The guard around the camp was becoming very strict, and Needa fell in with the menials as she tried to think of what to do.

It was getting near time for her father to lead his attack. All the soldiers in the camp became very on edge as the sun started to sink, and Needa worried that perhaps they would be ready when Papa arrived.

Fortunately, the servants seemed more relaxed than their masters, and Needa strongly suspected they were more inclined towards neutrality than good. They were mostly halflings, along with some humans- because of course the humans wouldn’t be able to pick one side or the other.

When they weren’t on duty, the servants typically kept to themselves and played dice or card games, while smoking their pipes. They were naturally confused and suspicious when she first approached them, but she quickly won them over with a bit of friendly carousing.

The crusaders never practiced subterfuge, so they had no real fear of a spy trying to infiltrate them. And a new barrel of the Longbottom leaf had just arrived from the halfling farthings south of Flushing Meadow, so they were all in a very jolly mood even before she arrived.

“Don’t you ever get tired of all those crusaders and noble persons ordering you about all the time?” Needa asked.

“Don’t I ever!” Ebert the halfling camp cook exclaimed. “I’m neutral myself, only promise you won’t tell anyone. I only ever pray to Lord Oba.” Oba was the god of bystanders and uninvolved persons.

Ebert pointed at a pair of elderly human ladies nearby. “Yara over there is a nurse, but she’s also a priestess of Lady Paz. Ethel is just a laundress, but she worships the Balanced One.” Paz was the goddess of passivity and inaction, the Balanced One was a non-personified divinity of hesitation and fence-sitting.

“Then why do you put up with it?” This was going well so far; Needa had already gotten them grousing about their poor treatment.

“We have no choice,” Ebert shrugged his shoulders sadly. “We were forced into indentured servitude. They’ve also drafted our children and grandchildren into their army, and we’ll all be punished together if any of us steps out of line.”

Needa was ready. Goblin princesses specialized in agitating for evil causes. “Why don’t you all resist the Legion together then? The Obsidian Empire will let you live however you like, so long as you submit a percentage of your annual income for pillage every year.”

“Oh, we all want evil to triumph, of course,” Yara explained. “It’s just that we can’t take any aggressive action to bring it about.”

“Yes,” Ebert confirmed. “We’re all quite committed to the practice of neutrality.”

Ethel looked like she was going to say something, but decided not to.

Needa wasn’t about to give up. “But they’ve destroyed your homes, forced you into bondage, and taken your grandchildren from you. Don’t you want to do something about that?”

Yara shook her head. “We all want something to be done about it, we just don’t want to be the ones to actually do it. We’re all devoted to the principle noncontribution- that’s one of the key principles of a neutral ethos.”

“I see.”

“Don’t feel bad,” Ebert said. “You benefit from our inactivity too. You needn’t worry about any of us exposing you to the crusaders, for instance.”

Needa’s heckles raised at once. “Excuse me?”

“No offense intended, miss. Your disguise is very convincing, but your much too vibrant and pretty to be a force for good. And your… er… fragrance is rather distinctive.”

“I suppose that makes sense.”

Needa believed it was important for a princess to be honest with herself about her limitation. If she had a greatest weakness, it was that her extraordinary beauty and charismatic aroma made her stand-out, even when she wished to be anonymous. Yet, it was a burden that goblin girls with such exceptional personal qualities simply must bear.

Ethel appeared to be about to say something once more, but didn't.

“You really were very skilled at agitating for our rights though.” Yara did her best at cheering Needa up. “It’s just that we can’t do anything aggressive on your behalf- even if you’re risking your life for ours.”

Needa pondered the conundrum.

Then an idea occurred to her. “Could you be passively aggressive?”

“Passively aggressive?” Ebert sounded intrigued, and everyone lean forward conspiratorially to listen to Needa’s plan.

“When my father attacks, we don’t need you to actively resist, we just need you to do your jobs as incompetently as possible to gum up the works.” They were all nodding along, and Needa could see that she had them hooked. “Pretty soon I’m going to cause some havoc, and I want all of you to get as confused and panicky about it as possible- get it?”

Ebert chuckled. “Yeah, I think we get it.”

