It’s been a hot minute since I really used the staff of the heavens. Normally, it can sling a few holy spells and that’s it, however, the main feature is it can temporarily convert all your levels into sage… at a 3-for-2 ratio. That means light magic, buffs, and still no healing… somehow. (I’m told that plain healz were passed over for other spells under the assumption that the sage levels would buff up your preexisting healing. Turns out, garbage multiplies about as well as 0.)
So there I was, slinging out stoneskin, haste, holy barrier, and regeneration I. The latter being the only HP-regaining method in the entire pool. It helped between fights, not during. I would rather have used the Bison, but Lechia was still in a mood, and we didn’t have the foresight to put any preservatives in the day 1 bucketful.
There I was, leading with sword and staff like friggin’ Gandalf. My passel of bloodthirsty arachne didn’t exactly resemble the fellowship, though… aside from the very smol jumpers (one of which I coincidentally named Pippin). We were engaging blackwater spirits (AKA ‘blits’)—essentially ghosts but made of water—on the final floor. They were coordinated, with a line of pikemen and archers in the back. Holy barrier was our savior, deflecting most arrows and vanquishing the spirits through prolonged contact.
That last part was vitally important, since ‘blits’ follow slime-monster rules in melee, trying to envelop and drown you. Turning that around to ‘hug me until you die’ was the big edge we needed. Smith led the frontal assault, spear in one hand and a whip of sticky silken threads in the other. She wrapped it around their spears and cast them back, out of reach. Their means of killing discarded, the blits then jumped on her for the hug of doom… only to get turned to steam over several seconds as Smith somehow made holding her breath look smug.
While the frontal forces clashed, arrows flew left and right, each strike knocked off course by holy barrier, then harmlessly clattering off our stone-hard skin (or carapace, gotta be inclusive). Some would still draw blood, and my flanking force aimed to end that. The pikemen were barely reforming their ranks to defend our new angle when we crashed into them. Pippin eagerly pounced before the spears could be lowered, giddily holding her breath as the blit steamed into nothing.
Sonya and I struck a moment later, intercepting two more pikemen before they could stab Pippin. I leveled the staff and blasted them with ‘heaven’s invitation’, destroying two outright. Then I was out of mana and falling back on my bargain-bin fire sword (fire resistance on myself, ‘redden’ on my sword). Every slice hissed with steaming water as we plowed into the side of the formation. I cut down archers with brutal slices, sending forth the vorpal rays of energy to sever their bowstrings and bisect their unstable forms.
Their flank collapsed. The blits before us could either face Smith’s force or my flank, but not both, and that spelled the end for them. We cleaved right through the remainder, enveloped in rapidly-evaporating water and using our held breaths to their fullest. It was too late, as all were soon reduced to steam and puddles. When no foe stood, we stopped to heave labored breaths, as we had just done battle—for all intents and purposes—underwater.
I shook some water from my hair and glanced at Smith. Then my brow scrunched with concern. “Where’s Fuji?”
Smith stood up straight and whipped her head around, quickly zeroing in on the arachne in question. She was several paces behind, laid on her back and being attended to by Lady. The liquid she laid in… was not clear like water. I rushed to her side, followed by Smith and several others.
I knelt beside her and counted 7 open stab wounds, with 4 more already bandaged. Lady spun her silk as fast as she could, but blue blood was spilling away far too fast. I renewed the regeneration, then started what little healing magic I could do. My hopes were low.
Fuji raised a hand and Smith held it. “I… am I… alright?” she asked in a tiny voice, coughing up blood a moment later.
Lady tied down another bandage across her belly. “Don’t talk. Save your strength!”
Fuji blinked, a single tear slipping from her eye. “Captain… thank you… for all you… did save.” She inhaled with a gargling wheeze. “I want Goldie… to have… my…”
And just like that, she was gone.
I hung my head as I knelt over Fuji. Lady began to cry, as did a few others. My gaze crept onto the one possession that Fuji truly valued, then to Goldie, who was trying not to cry in the background. I scooped up the shield and approached her.
“You heard your sister. This is for you,” I stated, handing it to Goldie.
That was apparently one step too far, as Goldie clutched the old wooden shield and hid her face behind it as she began to cry in earnest. I let them have a few minutes and went to watch the uncleared hallway.
