Chapter 21: Sleeping Arrangements

In the end, we didn’t tell Benji about Third Eye that afternoon. I didn’t ask Lena not to. She didn’t ask me. But neither of us brought it up while we helped him settle in.

Maybe we shouldn’t have trusted Albie’s reassurance so much. It was obvious we both did.

I might still have dropped the truth on Benji if he’d gotten on my nerves, just to try to change the dynamic.

Instead, having him over didn’t seem as terrible as I’d expected. He stayed on his best behavior; the whole rest of the evening, even though we worked together moving the furniture, he only said something that made me want to snap at him three times. I liked to think I was on my best behavior, too; I only actually snapped once.

Still, I was glad when we finally finished rearranging and scarfed down a trio of instant ramen cups. We said our goodnights and Lena and I retired to the bedroom.

Neither of us had gotten changed. I felt too weird to pop out to the bathroom to do so like we usually did, with Benji camped in the main room. Under better circumstances, we might’ve just changed together, or at least pulled the divider back out; neither represented uncharted territory since we’d gotten back together. Not tonight. That felt weird, too.

Because our apartment was too small to share with a guest? Or just because we’d never had one stay over?

I couldn’t say, even for myself. Regardless, the whole vibe felt off. Without really thinking about it, I found myself pacing. I forced my feet to stop and looked around the open space I’d covered. “With my bed out and the room divider folded up, it almost feels roomy back here.”

“If any part of this apartment feels roomy to you,” Lena said, “it shows how skewed your perspective has gotten.”

“Well, once we pile this shit up on the floor, it’ll be back to normal.” I picked up the board she’d set her experiments on and transferred it to the space my bed had occupied.

She draped the clothes she’d emptied from our closet over her dismembered electronics, then turned around and flopped face-first onto her bed.

I sat beside her and rubbed her back. She wiggled, and I felt the heat change as her wings passed nearer and farther from my hands.

Bernie grumbled from his perch near the pillows. I reached over and patted his head with one hand while the other continued to knead Lena’s back.

“Did you find anything interesting before we got interrupted?” I asked.

Her shoulder blades flexed. “Mmhm.”

“Is that a don’t stop rubbing your back ‘mmhm,’ or a I found out something interesting ‘mmhm’?” I asked.

“It can be both.”

I kept going and waited for her to do the same.

When, after a few minutes, she hadn’t, I dragged my fingers away from the back of her shirt and concentrated on scratching Bernie’s chin.

Lena propped herself up on her elbows. I thought she might complain about the end of the massage, but she just watched me and Bernie with a contented smile on her lips.

Seeing her like that, I could actually put Third Eye out of my mind, even as I stroked the Daimon it had given her. I scooted up by the pillow and transferred Bernie to my lap.

Eventually, Lena crawled over and joined us. She rested her head on my shoulder and took over as the primary petter. Judging from Bernie’s contented murmur, the expert had arrived.

“In terms of the electrical stuff,” she said, “I didn’t really find out much we didn’t already know. It works about like we’d expect it to. Only lights up the bulbs we have if I go all the way to triple Fire, but once I pump enough in, it travels just fine through normal wires.”

“It’s really cool,” I said. “I’m not sure how much it’s going to help you in a duel, though.”

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She gave a little shrug. “Directly, it might not, but I’ve got a few ideas how it might come up. I don’t want to spoil you.”

“I’m not exactly going to spill your secrets, Lena.”

“I know,” she said. “But a secret technique loses at least half its power once somebody else knows about it.”

I glanced down at her, but she didn’t look up. That could have meant she didn’t trust herself to keep a straight face, or that she actually believed what she’d said.

Ordinarily, I’d have smiled at the second possibility. Lena wanted the world to conform to her narrative expectations so much, she convinced herself of it. Fine. Delightful, even. Right up until she needed to confront reality, and Third Eye might make her confront it in a life or death situation.

I felt like I should try to steer her away from that kind of thinking, but I didn’t have the heart to.

“Fine,” I said. “Keep your secrets.”