The crusaders came at Keiko again and again.

She allowed her chi to flow, until she and her weapon became one. She caught the incoming blade against the seat, then twisted, to bring the bench leg into his skull.

Parry. Spin. Swing.

Keiko and the bench danced and whirled. Around her soldiers fell.

And yet, for each crusader she brought down, another man arrived at once to take his place. She knew not for how long she battled. Time was lost in the endless push and pull of combat. Keiko defeated each enemy in turn, but she could feel her body weakening.

Age was taking her speed, stealing her endurance. Still, she battled on.

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She used the bench leg to perform a trip, then swung at the ranger’s prone form with all her might. That was another foe defeated, but still, they came at her.

Keiko’s muscles burned from exertion. They were all around her. She felt a blow strike her back.

She returned a counterstroke, but received another wound from a different angle. Like a pack of wolves, they were dragging her down.

She fell to her knees.

“Enough!” the Viscountess called out. “I’ll finish her myself.” She drew a long rapier.

Shinji grabbed her arm to stop her. “Please, don’t! I'm the one you want! Let grandmother go!”

“I’m doing this for your benefit!” The Viscountess tore her arm from Shinji’s grasp, and her guards held him back. “It’s the only way to purify our family’s honor.”

The Viscountess raised her sword over Keiko. The former nun was now too weak to defend herself. The bench had fallen from her grasp at last.

The Viscountess moved to run her through, and Shinji screamed.

The sun was setting.

Needa had her plan. She just hoped it was a good one.

She covered her arrow heads in flammable pitch, and hid near the Legion’s stores of black powder and alchemists’ fire. Needa lit one of her arrows and fired it onto the thatch roof of the storage shed.

No one noticed, and it began to burn nicely. She added a second arrow to hurry it along. Then she launched the rest of her fire arrows off into some of the surrounding tents. That started to rile up a hornet’s nest of activity from the soldiers.

Needa ran back to the cages where the prisoners were kept before anyone noticed it was her who had done the mischief.

Four guards were on duty, watching the prisoners. Needa waited in cover until the storehouse behind her finally exploded, sending flaming debris everywhere.

By this time the entire camp was in a tumult. The servants were everywhere, claiming that goblin hordes had beset them from all sides at once, and no one knew what was happening. Three guards left to assist in the hopeless effort trying to rally the menials into a fire crew and stop the spreading blaze.

Needa approached the last guard on duty. She smiled broadly at him and waved. “Hiya, pally! Strange day we’re having isn’t- hey! What is that?!”

She pointed behind him, and the guard was so bewildered that he turned to look. “What? I don’t see any-?”

Needa kicked his leg out from under him. While he was down on one knee, she leapt up and wrapped an arm around his neck.

The human struggled as best he could, but Needa was a Goblin Jiu-Jitsu black belt. She sunk her hooks in, and cranked her hold until he was safely unconscious. Her GJJ skills had never failed her yet.

Needa quickly set about opening the cages with her lockpicks. Most of the prisoners didn’t look in good shape, but it seemed that at least they all could walk.

Then the general state of uproar in the camp reached a new state of intensity. That could only mean Papa and the rest of the horde had arrived at last.

She wished them luck, but that battle was up to them. Her responsibility was getting the prisoners to safety.

When everyone was out, she ordered them to follow her.

Only two guards were stationed at a lookout post on the edge of the camp where she intended to meet her sisters.

Needa took aim with her bow and fired. A direct hit.

The man fell from the post with a distinctive scream.

“Wilhem!” his companion called after him.

She fired again, and then their evacuation route was clear. Needa herded the former prisoners out, then Freeda and the others showed themselves with a cart and horses to carry the weakest.

No other crusaders came to stop them.

Needa wiped off her makeup, then watched the battle from afar with a looking glass. Papa was getting the better of the Legion, who looked like they were in total disarray. It seemed like her plan had worked out, now all they needed was for that old nun and her gorgeous grandson to show up.

All the prisoners were sent off towards Kev and his portal. There was still no sign of Keiko or Shinji.

“What happened to grandma?” Freeda asked.

Needa bit her lip. “I don’t know. She said she’d be here.”

