A white luminescent room filled with blurred images. Blurred images everywhere. A hell for any photographer, in fact. As dreamlike as it sounds, the dreamscape appears more modernized and splattered with technology more than anyone would expect.
One image appears in front of me like a large plasma television screen. A glowing border surrounds what looks like a high definition pixelated image of a person. A young child with light brown hair.
“It’s...me?”
The image suddenly moves into what seems to mimic a video. A small pair of hands grasp onto a larger one, facial expression in absolute awe of the unusual size.
The video speaks, but it’s not a child’s voice saying anything.
You’re going to do great things in the future...I just know it.
The last phrase was said with the utmost confidence that even I, a toddler at that age, could comprehend it, smiling and laughing innocently. It almost replicates me saying:
Yes, Mother. I promise you.
I realize who that voice was.
My mother...it’s been a long time-
But before I could utter anything else to the inanimate human interacting with me, the screen abruptly changes. A sudden flash of an even brighter light shines around the area. The video is gone. Replaced is once again, a picture of a child. But this child was significantly older.
Five years later maybe?
But this time, a soothing female voice didn’t greet the child.
Instead, a dark, looming one decides to join the conversation.
You. You did this to us. It was all your fault.
I stared back in shock.
I had nothing to say. My expression was blank, but it quickly became a look of regret and disbelief.
I didn’t mean to...you know th-
No. This was something you’ve wanted since the beginning of the birth of your brother, wasn’t it?
No, I-
Shut up. I have no need to listen to your voice ever again.
Please…
Don’t please me. If that was what you wanted in the first place, then I would have been a ruthless king to you.
I’m sorr-
And don’t apologize either. You have no right to apologize.
Father...
It disappeared suddenly, and I could feel my face being blown back by an unnatural force of wind.
The images start to blur out again. One by one, they fade away into nothingness.
I couldn’t focus anything. They moved across my peripheral vision insanely rapid.
What do I do? What do I hear? What do I even see? I can’t tell anything anymore.
The real question is, after what just happened…
What am I supposed to feel?
Ring...Ring...Ring…
“It happened again…” I whisper.
Ring...Ring...Ring…
“Just five more minutes...” I groan.
Ring...Ring...Ring…
Those images fade instantly, like at the sharp, concise snap of the fingers.
RING...RING...RING...
I couldn’t take the repetitive sound any longer. Too much noise so soon.
I widen my eyes and stare at the ceiling. A blank slate of shadowed white. Sunlight shines through the opaque curtains behind my bed. The wrinkled blanket drapes over my torso and underneath my arm, almost like a fabric snake constricting me.
Parts of my entire body were sweating excessively. It appeared as if I leaped head-first into a lake and immediately went back to my bed. My arms were shaking like an earthquake within me.
The feeling. No. More like insanity still hasn’t left my body. That delusion I just had. It still wants me to feel uneasy and nauseous. Chills climbed up my spine, and I was panting vigorously.
Have you ever had that moment when your actions within a dream correspond to your actions outside the dream? My brain is expressing that to me right now.
My hand instinctively clenches my chest. I could feel residual pain from a nonexistent bite. Already knowing that I’m safe, I still, out of habit, check my shoulder.
No puncture wound or any signs of injury. Can’t hurt to check.
I couldn’t tell whether I’m breathing a sigh of relief, or an anticipation for something even worse in scenario.
I can sense my other arm relaxing under my pillow with my head turned sideways to see an alarm clock staring back at me. It reads “6:37 AM” in bright red, digital numbers as it continues to ring. I blatantly continue to glare at it. Not moving a single muscle. I utter the first words since I woke up.
“Morning already. Great.” I sigh.
I hate mornings. I’m positively sure I’m not the only one who thinks that. Before grade school, my younger sister would wake me up with her excessive crying and whining. Her loud and annoying voice would keep my eyes from shutting. I tried to mask the sound by wrapping my ears with the pillow and turning to one side to cover it even more. But her frequency would pierce through the feather-like armor I created and stab my eardrums. Even shutting the door couldn’t stop the sound waves from entering my room. This whole situation went down for another 2 long, painful years. Until she managed to figure out how to control herself before her bedtime.
It was terrible, however. No matter how hard I tried, I would get a heaping helping of high-pitched screaming and quick footsteps of my parents rushing to her room, trying to calm her down. Remember, that was before school started.