……
Our half was done. We’d made it to the bottom floor and emptied almost everything out. The only remaining creatures were rats, which I wasn’t being paid to remove. Why exterminate the source of tasty snacks that appear in the webs? We were on our way to meet up with Cam’s group to see if anything else needed doing.
We found him and company resting at the meetup point. He waved me in. “Hey, Bossman. We’ve got one more room. Whatever was in there was bad enough that Madame Gossamer popped in my head and told me to steer clear. Something about insectile enragement.”
I plopped down next to him. “Oh joy. We can get that in a minute.”
“Good idea, since Stitch is coming back with a venom delivery from the big boss herself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Took her long enough.”
……
Cam and I took point, keeping our Bisons up. Just one room to go, and of course it had to be the most dramatic production out of the lot. We arrived at a… scene. The entryway had been webbed by the little spiders, but at great cost. There were torn up little arachnids everywhere, smashed, shredded, every way one might describe a dead thing that doesn’t involve elemental stuff. I raised my hand to order formation halt, but they’d already left.
“Great, we’re on our own,” I whispered. “Lechia must have already recalled them,” I explained in a hush.
Cam glanced back and saw what I meant. “Just you and me, then. This because of the enragement thing?”
“Yeah, there’s like… 30 different mobs that get frenzied when fighting bugs and the like. Stay frosty.”
I utilized the silk bending to open a man-sized hole in the webbing, then fetched 2 thunderclaps. “I’ll take the right, you’re going left.”
At that, I rolled the bangers in and tried to guard my senses. 2 horrifically-loud explosions and stupidly-bright flashes later, I rushed in and cleared the right corner. Nothing. I checked left, seeing Cam had no targets either.
There were 4 possibilities. A: No monsters, unlikely. B: The monsters had escaped elsewhere, probably not. C: Invisible monsters, which I don’t know of any which frenzy on bugs. And D:... look up, dumbass.
My sights shot up to the ceiling just in time to see big fuzzy bats diving at us. I dodged left after nailing one as they landed, deafening booms of their own echoing through the dungeon. It sounded like thunder as they impacted the ground then stood up on their hind legs at 5-6 feet tall! Sturmfleders. A dozen landed and started hopping at us, so I started a good ol’ backpedal and shoot. It was clear that the bangers had at least dulled their senses.
Then I heard screaming, a yelp of pain. In my peripheral vision, I caught Cam going to the ground, though no bat was actually upon him. I used the remainder of my poor mana supply to jump up a good 10 feet, then bounce off the wall and hyperdash over him. I landed hard and mowed down 6 sturmfleders. Then I was out. One jumped at me and I halved it in one clean motion with the tomb sword. I was about to do that again when Cam stabbed the closing sturmfleder in the crotch with the Gossamer Needle, causing it to seize up and topple over.
I finished my reload and shot the survivors until it was just Cam and myself. 15 seconds. Inhale, exhale, check the ceiling again. All clear. I turned my attention to Cam, who was hyperventilating and clutching his hand. I knelt down to get his attention.
“What’s hurt? What happened.”
He took a few moments to choke out an answer, but he removed his right hand from his left. “Th- thumb,” he blurted.
I saw that his thumb was indeed missing above the knuckle. “Keep it under pressure,” I ordered as I reached into my bag.
I produced a tourniquet and got it around his arm. I twisted it down until it hurt, then firmly grasped his shoulder. “Now, tell me where your thumb is. Was it bit off?”
He shook his head. “Floor.”
“Okay. Stay awake, and get a healing potion from your bag, but don’t drink it, do not. I’ll be right back.”
I let him be and went to find his missing… piece. It really didn’t help that the room was dark, or that I had recently been partially flash-banged…
“What I wouldn’t give for you to be the pastiest motherfucker on Earth,” I grumbled as I searched the black slate floor for the black dude’s severed finger.
After what felt too much like an eternity, I spotted the light thumbnail and snatched up the digit. I rushed back to find Cam confusedly staring at a bunch of potions on the floor. Once I was by his side, I grabbed one of the healing potions and knocked on his head to keep his attention.
“I got your thumb. Now I need you to hold it for a second, then put it back after I pour the healing potion, got it?” He nodded but was only half-there. “What’d I say?”