“Nana’s not here,” Beeda said plainly.

“I’m worried,” Leeda added.

All her sisters were looking at her.

“What do we do, boss?” Freeda asked.

There was an explosion, and the Viscountess stopped mid-strike.

“Find out what that was.”

Even as the Viscountess barked her orders, one of her men had already arrived from outside with a frantic report. “My Lady! There’s a fire in the camp! Alarms are being raised everywhere at once, we’re under attack from all sides!”

Keiko tried to reach for the bench, but the Viscountess crushed the nun’s hand under her heel. “You’ve done this somehow, haven’t you? What conniving little plot have you conceived in your twisted mind? Pick her up.”

The soldiers roughly hauled Keiko to her feet, but she said nothing.

“Whatever it is, it won’t work. The purity of our cause allows us to prevail no matter what vile machinations you use against us.”

They dragged Keiko out, and the Viscountess led them into the camp where a terrific clash between evil and good was taking place. Goblins, orcs, and even an abomination were rampaging everywhere they looked, and the forces of light appeared sorely pressed.

Keiko no longer expected to survive, if indeed, she ever had. But she still took some satisfaction watching the look of dismay cross the face of the woman who was once her daughter. “Not going as you expected?”

“Silence, evil-doer!” the Viscountess replied. Then she began to pray in blessed tongues, and a righteous aura filled the battlefield.

Slowly but inexorable, the tide of battle started to turn. The monster-kin continued to struggle with great bravery, but the holy power being called down drained away their strength. What had once seemed like almost certain victory was now slipping away into the jaws of defeat.

More than anything, Keiko wished to stop her misbegotten progeny. A soldier held her bench nearby, but another kept her arms trapped behind her back. There was nothing she could do.

Then the hold was released.

The guard behind her slumped to the ground, unnoticed by the Viscountess. Next, the guard holding her bench collapsed with an arrow in his back.

By the time her escape was noticed, Keiko had already retrieved her weapon. She knocked down the last soldier nearest her, then relied on her bench as a cane to stay on her feet.

Freeda and Beeda charged the remainder of the Viscountess’ honor guard with roars, and Leeda was certainly somewhere nearby unseen to assist her sisters.

Princess Needa ran to Keiko's aid. “Gods bless it! What the heaven did you think you were doing running off like that!?”

“There’s no time! The Viscountess is the one channeling this bright power! I need to stop her!”

“You’re already hurt! Get out of here and let us handle this!”

“She’s my daughter!” Keiko had no notion how Princess Needa would react to the revelation. She had dreaded telling her for so long.

Needa only nodded. “I understand. Go, I’ll cover you.”

Princess Needa lay down a shower of arrows to open Keiko a path to the Viscountess. In her many years, she could remember having no better ally, save for her one true love.

Surrounded by the chaos of battle, Keiko met her daughter once more- with bench in hand.

“No more, Mayumi. I'm tired of fighting. End this.”

The Viscountess readied her rapier. “The only thing I intend to end this day, mother, is your life.”

Keiko’s body was old and broken, but her chi still flowed. Her heart still beat; she still drew breath. She still held her bench.

Their weapons clashed.

Keiko was the one to teach Mayumi everything she knew about combat. How fortunate it was, that she neglected to teach her daughter everything that Keiko herself knew of the martial arts. And Keiko fought for a villainous cause, and evil friends.

The Viscountess was struck, again and again.

Around them, the other crusaders tried to rush to their leader’s aid, but the goblins stoutly held them back.

Dodge. Parry. And then the counterstroke.

Keiko knocked the rapier from the Viscountess’ hand. She ducked the bench low, and swept the Viscountess’ feet out from under her.

She prepared the final - killing - blow.

“Grandmother, stop!” Shinji placed himself between them.

“Move, Shinji! I must finish this, once and for all!”

“No, you don’t!” Princess Needa was now at her side, along with her sisters. “That’s not the evil way! We've already won this battle! We can take your daughter back to an in-correctional facility. There we can teach her life skills and eventually de-habilitate her into a productive member of society.”

Keiko looked down at the bruised, battered, and defeated enemy at her feet.

At last, she lowered her bench.

The battle was finally over.