YAN P.O.V.
The world behind the portal was shrouded in darkness, an eerie fog was all my eyes could see. That thick fog must have been home to thousands of entities, as the second I entered the shadow world, I couldn't hear my own voice amidst the cacophony in my head.
Some were whispers, some cries, and some just words. The voice of a woman scolding her husband for not cleaning the dishes rang clearly in my head. Then, a child calling his sister a pig caught my attention. There were many voices in my head, speaking at the same time, calling each other, uttering my name.
Noises, so many noises that my head felt like it was about to burst. I wanted to breathe, but my thoughts couldn't reach my body, or they did but nothing happened. I felt my body touch a cold surface, but I couldn't focus long enough to understand what was happening.
Soon, the pain became unbearable, and the lights turned off, the self-defense mechanism of the body activating. I'm not sure what happened, but it's possible I fainted. When I say I have no idea about what happened, it's because I was in continuous pain for as long as I remained conscious.
How much time I spent lying on that wet ground at the barrier between consciousness and unconsciousness, I cannot tell. My body ached from the involuntary contraction of the muscles, my head hurt, and the pain intensified when my heart pumped blood. I don't know if I had ever experienced something more painful than this. And I certainly didn't know what to do to stop it.
The voices became more distant all of a sudden. I could hear their echoes for a little more time before I couldn't hear anything anymore. The pain tormenting me seemed to never exist, and a feeling of peace enveloped my being. My mind remained empty, and I let myself be led by the drifting sensation that carried me through the air.
It felt good, it felt like home. I no longer had any desires; I was just being. And I wasn't alone. Other entities that I perceived to be like me passed through the area where I existed. Guided by the same feeling and sensation, they created air currents that moved me from place to place, and I was just happy to drift in the wind. What I felt could be described as true and eternal peace, and I didn't seem to want to change it.
Someone passed by me, it was a human, but I was unable to identify him. Honestly speaking, I didn't care. The human extended his hand, and my drifting friends and I got pulled into his palm. Using us, the human ignited a flame in his palm, and we were the ones powering it. But we didn't care, just letting ourselves be immersed in the peaceful sensation.
The human then directed the flame to a tree, and we burned it to ashes. Then, a child appeared, and the human directed the flame to him. Without resisting, we started to burn the child. But something in me awakened at that moment. Something in me recognized the image of the boy. It was my little brother.
That something ignited a spark in me, and for the first time, I had the impulse to move against the current. Against the will of the human using me. But I stopped, unable to move. I gained the awareness that if I were to move, I would break the eternal peace I was feeling. And I didn't want that to happen.
I didn't want to lose the peace even though I was burning my brother. Two desires appeared inside me. A part of me desired to remain submerged in the peace, while the other wanted to make a move. But I, as a whole, loved the feeling, and it felt so hard to willingly give up on it. It felt much like in the morning when I didn't want to give up on the cozy feeling of my bed calling me to remain in the warmth of its sheets. And it felt like being held in a tight embrace by the one I loved. I was certain that I didn't want to give up on my peace, it was too hard to do it anyway. So I decided to stay.
The image of the child then turned into a naked woman. Her black hair cascaded down her back, her sun-kissed skin and red lips awakened another spark in place of the first. I now had another desire. Her curves, no, her whole being was pulling me towards her. But in the end, I still succumbed back to the eternal peace, burning her.
The human took us, the spirits creating the flame, back to his palm. And we all followed his will like the most natural thing. The human smiled at us, and another girl appeared before him. Wearing a summer dress, the blonde girl had a genuine, honest smiled. Her brown eyes gleaming with a flicker of light.
As before, the human threw the flame at the girl, and we started to burn her. But even though her face showed signs of the unbearable pain of being burned alive, even though we were peeling a layer of her skin, the girl never stopped smiling. And her watery eyes never turned cold on us like the previous humans.
I stopped my task without realizing it. As the other spirits continued to burn, I was just watching the girl's face. A new desire appeared inside me. I had no idea what it was, but for some reason, I associated the girl with the incarnation of kindness. And something broke inside me. The fear of losing my peace, the barrier that needed to be crossed in order to fulfill my desire, appeared once again.
But this time it wasn't about me. It was about destroying kindness, the thing that I considered the most sacred thing in the universe. And my own flames were burning it. I identified my desire as my will to protect something that I didn't understand properly but I knew it was sacred. For me, it didn't matter if I was burning in hell, but not once would I ever raise a hand against something so beautiful that once brought joy to my heart.
I willingly chose to follow my desire, and as I took the conscious decision, the peaceful feeling disappeared. The remorse of burning the tree, my brother, and that woman started tormenting me. But I continued in my decision. Evolving a step further by becoming conscious of my actions and taking a decision gave me the strength to influence the brainless spirits around me.
As they didn't possess a will, they followed mine without a single question. The flames stopped burning the girl, and I gained a new desire. I wanted to have a taste of her kindness, I desired to kiss her lips. But feeling remorse for my previous actions, I found myself unworthy of such a feat. So I proceeded to kiss her forehead.
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The scenery returned to complete darkness and I remained alone with a heavy heart, pressed by the consequences of my actions. Angry at myself for giving up on the eternal peace. But I regained my rationality and I was able to think again.