“Hold… wait… pour… put.”
“Good enough. One Ethan Winters’ special coming right up.”
I stuck the thumb in his undamaged hand and popped the cork. I poured half onto his stump and once he saw it rolling down his wrist, he replaced the severed thumb tip and I dumped the rest. He hissed through his teeth, then visibly relaxed. The ol’ Louisiana hand water treatment. I removed the tourniquet and let him ride the shock out. Magical healing is great and all, but it’s even better when paired with practical medicine.
A few minutes passed as I made just, like, really sure the sturmfleders were dead (also skinning one for later). Then Cam called me over, and I sat beside him as he repacked his bag.
“So, what happened?” I asked.
“I… uhh, kind of jumped when those bats dropped in. Then I shot at the same time and my thumb was in the way of the string. That shit hurt.”
I snorted. “Better than getting it bitten off, I guess. What’s the deal with the mess of potions, by the way?”
He pursed his lips. “Oh, I couldn’t find any healing potions. I think I’m out.”
My eyebrow went stratospheric. “Whaaat? It’s these blue ones right here, the fuck?”
Cam paused for a moment. “Really? That can’t be right, healing potions are red!”
I shook my head. “The ones I gave you in the starter kit are, but not the ones the company buys in bulk. I don’t pay the extra gold just for food coloring! It says so right in the company handbook.”
“The… one I crammed in a night?”
“The one you crammed in a night.” I offered a hand to help him up. "I'm just glad you still have your thumb, dude."
……
We were back in the lobby room on floor 1. Cam was getting his thumb wrapped up and immobilized while I went down the bill, making sure everything was in order. The arachne squad was relaxing in assorted hammocks and nooks, the giant spiders were all about 2 pounds heavier… good times. Cam rocked up and tapped my shoulder.
“I’m ready, how about you?”
I glanced down at the bill, then nodded. “Yeah, okay. Hey, Pippin, she’s still out on the treestump right?”
“Yup!”
I hopped to my feet. “Right, let’s get this signed and get out of here. Be sure to decline her offer, by the way. Regardless of how she presses.”
He nodded. I didn’t even need to tell him what it was she might offer, he just accepted my sage advice. We marched out the front to see Lechia sitting on a tree stump, smoking herself higher than the heavens in the afternoon sun. I whistled and she turned her head, then stood to meet us halfway. I stopped at 10 feet, she stopped at 5.
“Alright, Cam, return her property and give a pleasant goodbye before I send you off to pack up.”
He stepped forward and offered the sheathed blade. “It’s a very fine sword, Madame.”
Lechia smiled. “And a thirsty one at that,” she added while replacing the shrunken needle in her hair. “Before you go, may I so humbly offer you a familiar?”
She held out an arm, and from her sleeve crawled a fairly large jumping spider. Cam looked at it and curled his lips inward. He took a deep breath.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decline your generous offer, Madame.”
Her face showed shock! Horror! Drama! It was rehearsed very thoroughly. “A terrible insult!” she cried in false indignation. “I allow you to use my power, and you reject such a gift? What could drive such a thoughtless response?”
Cam bit his lip for a moment. “Uhh, I, umm…” he trailed off, then he shook his head and reached into his pocket. He then offered an empty vial, which she took with a curious scowl.
Her face turned to genuine shock for a moment as she read aloud: “Arachnophobia-B-gone”.
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Lechia blinked in astonishment for a moment, then she threw her head back and laughed, no, cackled for a good 10 seconds. Then her head came smoothly down to fix Cam with a very disconcerting gaze as she leaned in closer.
“I accept your reasoning, but that was bold. Pray we don’t meet again, Stick Bug. For I will remember your smell.” She grasped his shoulder. “If I am ever offered a silken cocoon with your scent, I will know that I have not been given dinner. No, I will have been given a new favorite plaything.”
She let go and when nothing else was said for the next few seconds, Cam scurried off. She chuckled at his expedient pace. “Such a bright young lad. I would so love to wring that hopeful demeanor from his soul,” she sighed.
I shook my head. “I’m sure you would. Now, is there anything you would like to discuss before I hand you the bill?”
