The vampire’s fingers felt quite warm as Lilly tentatively shook his hand. She’d been under the impression a vampire’s skin was deathly cold, hard and clammy but his handshake was quite normal, though rather firm.
Lilly pulled her hand away nervously and cleared her throat. She wondered if Elle was ever going to recover from her dazed, flour covered state and help dig themselves out of this tricky and embarrassing situation.
“I’m sorry, Mr Rochester. I… we… thought you were…”
“A boggart?” he offered. “So I gathered.” He pointed to the compendium on the table beside Elle. “If you’re going by the nonsense in that book, you’re always going to get it wrong.”
“But this is the official guidebook…!”
“Written by an idiot,” he said, “who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Oh,” was all Lilly managed to say.
Elle seemed to come back to life, jumping to her feet and edging around the side of the table to put some distance between herself and the vampire. She made a huffing sound and folded her arms across her chest. The vampire eyed her quizzically.
“We’re required to buy this by law,” she said. “Why do they make us buy it if it’s shite?”
He shrugged. “So humans can’t eradicate the infiltrators themselves, necessitating the hiring of a professional.”
They were both surprised by his candor. Elle threw her a look which Lilly roughly interpreted as ‘See! I told you they were arseholes!’.
Lilly coughed and made a point of ignoring the implied message.
“So, Mr Rochester, what can we do for you? We usually only allow staff into the kitchen and…”
“Charlie. Please call me Charlie. I’d like a room. I need to stay in the area for a while.”
“Oh, right. Well…” She was about to lead him out to the hotel reception, but his attention was elsewhere. He was peering at a row of potted herbs on the kitchen window sill.
“Looks like you have a boghart.” He nodded towards the potted chives.
“A boggart? But I thought they were supposed to be able to change form? And stink? I really don’t smell anything.”
“It’s a boghart - with an ‘h’. A common mistake, but an entirely different creature, and much worse than a boggart.”
Elle backed further into the corner. “Why are they worse?”
Charlie pulled out a kitchen chair, wiped the flour off the seat, and sat himself down. “They look the same, but they don’t change form, and they don’t have the odour.”
“That actually doesn’t sound as bad to me,” Elle said cautiously.
“They have a nasty habit of… well, there’s no other way of saying it. They molest animals - intimately. If your pets have been acting strangely lately, it’s a sure sign that thing has had a go at them.”
Lilly gasped. “That’s just… nasty!” she exclaimed. Now she thought about it, her two black labradors - Piper and Tosh, and Horace the hotel cat had been behaving rather oddly. They’d wanted to stay outside even in the chill of the late October evenings. That was particularly unusual for Horace, who usually couldn’t be budged from his place by the fireside on a chilly night.
“There’s nothing about bogharts in the book,” Lilly said. “How do we get rid of it?”
Charlie leaned back casually and threw his arm across the back of his chair. “Hire a professional,” he said unhelpfully.
Lilly bit her bottom lip and looked down at her feet, then stole a glance at the vampire, her face reddening.
“Er… we haven’t really got the funds for that.” She knew vampires charged a small fortune to eradicate pooks, after all, they did have the monopoly on it. It was quite obvious from the faded, out-dated furnishings, leaking roof and peeling paint, the hotel wasn’t doing too well. He’d even remarked on the hotel’s lack of prosperity himself. Perhaps he’d just do them the one small favour and get rid of the boghart out of kindness. Was there such a thing as a kind vampire? She looked at him hopefully and tried not to seem too pathetic.
“Could you possibly…”
“I could make a deal with you.” He sat up straighter in his chair. “If you let me stay here, free of charge, for as long as I need to, I’ll get rid of any infiltrators you want.”
It seemed a bargain, in fact, Lilly thought to herself, way too good a bargain. As a rule, vampires were almost always wealthy - the new laws were set up to make sure of that, so the cost of a room in a cheap highland hotel would hardly seem a hardship for him. She wondered what was really in it for him, but she decided it would be impolite to ask. Besides, after hearing that the pook had been terrorising her pets, she really had no choice but to get the vampire to rid the hotel of it.
She considered her options for a few moments more before deciding she really didn’t have any other alternative. “Okay,” she agreed. “You have a deal. I’m afraid, Mr Roch - I mean, Charlie, we have quite a problem with pooks at the moment. This place really seems to attract them. I guess it’s its age - lots of nooks and crannies for them to hide in.”
