Everything was dark and silent.

I imagine it would be terrifying in any other circumstance, but now?

Right now this was heaven.

It felt like nothing I could ever imagine, I was conscious but there was no body weighing me down. There was no brain or chemicals complicating things.

I was free and floating.

Floating through warm comfortable darkness that was everything I had ever dreamed it would be.

I remember my life before this, but it felt so small and limited.

Even though I didn't have a body, even though I could do nothing at all except be, just existing felt fulfilling in a way I don't think anything in the before could ever be.

I would have cried for years in relief when I got here, were it not for the fact I felt too good to do even that. I couldn't bring myself to think about the before, why waste time thinking of tragedies when it's so easy to just enjoy the moment?

I spent decades there, centuries even. At my sides, I'd see millions of pure, shining lights floating through the darkness, things like me.

Ahhh, the joy the sight of them brought me.

To see with my eyes someone enjoying the same paradise as me filled my soul with a love for the universe at large I don't have the words to describe. How could it not be great when it could make me feel like this?

I noticed that my memories were starting to fade as time passed, but I didn't care. How could I? Why would I dwell in the past when I was in literal heaven.

It was perfect.

Everything was perfect.

I was perfect.

Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

Until everything changed.

Out of nowhere the lights went away and I was alone.

The darkness wasn't the same anymore.

It wasn't comforting anymore, it just blinded me.

I didn't float on it anymore, it held me.

It wasn't ok.

I WAS NOT OK.

It was not perfect. I didn't feel good anymore.

I was heavy again.

It.. It hurt? Why did it hurt?

Things... things don't hurt anymore.

What happened?!

I was panicking. I was confused. I was afraid.

I wanted to cry, I never wanted to cry in the darkness.

I wanted to shout and run away, but the darkness didn't let me and now I hated the way it resisted me.

What happeneded?What happeneded?What happeneded?What happeneded?What happ...

I froze. Just then I... I had... sob... I felt something.

I broke down. It didn't matter that I didn't have eyes, in my mind, I cried. I cried long and hard.

I was incoherent. I was devastated. I was completely insensate.

At some point, I stopped. Might have been in a few hours or or a few weeks. For the life of me I wouldn't be able to say.

After that I was left catatonic. I couldn't move, couldn't think.

I just existed and it was torture.

Then things changed again. Maybe they came out of nowhere again, maybe not.

I knew some time had passed again but not how much, maybe things had been changing for a while, maybe not. I was certainly not in any state to notice it.

I was afraid. So afraid I couldn't think.

Last time things changed, this happened. What if it was worse. What if...

I saw a light.

Gods I wanted to cry, a light. I was back, everything was going to be okay. This was just a nightmare and I would forget it soon, just like I was forgetting the before, th-then everything was going to be good forever.

Yes, everything was going to be okay.

Yes... ok. Everything was going to be ok.

Yet, despite what I told myself, the light wasn't like the others. It wasn't an impossibly bright sphere of light, it was more like a lantern being shone directly into my eyes.

And then the darkness changed. It didn't hold me anymore, it was crushing me.

I was going to die. I wanted to hyperventilate. I was scared.

What was happening? What was happening?What was happening?What was happening?

The light was moving closer now. I was terrified.

Stop. Please stop. Please don't. Please...

But no matter how much I begged, it didn't matter. I couldn't move. I couldn't move since centuries ago. I couldn't do anything. I haven't been able to for so long I can barely remember when I could.

Why couldn't I do anything?

The light was touching me now, I couldn't see darkness at all. I was hearing things, I was hearing things, but I couldn't process any of it.

I wasn't in darkness any more. Why? Please don't do this to me. Please put me back. Please let me go.

But nothing happened. I could see, I could smell, I could hear, I could feel warmth on my skin

I could cry. It came to me unbidden. I wasn't thinking anymore, this wasn't real. It was a nightmare. I couldn't really feel those things again. But I was crying anyway. A slow, painful sobbing filled with my sorrow and fear.

