Needa lived in a cave, which was, in her opinion, the most sensible sort of place to live.
It was a furnished cave, of course. She wasn’t some kind of barbarian; she was a princess. A goblin princess specifically, which was, in her opinion, the best sort of princess to be.
Her father, Gimbur, was the chieftain of the Volcano-Tusk clan, and also held a respected rank in the Dark Army of the Obsidian Emperor. Although they lived far away from the truly titanic and climactic battles between evil and good.
Needa dreamed of joining them someday and striking a great blow against the forces of light, but the Flushing Meadow region where she lived was a bit of a backwater.
Even so, Needa was very proud of her father and clan. The Volcano-Tusks possessed a long and glorious history, but her father had led them to greater prominence than they had known in centuries. She was even something of a burgeoning villainess herself.
She led raids on the tax collectors of the Argent Legion, and any prisoner who surrendered to her was always left alive and unharmed to travel far and spread tales of her terrifying power. She deliberately prevented rich and powerful lords from extracting the lawful prima noctis rights they were legitimately entitled to from their peasants, just out of pure disdain for justice. And when she poached in the crown forests, she sometimes took so much game she couldn’t eat it all, and just left the remainder for widows and orphans- the very lowest and most wretched in society.
Such was her sheer devotion to the cause of evil-doing.
That was just the sort of dedicated villain Needa was.
On this particular morning, Needa sat at her writing desk and poured over a faux-humanoid-skin bound book, written in the ancient Black Tongue from the infernal realms. Call her an old-fashioned sort of girl, but she preferred reading the classics.
The author, the dread witch Annabella Hex-Eye, wrote the most delightful comedies of manners. The ‘Orin the Orc-Queen’ series of romances were her favorites, and she was just starting the sixth, where Orin finally tied the knot with her long-time paramour Abraxis the Foul One.
When Needa formed an unholy union with a brood mate, she wanted to have a traditional service in a big vile shrine to the Blasphemous Ones.
Orin’s wedding in the books had much 'to do, obviously. The wedding arrangements themselves were roughly three quarters of the book. They took place in one of the most thoroughly defiled infernal pits in the whole world, and the Orc-Queen had all sorts of demonesses and trolls as her maids.
Needa would need to settle for a smaller wedding party. That was fine though. So long as her sisters Freeda, Beeda, and Leeda, and their gnoll friend Kev were there.
All she needed to find was a brood mate.
The Deepearth Drums rumbled to announce the noon hour. Needa slipped in a bookmark, then closed the tome. She left her bed-cave for the dining-cave to have lunch.
When she got there Freeda, Beeda, and Leeda, and Kev were already eating the most delectably sinful banquet of red meats, buttered roasts, and sweets. The grog also flowed freely.
It was a raucous feast, but all goblin feasts were raucous. Those were the best kinds of feasts.
Needa was more beautiful than any of her sisters. She wasn’t arrogant about it; it was just a fact.
She had scheming temptress eyes, her sisters looked downright innocent. She had a viciously vibrant lime green skin; her sisters were all duller hues of green- closer to avocadoes. She had many battle scars to prove her bravery – and so did her sisters – but if you were to hear all the myriad stories as to how they had been acquired, you would almost certainly agree that – on average – Needa’s stories contained a higher per capita percentage of bravery.
Needa also thought that she was more beautiful than Kev. But, as he was a gnoll, it wasn’t precisely an apples-to-apples comparison.
Kev wasn’t the only non-goblin in attendance, of course. They had visitors and merchants from lots of other monster-kin races present. One could find orcs, kobolds, dwarves, mutants, and even an abomination who was presently visiting to hike the nature trails in the area.
Flushing Meadow had beautiful nature trails.
Needa wanted to set in on the deep fried meats at once, but she also took a responsible number of sweets to eat first and spoil her appetite.
By tradition, they set out salads and other vegetable dishes, all to be ignored in favor of tastier foodstuffs. Later, those things would be wastefully collected and then given out to beggars. So intent were they of selfishly refusing to eat healthy food, that they even gave it away to those too poor to pay for it.
The sheer twisted corruption of the scheme pleased Needa’s black heart.
