"I'm only helping you because I don't want Elspeth to win this. I know exactly the kind of food Stanton eats every day." Lorissa was walking alongside Triana with Swiftpaw curled half around her neck. "And you can pay me back by paying for my ingredients."

"Whatever. Intelligence is worth more to me than a handful of produce. And, of course, if Elspeth wins, we both lose. My father taught me a curious way of looking at problems and reducing them to simple win-loss situations. Honestly? It's horrid to employ sometimes, but it works." They were walking around the market of Conjur, discussing the various cooking methods they could use. She'd been surprised to find Lorissa reasonably well-versed in food preparation—even if that food was simple compared to the noble dishes Triana was used to. "What do you need next?"

"Some high grade beef. Hey, what's a good sauce for beef and shrimp? I was thinking something creamy, so you can still taste the seafood and the meat." Enjoying the look of surprised respect she got, Lorissa tapped her chin in thought. "Definitely a cream sauce. Maybe thickened with some cheese in it. I know Stanton loves his cheese-covered seafood."

"I'll have to go big, I think. A cream cheese sauce would work nicely, yes. I'd suggest slicing the steak up, across the grain, so the sauce gets between each piece. I can show you how to do that." Cheese steak and shrimp was the oddest food Triana had heard of, but given what she knew of cooking—it would work. "He likes meat, I take it?"

"I figured it was a werewolf thing."

"Well, yes. Werewolves are generally predisposed to eating more meat, though there is a penchant among the traditionalists for raw meat. It gives me stomach pains to do—whether I'm a wolf at the time or not. A good, well-cooked piece of meat is far superior to raw."

"Do you want," Swiftpaw asked, lifting his head and yawning, "to win?"

Hearing Lorissa's familiar talk, Triana nodded. "We both want to win, but losing to the other would be preferable to losing to anyone else."

Nodding his head, Swiftpaw liked the idea of frenemies. "Lorissa, let Triana cook the surf and turf. You will make Stanton sushi. I will teach you, fear not."

"What's sushi?" Lorissa asked.

"It is the finest cuts of raw fish, seasoned rice, and exquisite condiments. This will be a taste experience unlike any other. It takes decades for a sushi chef to master the art, but with a teacher like Swiftpaw Deathbringer, you will be adequate within an hour."

"Swiftpaw, Elspeth will be making him raw meat. And seafood? Are you crazy? Raw fish is bad!" Even Lorissa's feline reflexes didn't save her from the paw-slap on her cheek, though she was grateful his claws were not out. "What? It is!"

"There are methods for handling it, methods for making it safe, and I will teach them to you. Come, we will buy the best fish they have in this market." Turning his head to the side, Swiftpaw sniffed daintily and nodded. "This way."

Looking at Triana, Lorissa sighed and slumped a little. "Of course. I promise you, Triana, this—what did you call it, Swiftpaw, surf and turf—this surf and turf will be his weakness."

Triana was intrigued with it, now. She accepted the idea and was already thinking of how to accompany it. "Why would you call it 'surf and turf'?"

Swiftpaw gave Triana a look that he hoped conveyed his full disdain for her. "Surf for the seafood. Turf for the dirt the cow is raised on. It's normally a western dish, and any mixture of the two meat types would work." The biggest exception to his rule on not talking too much was, of course, voided when he was showing off his excessive knowledge.

"Oh. Well, I guess surf and turf it is, then." To Triana, the cat looked immensely smug. It should have been annoying, but to hear the extra-dimensional creature share more details of the dish she was going to prepare she was able to wear a mask of interest. "What sauce would you recommend?"

"Garlic sauce, traditionally, brings out both beef and seafood. As you said earlier, a cheese sauce will also work. Mushroom sauce and demiglace are both far too strong for the seafood." Swiftpaw leaned into the petting Lorissa started giving him. Being appreciated for his knowledge was slightly better than showing how much more he knew than them.

It got Triana's thoughts going while they walked. Sauces that went good with both weren't common, but Swiftpaw was right, garlic was a good choice. Easy enough, she decided, she'd prepare the dish with both and serve whichever she liked most. She'd just made the decision when she realized they were standing in front of a huge open stall showing off seafood. The produce was all covered by a spell (she could sniff out magic easily enough), though she wasn't sure what exactly the spell was doing.