Her smile vanished as she interlaced her fingers. “Yes, the usual discount.” My eyes rolled as she gestured for a swarm of spiders to set down 3 cocoons of silk at her side. “Two Gods’ Chosen fell into my webs as of late. They are yours for the normal rate. Light damage, no eggs in them.”
I nodded. “Nice rhyme, I’ll take them.” A bit of math went down as I tallied up the new total. “And who’s lucky number 3?”
She waved her hand dismissively. “Your invisible friend. I grew tired of their skulking and skittering, so I put them away. That one will be free.”
“Ohh, so that’s where he’s been. Thanks for not eating or ransoming the government agent.” I offered the bill. “You broke the good behavior clause, so your total will be 9,458 plus carapace.”
Lechia frowned, then bit her finger and signed with a bleeding claw. “I won’t fight you on it.”
She handed the bill back, signed, and with payment: A cheque and E-D sack full of her most recently molted carapace.
As I made up the receipt, another question crossed her mind. “Is it true? That you cleared such an unassailable place as the tomb?”
I looked her in the eye, then tore off her part of the receipt. Once she accepted it, I stuck my hand in the bag, dropping off the papers and coming out wearing my wedding ring. I grasped the black obsidian and spoke into it.
“Verbal contract mode, outgoing non-disclosure agreement. 5 million gold stake.” Then I offered a handshake.
She narrowed her eyes, but accepted it, knowing full well she wouldn’t tell a soul. Our hands separated.
“I cleared it, got a macguffin, place blowed up. I don’t have the thingy anymore for reasons. Lots of bullshit, not many details I’m willing to share. Ask my lawyer if you must know.”
Lechia seemed impressed as she nodded slowly. “I knew you were good, but I did not expect such an achievement from you, dear Locust. I am satisfied with your answer.” She smirked. “Besides, I swore the next lawyer I met would be dinner.”
I nodded. “Since we’re already doing this, could you look at something for me? I have some untranslated symbols,” I explained, offering my stat card.
She took it, looking at the status effects. “Oh, these are… wait... no… no I don’t recognize these. A few of the symbols could be passed off as hieroglyphs from a few different languages—if drawn poorly—but I doubt there are any statuses having to do with… lunar fruit-pie… intercourse. Or any of the ones in between that I don’t know.”
My card was returned and I stashed it. “Thanks for looking anyway. I guess… uh, I won’t be seeing you again anytime soon.”
She tilted her head. “And why might that be?”
A frown spread across my face. “Well, I… kinda trashed you while under the effects of that truth spell. I don’t expect to be hired for a good while after that. Or ever.”
Somehow, a flash of sadness briefly materialized on her features before being snuffed out. She stepped closer and put a hand on my shoulder.
“Dennis, I have lived many thousands of years, and I have changed very little in that time. I have always been this way, and that makes it very… difficult to call anyone ‘friend’. So much so that I have changed what I consider to be a friend on numerous occasions through the years. In time, I have accepted that… everyone shares a view like yours. I am a dreadful means to an end for all others. Through me, power and wealth can be acquired, no more, and no less.”
She gazed wistfully for a moment. “You voiced it—the truth—and I only hushed you. You stated what most know to keep silent on, and here we are, talking about it like… adults. This means I consider you a very good friend.”
…
I wanted to say ‘that’s really sad’ but decided that was a stupid idea and settled on something else she might find funnier.
“If I am such a good friend, can we skip the part where you break my jaw?”
Lechia stepped back and poked her collarbone. “Hmm, no. Maybe for a ‘best’ friend; would you like to apply for that position? I could see you getting there with a few months of henchman work and... conditioning.”
I pursed my lips. “Guess I’m happy with the status quo, then. I’ll go help Cam pack up, and we’ll be out of your hair after the little goodbye ceremony with the girls. Should be before sundown. See you around, Lechia.”
She nodded. “We shall meet again when the need arises.”
Lechia then marched off, so I drew my sword and cut open the lumpiest of the 3 cocoons. The invisible ‘contents’ stirred once the shell was breached, then a small bit of panicked motion ensued as the ‘contents’ crawled out.
“Dude, calm down. You’re out now.” I grabbed what I thought was an arm and helped… uh, them… up.
“How do you even get into this shit anyway?” I asked as I hefted one of the GC cocoons. “You’re getting into ‘fool me twice’ territory, so it’s shame on you this time.”