Charlie’s eyebrow lifted momentarily, but he didn’t reply. Instead, he pulled out two kitchen chairs - one on either side of him, and urged them to sit down.
“We’ll get rid of the boghart first then,” he said. “It’s done easily enough.”
Looking about the kitchen at the aftermath of their afternoon’s efforts to catch the pook, Lilly doubted his words. She sat down but stood immediately to find a lump of dried oats on her seat. The table too was a mess of treacle, flour and porridge.
“I should clean this up first. We can’t do anything in this.”
The vampire grabbed her hand. “Leave it. It’s exactly what we need.” She sat down again, confused.
Charlie tossed the compendium disdainfully into the kitchen bin. His aim was perfect.
“Make yourself at home,” Elle said dryly.
“Pass the lantern here,” he ordered. Lilly handed him the lantern and he placed it to the side of the mess of flour and treacle.
“Okay,” he began. “What you’re going to see is going to be the most amazing, intriguing thing you’ve ever come across. Or that’s what you want the boghart to think.” He began to draw squiggly figures in the flour with his fingers.
“Lean closer and be amazed,” he ordered softly.
The girls leaned in and focused on the swirls and symbols he was making in the mess.
“Er… wow…” said Lilly. She had no idea what the symbols meant.
“Awesome,” Elle said blandly.
Charlie stopped and frowned at them. “Do you think you could be a little more convincing?”
“What does it all mean?” Lilly asked, trying to make sense of the shapes which looked a little like Egyptian hieroglyphs.
“Nothing. It’s all gobblety gook. But the boghart doesn’t know that. They’re really inquisitive and like to spread gossip. If it thinks we’ve got something interesting here it won’t be able to resist coming closer to investigate. So act like what you’re seeing is the most incredible thing you’ve ever witnessed.”
Lilly and Elle revved up their enthusiasm and sure enough, the ugly face of the boghart peeked out from behind the potted chives. Charlie continued to draw squiggles in the mess, and the girls kept up a steady stream of ‘Wow!’, ‘Amazing!’ and ‘Cool!’, leaning closer over the table so the boghart couldn’t see what they were looking at.
“He’s coming.” Charlie nodded at the creature, which had moved to the kitchen dresser and was now on his tiptoes, trying to see over Elle’s head. Elle leaned even closer to the table top, and Charlie shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. He cleared his throat and rubbed his nose, leaning away from Elle until his head was nearly against Lilly’s shoulder. Lilly figured Elle’s close proximity would be quite enticing. Elle, caught up in their task, seemed to have forgotten she was sitting within biting distance of a hungry vampire. Hopefully, Lilly thought, vampires had more restraint than popular culture had lead everyone to believe.
After a few minutes of marveling at Charlie’s flour drawings, Lilly was relieved to see the boghart scoot across the floor and pull itself up on to the chair at the other end of the kitchen table. Its head peeked over the edge of the table, but it was obviously not happy with the view because it abandoned all caution and jumped on to the table, shuffling closer until it was standing at the edge of the mess. Frowning thoughtfully, it leaned over to take a closer look, scratching at the scraggly hair on its head. In the blink of an eye, Charlie’s hand shot out like a striking snake and grasped the creature around the neck. It let out a yelp which was cut short as the vampire deftly twisted its head until its neck snapped.
Lilly gasped, standing up so abruptly her chair nearly toppled over.
“You killed it!”
Charlie gave her a quizzical look and dropped the lifeless body on to his artwork. “Of course. What did you think I was going to do with it?”
“You didn’t have to kill it! You could have… let it go somewhere, in the woods or something.”
“It would have eventually made its way back again. Besides, the law says any infiltrators must be exterminated.”
“That’s not very fair. What if they’re the harmless kind?”
Charlie shrugged. “Life’s not very fair. Besides, there are so many of these things coming through now it’s hard to keep up with them. We don’t even know what half of them are, or what they’re capable of doing.” He stood up, slapped his hands together to dust off the flour, then picked up the boghart by its shirt collar.
“This thing,” he said, holding it up in front of his face so he could study its lolling head, “is a nasty little pest, but there are way more dangerous, malicious beasties on their way. You humans have no idea the floodgates you’ve opened when you thinned the veil. You should have stuck to making the hole in the ozone layer.”
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
Another wave of pounding on the kitchen door interrupted the conversation.