"Would the ladies like some help?" the shopkeeper asked. "All my wares are shipped here, protected by stasis magic, and ready to cook and eat. Even the local waterways are fished and stored safely for—"

"Are you fish frozen? What sort of tuna do you have? Do you carry any salmon or abalone?" Swiftpaw was quick to strike, as always, cutting the merchant off mid-spiel. "We require only the finest quality."

Magic users and their familiars were a common sight on the streets of Conjur, so the merchant was unfazed by the talking cat. "Of course. Of course. Is this for sir?" He was also quite familiar with familiars being doted on—to expensive excess.

"No," Lorissa finally managed to say. "We are preparing a dish that will require the highest grade seafood. Please, get us anything he says."

To see a magic user so under the non-existent thumb of their familiar tickled at Triana's funny bone in a way it was almost impossible to suppress her giggles. She didn't care about whatever this was going to cost her—its value was already paid back in mirth.

Every time Swiftpaw would select some hideously expensive piece of fish, Lorissa would look sideways at Triana. The woman looked like she was having the time of her life—not spending a small fortune on cuts of fish.

After Swiftpaw seemed satisfied with his purchases, Triana stepped forward. "I will require thirty of your finest shrimp—the largest you have."

More than happy to serve his two new favorite customers, the merchant selected the shrimp, wrapped them in waxed parchment and pressed a spell-activation sigil to it before giving it enough magic that it would place the contents in stasis. "Here you are. Anything else or will you pay now?"

Taking out her personal sheaf of payment notes, Triana was able to press enough of her personal magic (the sum total of it, in fact) into her finger. "How much is it?" The price, she found, was not as bad as she feared. The merchant could have tried raking her over the coals on price, but he didn't seem interested in gouging a noble. "Thank you," she said, when she scrawled her name on the sheet with the price, using her magic to activate the seal.

For the merchant, the note was better than money. It was a promise to be paid by a noble house. There was no risk involved, because all the sigils were tightly regulated by said nobles, and they all came together as an angry swarm if anyone threatened their way. "Happy to do business with you."

"Hey, where can we get the best quality steak from?" Triana asked.

"Three stalls down. You can't miss it. She deals in the greatest cuts of beef, lamb, and wild game." And she would know he sent them because: "Just tell her old Philip sent you."

Leaving the stall behind, Triana looked over her own package and nodded at the quality. "He is a good merchant. I'm glad we found him and not someone less honest."

"Huh?" Lorissa looked at her companion. "What do you mean?"

"He could have overcharged. In fact, I expected it. He had his prices listed, and we paid exactly that and not a silver more. I believe a light pasta will be a good accompaniment to this surf and turf, what are your plans, master chef?"

"We will have to quick-pickle some ginger. Also, we need rice, dried seaweed, soy sauce, and some rice wine vinegar." At the looks of confusion, Swiftpaw narrowed his eyes. "If this backwater reality doesn't have soy sauce, I will have to do unspeakable things."

That statement tickled Lorissa's curiosity. "Like what?"

Glaring at his wizard, Swiftpaw said, "They're unspeakable."

After some quality wandering around the market, picking up the remaining ingredients for their meals, the two girls made their way toward the Academe while Swiftpaw started demanding Lorissa learn all sorts of techniques she'd never heard of before. She was relieved that they had found all the items he'd wanted in a curious little stall, but now she had to listen to him talk about the temperature of her hands and washing rice and—worse of all—preparing all this while talking to Stanton. "Will they allow that? I mean, making food for him and then customizing it specifically to his tastes seems—"

"Elspeth will definitely call it cheating," Triana said.

"This is how proper sushi is prepared." Raising his nose as such trivialities as rules, Swiftpaw sneezed as a strange scent hit his nose. "What is that?"

"That" turned out to be Battlemaid pushing a wheelbarrow full of produce toward the school.

Lorissa, her own arms laden with bags of items, hastened over. "Uh, Ba—"

"For this assignment, Battlemaid's designation is Billi."

