I woke up to the sight of a woman holding me and a man beside her, I could feel her hand on my face, I could hear them start talking once they noticed I was awake.

I closed my eyes. I-I wasn't back. I woke up and I'm still here. Why... god, why.

And just like that I was crying again. That low, sorrowful cry.

It was all I could do.

I felt myself being moved, I felt them let go of me and touch me all over but I didn't react.

I felt myself being fed. I was eating, god, why was I eating?!

But it didn't matter, I just continued to cry and kept my eyes closed. It wasn't the darkness I wanted, it wasn't heaven, but it was familiar.

Soon, I fell asleep and woke back up, at which point I would realise life was hell and start crying.

This went on for days, but eventually, even the sadness left me and I was just numb.

One day, I woke up and didn't start crying.

Existing hurt, god, did it hurt, but crying hurt too and I didn't want to hurt anymore.

That day, I kept my eyes open and just watched everything around me.

I was alone right now, inside a crib. I felt the urge to look at my hand, to confirm what I already knew, but I couldn't be bothered. I was a baby.

Somehow, someway, I had been reborn.

I think I would have laughed at that in the before. At the idea that me of all people would get a second chance. I probably would have made some hilarious joke about god and being an atheist or something.

Instead, I just watched the room I was in.

It was a big room, an expensive looking room. My crib was beside one of those big beds with a structure on the outside from which velvet red curtains hung.

They were open right now, letting me see no one was sleeping on it.

Although, I guess there wouldn't be. There was a window in the room, no, it was a glass door. Probably to a balcony then.

In any case, it let me see the sun was out.

Had been for a while, actually. It was almost setting.

The walls were decorated with dozens of paintings that would have fit right in a museum. Mostly realistic pictures of landscapes though there was a picture of the couple that was holding me before above the bed. Probably my parents.

The man was wearing a suit of some kind, not any style I'd ever seen but one I found pretty nonetheless. It highlighted his physique, fit, but not muscular. He had short brown hair and bright green eyes that glowed with a dim wisdom that was hidden behind tasteful reading glasses. He looked serene there, seating on a chair seemingly staring straight at me despite the awkward angle I was looking at him from.

The woman was standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders. She was taller than him, I noted, more muscular too, though it was less clear because of the armour she wore... Armour?

... Yes, an intricate, stunning full plate armour made of a pale green-ish material. It looked like the metal itself was green, not something painted on. Like those electricity, colour changing metals I guess.

She had a bright smile on her face. She looked happy, like she was excited to be in the painting.

She had blond hair framing her face, about to her shoulders. Her eyes were green too, though instead of gleaming with wisdom like the mans, they gave out a hint of challenge. Like they were daring whoever looked at them try her.

It was a magnificent painting. It had so many details that I don't think I'd find them all if I spent the entire day looking at it. And the way their eyes seemed to show a piece of their personality was something I didn't really understand but could still appreciate.

Looking at the other paintings again I saw they were each master pieces in their own right. Maybe not at the level of the couples painting but still truly exquisite. I spent a couple hours just looking at all the paintings, trying to immerse myself in them and find all their details.

I only stopped when the blond woman barged into the room with a look of profound fear on her face. One that immediately changed to one of pure relief when her eyes met mine.

I didn't see her move, but from one moment to another she was picking me up from the crib and holding me close to her while crying.

Hmm, that was weird.

The room was big, looking over her shoulder I tried to measure it in my head.

From the door to my crib it should be at least twelve meters and there was a piece of furniture in the middle she would have to more around. Yet, I didn't see her coming.

I was brough out of my analysis when I heard her whispering something. Hmm, interesting.

I could hear it clearly enough, though her sobbing didn't exactly help matters much.

Still, I didn't understand anything.

That shouldn't be very surprising given that I only ever learned one language in the before, but I had still heard a lot of them over my life.

It was practically impossible not to with the internet, it didn't sound Chinese or Japanese, it wasn't one of the Latin languages and it wasn't German or Russian either.

If I had to describe it, I'd say it sounded kind of loop-y? I don't know, there are a lot of Ls and Ss and the sentences seem to end with the same sounds as they begin. It would be very interesting if it wasn't so inconvenient not being able to understand what she was saying.

... She's been at this a while huh. She had moved to sit on the bed but was still crying and whispering something I couldn't understand practically over my ears. She had been at it for a few minutes at this point and I could swear she was getting more "cry-ie" as time passed.

By that, I mean that whatever she was whispering was getting interrupted by sobs more often.

And she was still at it when the man entered the room not a few minutes later in much the same way she did. Eyes full of fear, relief when they saw me, yada-yada.