A serious mood appeared to overcome the entire hall in a wave. Everyone at her table could sense it, although they couldn’t see what had caused it.
Needa leaned out of her seat, to look past Kev, and found the source.
A group of refugees, some very young, and the rest very old, arrived to supplicate themselves before her father. They were human, but they all wore rags and looked in a particularly wretched state. Such wanton destruction as left them like that could only be the work of the rampaging hordes of light.
Humans were normally light worshipers, but the side of good was constantly ideologically purifying itself, so people suddenly found themselves at odds with their former friends all the time.
Needa started sharpening her arrowheads there at the table. Whatever news these humans were bringing, it would mean action if good was brewing.
Keiko walked into the goblin feasting hall with the others. She stood more than a head above all the bent babushkas around her. She kept her face hidden under a long brimmed straw hat, and carried a wooden bench on her back. Under the hat, her hair was as grey as all the others, but her body was still strong and flexible, a gift from her time training in the Temple of the Burning Lotus.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
She was forced to prove that old body’s strength more than once against parties of heroes they had encountered on the road. The bands of do-gooders were all intent on slaughtering the refugees to repurpose their meager possessions in a righteous cause.
The others had come to instinctively look towards Keiko for leadership. It was not a role she wished to take, but they had no one else.
“Hmm.” The great goblin chief examined them. He was a plump green figure, about four feet in height, and a few hundred pounds in weight. “Who are you? And why do you ugly old people and loud babies come here to my cave?”
The leader of the Volcano-Tusk goblins was said to be a particularly evil follower of the Obsidian Emperor. In general, Keiko considered herself neutral in the endless conflict between evil and good.
She had a vague preference for evil, because of the stable social security net they provided in the name of sloth. Good’s single-minded pursuit of conflict with the impure to the exclusion of all else tended to exhaust her. Overall, though, Keiko mostly just wished to be left alone with her family.
The family that had been taken from her.
When no one else ventured to speak, Keiko realized that she must step forward once again.
“Great chieftain,” she began. “We come from the human villages on the southern end of the Flushing Meadow. Our homes are under the legal jurisdiction of the new Viscountess de Amara. She exercised her just authority to commandeer our crops as war material, burn our farms to the ground under eminent domain, and conscript our children and grandchildren for their righteous crusade against your Obsidian Emperor and all others who wish to dwell peacefully in darkness.”
Everyone in the hall became very serious, hearing about these honest and legal matters.
Keiko continued. “We have come here, because word of the Volcano-Tusk’s black and villainous deeds are well known. We wish to succumb to the temptation of evil, in exchange for your help abducting our young people away from the Argent Legion.”
“Hrmm… you truly wish to become thralls of darkness?”
“Yes, great chieftain.”
“And yet… when I sent out my reavers to collect the Somber Toll that provides for the sloth and gluttony of the disabled- you claimed that you had religious exemption to our pillaging, due to your virtuous need to put forth your rugged individualism against the tyranny of the collective.”
Keiko used all of her steely determination not to flinch.
They had been making excuses to put off being pillaged for some time. But community vices always seem more important when you’re the one benefiting from them, rather than contributing.
“Yes… but in the future we swear to be loyal thralls to the Obsidian Emperor, and all his most ambitious social reforms, if you’ll just save us from this Viscountess.”
The goblin chieftain considered their proposal. He took his time, and several of the others around her looked at Keiko nervously.
At last, a spritely young goblin woman stood up. “Daddy, the Viscountess has every right to do what she wishes with her own citizens. It would be wrong of us to interfere.”
The chieftain nodded solemnly. “Well said, Needa. And interfere we shall!”
A great cheer went up from both humans and monster-kin.
Her father put Needa in command of the prisoner abductions force. She wanted a human who could identify the people they were meant to kidnap with them, so she helped them get settled into a quiet corner of the caves. While looking after the refugees, she watched them to determine which was the sturdiest.
Of all the humans, the one called Keiko seemed the most capable. The others were all infants or infirm. Keiko was old, but still very fit.
It still came as something of a surprise when the old woman approached her, asking to go with them. There was a fire in her eye, and Needa had already decided Keiko was the human she wanted, so she agreed at once.