“Do you want everyone to feckin’ starve?” Clary’s voice carried through the oak door. “Or should I just send them on to Maccas?” His tone was full of sarcasm - aside from the tearoom in the village down by the loch, Rathcraeg Hotel was the only eating establishment around for over thirty miles. His reference to McDonalds was a joke. With the arrival of the Awakening, electricity and petrol prices became so exorbitant that only the very rich could now afford to use electricity regularly or to run a vehicle. Most big corporations and franchises had closed down as their customer base descended into poverty. It seemed, in most places, the average person’s lifestyles had gone back in time a few hundred years. Now mostly candles and lanterns were used for lighting, while transport options were reduced to a horse and cart if you were lucky, or just plain walking. The mega-rich members of HAVA still ran their vehicles, took plane flights and watched their televisions. The common people, when they could find the energy to even think about anything other than surviving in this world, resented them for it.
“Five more minutes and I’ll tell them we’re feckin’ closed then?” Clary shouted.
“The door’s unlocked.” Charlie called casually as he walked to the kitchen bin. He dumped the boghart’s body unceremoniously on top of the Pook Book. Lilly briefly wondered how he’d managed to unlock the door in the first place. She was quite sure she’d locked it from the inside.
Clary barged in and stopped short at the sight of the trashed kitchen. He clutched the sides of his head in dismay.
“What the feck have you done to my kitchen?!” He spotted Charlie. “And who the feck are you?”
Lilly stepped forward to placate him. “It’s okay Clary - he’s been helping us get rid of a pook.”
“Really. And I hope he’s going to help clean the feckin’ kitchen too?”
“Um, actually, Elle’s going to help you, while I book Mr Rochester into a room.” She gave Elle an apologetic glance.
Elle didn’t seem too happy. “Geez, thanks,” she said, looking around at the mess. “Can we at least have Nelson to help? Where is he anyway?”
“Being a tosser as usual,” said Clary. “He’s out in the bar trying to pick up some sleazy looking chicks.”
“Ah, sleazy chicks.” Charlie went to the sink and began to rinse his hands. Lilly wasn’t sure whether his last words were a declaration of his admiration of sleazy chicks, or a half-spoken statement of his intention to check out the ‘sleazy chicks’ himself. Considering vampires were reputed to have enormous sexual appetites, Lilly figured the presence of some easy girls was like a red flag to a bull to him.
“I’ll go find him,” she said. “And send him here. Mr Rochester, if you come with me now, I’ll check you in and show you to your room.”
She lit another lantern and led Charlie to the hotel reception, leaving Clary and Elle to grumble and clean the kitchen before starting on the dinner.
“I’m afraid we don’t run the lights very often,” Lilly said apologetically as she placed the lantern on the reception desk. “And the heating - well, we make do with the fireplaces.” She flicked through the hotel ledger until she found the current date. Six years ago they had used a computer for hotel bookings. The place had been busy then - a peaceful but popular haven for folks who liked to escape for a break from their hectic lives in the south and unwind as they took in the magnificent Highland scenery - with its vast craggy mountains and deep peat stained lochs. Many of the bookings had been made over the internet after holiday makers found their website. The computer had long since been stashed away in the attic as they’d tried to pare down their exorbitant electricity bill. Now everything seemed to be harder - and take longer, and Lilly found it quite exhausting as she watched her business dwindle away while her workload somehow always increased. She tried not to complain though. If humanity could go without electricity, central heating and motorized vehicles for thousands of years, she supposed she would eventually get used to it. She wrote the name ‘Charles Rochester’ neatly at the top of the page. He was the only new guest booked in that day. He stopped her as she turned to get his key from the hooks behind her.
“I have some friends with me. They’ll be needing rooms too.”
“Oh, right. How many?” She hoped he wasn’t including them in their ‘deal’. She couldn’t afford to keep giving out free accommodation.
“Three. Separate rooms for each if you don’t mind.”
“Are your friends… um… like you? Because we only really have one vampire friendly room and…”
He smiled at her. “They’re human. I’m sure your rooms will be sufficient for our needs.”
“Okay. Er…” She needed him to understand the extra rooms wouldn’t be freebies. She hated talking money. It was the one part of her job she really detested. If she were honest she wasn’t management material. She was too much of a softy to manage a business properly. If it were up to her she’d put a roof over the head of anyone in need absolutely free of charge. When her older siblings had abandoned the hotel after their father had died, the manager’s role had gone to her, and she’d had to toughen up.