I’m pretty sure that once school started, everyone was not a fan of mornings. Even on weekends. Every time I wanted to sleep in, my mind would always tell my body to wake up only 30 minutes later when I normally do. But, for some reason right now, I actually want to get up. But I can’t.
I turn my head back up, staring up at the ceiling fan. It rotates its dark wooden blades at a slow, consistent speed. My neck strains for a second and jolts with a quick, sharp moment of pain. My body wasn’t done yet. I could still feel that beast chomping down my vitals.
“Could you be any more annoying than you are right now? I just want to sleep.” I say to the clock in an annoying tone.
I slam my hand on the alarm button and jerk up. My head gets a slight blood rush. Everything seems so dizzy. I start seeing double. I stay still.
Whispering to myself, I realized something.
Questions race through my head. This wouldn’t be the first time it happened, but what just happened definitely needed some time for thought.
What was that thing? Why is it here? And why now? It’s never appeared in my dreams before, but now it’s consistently coming back and evolved into something more dangerous and life-threatening. I need some answers. Soon.
If this beast continued to repeat whatever it’s doing to me, I’ll eventually be going back to sleepless nights. Nothing will have improved.
No. Please no.
I snap back to my senses and look at the digital clock once more. A sign that I need to go to places.
Later. I’ll get some answers later.
“Believe it, all right.” I say as I walk to the bathroom and wash my face with cold water.
The sudden temperature change gives me a slight headache, but it feels good against my skin. The drops fall down at a consistent pace. I rest my hands on the sides of the sink and face downward. Thoughts that couldn’t be described rush through the inner mechanisms of my mind. I couldn’t get over it that easily.
Do I need therapy? Is that it? I don’t know. Maybe I do. Or maybe it’s a one time thing.
Then, I look up at the mirror. My reflection stares back at me like there are two of me existing in the same plane.
Lavender eyes
Flowing blonde hair, with pink highlights at the tips.
A thin waistline with a decent sized chest.
However, in the morning, things can look different than what one could expect from someone like me.
The way I look when i just woke up is something I only want one person to see, and that would be my husband-to-be.
My shaky fingers reach for the toothbrush, and my other hand reaches for the toothpaste.
As I brush my teeth, I ask myself questions that I’ve asked numerous times before.
What am I going to wear? What am I going to eat? I wonder who I’m going to see today.
Better than the questions I have still locked in my brain in hopes of using these average questions to block the more interesting ones away.
I rummage through my closet looking for something to wear. I push different shirts and pants aside, looking for a decent outfit.
“Maybe I should go modern casual...or maybe traditional casual? A simple dress sounds nice.”
Underneath all the fabrics lay a picture frame sitting all alone. The faint light peeking through the curtains reflect the miniscule scratches on the frame glass. It showed a family portrait taken from about 10 years ago. A man, a woman, and a little boy with mud all over himself.
I gently move my finger down the glass, smiling a bit, and sigh.
“It was nice to see you again.”
I stare at the male in the photo. Suddenly, my eyes begin to wilt in emotion.
Reluctance takes the stage in my mind.
“Even if I’m your burden, it’s nice to see you too.”
I take the picture and place it on top of my nightstand. My mind shifts back to preparing clothes.
“Goddamn it. You know what? Modern casual it is.” I yell quietly.
Taking a simple black tank top and light grey skinny jeans that reach the knee level, I quickly scope the room to locate the rest of my attire.
I look around the room with my feet planted in place. I spot my pinkish white jacket draping over the swivel chair across the room. The wooden flooring underneath the carpet creak ever so softly as I get closer and closer towards it. Picking up the jacket, I stick my arms through both sleeves and button my shirt together. I wear a black laced choker, and a well-shined golden bracelet to accent the whole attire.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
Shifting my presence over to a mirror, hanging down the closet door, I adjust the rest of my clothes until I’m satisfied.
“And now the finishing touch…”
A mahogany brown designer belt to complete it.
I leave the room with my book bag slung over my shoulder and my smartphone in my other hand, making sure that I close the wooden door behind me. As I swiftly swing it shut, the hinges let out a small creaking sound, and I press the power button on my phone. A notification popped up.
[6:54 March 15, 2020]
[8 minutes ago]
[Text Message from: Sanjiro Nakada]
“What?! 8 minutes ago?! Oh no, what have I done?!”
Placing my thumb on the fingerprint scanner of my phone, I feel the minimal vibration and open up the text. It reads:
Please bear with me! Gonna be late to our meeting spot! Roommate wouldn’t open the bathroom door lol (；一_一)
Awkward yet somewhat hilarious would be ideal to describe the facial expression I have. Taking time to reply after what just happened would be funny enough, but my instinctive reaction is to just leave it be.
