trying to keep our powers on the down-low. Cass would probably be cool about it, but even as Gisse is kinda cool with us, she is stuck working with the dragon. I don't think it'd be smart to let her know we're her enemies." Lorissa managed nearly half a second before she choked out another, "Nya."
Shrugging her huge shoulders, Triana thought about that. "Seems like you might want to get someone to help, though, if they're trying to take prisoners."
"Yeah, nya. Stanton has the city guard helping, or rather we help them more often than not. They can usually take care of the kobolds, but the dragon is something else. She uses lightning and is, in general, really annoying."
"Lightning? Why don't you ask Cass for help dealing with that? Or at least ask her for ways to counter electricity." Walking out of the alley with Lorissa behind her, Triana asked, "Do you have a name I can call you when you're disguised like this?"
"That's still under debate, but Kat will do for now." Lorissa had tried to walk beside Triana, but she was too wide for the alley.
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Waking up underground and tied up, Elspeth had little concept of how long she'd been unconscious for. Her keen eyes cut through the dark like a hot knife through butter, and she saw the two kobolds standing guard outside the cell she was in. "Open the gate or I'll kill both of you."
"What was it our porcine master said?" one kobold asked.
"That we don't open the cell door until he returns," the other replied.
Looking up at Elspeth, the first nodded. "We can't open the door."
Something tipped Elspeth off that the two kobolds might not be the brightest luminaries of their people. "I can hear him coming now. You should open the door so he can come in as soon as he arrives."
The first kobold was already walking toward the cell, keys in hand, to do exactly as Elspeth suggested, but the second one grabbed him and pulled him back. "You idiot! The other thing he said was not to listen to a single thing the prisoner says!"
Seeing a pattern to their idiocy, Elspeth grinned. "So you can't listen to a single thing I say?"
"No!" the second kobold shouted, shortly followed by the first.
"But that was the second thing I said, not the first." She could see as the first kobold's claws tickled at his key ring. "You're lucky you have someone clever to help you figure out all these rules."
Thinking about it, still holding the first kobold from doing anything stupid, the second kobold let go and shrugged. "She's right! Unlock the door!"
The Evil Pig of Evil found Elspeth rampaging through the tunnels, carrying a kobold she was using as a club to knock others out of the way. He recognized the club as one of the kobolds he'd set to guard her. "Stop!"
Elspeth had no plans to obey the Evil Pig of Evil, but she had no choice. The moment his order registered in her head, she couldn't move. Glaring at the pig as he walked closer, she wanted to rip him in half, barbecue him, and eat him. "Let go of me!"
"No. You're too useful, but that pesky mind of yours is causing a problem. What I need is a way to encourage you to be a bad girl, rather than"—the Evil Pig of Evil gestured to the trail of destruction and kobold bodyparts behind Elspeth—"this. Fortunately, I have just the thing. Follow me, and put Stupidhead down."
The power holding her in place seemed to shift and, without wanting to, Elspeth put down the blood-covered kobold she'd been using as a flail and turned to follow the pig. "What are you doing? The minute I get free, I'll rip you in—"
"Shush."
". . ." Elspeth's anger turned incandescent and she railed mentally at what seemed to be a magically induced physical effect. She felt like a puppet hanging from strings, and she did not like it one bit—but she was utterly powerless to do anything about it.
"Oh, don't get upset. I'm going to set you free. Free to have your own thoughts, desires, and the power to attain them. No longer will society dictate to you what you want, no, you'll be able to choose things naturally." Trotting along at a good pace, the Evil Pig of Evil couldn't stop from pontificating on the virtues of personal freedom. "Oh, of course you'll need to do a few little favors for me, but you'll want to do them, trust me. They'll be fun."
Turning the corner into a huge cave, Elspeth felt a new worry overtaking her. There were over a dozen kobolds working on machinery. There was electricity sparking up and down various pieces of equipment. In one corner a kobold was running on a treadmill. What had Elspeth's focus, though, was a huge chair sitting in the middle of the room.
The chair looked like it was made from steel. It had huge restraints that seemed perfectly designed for holding a werewolf, as well as a hemispherical helmet just above where an occupant's head would be. On that helmet were dozens of crystals and wires, the latter of which traced up and across to one of the machines producing sparks.
She wanted to scream and tear them apart, throw kobolds at things, and jam the pig into the chair and spend a good five minutes punching it. Instead, when commanded, she walked toward it and sat down.
Kobolds swarmed over the chair while the Evil Pig of Evil put on his little lab coat, goggles, and rubber gloves. When he completely failed to do the latter, he had a kobold assistant do the job. "Is the subject secure?"
"Yes, my lord!" a kobold said a moment before Elspeth grabbed them, pulled her arm back, and threw the little dragonkin at the far wall. "Uh, lord, I believe the subject might not be fully restrained. Where'd my arm go?"
"Stop resisting and put your arm in the cuff." Walking over toward the chair, the Evil Pig of Evil made little squeaking sounds as each hoof came down on the rubberized section of the floor. "Igor—throw the switch!" When nothing happened, the Evil Pig of Evil looked around at the kobolds. "Which one of you is Igor?"