“That will be £120 a room.” She felt butterflies in her stomach and hoped he wouldn’t quibble with the price. If he’d expected his friends to be included in the deal, she was going to have to disappoint him. He didn’t say a word as he extracted a credit card from a wallet stuffed with cash. Lilly tried not to look amazed. She hadn’t seen that much money in, well, six years.
“Thanks. But we only accept cash now." He shoved the card back in its slot and pulled some notes out instead.
Lilly took them and shoved them into her nearly empty cash box. "Do you know how long you will be staying?”
“I’m not sure. Depends on how long my business here takes me.”
“Business?” She wondered what kind of business a vampire would be conducting in a tiny place like Rathcraeg, a hamlet which consisted of a blink-or-you-miss-it village, a crumbling deserted castle on the banks of Loch Muir, and the Rathcraeg Hotel. She couldn’t think of any of the villagers who would want anything to do with a vampire. Everyone was still smarting from the hardships imposed by HAVA, and vampires weren’t the most popular creatures around here.
“Yes, business.” If he intended to elaborate any further, he didn’t get a chance. Nelson appeared in the foyer accompanied by three gorgeous young women Lilly instantly understood to be the ‘sleazy chicks’ Clary had mentioned. All three were clad in skimpy outfits more suited to a bondage dungeon than the cold highland climate.
“Charlie! There you are! We were wondering where you had gone!” A tall, skinny redhead let go of Nelson’s arm to slink seductively across the foyer until she was standing as close as possible to the vampire, her fingernails, painted in black polish sliding possessively around his back.
“We thought you’d abandoned us!” A pale woman leaned against his shoulder and pouted at him, fluttering eyelashes from under stringy blond bangs.
The third girl - a tiny brunette stayed by Nelson’s side as he walked to the reception desk. Her glossy hair - long enough to swing all the way to her butt, gave Lilly a twinge of hair envy. Nelson looked as if he’d died and gone to heaven.
“Hotel’s busy at last Lilly,” he said cheerfully. Lilly glared at him. It was obvious the hotel wasn’t usually the most tourist-packed of places, but he didn’t need to point it out in front of guests.
“You’re needed in the kitchen, Nelson,” Lilly said, eyeing him stonily.
“I thought I’d help out with the luggage…”
“I’m sure I can manage. Or I’ll get Angus.”
His hopeful grin quickly turned to a scowl of disappointment. “But -”
“The kitchen, Nelson. They’re way behind. You’re needed.” She looked pointedly at him before he protested again. “Now.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His face dropped further and he turned and headed for the kitchen.
“Sorry about that.” Lilly picked up the pen again and looked at the women. “Now, your names?”
“Kelly Doone, Bianca Curtis and Terri Hurst.” Charlie spoke before the women could answer, nodding at the brunette, the redhead and the blond respectively.
“That’s Terri with an ‘I’, the blond interjected.
She was about to fetch Angus from his bar duties to help with the bags, but Charlie stopped her and picked up the luggage himself.
“No problem, I’ve got this.” He managed to carry all four suitcases easily up the three flights of stairs to his friends’ rooms. Lilly gritted her teeth while apologizing profusely at the women’s complaints about the shabby old furnishings, the lack of electric lighting and the pitiful heat from the small peat fires burning in their fireplaces. At least during the daytime they would have the magnificent view of the loch at the base of the craggy, heather covered mountain to make up for it, but Lilly doubted they were the type to stop and admire the scenery.
“Right,” said Lilly as she turned to Charlie, glad to close the door on the last of the women. “Your room is back downstairs.”
She ushered him down the three flights of stairs, through a long back hallway to the former servants section. To the rear of the hotel a set of steep stone stairs led to the extensive cellar - which included a maze of cold, damp rooms where the houses’ supplies and wine stores had once been kept in a time when the great mansion had been occupied by a prosperous Scottish laird. She stopped at a door at the end of a passageway and inserted a key into the ancient lock.
“Here we go.” Opening the door, she stepped into the room, placed the lantern down and lit a candle on an old oak dresser.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Charlie as he looked around.
Lilly looked perplexed. “Er, what do you mean?” Her gaze took in the old stone walls and spotless flagstone floor which she herself had scoured with a scrubbing brush, and the threadbare but still fairly impressive antique tapestry which hung from ancient iron hooks embedded in the walls. It may have been a simple set up, but everything seemed clean and suitable for a vampire’s needs. She’d even provided an old jug and bowl on the dresser for his ablutions. When setting up the room, she’d wondered whether vampires needed a toilet. In all that she’d read, she didn’t think so, but just to be sure, she’d placed a chamber pot on the floor by the coffin. The hotel’s nearest bathroom was on the next floor - too far a hike in an emergency. Maybe he was disappointed at the bathroom arrangements?