"Right, uh, Billi. What's with all that?" Gesturing at all the items in the wheelbarrow, Lorissa could see nearly a dozen different parcels with similar protective paper as her seafood had, as well as numerous vegetables and breads.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

"These are the requirements for all the dishes Billi must prepare in case her statistical modeling requires more time. At the present pace of calculation, Billi will be done processing it in one hour, six minutes, and thirty-three point one two five seconds." Battlemaid wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the designation, but her master had insisted that she not expose her true identity beyond those that were already involved with fighting the dragon.

"'Statistical model'?" Triana asked.

"Of course. How else would Billi manage to decide the perfect balance of flavors and textures for master's optimum dining experience?"

Lorissa gave Triana a dismissive gesture. "Relax. You'll get used to Bat—Billi's ways. She's wonderful, and cares for Stanton more than anyone else ever will. Trust me when I say, she is not our enemy. Far from it."

"Oh?"

"Billi, what would your ideal date with Stanton be?" Lorissa asked.

"Engaging thermal control systems." For Battlemaid, even picturing herself on a date with Stanton made her begin to over-bias her thermal envelope. "We would attend the same table. He would eat whatever he desires and I would spend my time staring into his eyes over the slight heat-haze of the burning paraffin."

Giving Triana a knowing wink, Lorissa beamed in delight and stepped closer to give Battlemaid a little hug. "You are too pure for this world, Billi. I hope you win."

The show of support startled Battlemaid enough that she almost dropped her wheelbarrow to hug Lorissa. "Th-Thank you! I hope you win, too!"

"Ugh. You two are too sweet, but I think you're right. I would prefer you win, Billi, than any of the others." It was a reluctant little truce, but Triana was willing to concede that this new enemy was hardly going to run off and marry Stanton.

"'Others'? How many apart from us are competing?" Lorissa asked.

"Elspeth, that succubus Stanton has been friends with, and a mysterious third party that only signed their name on the form as 'K'." Triana looked at Lorissa to see her reaction to that.

Lorissa had to remind herself that Triana was a noble and had come from a different world. "I mean, they could be illiterate. Some folk sign their name like that to hide that they can't write properly."

"Oh." It was surprising to Triana to hear that. "I thought there are schools for… Oh." She trailed off at Lorissa's head-shake. "I guess there's a lot you don't tend to experience outside your own class."

"I don't know how Stanton does it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's as comfortable chatting with Cass and myself as he is with you or any other noble." At the slightly confused look on Triana's face, Lorissa laughed. "See! You can be comfortable talking with low born scum like myself, too."

"But you are a werecat, yes? All the old lines were, are… Oh dear, I've stuck my foot in my mouth, haven't I?"

"It's okay. Really. There's a kitchen back entrance. Let's head in." It was a safe distraction from the deep conversation Lorissa had found herself in. Poking her head inside, she called out, "Stanton?"

"In here!" Stanton called back, recognizing Lorissa's voice. "We haven't started yet."

Stepping deeper inside, and with her eyes adjusting to the dim light of the kitchen, Lorissa saw Cassandra, Gisse, Battlemaid, and Stanton all in one corner of the huge kitchen. "Still waiting on Elspeth?"

"Yeah. And this mysterious K." Stanton pointed at the row of stoves and bench space. "Find a spot and get ready. We're not going to delay just because one of mother's choices for a mate for me enjoys being fashionably… late." Trailing off, he stared at the person who'd walked in while he'd been speaking.

Standing almost six feet tall, the cloaked figure carried a big basket under one relatively short arm. "Wha—I am K!"

Cassandra and Stanton stared at what was obvious (to them at least) a kobold. But it was far too tall for one. With dawning horror, they also both realized there was more than one kobold in the coat.

Unlike Stanton, though, Cassandra could see exactly who the top kobold was. Softly, she whispered, "Cleverclaws?"

"You know a kobold?" Stanton asked, his sharp hearing not missing the name Cassandra said.

Panic hit Cassandra as she tried to figure out what to say. "I, err, saw her hanging around in the market one time. Well, in an alleyway. I mean, of course I confronted her but—but they're not exactly bad, you know?"