"Him!" three shouted, and pointed at the kobold in the corner that was missing his arm—and had passed out.
"Well, not anymore. You!"
"Me?"
"Yes, you! You are now Igor." Clearing his throat, the Evil Pig of Evil made a dramatic gesture. "Igor! Throw the switch!"
The last thing Elspeth saw, before she was hit in the head by magic, was one of the kobolds jumping up and grabbing the end of a knife-switch and using its whole body to pull it closed.
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Shaking her head, Elspeth felt like an eggbeater had been shoved in each ear, turned on, and then pulled out only after her gray matter was brought to stiff peaks. "What did you do to me?"
The Evil Pig of Evil stood outside the cell door, eagerly looking at his latest creation. "Improved you! Yes! Now you will forever more lack a conscience! Like any good—err, evil—minion, this will make you not just obey orders, but do so gladly."
Falling over on the floor, Elspeth let out a groan and started to whimper and twitch.
"What's going on?" the Evil Pig of Evil asked, worry tainting his words. "Did the procedure fail? Open this blasted gate and let me in there!"
"B-Boss," the new Igor said, "I don't think—"
"You are not paid to think, Igor!"
"I'm not paid at all, boss."
"Open this door immediately!" When his minion obliged, the Evil Pig of Evil trotted into the cell to inspect his newest toy. "I wonder if I used too much—?"
Igor 2.0 didn't wait for the werewolf's talons to close around the Evil Pig of Evil's neck before running. They were at the door and fumbling with the lock before Elspeth stood up and grabbed the petulantly-protesting porcine with both claws. The last sound they heard, in fact, was a high pitched squeal before the door slammed shut behind them.
It would have been an inconvenience to have his form destroyed, but the Evil Pig of Evil felt the great beast pause—not quite gripping him tight enough to hurt. "You can't do it, can you?"
Snarling, Elspeth dropped one big forelimb to the ground and brought her other back to throw her tormentor—before she carefully put him down. "What did you do to me?!"
"You cannot harm me. Simple little addition. You also can't harm my minions, so don't bother trying to— Hey! Where are you going? Stop!" Squealing in indignation, the Evil Pig of Evil tried to expand its magic to control Elspeth as she walked for the door, but felt his power rebuffed by some kind of force.
Looking back at the pig trying to mind control her again, Elspeth snorted. "Let me guess, you tossed in some kind of immunity to magic? I know I would, if I was sure I could control a monster." At the look of shock on the pig's face, Elspeth laughed. "That's it, isn't it? And I bet you figured that without a conscience I would be more than happy to be your minion." Closing the gate and sealing the pig in the cell, Elspeth said, "Funny thing about not hurting someone"—she grabbed the steel lock and squeezed, crushing it to a useless ball of still-latched mess—"locking them up doesn't count."
Turning to the doorway leading out of the dungeon area, Elspeth noticed a kobold peeking through the gap of the door watching her. "Hey, tell your friends. Open all the doors and get out of my way, and I won't come up with imaginative ways to beat the snot out of you."
When the door didn't slam closed, Elspeth counted that as good news. She grabbed some keys off a pegboard and stalked toward the exit. Throwing the door open, she looked outside. Not a kobold to be seen, but there was a conspicuously open door.
"No! Stop her! Don't let the— Where are all you idiots?!" The Evil Pig of Evil could only hear echoing, open hallways answer him.
Elspeth held no delusions, she knew the pig would get out and figure something to stop her from leaving, which is why she sped up her walk into a lope. She saw a few more kobolds now, those that probably hadn't heard about the big nasty thing trying to leave that would be good to let leave. She passed them, not bothering to come up with ways to beat the snot out of them.
Never before had she been so happy to have her olfactory sense overwhelmed with the smell of sewage. Breaking out of the kobold tunnels and into the regular drainage of the city brought a lightness of heart that made the flowing filth beside her seem like a lovely bouquet of roses, welcoming her back to some normalcy.
"This way."
The voice was a kobold's. Elspeth pondered pushing them gently into the horrid water, but in the interest of getting out, she followed them instead. "Why are you helping?"
The kobold looked back over their shoulder and up at Elspeth's face. "Pig is annoying. You're funny. Sis told me."
"All three?" Now Elspeth was intrigued. "Whatever. You want to work outside of that place?"
"When dragon calls, all kobolds come." The kobold froze as a huge hand closed around its neck and tightened. "What?"
"If I put a collar around your neck and added a chain, then locked you up. You couldn't go to the dragon then?"
Eyes wide, the kobold nodded, then shook its head. "No. Couldn't go."
"Good. I have some jobs for you, and if you do them before your dragon calls, I'll put a collar around your neck and make you never be able to go to it." Letting go, Elspeth tried to think of what would be the next thing. "Do you have a name?"
"Stupid."
"The name's stupid?"
"Yes. I am Stupid."
"No. Really?" Elspeth watched the kobold nod. "A stupid kobold would have tried to stop me. A stupid kobold would have gone back to free that damn pig. A stupid kobold would wait for the dragon to call them so they don't have to think. You are not a stupid kobold."
"Stupid enough to turn my back on a werewolf." The kobold sighed. "Okay, if you put collar on me, give me better name."
"Deal."
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