The last fragments of the dream swirl through my mind and disappear like smoke on the breeze. I wake up to five missed calls from Zee, and a string of increasingly hysterical texts from Jamie.
16.30: Hey hun. Howd it go? Zee said you should be done by 5. Still up for coffee at night owl? Xx
16.52: Babe? U there? We're at the usual spot.
17.25: BABE WTAF WHERE R U? ANSWER YOUR PHONE
18.48: K we're gna bail. Hope ur ok? X
20.10: OMFG BABE ANSWER YOUR PHONE SRSLY
21.05: I'm worried can u call me? Did everything go ok with the band? Did something happen babe?
22.34: HOLY SHITBALLS ANSWER YOUR PHONE GEEZ
I've always been a deep sleeper – my parents say I could probably sleep through the apocalypse – but this is ridiculous. I passed out as soon as I got home yesterday, and I slept like the dead for more than twelve hours, even though my phone must have been buzzing all night.
That's right. I was meant to meet Zee and the others at the Night Owl yesterday.
I think about calling Jamie, but it's only just past 7am, way too early for her to be awake on a Sunday morning. I turn over and glance at the bright light streaming in through the window, bundling the duvet tightly around me.
It's going to be a beautiful day.
A quick stab of guilt ripples through me as I scroll through Jamie's texts. The girls must have really been looking forward to meeting up so I could fill them in on how my meeting with the boys went.
Something cold twists in the pit of my stomach. Dread.
How am I going to tell them about my decision to turn Fable down? There's no way I can talk about what happened with Kitty in the woods. It was all just too weird.
More than that, I have no clue how I'm going to explain to my friends that I'm totally severing ties with everything related to the band – everything I've been using as an escape from my problems. No more Fable YouTube video pajama party marathons with my BFFs, no more fanfiction, no more Fable Tumblr, no more obsessive fangirling whatsoever.
I've heard that during the height of Beatlemania, some Beatles fans pretty much lost their minds. Scores of delusional girls lost the plot over them. They weren’t just regular fans, but super-obsessed girls for whom the whole thing became a lifeline. They're probably still a bit cooked fifty years later.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
I almost became that.
I'm so glad I can see that now. For the first time in two years, everything's clear. I've been trapped in a fantasy land of my own devising. I lulled myself willingly into a beautiful dream filled with music and fantasy, so I could stay asleep and not face the cold, harsh light of reality.
Not anymore. I've finally woken up.
God, I'm pathetic. How could I lose myself so easily? I should probably go see Dr. Martel again. Ask her to put me back on the meds. Maybe this time they'll work.
I pull the duvet up over my head, curl up on my side into a ball with my arms around my knees.
How do I do this? Kitty will probably tell Felix and the others that I want out. She seems to have made that decision on my behalf anyway. And I don't have Felix's number, so it's not like I can call to tell him. I'll just have to let my silence speak for itself.
As I scroll through the messages, a new text pops up.
It's from Alix.
7.05: Sorry I lost my cool yesterday. Want to reschedule band practice? Micah can meet 2nite or 2moro. Let me know when is good for you.
With all the drama going on with Fable, it's like I almost forgot that I have my own band to worry about. Micah and Alix and I haven't played in front of a proper audience as Wild Blue Yonder yet, but we've been practicing for months.
We'd even spoken about starting to gig this summer.
This is what I need to be focused on. My own life. My own band. Not some passing-by English rock band so far out of my league, so far out of this world, that they might as well be characters in a goddam fairytale.
But... Felix said they need me. Who'll help them with acoustic guitar on the next album if I don't? It's not like they can just recruit someone. How could they trust they'll keep the whole thing secret? If BYG Records found out that Fable were secretly recording an album on their own...
For just a split second I wonder if Alix would do it in my place. Drums aren't the only instrument he plays – he's a great guitarist, and I can actually imagine him getting along with Ben, and maybe Lyall. Plus it would probably mean Zee meeting the boys at some point, and she'd love that.
Nah. Alix hates Fable with a passion. And it really isn't my problem. None of it is. I have my own life to live.
The thought fills me with a rush of energy, determination like I haven't felt in forever.
I practically jump out of bed, and I'm showered, dressed and out the front door minutes later. I hear my mom call out to me as I leave, but I don't stop.
Sorry, no time mom. I'm going to Zee's house.
I'm going to tell her everything. I've been a bad friend – not just the past few weeks, but ever since we met, with my constant emotional turmoil, flakiness and generally emo behavior. She deserves an apology, and so does Alix. I'll let him know I'm serious about our band. I won't ever mess him or Micah around again.
I'm done chasing unicorns.
With any luck, when I don't get in touch, the Fable boys will get the message. I'll never see any of them ever again, and they'll live their insane rock star lives, and I'll lead mine. My own real life, which is no longer being lived for them.
Zee's house is too far to walk, so I hurry around the side of the garage, to the spot where I always leave my bicycle.
It's not there.
It's still in the forest.
Goddamit.