"Okay. So I can kinda see that. I'm friends with a succubus, after all. Okay, I wonder if her—uh, they, can cook. Do you think so? What will I do if they win?" Thinking about it, Stanton shrugged. "I guess I take them on a date."

"Can we stop and take a breather for a moment? How easy-going are you about all this?" Cassandra gestured to the room, where Lorissa was carefully laying out fish she'd purchased, Gisse was wrestling with a pig soul that didn't want to submit to her soul-grinder, and Battlemaid had covered half of one of her arms in chocolate. The kobold(s) carefully laying out cooking ingredients like an actual chef surprised her. "This isn't normal."

Stanton wanted to laugh and blurt out everything: Super Lupine Girl, fighting a dragon, picking up stray allies, and topping it off with him being—physically at least—female. But, the problem with that was it put Cassandra in danger. She would know who Super Lupine Girl actually was, and though Stanton respected her skills with magic, he didn't want to put a friend in harm's way. "You don't know the half of it, but what does this matter? I go out and have a lovely dinner with a demon, a group of kobolds, a psychotic werewolf noble—by the abyss, I wouldn't be surprised if the dragon turns up here and decides to cook me a nice gazpacho. Would I take her on a date? Maybe, if she promised not to beat me up."

The clock on the wall, an accurate magic-powered water clock, gave a chime to signify the hour. Cassandra was thankful, as it gave her a chance to straighten out her feelings. Hearing Stanton say that he'd be civil with her dragon self, if she didn't get physical with him, was a huge boost to her self-assuredness.

Clearing his throat, Stanton looked around at the expectant amateur cooks. "Okay. Everyone knew when this was starting, and that time is now, so get to cooking!"

Gisse looked at the poor soul she'd stuffed into the grinder and felt anguish. "I'm sorry." She started cranking the handle while her mother cackled. "Mom, if you ruin this, I'll—" Instructions flowed. How to judge when the soul was about to be ground up completely, how to let it out and free, as well as more details on the cake recipe. "Thanks."

Triana was sauteing vegetables in one pan while letting the steak she'd purchased come up to normal temperature. She wasn't as good as the staff in her family home, but she'd been practicing with them to become a better cook.

Battlemaid was starting to narrow her computed possibilities for dishes likely to appeal to Stanton simply by elimination of ingredients. She'd accidentally overheated her chocolate—in less than a second—and caused a minor explosion with it. Now there was not enough chocolate to make nearly two-thirds of the possible dishes that would appeal to him. This was, by her own logic, a success already; any time you could make probability matrices smaller was a definite improvement.

Reaching slowly to the handle of her sword—and then to the knife beside it—Lorissa steadied her breathing. This was it. Her big moment.

"Slice as you would in combat. Your target is still, but don't accept that its lack of movement should imply you don't use all your speed." Swiftpaw was glad his student had started to learn patience. "Now, strike."

The salmon steak was there, in front of her. She didn't need to see it to know where it was and its dimensions. Her knife came out and made a series of precise slicing motions, reducing the entire piece of fish into thin sashimi.

"You may now try a piece. Use the sauce we acquired, but only a little."

Whipping out a pair of chopsticks, Lorissa carefully lifted one of the perfect slices of salmon, delivered it to the little bowl of sweet soy, and then popped it in her mouth. The world seemed to stop around her as the excellent flavor of the fish and fermented beans worked together so well it brought tears to her eyes. "You're amazing, Swiftpaw."

"I know. Now, the next task is to finish washing this rice."

Cassandra had been watching Lorissa the closest. The exaggerated movements and slicing of the fish had reminded her of something—though she couldn't put a talon on what it was. The last cook she had been deliberately neglecting. Cleverclaws seemed to have everything under control—except the other kobolds in the coat made that difficult.

"Stop moving," Cleverclaws said, quietly but firmly. "This is tough enough working with all this huge stuff without— Stop."

"But Legbiter bit me!"

"Did not!"

"Then what bit me?"

"… I did."

"Who else is down there?"

"Me."

"If you don't stop moving," Cleverclaws said, "we won't get to go on a date with the cute human." Every kobold under her went dead still. "Good. Now, do exactly as I say. One step closer to the bench, please."