And again, in an instant he went from being by the door to being beside us. Hmm... interesting.

He sat beside her and put his arms around both of us and started crying too.

Hmmmm... ok. I guess this is what we're doing now.

And that it was. They probably spent over an hour crying. Can't say it was time totally wasted though, it was long enough to let me put a few of my thoughts in order.

I'm pretty sure this isn't the same world.

Admittedly it is kind of a jump in logic, but I read enough stories to know how this goes. Green full plate armour? Moving so fast my eyes can't see them? Reincarnation? Yeah, not exactly super subtle clues.

It's ultimately irrelevant though, more of a cool curiosity than anything I guess. I was kind of busy the last few... days? Yeah, it probably hasn't been a week yet. Anyway, as I was saying, I was kind of busy so I didn't exactly voice my plans but with a clear head it seems super obvious.

I'm going to kill myself at the first opportunity I get.

Old me was a stupid bitch for taking as long as he did getting to the darkness and I was not going to make the same mistake.

But I couldn't.

Even thinking about it made my eyes tear up, but I had to face the truth.

I couldn't kill myself.

Like, I literally couldn't.

As in, a baby couldn't kill himself if he tried.

In...and out.

Calm down, it won't be long now. Be strong.

In...and out.

It was a shame for the couple but I'm sure they'll understand. They seem to really love me so they probably want me to be happy, in which case they would totally want me to kill myself...

... Ok, I guess they might be a tiny bit sad.

It's certainly a possibility I can't discount outright but at the same time... well, simply put, sucks to suck. Everyone has priorities and their feelings don't rank a thousand on my list... Granted, 0 through 999 are all getting back to the darkness.

So, how will I do it. Can I jump of that balcony? Actually, are we even above ground? I could be wrong and that might just be a glass door to the garden or whatever. In any case I'd need to be able to walk.

Crawling won't be enough since I would need to be able to reach the handle.

How long would that take? Six months? A year? I don't know anything about babies but that is way too much and as far as I know, it might be even longer.

I can think of a few other easy ways to do it but I would need the couple to be outright negligible. Even if they turn out to be, let's assume they won't hand me bleach or a sharp knife. What else can I do?

... Could I gag on milk?... Maybe? Actually, I'm leaning towards no. I don't think I have the fine motor control for that and even if I could, I'd be right beside the woman, which will try to prevent my death.

In... and out

I-I really didn't want to wait long. I just- I mean- it's jus...

In, out. In,out

I'M OK, EVERYTHING IS OK. BE STRONG.

IN And out.

... I won't wait that long. I'll-I'll find a way.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

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Amiya

I was the first to wake up. I always was I guess, but it felt different today.

I didn't just wake up before Lumel, but also sooner than our child.

I was fortunate to be as strong as I was, it meant I didn't need nearly as much sleep as I should. Even Lumel needed a few hours of sleep everyday while I could be full of energy from what most would consider a light nap.

Usually, that is.

I didn't sleep well today.

In spite of sleeping many times what I should need, I woke up tired.

I must not have been able to rest with everything on my mind.

Yesterday did not go like I expected.

I was nervous, true, but I didn't really think anything could go wrong. We had made all the precautions possible during and after the pregnancy. For gods sake, we had a royal healer for a fucking birth. He should have been born healthier than a fucking prince. Instead...

He was sleeping in my arms. He looked so peaceful there, so perfect. His hair was the exact mix of Lumel's and mine, a mix of brown and gold that made it look like honey.

He had my nose, a small, cute little thing.

He had his fathers smile, something soft, like it was showing his contentment.

And his eyes!

They were closed, but I remember his eyes. They were like mine and Lumel's, a green that seemed to gleam with a hint of our soul.

It was why seeing them was so hard yesterday.

They were dim, as if there was nothing to show. As if his soul was empty.

I could feel myself begin to tear up. It hurt to see my child like that. He should have been fine but he wasn't and we didn't even know why!

I couldn't help but blame myself.

Should I have prepared a follower for the birth?

Or worse, could I have done something to make him like that?

Maybe one of my skills reacted poorly and no one caught it?

The healer talked about curses, did one of my enemies do that?

My mind couldn't help but conjure a thousand possibilities. The follower the healer called arrived in a few days but until then we'd have no idea what was going on.

Actually, even then we might not. What if he couldn't help? What if-

Lumel started moving, pulling my attention to him. He didn't look like he slept well either.

I regret asking him what I should have done yesterday, the request had come out on reflex. A hope that like any time before, he'd be able to help me.