I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop, if I did, everything would be real and I wouldn't wake up. I really wanted to wake up though. I wanted to wake up so, so much.

So I continued to cry. I cried until I had no tears and snot left and still I continued. I cried until my throat couldn't make the near silent sounds of my sobbing any longer, and still I continued.

I cried until I couldn't any longer, and then the darkness claimed me once more.

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Lumel

To say I was nervous would have been an understatement.

Though truly, I knew there was no reason for it.

We had borrowed one of the royal healers just for this, something so far bellow her that I'm sure if anyone else had asked this of her, she would have been deeply offended.

Perhaps even more so given that my wife was as strong and healthy as anyone could be, so much so that a normal blade would shatter before breaking through her skin.

And yet I couldn't help but worry. I guess that's what parents do, worry.

I was seated beside her, holding her hand. She was grabbing it tightly, though I knew it wasn't because of pain, I doubt this would be enough to make her even flinch.

She was holding it because she was as worried as me.

There were no signs during the pregnancy that indicated anything might be less than perfect, but we couldn't help ourselves. Until everything was done and our child was on our arms sleeping peacefully, we wouldn't be able to rest.

I regret not studying healing more when I was at the academy. I knew I wasn't being fair with myself, I could heal cuts so deep they touched bone in an instant, I could bring back a missing arm from thin air, but put me in front a woman giving birth and I was as helpless as the babe being born.

It was something deeply uncomfortable to me. I was a mage, one of the best in the kingdom. Whatever challenge appeared in front of me, I should be able to solve. As long as I had mana in my soul I should be able to mould the world to my whims.

Yet here I was.

Sitting.

And all I could offer was my support.

The healer and her assistants had been preparing enchantments and casting spells for hours now. It was interlinked in all the ways great magic should and had a thousand purposes, so much so I didn't know all it's effects from a glimpse.

It was overkill to the extreme, but it had the desired effect on the nobles it was meant to be performed for. It was reassuring.

They would be done soon, they hadn't said anything, focused as they were in their work, but I could feel it, both in my soul and in the currents of mana flowing through the room.

I looked at Amiya. Even now she was stunning, smiling that bright smile of hers. Gods, how I loved that smile, I swear the room got brighter just from looking at it.

I relaxed on my chair and gave her a reassuring nod as I tightened my hold on her hand. 'Everything will be fine and I will be beside you the whole time', I tried to say with my eyes.

I like to think she understood since she relaxed on the bed and squeezed my hand back.

It took a few a few minutes of drawing and chanting but eventually, the healer and her assistants froze in their positions, signalling the end of whatever they were doing.

It was an impressive display, the way there was no permanent formationt and yet mana was circulating throughout the room with a precision and complexity I don't think I'd be able to replicate without preparation.

The healer came towards us. She seemed exhausted and I could see sweat beading on her forehead.

"The preparations are done, as soon as you give the signal the ritual will continue and you'll be holding your child in less than five minutes."

At that I was left speechless, five minutes? That is crazy, literally insane. My own birth much longer, something like thirteen hours of active labour if I'm not mistaken and it was not something specially uncommon by the way my mother talked about it.

It made me want to analyse the ritual much more deeply than I had but I held back. I could ask for it later, there were more important matters to take care of now.

I looked at Amiya to see if she was ready and found her looking at me. She had an amused smile on her face, she noticed I got distracted for a moment.

Seeing that, I lost all the tension I was carrying.

I was ok, my Amiya was fine and soon, my child would be here with us. What was I even worried about? I could feel the smile forming on my face, it felt wide to me, I don't usually wear smiles like that.

Once Amiya saw my smile, I could practically see the stress melting out of her. We were so alike sometimes.

She turned to the doctor and gave her a sharp nod.

At that, the healer nodded back and snapped her fingers. In an instant, the mana in the room started accelerating, from a near stand still to running speed and from there it became as fast as thunder claw. In as much time as it took for my heart to beat once, the mana in the room was circulating so fast and flowing so perfectly it seemed to stop in time.