Stanton gestured at Cleverclaws and leaned a little closer to Cassandra. "I think they've settled their argument. Look, she's going great now."

Wanting to go and chew out Cleverclaws, Cassandra had to admit that getting her future husband-to-be used to kobold cuisine would be a good idea. Though, she had reservations about Stanton and the kobolds getting together. She knew Stanton—he might just try to organize a rebellion against their dragon overlord. "Oh, maybe not."

When Cleverclaws wasn't looking, Triana managed to flick a little ball of shrimp digestive tracts into the pot before the kobold. Grinning to herself, she turned back to continue preparing her food.

"Is that cheating?" Cassandra asked Stanton.

"There are no rules against it, so I guess not—Wait, I think the kobold spotted the problem. Yes, she scooped the veins out with a spoon and flicked them—in the mouth of another kobold head that poked out of the cloak. I don't think they minded it." Stanton had been expecting a nice bit of food, a bit of a laugh, and some good company—he had not anticipated a comedy show.

And that's the moment Elspeth strode through the entrance, in a large werewolf form; her face and arms bloody. "There you are! Mate! Come feast!" Marching forward, she dragged a deer along at her side, not caring about the red trail behind her.

Stanton's jaw almost hit the floor—figuratively. He watched as the woman marched up to him and tossed the deer (that was only marginally smaller than she was) at his feet. "Uh…" Her eyes locked on his and dared him to refuse it. "You have an hour left to cook it."

Snarling, Elspeth bared her teeth and projected bloody saliva forward. "We are werewolves! We don't cook our kills!" She wasn't surprised to see the saliva evaporate before reaching Stanton's fancy clothes or face. "Or aren't you actually a wolf?"

"I'm a wolf, Elspeth, but this was a cooking contest, not a hunting one. Either cook some of that or forfeit." Waiting for her next move, Stanton sensed the strike coming well before it landed. Shifting sideways, he avoided Elspeth's attack with ease. It helped that she was slower than the dragon he had been facing. "You can't even fight me in my human form, what hope would you have if I shifted?"

Elspeth's anger rose higher. She swung at him again and again, and nothing she could do would even land on him. He even bowed his back flipping end over end to avoid a double swing. "Fight me!"

"You've lost, Elspeth. Go home, and take the deer with you!" Triana shouted, taking a moment from preparing her steak to glare at her competitor. "You can't read a room worth a damn. He isn't one of those uncultured, lower-born wolves that have courted you. Stanton is class from the tips of his toes to the top of his head."

Rounding on Triana, Elspeth snarled and launched herself at the woman. She expected the woman to shift, planned on it, she just didn't expect Triana to be bigger than her. With a snarl, she began swinging at Triana, but where Stanton had evaded her attacks, Triana grabbed her wrists with her own, shoved down to force Elspeth to dip her head, and then headbutted her.

Opening her mouth wide, Triana forced Elspeth to the ground and clamped her jaws around the other woman's neck. When Elspeth didn't immediately go still, she began to tighten her grip.

Elspeth wanted to make a fight of it, but the more she moved, the more Triana tightened her grip until her teeth threatened to pierce Elspeth's thick hide. She slumped and whined, and while the grip persisted for a few moments, Triana did release her and take a step back. It was horrifying for Elspeth—rocking her worldview—that she could be taken down so quickly.

"Butcher this thing and cook Stanton a steak." Triana's werewolf form, unlike Stanton's more compact and feminine-enhanced one, looked all beast. Huge muscles, thick hide, and lupine fur markings belied the fact she was still female. When Elspeth seemed unmoving, she grabbed the deer herself and tossed it at Elspeth.

For Cassandra, seeing such a huge werewolf—when she was used to Super Lupine Girl's physique—made her realize how odd Super Lupine Girl was. Seeing Elspeth take the deer, though, and head to one of the work areas was a bigger surprise. "She's going to do it?"

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This story is released under the Creative Commons BY-NC-SA license. If you are paying money to see this or the original creator, Damaged, is not credited, you are viewing a plagiarized copy of the story.