“Classic Yuta, always locking him out.”
Placing the phone in the side buttoned pocket of my jacket, I continue walking.
My entire residence is like a slightly larger apartment. It has the necessities like bathrooms, a small kitchen, and a small living space. But it is not your typical college dorm room.
The college that I go to is currently one of the best in Japan. It’s currently ranked third, but the first two were extremely expensive in comparison to the third best. My family couldn't afford it, so the next possible affordable option was this one. I'm definitely not complaining. The place that I stay at is fairly nice for a college dorm room. Still, academic quality-wise, I wish that I could have gone to either one of them.
I stare back at the bedroom door for a split second, but quickly turn around and continue to walk down the hallway. The hallway was short yet busy, meaning that it had many rooms leading from it. The gleam of light from the sunroof above glistened the hardwood flooring as I walk. Small dust particles float in suspended space in that one ray of sun. Walking across it, my eyes instinctively squint to avoid the intense and bright light that shine from outside.
To the right is a dark wooden railing that overlooks the rest of the residence. Tall and empty ceilings made me feel so small. Large glass windows, surrounded by delicate white crown molding fills all of the wall spaces. The place felt modern, yet traditional to the Japanese lifestyle.
Wait, why is this building similar to my clothing choices?
More light shines in, making the room brighter and livelier. I couldn’t help but feel pleasant in this wondrous atmosphere. Past the window is a patio deck with a small set of lawn chairs and an umbrella table. All of which are covered with small droplets, twinkling from the morning humidity and dew.
Something catches my eye. Not the patio deck. Not the large windows. Not the tall ceilings. The sun.
The large and celestial fireball in the sky peeks over the horizon like a child peeking over a sturdy fence. Its honeycomb yellow color melted into the background, crafting a beautiful painting of warm colors on the sky canvas. Those warm colors mimicked the ones in my dream. Despite the deadly scenario I got myself into, I couldn’t help but feel warmth inside my heart. Warmth from the sun and from the tranquility is really does bring to a person.
Someone like me.
I touch my chest and close my eyes.
Reminders of pain and ripped limbs.
Death and turmoil.
Worst of all, confusion.
No reason to explain why.
But that all left my mind.
I was joyful. I felt calm once again. My heartbeat slowed down to its regular pace. It was all right now. I let out a breath of relief.
I smile and strut down the wooden staircase, humming a song and sliding my fingers gently against the sturdy metal railing. As my foot touches the last step, I swing around the railing and propel myself towards the kitchen. Seeing that there was a lot of natural light entering from the glass, I found it unnecessary to flip the light switch.
Time is slowly running out, so I extend my arm towards the bag of sliced bread on the island and take out one slice of wheat bread.. The bag crinkles and creates that annoying sound no one wants to hear. Taking that slice of bread and holding it in my mouth by the corner, I stride towards the door and put on my leather black dress shoes. After my feet are satisfied with the comfort of my footwear, I stuff the entire piece of regular bread into my mouth, cheeks like a chipmunk’s. Non-famished feeling and dry throat are all that I’m left with. No water to quench the latter.
I head out, making sure to lock the door behind me. Sticking the house keys into my pocket, I pull out my phone and plug in my headphones. As the morning air brushes my face, I move my semi-long hair aside and rest my headphones snug around my ears. My thumb presses the volume button until my ears are satisfied with the loudness of the music.
I look up. Birds soar above and move around in unpredictable fashions. They are like dancers performing a routine made to impress and entertain the audience underneath them.
Thin trunked trees lined the light tan-colored stone steps that lead to the main sidewalk. The many species of flowers surrounding the trees fill my nostrils with a soothing aroma, sweet and passionate.
My hands slip into my pockets with ease. As I walk down the steps, I peer to my left and see a large body of water in the distance. I look into the ocean that glimmers with small lines of white and light yellow.
The water was crystal clear, and I could see little blips of aquatic wildlife maneuvering gracefully around the moss-covered rocks and multicolored corals. It’s astonishingly beautiful here.
“What time is it?” I mutter to myself.
I reach inside my pocket, looking for my phone nestled inside. Taking it out, I lightly press the power button located on the side. The screen gives off a glare that makes it hard to read, but I could still point out the numbers and words.
March 15th, 2020. 7:04 AM. Only 26 minutes until I’m late.
Wonder how Sanjiro’s doing?
