Talking with Alyssia was an interesting experience, to say the least. The woman could talk for ages, to the point that she'd taken the most chatty person I know award from Elizabeth. I wish I could go back to the person I was ten minutes ago. Alverin mating habits were something he could have gone a lifetime without knowing.

He and his big mouth. Curiosity killed cats and he was certain the panther in him was quite dead. It'd take a few moments for the human side of him to realise and kick the bucket too. Does she not know the concept of oversharing? And why's she so good at describing things?

Sometimes, it was best you didn't try to learn about your friend's cultures. The pedestal he'd put Alyssia on had crumbled down and been replaced with the realisation that he was no longer the unluckiest person he knew. That would be whoever the alverin woman finally settled down with.

“Let's just forget about all this,” Arthur finally said, unable to take it any longer. “It’s not important. Forget I asked. I have better questions that need answering.”

“No, no, no. Don’t dismiss this topic so soon. I need to understand you humans better if I want to coexist with your species whilst I’m on this planet. Please. Explain to me what this ‘dating’ thing you mentioned was.”

Despite all his protestations, Arthur found himself explaining in embarrassing detail the confusing and complex maze of romance and his own meagre experiences getting lost in it.

When he finished ten minutes later, thanks to how many damn questions the woman had, Alyssia was looking at him with pity on her face.

“Which retarded creature did your species come from to create such a convoluted mating process. It’s like you're trying to go extinct, or something.”

Arthur couldn’t help but laugh at Alyssia’s reaction to the human dating process. How would she react if I told her about Tinder?

“Still, we can’t be that strange, can we? The things you described nearly made me puke and I saw a maggot crawl out of a man's ass once.” Arthur couldn't help but defend the human species a little.

Alyssia looked at Arthur with an incredulous expression on her face.

“You think- you think the process you just described is normal! The only courtship I’ve heard of that’s stranger is the Furgans. And they make most of their decisions by starving themselves.” She exclaimed. “In fact, after hearing what you’ve said, I wonder if it’s only we Alverins that have any sense at all. We must be the chosen species or something.”

“Really. I’d like to hear what makes you so great.” Arthur challenged, immediately regretting his words when he saw the beaming smile that came across Alyssia’s face. Damn, I fucked up.

“I was wondering when you’d finally ask.”

“I’ll have you know that we Alverins have perfected our societies through centuries of rigorous change and adaptation.” Alyssia boasted.

“Save it,” Arthur said with a deadpan expression on his face. He’d walked into this bullshit conversation with his eyes wide open, and he’d do whatever he could to make sure it was as short as possible.

“I only want the bare-bone facts. No flowery language exalting your superior race.”

"You take the fun out of everything, you know." Alyssia sighed. "Well, for starters, humans are weak. I thought we Alverin had it bad when I saw we gained only seven stats per level as a classless, but you humans only get five. Add on the extra twenty percent bonus our Dimensional Traveller titles give us, and Artemo's practically getting twice the attributes your people get already." She exclaimed.

"That advantage only increases when he finally unlocks a class, which the system already told me is going to be weighted in his favour. Turns out an Alverin's potential is higher than a human's. So there. We're literally a better species. The system practically told me."

That was certainly a lot to wrap his head around, but he couldn't deny anything she'd said. Seven stats to an ordinary human's five meant that an Alverin on the same level as a human would be forty percent stronger. It was an almost unbridgable gap for the average man and he was lucky that his unique titles kept him in the game. Still, life is so unfair. I need to get my hands on that Dimensional Traveller title.

Stolen story; please report.

"What do you mean the system told you all this?" Arthur asked, confused. The way she'd described it made it almost sound like the system was talking to her but that couldn't be true.

"Oh that," Alyssia exclaimed. "Turns out I qualified for my own system AI when I unlocked it. She's called Lana and she's about this big." She placed her hands around five inches apart. "She's sitting on my shoulder right now but you can't see her. Why, do you want one too?"

Arthur rubbed his temples and closed his eyes. I didn't even know those were a thing. And she's always complaining that I'm the one that pulls shit out of my ass.

"That sounds like an absolute nightmare," Arthur finally answered. "I'd go crazy if I had my own little personal AI following me around. What about when you take a piss? You've got no privacy whatsoever."

Alyssia shrugged. "It's not that bad, but to each their own I guess. You humans get squeamish over the weirdest things." She said.