So that's how a spirit at a low evolution stage acts. That's why we are able to use billions of spirits in our spells. Because it's in their nature to submit to our will, I realized. But if we use them for evil things, we will receive their anguish and negative emotions when they evolve. Or even worse, their retribution when they evolve to consciousness.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed since the examination started, but I knew that I had to accept, forgive myself, and move forward. This wasn't my first time going through this process, so it didn't take me too long. After all, now I had direct access to my being.
When I felt better, when the remorse stopped eating me from the inside, I was pulled back into my body.
OMNISCIENT P.O.V.
Opening his eyes, Yan had to once again face the chaos of voices echoing in his head. But unlike the previous time, he didn't fight to resist them. He was too tired. Between narrowed and lazy eyelids, Yan saw the gate he had entered through. However, he no longer wanted to exit.
Outside the portal, Mr. Spinazola was overseeing the condition of the students who had already exited the shadow world.
"This is the sixth time you've participated in the Trial of Shadows, and you're still unable to resist even twenty minutes inside? And you still call yourselves geniuses? You're absolutely pathetic," Mr. Spinazola voiced his dissatisfaction.
"Teacher, the time inside the shadow world is different, we definitely spent more than twenty minutes inside," said a student.
"Do you think I don't know that?" Spinazola retorted. "Are you taking me for a fool?"
"N-no, sir," replied the student.
Mr. Spinazola could be quite terrifying when he wanted to be, especially with the scar extending from his left ear, across his cheek, up to his lower lip.
"Then why do you dare open your mouth? Why should I care about the time passage inside the realm? We all work according to the time in our world, so if you can't manage something for even twenty minutes here, I don't care how long you can do it elsewhere," Spinazola shouted, startling the tired students who had just come out of the portal.
"Sit down and recuperate," Spinazola ordered.
Back inside the shadow realm, Yan started to understand how to deal with his situation. By not fighting with the intrusive voices, by giving them freedom but not attention, Yan managed to slowly get out of his own head and enter a state of pure observation.
The trains of thought navigated chaotically through his mind, but Yan tried not to pay attention to any of them. That process took some time as he struggled to remain undisturbed and purely observational. But training in this manner proved to be the right and most natural way as Yan slowly returned to stillness. His pupils stopped trembling, his breathing returned to calmness, and even his skeletal muscles relaxed. However, after reaching this point, Yan felt his awareness stepping out of his body. He could now watch things from a third-person perspective.
Excited, assuming he had finally managed to detach his spirit and have an out-of-body experience, Yan was afraid to make sudden movements for fear of ending the state by mistake.
He slowly gazed around him. To his right, he could see millions of entities residing in the black fog. But when he turned to the left, he was startled, almost instantly returning to his body. However, the old man next to him placed a hand on Yan's shoulder, stopping him from running away.
"Don't worry, I am your guide, not a malevolent spirit," said the old man.
"You're my what?"
Yan looked at the spirit of the old man beside him and felt no negative energy coming from him. But he could not let his guard down so easily; evil spirits were cunning, after all.
"I was hired to be your spiritual guide," the old man replied. "I'm here to help you improve."
"Hired?" Yan asked.
"Do you think humans invented the concept of hiring someone to do something?" the old man asked. "Your knowledge is very limited, young spirit."
"So, you can guide me to improve?" Yan asked.
"Of course. Every student who passes the trial of their own shadow receives a guide to help them improve," said the old man.
Yan remained silent, not knowing what to say.
"We won't interact too much as your level is too low to allow us direct communication, but after you get your device, I will send you messages about what you have to do depending on your situation, wants, and needs. If you grow, I grow, and everyone is happy," explained the old man.
Yan nodded; that sounded good, even though he had no idea what it could mean.
"And how exactly can you help me improve? More than that, what benefits do you get for helping me?" he asked.
"In order for a guide to receive the mission of supporting someone who has passed the trial of shadows, that spirit guide must at least be a master of its craft. I have access to your past, present, and future. I can see what you're not even aware of. Our relationship will be one of mutual growth. As for the benefits I get for helping someone like you, in terms of your current time and space reality, it will be spiritual gold. A form of positive energy that is the currency of the spirits. We can spend it on creating our own worlds when we reach a certain level, asking for guidance, and even exchanging it for what you call abilities," the old man said.
"Then can you help me connect to my past lives?" Yan asked.
"Of course, but not now. You will have a mental breakdown that will negatively impact your growth if I allow you to see it at this moment. But after your mental power improves, I will be more than happy to show you."
"I understand," Yan said. "Based on the current me, what should be my next step?"
"You're weak, so I will teach you a simple method of refining the spirit fragments that interact with your mind." The old spirit's eyes glowed with an ethereal power as he gazed deep into Yan's soul through his eyes. "My job is done here, use what I have given you to refine the spirits. And remember, after receiving your device from the ugly teacher outside, place all your points into perception. All of them, understood?"
Yan was a little dizzy from the new information engraved into his being, but he nodded.
"Good, return to work," the old spirit said before giving Yan a push to re-enter his body.
Back in his body, Yan didn't even have time to curse as he was assaulted again by the voices. His hands moved, executing flowing gestures that pulled the entities roaming above his head between his palms. Then, by reciting the mantra given by the old spirit and activating the third energetic center, the spirit fragments between his palms were refined and absorbed into his body through the energetic vortex created by the third chakra.