My hand puts the phone back inside my pocket, and I continue walking with my other hand inside my opposing pocket. The pace I’m moving at slightly quickens, but not to the point where I’m running. However, it’s obvious that I have somewhere important that I need to be.
As I walk, I typically like to look down at the ground to see the contraction joints that make up squares of the sidewalk. I don’t know the reason why, but I prefer to stare down instead of looking straight ahead of me. It’s just something I do. Something that doesn’t need an answer.
Around me are houses that were built to have the same structure and design, but painted differently and composed of different shades of bricks and sidings. It’s as if each house has its own personality corresponding to the personality of the ones who live there.
Dark, dull, and boring colors would represent older and more mature people, while light, bright, and exuberant colors would be newlyweds or families starting out. It was a connection I made when I was entering grade school, and it is one that sticks with me to this day.
As I ponder about these colors, something catches my eye in the distance. Something small and nimble.
“Eh? What...is that?”
Today I just feel like asking that question more than once. It’s honestly getting boring and repetitive.
A little animal that roams the front yard of one of the houses on the left. There’s not a single person within sight. It’s running in circles, but suddenly disappears, only to reappear with its head peering behind a fence, looking at me intently.
It was a dog. A tiny white furred puppy. The small hairs on its body flutter gently as it runs around. It had eyes the shade of pitch-black and the appearance of two small marbles that glitter in the light. It didn’t have a collar. It was a stray. Conveniently, the puppy was located in the same direction I was walking in, so I could approach it casually.
I continued walking down my side of the road. Its body starts to slowly appear as I walk along the sidewalk. I could see its head facing me and turning gradually like a sprinkler system. As I think that, I could see a sprinkler going off behind the puppy. Small droplets of water land on the back of the puppy, making the fur seem even more glittery and white. Those tiny droplets start to condense into larger ones, so the puppy shakes it off, still staring at me.
I stop walking and find this very peculiar. Turning my body 90 degrees, I look at the little creature in curiosity and inquisitiveness. The instant second I stop to confront the puppy, it decides to run off into a thick, dark green bush covered in stray twigs and red berries nearby.
“So adorable omg. I want to adopt it.” is all could say.
I had a saddened yet hopeful expression. Not because of the fact that the dog was staring at me strangely. It was the fact that it decides to turn around and scurry off as soon as I notice it.
But then again, the rabbit from my dreams did the same thing, and that didn’t turn out well in the end at all...
My feet start moving again, and I continue walking. Nothing to really worry about. But, for some odd reason, my intuition suddenly switched to turn my head around and look back at the yard. There it was. Once again. The dog came back and is staring at me constantly. I couldn’t believe it.
Either I’m wearing dog perfume, or it thinks of me as food.
“Please be the first one. Please be the first one.”
Through the sounds of the trees and birds surrounding me, I barely pick up a growling sound. Considering the situation I am currently in, I quickly assume it’s the puppy. The sound was menacing in an adorable and petite manner.
I reach the point where I can’t see the yard anymore.
Or the tiny dog.
In front of me is an intersection. One of the busiest ones of the neighborhood. But the vast number of cars and their idiotic drivers are not the only reason contributing to that fact.
Stoplight malfunctions. Large groups of students that flock together like crane migrating. After all, with this generation in this day and age, I couldn’t help think that our species is thriving while the intelligence is slowly dying.
Unfortunate. I know.
As I push the pedestrian-crossing button, I hear a masculine voice echo from up the hill to my left.
“Suzume!”
My ears pick up my name being called through the music blasting through them. In a curious manner, I take my headphones off and leave them resting around my neck. While doing so, I take my phone out once again and pause the current song playing, not wanting to miss it entirely.
“Suzume!”
The voice gets louder. It sounds innocent and high-spirited. I’ve gotten used to this.
“Suzume! Wait for me! Don’t cross the street yet!”
I close my eyes and smile, snickering in the process. Instantly, I know who bears that tone of voice.
Turning my head up, and looking in the general direction of the voice, I yell back.
“The light isn’t even green yet, you idiot!”
A girl starts to appear from the top of the peak. Pinkish blonde hair flows in the wind and shakes at every footstep she takes. It’s incredibly smooth just from the way it looks. I don’t even need to get in proximity of her to realize it. The worried expression on her face lights up the street like lamp posts late at night. Cherry blossom leaves planted at the top of the hill cascade down the street like magenta snowflakes. Her footsteps echo through the pavement. Clicks and clacks of her shoes resonate.