The way he seemed to break as he started crying was something that had haunted my sleep too.

I forced a smile and whispered. "Mourning, my light."

He was still sleepy, but that went away as soon as he looked at me.

"Is everything ok?"

He looked so lost. So desperate.

"He's still asleep."

At that, he looked at our child and the tension melted out of him. I understood to be honest, it was easy to forget how he sounded yesterday when he looked so calm.

It felt good to see Lumel relaxed. If he was relaxed it usually meant everything was under control.

That probably wasn't true today, but years of it being the case meant I relaxed slightly anyway.

"He opened his eyes." I heard Lumel say.

Turning towards our baby, I realized he was right.

He was looking at us.

"He's not crying right now. Maybe he's fine?" I said, hopeful.

"Maybe?"

But he hadn't even finished when our child closed it's eyes. And in seconds, he was crying again. Just like yesterday, it was a sad cry.

I thought it sounded similar to the crying one does when they are grieving, something no baby should be capable of.

"I'll go get the healer." Lumel said, getting out of his chair and quickly leaving the room.

When she came, she cast some spells, but just like yesterday, it gave us nothing. She told us that he truly was fine and that all we could do was wait for the follower. She also said we shouldn't forget to feed ourselves.

I felt bad again. We... I hadn't fed him. I was so busy crying I hadn't even tried.

One of the spells definitely made it so he was fine, but they don't stop hunger. He must be starving!

I was afraid he wouldn't eat while crying but I didn't need to. As soon as my boob was in reach, he latched on.

... I'm such a bad mother.

----------------------------------------

Mom and dad were busy this time of year, we would be too if I hadn't gotten pregnant.

They wanted to be here with me but I assured them I'd be fine. As they so often said when I was younger, we had duties to fulfil.

I regret that now. They wouldn't have been able to help, but they would have been support I sorely needed. I already called them with my emerald tablet but they wouldn't arrive for more than a week, by then everything should be solved... Hopefully.

Time passed quickly while waited for him to arrive. Or at least the routine made it seem like it did. The baby would wake up, start crying, be fed and bathed and cry himself to sleep.

It cut at me each time he woke up from what seemed to be peaceful sleep only to start crying, but I knew it was only temporary.

It would change today. He was here now and he'd know what was wrong.

The healer went to get the follower from the front door and escort him up to us.

Me and Lumel wanted to be there to greet him, but the healer said it was better like this.

So there we both were, seated on the couch, impatiently staring at the door.

Lumel was holding our baby, he was sleeping right now, a small blessing.

Then there was a knock on the door.

After a pause, I spoke firmly.

"You may come inside."

As the doors opened, I finally caught sight of the follower that came to help us. He looked old, older than the healer, though I didn't know if he truly was.

It could be hard to tell when people were powerful, I'd bet a small fortune that no one would be able to guess my age on the first try.

He walked calmly through the door and only when he was inside and facing us did he bow at the waist. Noble manners? It was unusual for a follower to know to do that.

"Good evening, Lady Ceobe, Battlemage Lumel. I am the chosen of Gavial, goddess of purity.

Royal Healer Ceylon has called upon me for assistance in curing your child and I hope to be of assistance."

A chosen? That was much better than I expected. Although perhaps I should have, they are friends with a royal healer and better at curing curses than her. They had to be capable.

I didn't recognise the goddess, but I don't know many gods outside the main six so it wasn't a big surprise.

I tried to keep my face blank but I knew I was failing. I had never been the best at noble stuff, it ran in the family.

He was going to cure our child! How could I keep a smile off my face?

"We thank you both for your kindness and assure you it will not be forgotten.

That said, I ask that you approach and use whatever Skills and spells you can.

I do not want to rush you, but I'm sure you understand how worried we are and that the sooner this goes away, the better."

He nodded and slowly took the baby from Lumel.

"It will be over in an instant." He said.

I squeezed Lumel's hand as the chosen's palm started to glow silver and the energy flew towards our child for a few seconds. He stirred but continued asleep.

We looked nervously and expectantly at the chosen.

He smiled brightly at us.

"I have good news lady Ceobe, your child does not have any curse. In fact, from what I can see, his soul is even stronger than usual."

Oh.

"Are you sure?" I asked, sounding desperate.

He blinked at me and looked towards the healer. She was frowning and when their eyes met, she nodded and his eyebrows rose.

He looked at the baby for a second, his eyes serious, then back at us.

"Lady Ceobe, do you give me permission to call upon my lady Gavial?"

"Of course, do what you must." I answered without hesitation.

He nodded and closed his eyes, stepping back from us as he kneeled on the floor. He laid our child on the ground in front of him and joined his hands in prayer.