……
IN MEMORY OF
LILO RED
DOTTY ROSE
BLADE FUJI
SASHA
YOUR POTENTIAL
RESTS HERE WITH
YOU, KNOWN ONLY
TO THE GODS.
I finished carving the memorial into the stone at the base of the cliff. Their weapons rested below, soon to be swallowed whole by the elements. I stowed the chisel-pen in my bag and stepped back. Taps played in the back of my head, a song I dared not try to recreate. I placed my hand on my heart, causing those around me to follow suit. Some words were said, but… I think it’s best that they stay there.
After that was more coffee, trying to raise the mood. Once everyone was served, it was time to award the hair dye. I let Cam go first, and he had a nice little pep talk with his team before handing it out to Knotty. She was happy and held it high, excitedly imagining her dark, actually-camouflaged hair. Then came my turn.
I stood up and clinked my cup. “I think we can all agree that while I must choose a single recipient—a standout among you all—that everyone fought with care and prowess. I asked you to protect one another, and that’s what you did. Through the fires of combat, you learned to treasure each other far more than the glory of bloodshed.
“But that leaves me with the task of choosing one, and I have. The one who—through failure and reprimand—ascended to become the protector of all around her. Smith!”
The ladies had the same mix of cheering and disappointment, however, the big absence was immediately apparent.
“Umm, where’s Smith?” I asked.
Goldie raised a hand. “She went off that way!”
I had a glance and nodded. “Alright, I’ll go deliver. Cam, do your thing, socialize ‘n stuff.”
He’d be fiiine. Arachnophobia is less when the spider is drunk and talking about embroidery… or so I’m told. I grabbed an E-D sack from the carriage and hopped off to go find Smith, following where Goldie pointed. It wasn’t too far, just a nice little hillock where she could watch the sunset. The spear was still in her hands, clutched protectively as she rested. Though she noticed my approach, her eyes remained forward as I sat beside her.
“Something on your mind, Smith?”
She fidgeted briefly. “A lot of things.”
I nodded, picking up the troubled tone in her voice. “Well, I’m here now, so this might be your last good chance to ask questions.”
Smith turned her head slowly toward me. “That is… the issue, isn’t it? Our mother made us for a purpose, not a care in her heart if we survive. She bestowed on us only what could be instantly, easily given. She does not care. I know this because she threatens to eat us with great severity.”
She gestured to me. “You are different. You taught us, fought alongside us, corrected our mistakes… and you are about to depart our lives. You taught me to protect my sisters… but how will I do that now? Orcs I could simply interpose myself and keep them at bay, but Mother? I can do nothing against her.”
I took a big breath. “Say what you will about your mother, at least she makes her kids smart.”
As I continued, Smith’s face twisted with concern, interlocked plates of carapace sliding and folding with one another to show such emotion.
“Everything you just said is completely valid. Your mother does consider you disposable, albeit less so than the giant spiders. She will eat you if you annoy or fail her, and you cannot stop her if she grows displeased with any of your sisters.” I paused, thinking if my rehashed ‘talk’ would need any tweaking before Smith got it.
“I’ve led broods like yours before, you know. There are two paths I have seen Lechia’s surviving children follow after I depart. Those who stay learn to garner her favor, most choosing to remain in their birthplace as guardians, and a few following their mother to her next destination. Most of them are now dead.”
Smith flinched, then shuddered. “And… what is the other path?”
“The other path is taken by many. They flee into the wilderness, surviving on instinct and making as much distance as possible. Eventually, they find a place they can call home. A place they can wrap in webs and know that meat will always come. A place… where they can have their own little brood and not threaten to eat them.”
Interest was both tangible, and hidden on Smith’s face. “And… how many die before they can find this home?”
“Depends. If they go alone? More than half. In a group? 1 out of every 5.” She turned her head away to think. “Oh, by the way, I came here to give you this.”
I placed the bottle of hair dye into her hand and she looked at it for a loooong time. “… What? This is… for the most responsible of us, the one who protects others the most. Why are you giving me this?”
“Because you earned it, Smith.”
Her face contorted. “I… I do the most to protect my sisters? Their wellbeing… hinged so strongly on me?”