At that point Amiya started glowing with a slight red light from the numerous vitality enhancements and healing spells. I could also see the purple of space magic making her temporarily larger to facilitate the baby's birth.

'Ingenious', I couldn't help to note.

Not even three minutes later, the healer held our baby in her hands.

"Congratulations, it's a boy."

I was smitten.

He was beautiful, I could see so much of us in him and was completely sure, then and there, I'd never love anything more.

And then he started crying.

I'd heard babies cry before, it was supposed to be a shrill, annoying thing.

Something loud, made specifically to call attention.

But that wasn't what he did.

Even before the first sound came out, I saw thick, heavy tears running down his face.

His mouth was open, like he was grasping for air, and his eyes, green like ours, somehow seemed empty.

And when the first sound he ever made came, my heart dropped.

It was a drawn out, nearly silent inhale. The type one makes between sobs.

Followed by a brief, interrupted, exhale that seemed to drag behind it whatever sounds his throat was making when the air passed through it.

The room was frozen. It felt cold here all of a sudden, nothing was moving and no sound was heard besides the babies cry for a few seconds.

'My hand hurts.' a part of my mind said just loud enough to wake me up.

"Is he okay?!" I asked the healer, noticing her brows were furrowed.

She didn't answer instead casting what must have been a dozen different spells I didn't know and a few I did. I distant part of my mind noticed that all of the ones I recognised had been different variations of diagnostic spells, but it was drowned out by my worry.

The healers brows furrowed even further and she cast even more spells I couldn't recognize, each of these took longer than all the others combined and throughout, all everyone heard was the sound of the crying.

"Is he hurt?" I heard Amiya's quiet, desperate voice say. I looked at her and noticed the hand she was holding was crushed. Like a deflated balloon, it just flopped about as she pulled it.

I blinked at it, connecting the dots and finally understanding it was my hand.

Not paying it any more attention I turned towards the healer.

"I-I don't... no?" Her face looked confused, like she couldn't make sense of what she was seeing.

Before either of us could prompt her further, she composed herself and looked us in the eyes.

"There is nothing wrong with him. He is as healthy as he can be and none of my spells detected anything wrong with him.

He isn't sick, he isn't poisoned, he isn't having an allergic reaction and it isn't anything genetic.

He isn't even in pain right now, truthfully, I've never seen anything like this."

No one said anything, but the room still wasn't silent. He still hadn't stopped, he'd grown quieter, but it just made him seem more desperate.

At the continued crying, the healer frowned and called someone on her emerald tablet.

"My spells didn't detect a curse, but just to be sure I'm calling a follower. To be clear, I don't think he is cursed, my spells aren't miracles but they should be able to detect anything short of a follower of Kafka's curse. Still, you are right that this isn't normal and it's better to be safe than sorry."

Having said her piece, she walked closer to us and handed Amiya the baby.

"Don't worry, I won't go anywhere until I'm absolutely sure he's fine." After that, she sat down on a chair on the other side of the bed to rest.

I was in shock. It felt like the world was falling down around me. I felt lost, what should I do?

What could I do?

"Lumel." I heard my love call with a broken voice.

I saw her looking at me with our child in her arms.

'She is crying', I realized.

She was shacking and she looked so weak, like a breeze could knock her down. Like the baby in her arms weighed a mountain.

My Amiya looked weak. My Amiya looked weak.

"What should I do?" She asked me.

Her words felt like a knife stabbed in my heart. I felt tears running down my face.

I should know that.

I should be able to answer any question she could ask me.

It was what I did. It is what I am.

But again, all I could give was my support.

So I hugged her, and all three of us cried.

As the night passed, our child grew weaker and quieter until it couldn't make a sound anymore.

But it continued to cry nonetheless. The sun was rising when he finally fell asleep, and we soon followed.