“We’ve wasted enough time already, and I don’t think those horses will leave us be forever.” Arthur indicated to their steadily growing audience of Stormwalkers. Alyssia’s enthusiastic explanation earlier had attracted them for some reason or another. Arthur couldn’t blame the animals. Alyssia was very loud when she got passionate about something.

“Are you sure you don't want me to carry on? I've barely scratched the surface on alverin kind,” Alyssia asked. “Is it because I insulted your species so much.” Her voice was tinged with worry and she looked genuinely apologetic. Arthur might have found her reaction cute if he hadn’t just heard her rambling about the perfect Alverin man just five minutes ago. This was a woman with very strange tastes, of that Arthur was certain.

“No, of course, it’s not because of that.” Arthur quickly said. “I can understand your opinions on our species when you compare it to one as ‘unique’ as your own.”

“Yes. I see, you’ve finally come around.” Alyssia smiled, nodding her head excitedly. “Why don’t you try changing your species and become one of us? I’ve heard rumours that it's possible to change species at higher stages of power. It’s a difficult procedure, but no sacrifice is too great if you can become Alverin, right!”

Arthur started to laugh loudly, surprising one of the Stormwalker zephyrs that had approached them. He couldn’t help it. This conversation had successfully secured its spot as the strangest, craziest and frankly most enjoyable talk he’d had in recent times and that included the lengthy discussions he’d had with Mathew regarding how snails had sex. They were hermaphrodites, it turned out, another piece of information he could have gone without knowing.

“Whilst I’m sure I’d make a dashing Alverin man,” Arthur said raising his hand. “I’m perfectly happy with continuing my existence as the flawed human being that I am.”

Alyssia briefly looked like she wanted to continue to persuade him to change his species, but she decided to relent, letting out a dejected sigh. “It’s your loss, you know. Humans are pretty shitty from what I’ve seen so far,” she said.

"Okay, Alyssia. I think you've stalled for long enough." Arthur said, looking directly into her eyes, all traces of mirth gone from his face. It was time to get serious and he couldn't do that if his companion was off in dreamland thinking of the perfect green hunk that'd sweep her off her feet. She sighed.

"This is what I mean when I say you take the fun out of everything. We would've gotten to that stuff eventually. You just had to go and kill the vibe." Alyssia sighed again and shook her head. "I'm guessing Ayesha went and told you something, that meddling woman. She loves to stir the pot too much that one."

Arthur smiled.

"Nope, she didn't tell me anything but thanks for confirming it for me."

Alyssia looked like a deer in headlights and she mumbled something untranslatable under her breath. Arthur had a feeling she was insulting him. "So, what gave it away," she eventually asked. "Was it something I said?"

"Not really no," Arthur replied. "But I'm not an idiot. Whilst I don't know alverin mannerisms perfectly yet, I'd have to be blind to not notice that something weighing on your mind. As much as you care about pubic hair on a man, no sane person would talk about it for three minutes if they weren't trying to avoid something."

"Oh yeah. Ayesha kind of dropped a hint too. I don't know if it was intentional on her part, but the way she talked about you gave the impression she'd met you very recently. I was only guessing here, but you kind of gave it away."

"So what's got you in such a twist."

Alyssia cursed loudly.

"That's why you don't get involved with fucking seers," she spoke to herself. "They're manipulative little cunts." She added a few more expletives that he wasn't familiar with before calming down.

"I guess I need to work on my acting skills a little. I was gonna tell you after teaching you a little about aura management but it looks like that ship has already sailed." Alyssia explained, a look of exhaustion coming over her.

"You're right. We did meet, not to make any plans or anything. At least I don't think so, but in retrospect, she probably knew I was gonna come looking for you."

"You see, Earth is fucked. A few days ago, a massive ritual circle appeared in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Your planet doesn't even have the tools to see it, never mind understand it. Only a few people know and Ayesha warned me about it. Said some BS about fellow aliens looking out for each other."

"It's a teleportation circle. A big one. Earth's dimensional membrane's already weak since the planet just evolved and Silver Rose's experiments have only made it worse." She laughed helplessly.

"I took a look at it you know. Whoever's on the other side didn't even have a destination. The only reason they're coming here is just pure shit luck and the greed of a few idiots on your planet."

"And it's bad. Very, very bad. Your government thinks you've got time before shit hits the fan. The Seer says otherwise. My own senses do and I trust them. Something's coming. Something so wrong it makes my skin crawl. You're world has 72 hours left to prepare."

"I'm gonna make sure you're combat ready by then."