I nodded approvingly. “It’s amazing what a little corrective discipline can do. And, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for making you eat Red’s remains. I did it to teach you the value of your siblings, but it was very cruel.”
Smith looked back to me. “I deserve no apology! You made me see the importance of protecting my sisters. I would not have become who I am without that, no matter how it hurt.” She sniffled. “Why are you being so kind?”
I leaned over to pat her shoulder. “Smith, I’m going to be straight with you. I haven’t been particularly nice. All I’ve done is treat you like a person and act like a leader. The literal nicest thing I’ve ever done for you was apologizing ten seconds ago. Most people in the world would say that I have been mean to you.”
Her lip trembled. “B- but you’re so much nicer than Mother!”
“Yeah, and?”
Two words? More like a sucker punch in the jaw and a hook in the gut. Like I said, at least Lechia makes them smart. Smith’s worldview went from ‘kid’ to ‘getting it’ in moments as she did a little bit of a Pythagorean calculation. Lechia’s assholery was C2, mine was B2… ergo, the average person’s level of cruelty was… A2. The lowest of the three. The only thing missing were the graphics of a dozen mathematical equations floating around her head. She began to mutter to herself.
“No, can it really be? Out there? What would they think, though? How can I keep them safe?”
Seeing the mental cogs spinning, I decided to hit the nail on the head.
“But anyway, that’s a whole lot of speculation. You couldn’t possibly be considering something as bold as running away, could you? No, you strike me as the type who won’t mind bowing down to your mother and watching your sisters slowly die off one by one until you’re all alone and have nothing left in your life. You already fulfilled your vow to protect your sisters, so why continue?” I stood up, seeing her disgusted expression.
“It’s a shame, though, I always bring this super-handy survival kit in case anyone actually does want to run away, but since you’re staying, I guess nobody needs it. I sure don’t, so I suppose I’ll just leave it here then.” I set the E-D sack down and started to walk away. “What a shame,” I muttered, stealing a glance back over my shoulder.
If there’s any face I remember, it’s a young arachne suddenly getting ideas.
……
“Alright, ladies. It’s been a pleasure working with you all. I hope to see you again someday, and remember: Ten thousand to anyone who invents a healing potion that works on arachne.”
I’m not going to go into the nitty-gritty of who said what, but safe to say most of the young ladies were waving, saying goodbye, and in various states of big sad. Especially Stitch, but hey, she’s Cam’s problem. The only true exception was Smith. She was… very still, fixing me with a look of determination as she clutched the kit. I gave her a subtle nod, then broke eye contact to continue waving to the mob. Soon, we were off into the distance, half the sun still peeking over the horizon.
“Dawgs, I don’t get it. How did a momma like that make kids that still just melt y’damn heart?” Pyroshir asked.
“Yeah!” Cam added. “I almost feel bad leaving them there. On the flip side, FUCK YES! NO MORE SPIDERS!”
“No more spiders for now,” I corrected. “We still deal with big spiders a lot, but at least you have the training and the item for it now. Also, side note, good on ya for declining the SPY-der she offered.”
He shrugged. “I was pretty sure it was a webcam on legs, but it’s nice to know from you. I do feel pretty dumb for cluing her in on my phobia, though.”
“Good, cuz it was dumb. Seriously, make it a life goal never to deal with Lechia ever again. That was about as friendly as she gets, and about the second safest you’ll ever be around her.”
“What’s first-safest?” he asked.
“Yeah, what’s the way we don’t die, homie?” Pyroshir added.
“We’ve been there already, actually. League of Conspicuous Evil HQ. She’s on her best behavior there ‘cuz they can debit fines right out of her account by the millions. Now, how far does anyone want to go before we set up camp? I’m kinda pre-bushed.”
……
“Are the TV dinners really going to be alright staying in the carriage?” Cam asked as he shoved his pack into the tent.
I finished chewing a soft cube of veal from my stew. “Totally. The carriage is so warded that it’s honestly safer than your tent, not that you can’t trust the safe zone I made. Besides, they’re pretty much in stasis so long as the web is unbroken.”
Cam nodded and picked out one of the stacked bowls to unseal. “As long as they’re alright,” he said as he sat across from me at the fire. “When will we unpack them? You plan to do an unboxing video?” he joked.