Needa hoped she could still be so vital at that age.
Besides the old woman, she would take her sisters, and Kev would come with them too. They intended to go ahead of the others and scout the enemy camp.
Meanwhile, her father would gather all the fighters in the Volcano-Tusk clan into a great war party. Needa, Keiko, and the others would abduct the prisoners, while the main horde kept the legionaries distracted in battle.
It was a simple plan, which Needa approved of.
Proper villainesses didn’t overburden themselves with complex plans, in her opinion.
Needa knew that she could trust her kin – and Kev – but she still wasn’t certain what to make of the human. Her movements were graceful, but she wore only plain robes and carried no weapon. And she also traveled with a wooden bench tied to her back, which raised some questions about her sanity.
“Do you want me to have our hide master fashion you some armor?” Needa asked.
“No, it would only slow me down.”
“Do you want our arms master to give you a weapon?”
“No, I have the only weapon I need.”
Needa nodded, and they were silent for a time.
“Are you a monk?” Needa asked.
“Monks are male, women become nuns.”
“Are you a nun?”
Keiko sighed. “Not anymore. I once studied at the Temple of the Burning Lotus, a long time ago.”
“The Burning Lotus! They worship the gods of light!” Needa spat on the ground in disgust.
“Yes…” Keiko sounded weary. “but I left them a long time ago.”
“Why?”
Keiko scoffed. “You’re very impertinent, goblin girl. Why do you want to hear my life story?”
“My name is Needa, but that’s Princess Needa to you, now that you’ve sworn fealty to the forces of darkness. I just want to learn what kind of a person you are. So don’t act so offended, grandma. Old people usually like telling their life stories.”
“Not this one, Princess.”
Against her better judgement, Keiko was beginning to like Princess Needa.
They worked together to provide safe shelter in the caves for the grandparents and babes, before departing on their quest. The goblin girl was so young and vibrant that she reminded Keiko of her daughter when she was that age.
But those memories were painful now, and she put them away.
Princess Needa was a sharpshooter, and kept her bow and quiver with her wherever she went. She usually wore rustic-style animal hide dresses, which were the absolute height of monster-kin fashion, even in this rural community. So, it was obvious she took pride in her appearance. She even put on lip paint and eye shadow, and kept several pieces of bone and obsidian jewelry.
Although, when they prepared to leave the caves, she dressed in a more traditional composite armor of chain and leather.
She was very pretty, but unfortunately goblins were not great believers in perfume. In fact, they found the body’s natural odors quite appealing, and most went to great lengths to avoid bathing in order to cultivate a particularly pungent scent. This diabolical mixture of aromas gave the goblin caves and extremely… distinctive… smell.
Freeda was Needa’s twin sister. She was almost as clever as her twin, and generally considered third in command of the clan, after their father and Needa. Keiko noticed that she had less courtly manners than Needa, Freeda even bathed weekly, and this was why Keiko supposed she held a place after her sister in the line of succession. She fought with a sword and shield, and showed tremendous skill as a warrior.
Beeda was the eldest of all the sisters, but was rather simpleminded. Her mother was an ogre, and she was much larger than her sisters. She wore her battle armor at all times, and carried her two-handed battleaxe with her. She looked very intimidating, but Keiko discovered that she was actually quite friendly.
Leeda was the youngest of all the sisters. So young that she was hardly a woman, if one asked Keiko. But she was old enough to hold a weapon, and that made her an adult. She was a mischievous little thing, and always carried many knives with her. Keiko kept her eye on that one.
Kev was a gnoll occultist. It seemed that he had formed a pact with the Blasphemous Ones. The only obvious sign of his corruption so far was the unnatural way his face ticked, and the enlarged bulbous red mutation in his right eye. It was about twice the size of the left eye, and sat at the center of a spiderweb of angry engorged red blood vessels leading to it. He rarely spoke, except in whispered phrases, and with the occasional burst of nervous laughter.
He was a very skilled healer though.
Keiko still held some reservations about her new allies, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. She was going to save Shinji, no matter what it took. Her grandson was all she had left now, and she wouldn’t let him down, no matter the cost to herself.
The former nun reminded herself of her purpose one last time, before leaving the caves with her companions.