Guilty Conscience [Parody]
Joshua and Sonic are walking through a world filled with fantasy creatures as they talk to Jiminy Cricket.
Joshua: See, I would've handled the puppet totally differently.
Jim: How so?
Joshua: Like, actually give him advice and push him away from danger.
Jim: Sometimes, you have to let them make decisions on their own. Let them encounter certain mistakes and push past them! Being a conscience is harder than you think.
Joshua: Man! I'd be a Way better conscience then you!
Jim: Then, perhaps you should try it sometime, smart Alec!
Joshua: I'll go right now!
Sonic: Whoa! Before you go out on a whim and over the brink, just listen to him. It's harder than you think!
Joshua: You trying to kibosh me?! Stand aside and just watch me!
The music starts up.
Narrator:
Meet Freddy.
Out of money and in the need for a fix,
he decides to hack the Sony store to pirate a game.
But, on the way to his desk,
he has a change of heart.
And, suddenly,
his conscience comes into play
Joshua: Alright, Stop! Before you hack the core of that store, I implore you make sure to think about the consequence.
Fred: (Who Are You?!)
Joshua: I'm another guilting conscience!
Sonic: Like Mike Pence with car dents harming his mind hints, that's nonsense! Go in, grab all the games, and hide in your dame's internet mainframe! You'll be safe to laze with Lays for days as you graze the Thames in Legacy of Kain, which I still haven't played!
Joshua: Yeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed to, it'll show you and your games to all who know you. They'll get their own clue and expose you! Just, think it over before your hacking burst. Look at your pet bird, man! It's dying of thirst!
Sonic: Screw That! Grab a hammer, smash her, tag her, bag her, throw her at your niece, kidnap her, slash her, stab her, and Gift Wrap Her!
Joshua: Calm Down, Slim! You're just a rapper!
Sonic: Shut up, dude! Speedy wanna cracker.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Fred: (Maybe instead I'll go to the crack store)
Sonic: Yeah!
Joshua: Nah, man. That'll make your family hurt more. Don't be bad and rude.
Sonic: Know what, J? I don't like yo platitude!
Narrator:
Meet Dan.
Your average writer with a warped mind.
In the middle of writing a naughty scene,
Dan thinks about practicing on his sister.
Once again,
his conscience comes into play.
Sonic: Now, listen to me. Do just as you think. Grab that mink, put her on the sink, and hit her with your spring 'til she sings! All you gotta do is make sure the parents ain't home.
Joshua: Man, use your own brain dome! It's your little sister. In the game, she ain't fair!
Sonic: Listen to his thoughts. You think he cares?
Dan: (Uh-uh)
Sonic: Kiss her lips 'til she's into the affair and doesn't even care how she got there!
Joshua: It's a nightmare! Don't you make games for kids?
Sonic: Not if you count all the rule34 I'm in!
Joshua: You really think this'll make you alpha male?
Sonic: Yup! Hit that chick, write that skit, and sail!
Background:
These voices. These voices. These voices.
They follow. They follow. They follow.
Narrator:
Meet Jamie.
Coming home from a long day of coding,
he finds his wife playing his game,
Galavant,
with his squad,
using an aim-bot to slay them all.
Daisy: Jamie!
Jamie: You're Hit-Woman-47?! So, that's how you did it. You Stupid Little-!
Joshua: Alright! Calm Down! Don't go beating-
Sonic: Screw That! You just saw this chick's only creaming elites with cheats! While You were making the game, She was trying to break it?! Screw divorce! Take this fake chick to a snake pit and dump her in there naked!
Joshua: Wait! What if there's an explanation for this-
Sonic: What?! She tripped, fell, landed on a click, and scored free hits?! You'd have to get shot in the head to get that brain-dead!
Joshua: Alright, Sonny. Maybe you got a point, honey. But, think of the money before you get all funny.
Sonic: Okay, thought about it? Still wanna sack her? Fill a bag of cash and smack her? Make a body pile and stack her? That's what I'd do. Be smart, dude. Wanna take advice from some lame guy who failed to make his own game fly?
Joshua: What'd you say?
Sonic: Yeah. Those coding classes you took and dropped to fail at making books! Didn't think I'd remember?
Joshua: I'll Kill You, Little-!
Sonic: Ah, ah! Temper, temper, mister J! Mister never swear on a page, but it's fine in the brain cage to let out all your rage no matter how misplaced! How you gonna tell this guy to be patient?
Joshua: 'Cause, his mind's normal and mine's bent! Aw, screw it! I know how to deal with this scat! Come on, Jamie! Where's yo rat-a-tat at?
*BANG* *BANG*
Sonic voiced by Slim Shady
Joshua voiced by Dr. Dre