“Nah, no video. We’ll open ‘em up at LCE HQ since they have a tailor-made service to undo the mental and emotional trauma that Lechia inflicts for fun.”
“Great…” he remarked as he popped the bowl. “Goddammit, I’m dead again,” he groaned, holding up a big bowl of tortellini.
……
Nothing much else happened on the way back, other than Cam finally opening up about how hard it was to watch those under his command die. Yeah, he was hiding it under some jokes and shit, but that only lasts so long. I told him to spend some skill points on learning to cry and let it out. What do you even call a joke that’s also good life advice? … Other than ‘a joke that’s also good life advice’? I dunno, whatever, cut to League HQ. I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
……
The gate system thrummed to a halt as we reached the turntable. Big yadda-yadda on the ‘papers, please’ and inspection, jumping to when it diverges from the first visit.
“I do have business here today. I need to stop by the medical services wing.”
The Dark Knight glanced at the two cocoons highlighted during the inspection. “Two de-silkenings?”
“Yup.”
“We’ll have an escort assigned shortly. Cause no trouble, and have a bloody good day.”
Getting to the medical wing was no big business, just follow the guy and don’t piss anyone off. Heck, I even got to wave at a few old customers as we moved through the large underground tunnel system that I won’t describe further for legal reasons. What I can say, is that we arrived at the medical wing and someone was able to see us immediately. We got the to-go adventurers onto a table and started the unwrapping process.
Step 1: Fondle them thoroughly. No, seriously. You need to feel up every inch of their body like you’re searching for breast cancer. Any little lump must be noted and scanned with a magic doohickey, because guess what, that might just be an egg. They can be anywhere too, Lechia just slices your skin open, jams an egg in by hand, and bandages it up. Granted, she said no eggs in the handover, but am I gonna take her word for it? No!
The only thing we found was that Cam felt uncomfortable doing it to the sack of web that had boobs. Well guess what, if Lechia knew nobody would be willing to feel up some tits without express consent in the search for potentially-fatal parasitic eggs, she’d hide them there religiously. But it was all-clear, so…
Step 2: Strap down the cocooned persons and remove silk from the head only. Verify and ensure the presence of a pulse and respiration. In the unlikely event they wake naturally, skip to step 4. Otherwise…
Step 3: Slap them across the face with increasing force until they wake up. The adrenaline high is important for counteracting the downsides of the magical stasis.
Step 4: Weather the fit of rage/terror/hysterics. They’ve just spent an indeterminate amount of time being psychologically tormented by someone who has been practicing for literal millennia.
This step can take some time, and we nonmedical persons decided to vacate the screaming zone. We rubbed our ears and waited for the initial terror phase to end.
We walked in on step 6, 5 being to let them scream themselves hoarse, either until calm or passed out. It had been the latter, and they were being administered ‘trauma lockup’ amnesia brews, which takes all your recent trauma, puts it in a bottle that you can’t access, then lets it leak out about as fast as you can process it. Good stuff, a bit too easy to become overly reliant on, though.
Then we were on our way, with 2 unconscious GCs tied up in the back. It was late afternoon when we appeared in the forest clearing, so we elected to just power through and arrive back in town late in the evening. Only about halfway back did our guests of honor start waking up.
“Ugh, where am I?” groaned the guy.
I looked back, ready to give a straight answer. But then I saw someone regaining consciousness in the back of a carriage…
“Hey, you, you’re finally awake!”
Cam snorted as the guy raised his head briefly, then let it drop. “Fuck. Off.”
The girl followed a while after that and got the normal spiel since my joke was spent for the time being. We arrived at the town gate an hour after sunset, and the gate guards recognized me, so no trouble there. I stopped us at an inn and untied both GCs.
“Alright, you two. This inn has fine rooms and filling food. You need to get a night’s sleep and some dinner in you, then do an inventory of your stuff in the morning, a lot could be missing.”
I passed the guy a pouch with 50 gold. “This should get you both 3 days of food and bed, long enough to figure some crap out. If you have an emergency or need a stone to make a call, I’ll be at Golden Point. Ask for Dennis.”
They nodded. I got some thank-yous and crap and they disembarked. If you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you more about them, well, they didn’t really say, do, or share much. Besides, they’re trauma victims, so I’ll grant them some privacy for once.
It’s nice to have that, sometimes.