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“That coffin.” Charlie pointed to the long wooden box which sat on a plinth in the centre of the room.
“I’m afraid we couldn’t afford anything fancy, but Morris, our local carpenter, did the inside up so it’s nice and comfy…”
She hoisted the lid up, which Morris had thoughtfully screwed to hinges.
“But it’s a bloody coffin!” Charlie repeated.
Lilly stared back at him, a little confused. He was a vampire, and vampires slept in coffins. What was he complaining about?
“This isn’t the Hilton, Mr Rochester. If you were expecting something fancier…”
Charlie shook his head. “You think we sleep in coffins? Honestly?”
“Don’t you?”
“Are you having a laugh?”
Lilly was getting annoyed now, and a little worried. Maybe she had vampires all wrong.
“Just what do you know about our kind, Miss Frazer? Other than what you’ve seen in dodgy horror movies?”
She opened her mouth and closed it again. As the hotel’s manager she was required to be respectful and courteous to guests at all times, but his tone was pissing her off. And if she were honest, she was just a little embarrassed. Perhaps she really was ignorant of the habits and needs of a genuine vampire, and had just insulted him with her presumption that he’d want to sleep in a coffin in a darkened room.
He moved toward her, his footsteps even and calculated as though he were stalking his prey. She couldn’t help but take a step backward, and she found herself hard up against the wall behind her. Once again he was towering over her, his body too close for comfort. He leaned over until his lips were closer to her ear.
“You really don’t know much about us, do you?” he said softly. “Do you think we recoil at the sight of a crucifix, or flee when we spot a string of garlic?” His eyebrow rose as he studied her face. “Perhaps you think we burst into flame in sunlight, or sparkle, or rip the throat out of our unfortunate victims at the scent of a drop of blood?”
Lilly braced herself to look him in the eye. She hated that she felt intimidated and she also hated that he made her feel… something else. She was drawn to him, a part of her traitorously thrilled at his nearness as he stood over her. She had to get herself in hand and salvage the situation. Pushing a hand against his chest, she ducked under his arm and moved away from him.
“I do know you obviously have a problem with respecting someone’s personal space,” she quipped, raising her chin defiantly.
He paused for a moment, then a grin broke out on his face and he took a step closer. She had to stop herself from stepping back again.
Shrugging, he shoved his hands into his jeans pocket. “What can I say? I can’t resist the lure of a pretty girl. You smell nice - despite the vaccination.”
She gulped and rubbed the side of her neck. “You mean, I smell… ‘tasty’ to you?”
He laughed. “No, it means I like your perfume.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, deciding it was best to change the subject. Walking to the dresser, she blew out the candle and the room darkened - only the lantern provided any illumination now. She needed to get out of the cellar quickly - the two of them were all alone in the bowels of the house, out of earshot from any assistance, and he was making her feel uneasy in so many ways. It was best to salvage the situation, offer him alternative accommodation, and then get on with her duties, avoiding him as much as possible.
“Okay,” she said, grabbing the lantern, “if this is… unsuitable, what exactly are your needs, Mr Rochester?”
His eyebrow raised again and he grinned wickedly, which made her knees wobble a little. She steeled herself and rolled her eyes at him.
“I mean,” she went on, “do you sleep in a bed? Would you like a bed brought down here?”
“No need - I’ll take one of the rooms upstairs.”
“But I can’t guarantee the room will be completely sunlight-proof.”
He shook his head and gazed at her thoughtfully. “You really don’t know anything about us, do you…”
She looked at him quizzically, then shrugged her shoulders, conceding the truth. “I guess I don’t.”
“Then I’ll have to teach you. You have so much to learn.” He took a step closer again and she couldn’t avoid his eyes. They were a strange light blue, almost silver, rimmed with a sharp circle of black. Very compelling, even if he hadn’t been a vampire she was quite sure he would be almost irresistible, but she wasn’t about to go down that route. He was just a guest, and she would act professionally, despite the fact she knew he was speaking of teaching her more than just vampire 101. Neatly sidestepping him, she walked briskly to the door.
“I’ve still got lots to do, Mr Rochester, so if you don’t mind, I’ll show you to another room, and I’ll get on with my work. Maybe you can educate me about vampires another time.”
“I’ll look forward to it,” he said with a grin, as he followed her out the door.