"My friend and saviour, I have before me a child in need. I alone do not have the power to help them so I ask you to do as you've done a thousand times before and through me, make your domain true."

Then we felt a presence that spread from him to the whole room. It was heavy, like a weight laid on top of your soul. It peered through me and Lumel before finally landing on our child.

I felt nauseous and wanted to throw up, not because of the god, it wasn't the first time I'd felt the attention of their kind and I'm sure it won't be the last, but because it was going to focus on my baby.

The Chose was growing as bright as the moon in silvery light, his eyes were upturned and all I could see was the white parts of his eyes and even then, they were more silver than white.

His mouth was open and from it a voice came. It was not his anymore, but a feminine voice, one filed with compassion.

"A call was made and so I have come. Speak young couple, why has my friend called upon me?"

"It is our son! He is healthy in body, something verified by one of the best healers in the kingdom and yet, he is not!

He cries like no baby I've ever seen and we wish for you to grant us wisdom as to why."

I spoke clearly, but with no small amount of nervousness. We had called a god for help, there is not much more one can do from there. If they she didn't know what was wrong...

There was a pause for a second before the room burst in silvery light, it shone brighter than daylight, so much so that it was blinding.

And in an instant it was gone and the room was back to being lit by lamps.

"Your child is pure, no curse has ever marked his soul." The voice came from all around me now, showing some dissatisfaction.

At that the healer practically shouted.

"Truly, your grace? Is there nothing at all different with him? Please, there must be!"

The room was silent for a moment and I heard my child crying, he must have woken up at some point. The sound filled the room for a moment and it, more than the presence of a god, seemed to weight on my soul.

I wanted to know what the goddess felt then, hearing him like that, knowing better than any of us how healthy he was. Did she feel sorry for us? Was she annoyed still?

"... I am sorry, there truly is nothing wrong with him. Like my chosen said, his soul is even stronger than usual, the most unfaded I've ever seen.

Whatever is wrong with him, I'm ashamed to say I do not know."

And without saying anything else, her presence went away.

I just stayed still. I couldn't believe it.

We had a royal healer and a god in the room and my child was still crying.

I almost started laughing, it just sounded like a joke to me.

I heard laughter echo through the room but didn't pay it any mind, someone must have though the same as me. I probably should have been upset at them, but I wasn't feeling much then.

I was just numb.

I felt Lumel hug me and heard him whisper to me.

"We'll find a way, my love. We always do." He sounded so sure. Like it was a law of the universe, like something that was bound to happen.

I tried to turn to him but he held me tight so I couldn't. I was going to tell him to let me go when I noticed I didn't hear laughter anymore.

I felt something wet touch my back.

At that I started crying myself.

"I know what this is." I heard the chosen say in an exhausted voice.

He was still on the ground though the healer was helping him up. He was holding our baby and looking at him with strange face.

Before either of us could urge him on, he continued.

"I've seen it hundreds of times. They cry like this for a few hours or maybe a bit more than a full day, but eventually, they stop.

When they get older they won't remember it and it will be like it never happened. But..."

"But what?" Lumel asked?

The chosen frowned. "It is nothing. He will be fine and if he's a few days old already then in no time at all he will stop and it will be like it never happened."

Still with the healer supporting him, he limped our way and handed the baby to Lumel.

"I swear on my lady that what I said is the truth. He is fine."

----------------------------------------

Ceylon

I was helping Shaw to one of the guest rooms. He had channelled a god, even for someone who had been a chosen as long as him, that was always a hard task.

We were silent on the way there, me because of all that happened and him because of exhaustion.

It was a comfortable silence, we'd known each other since we were kids. We had worked countless times together.

That was also how I knew something was bothering him. So I waited until we were inside a room before I brough it up.

"So, what is on your mind."

He looked at me. He seemed nervous, he almost said something what must have been ten times before licking his lips and finally speaking.

"Is the child theirs?"

I did not see that coming. Questioning a nobles lineage in their home? I mean, I had asked but even so...

"No, I'm sorry. That was too far, you don't have to answer that." He said after seeing the look on my face.

Even still, I wanted to know what the baby had.

I was a healer, it wasn't just a pretty title put before my name, it was my vocation.

So I answered honestly.

"He is. Though tell me, what is it? What is that crying? You said you'd heard it hundreds of times but I hadn't even heard of it."

His brows were furrowed. "I did. You know I travel far, there are just some things you can never see if you stay in a city all your life. It's probably the most common condition on the world."

He looked me in the eye. "I just never saw it on a human baby before."