Putting my phone back into my pocket, I rest my hand against the groove of my hip bone.
“Hey Suzume!”
I show off my smile. He’s so cool. The way he sprints down the hill is attractive enough, but the clothes he’s wearing screams male model. A simple white v-neck shirt inside with a faded black jacket with light blue rims. Gentle colored slim fit jeans and stylish white, blue and grey shoes to tie it all up together. I notice a small glimmer around his neck, and see the gift I got him the other day.
A rose gold necklace with silver lining around a simple circular design grasping around a red gem that was as scarlet as the letter.
Of course he would wear this after spring vacation...
“You shouldn’t be running so early in the morning. You know that. Last time this happened, you tripped and sprained your ankle.” I utter.
He grasps my jacket sleeve even tighter. Sweat was already coming down his forehead, but it was trivial, so I didn’t say a word. However, I do laugh.
“Alright. Let’s get moving. The light’s green now.”
I turn to walk across the street, but Sanjiro is still latched onto me. I look down at her and ask a question.
“Are you ok? Do you want me to carry you?” I ask in a childlike voice.
A pause.
“Ha! Not that I can even lift you up! Am I weak or what?” A chuckle within the question itself.
He trembles a little more. His legs start to shake more and more as time passes. This time I’m much more worried. I regret my playful behavior. Then I see a few sweat drops drip down his cheek. A small dot of water lands on the tan pavement and slightly evaporated on impact.
“Hey. Hey! Are you actually ok? I’m sorry for making fun of you! Are you hurt, for real?””
I bend my knees down about 4 inches to match his hunched over height. Despite being 5’6”, Sanjiro was at least 5 inches taller than me. Maybe even 6 feet tall.
Maybe he did sprain his ankle again. Maybe he just wanted to play it off, but couldn’t handle the sharp pains that come after.
He suddenly looks up at me with a bright smile. His hazelnut eyes are as majestic as they could be. Then he speaks.
“Thank you for waiting for me!” He replies with a compassionate look on his face, sweat slowly going away.
I couldn’t help but act surprised and blush. My cheeks turned crimson red. You couldn’t blame me. Everything about him just makes me feel so warm inside. I want to hide away from the cuteness right now, but there was no nearby structure for me to express my internal feelings at the moment.
I sigh and let in a deep breath of air, exhaling as I talk.
“What is with you? You don’t have to scare me like that. I was really worried about you. Now come on. Let’s go.”
“Yes ma’am!” She replies while doing a sailor’s salute.
I snicker. “You’re weird.”
He snickers as well. “I know. But that’s why you love me.”
“Of course, darling.”
He finally lets go of my shirt and reaches for my hand. I already know what he wants. Getting the message, I reach my hand toward his. We meet at the halfway point. Our steps slowly synchronize, as if we rehearsed this many times prior to now.
“If it weren’t for my roommate, I wouldn’t be so disgustingly sweaty right now.” he pants while wiping his face with a cloth.
“Believe me. If it’s one thing that really gets on my nerves, it’s an inconvenient person.” I say, lightly clenching my fist. “Yuta...of course it had to be Yuta…”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she giggles.
“Don’t worry about it. Don’t care about him alright? He’s someone...how should I put this?”
I snap my fingers and a figurative light bulb blinks over my head.
“Shameless."
I giggle again. “Of course you would say that. It’s what you’re most familiar being.”
He delicately punches my shoulder in response.
“Ow...that hurt. Quite a bit.”
“I’m not apologizing. I can hear the sarcasm in your voice.”
“Yeah sure. Go with it.” he responds with her free hand scratching the back of his head.
If you’re just a regular person standing with us in front of you, all you could see was this normal couple walking across the street on their way to school, holding hands. Maybe it was assumed from the start, but that’s all right.
Sanjiro and I are really close. We spend so much time together, whenever we can. We can joke around with each other because we know each other so well. It’s as simply put as that.
Whether it be out in public and in places like the park or the city, or even at each other’s houses, playing video games and watching anime, we have a simplistic relationship, but that’s all we need. That’s enough to satisfy us. I couldn’t be happier with where we are right now. I love him, and he loves me. We could do so much more, but we choose not to. I don’t want to stand out from the crowd, and I’m positive Suzume doesn’t want to either.
It’s a secret not worth hiding, nor worth exposing unnecessarily to anyone that doesn’t understand.
It can stay within our hearts.
But that’s just average behavior for an average boyfriend and girlfriend. Or at least to us.