She laughed and snuggled closer against me. We lay like that for a while, the only movement our breaths and Lena’s fingers running gently along Bernie’s back.

The silence lasted so long, the sound of Lena’s voice surprised me.

“Speaking of secrets.” She glanced up at me. “We still haven’t told Benji about Third Eye.”

“He’s got enough to worry about,” I said.

“And,” she said, “you think he’ll think we’re crazy.”

“Wouldn’t you?” I asked.

“If somebody showed me proof? Maybe I’d think I was crazy, but I’d have to believe it, right?”

I smiled. “You can be surprisingly optimistic.”

“And you –” She poked me in the ribs. “– should give your brother a little more credit.”

So much for smiling.

She watched my expression change and hunched over. “I’m not going to fight about it.”

“Good,” I said. Was it? If she had to say she wasn’t going to fight, it meant she wanted to. Granted, it didn’t take a lot to make Lena want to fight. I hadn’t expected it over this, though.

She sighed. “I just don’t get it.”

I craned my neck to catch her eye. “If I tell you I don’t want to talk about this, especially now, will you drop it?”

She averted her eyes. “... Fine.”

She leaned further forward. Maybe it was just to hug Bernie, but maybe it was to put some distance between us.

Either way, we sat like that for a while, until finally, Lena rolled over and curled up with her arms encircling Bernie. Her back bumped into my side.

I eased myself down and, experimentally, extended my arm over her shoulder.

She glanced up and chuckled. “I’m not still mad at you, dummy. Go ahead.”

I cuddled up to her, realized how off the angle was, and scooted further down so we could try to share the pillow. I nestled my face against her hair. I closed my eyes. “Good night, Lena.”

“Good night, Cam.”

Neither of us had remembered to turn off Lena’s lamp. I didn’t want to sit up and disturb her, but the light attacked my eyes no matter how much I tried to squeeze them shut. I couldn’t stop thinking about how wasteful it was. Ludicrous, I know. Its LED bulb probably took less power than our computers did in sleep mode. Behind my eyelids, though, electricity bills ticked up on one side while smoke belched out of a power plant on the other.

Then again, maybe I thought of smoke because I felt so hot. Were my day clothes really so much warmer than my – admittedly threadbare – pajamas? Or was it just body heat from Lena, and maybe Bernie?

It’s one thing to say “sleep together” as a euphemism. It’s another to crowd into the same twin bed for an entire night. Lena and I hadn’t done so since we’d gotten back together. There was a reason we’d sold our couch and bought a second bed in the first place, even when we were originally dating.

I must’ve shifted, because she asked, “Well? How’s it living up to your fantasy? Still want those dive motels?”

“Some dreams are too pure and beautiful to be tested by the world,” I said.

“Yeah, we don’t really fit on here.” She stretched, and I had to hug her tighter to keep from being bumped off the edge. “Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Since neither of us were dozing, I sat up and turned off her lamp. Putting just a little distance between us seemed to drop the temperature. I frowned. “Actually, it kind of is.”

I heard her set up as well. She asked, “How do you figure?”

“It’s not the space, it’s the heat. You leave Third Eye running all night, don’t you?” I hadn’t shut mine off, either, but mine didn’t have passive effects as dramatic as hers. “I’m occupying the same space as your wings. That’s why it gets so hot.”

“Shit. I do, yeah.”

I didn’t hear her fumbling around for her phone.

“Why?” I asked.

“How else are we supposed to keep this place heated?” She felt around for my arm and tugged on me. “It’s fine. I’ll just have to be the big spoon.”

I resisted. “You leave Third Eye turned on because you don’t feel safe without HP.”

Silence. Her breathing, mine, Bernie’s. Then, whispered, “Yeah.”

“I think it would still protect us, even if we turn the app off,” I said. “I haven’t run it the whole time, and it seems to be preventing my allergies.”

“I think so, too,” she said. “You know. Think.”

Not know. Neither of us were going to jump up and test it.

I felt down the length of Lena’s arm and pulled her into a hug. “Sounds like it’s my turn to be the little spoon.”