None of those options were what I wanted; they all led down roads I didn’t want to travel. The worst part was that she laid out most of them for me. Going with either of the previous options could potentially result in Rana dying or being even harder to track down. That also depends on whether or not she was already owned and how much she would cost.
That leads down to the newest option, becoming a member of an assassin guild. Hesitant didn’t begin to describe how I felt. I was already petrified at the thought of losing my chance to see Rana again. Now I had to weigh that against the idea of becoming an assassin and killing even more people.
To choose to add to my nightmares, to add to the symphony of screams and cries for help. To willing damn more people to that hell? It felt as if I had to choose between damning my soul or giving up on Rana, therefore condemning her to a life of slavery.
I felt the black hair woman’s hand slide down my shoulder towards my back. “What’s on your mind,” She consoled. It made me feel warm, and welcomed, a feeling I didn’t feel often in Thaloria.
“I…” I started as she looked at me expectantly. Questions like whether or not Rana was worth how many people I would be told to kill, or follow. Whether or not she was worth bringing even more people into Ingratus. Whether or not I was willing to condemn myself to even more torment at night.
I didn’t know, every time I opened my mouth nothing seemed to come out.
She tried again to console me, bringing her hand up my back, eventually making it to my hair, rustling it. “What’s troubling you? You can let it out, what are your doubts? How can I make it better for you?”
“I assume you wouldn’t keep her safe until I made the money?” I asked, trying to figure out why she was acting like that, or at least another option.
She shook her head, “Not without the proper finances or reason. Though if you get through the Kratt conditioning I’d be able to get just cause to seize control of that slave, as a reward for your continued work.”
If I wanted to save her I had to give up on myself. After weeks of traveling on both boat and carriage. After seeing myself and one of two friends sold in front of me and being powerless to stop it. After spending day after day working in a manor, where I had to watch people barely live a life, getting forced to do whatever their masters whimmed. After killing two people to earn my and another's freedom. After sending away someone who could’ve used my help.
I’ve gone through all of that, just to get told, ‘Lose your morals, give up, or the only person you could make it right for will be lost forever.’
“The sooner you make the decision, the sooner you can get through the conditioning, meaning you can own her that much faster,” The woman said with a wicked grin. I didn’t care to change her view of the actual reason for doing this.
I sighed, be it giving up, defeat, resignation, or a mix of all. “The slave’s name is Rana, grey hair, white eyes. Now, what’s the ‘Kratt conditioning’ you keep mentioning,”
She smiled innocently before saying, “Oh it’s just going to be there to train you up, from the ground up. Reteaching you about ether, increasing your body’s pain tolerance, and how much poison it can handle. Making sure you aren’t too squeamish about killing people, you should be able to get through it fast enough. ”
I remember thinking, ‘Wait what’ before voicing my objections out loud. Before I could manage to get any of them out the woman forced my head closer, bringing my mouth to her own, kissing me.
I tried to push her back but she was stronger than I was, and during the kiss, I felt some liquid travel from her mouth to my own. After a moment or two, I felt myself feel numb, and it was spreading throughout my body.
She took her mouth off mine before laying me back on the bed. “See, building resistance, or at least knowing how to suppress it, is a great help,” she said with a grin.
“Now as much as I want to have fun with you,” She said while caressing my cheek, “You have some conditioning to go through, so I’ll leave you with my name and I promise you to make sure you end up as my apprentice. I’m Aliana, now don’t take too long, I don-” She continued, even trailing her fingers down my chest, but the rest I couldn’t hear, as I started to black out under the poison's influence.
I knew what was happening, and even as my vision fully turned black, I was fully aware of what was happening to me. I never fell asleep, but it felt as if I was disconnected from my senses, no longer having control over myself.
Eventually, my vision cleared and I saw a very vibrant landscape in the moonlight. I had ended up on the edge of a forest and right near a cliff edge. Carefully inching closer to the cliff edge, I started to take in the view, trying to figure out where I had been taken.
The cliff edge led into a valley, and throughout the valley, I saw a lake with rivers branching off of it. Inside the rivers and lake, there wasn’t water, but a very soft luminescent white and silver color liquid. It still acted like water did, but from afar it was impossible to tell if it was different. Half of the rivers led the liquid towards the lake, while the other half led away. However, following them I realized I was wrong, there were five rivers, not ten, the rivers were a loop, both taking from the lake and returning to it. They all picked up even more liquid from small falls, dropping from the walls of the cliff surrounding the valley.
Around the rivers, there was grass and bushes, but there was a lack of trees in the valley. As if the liquid itself was stopping the growth of trees in the valley.
The valley had a forest surrounding it, while even farther on the opposite side of the valley mountains were reaching into the clouds, with white caps that seemed to glow from the moonlight, just like the rest of the forest around me. Turning around I headed into the forest, trying to find a place to rest.
When I opened my eyes against a tree I expected to be greeted with sunlight hitting my face and waking me up. Instead, I noticed that the moon was still in the same place, having its glow shine through some of the trees, and still being reflected off of the mountaintops in the distance. The moon itself hadn’t moved yet, staying where it was, opposite the mountains.
Playing with a few different ideas I decided on moving towards the valley once again, not wanting to brave whatever lay in wait too deep into the forest.
I moved a little away before deciding to sleep. The lack of animals or anything living besides grass and bushes in the valley made me wary. The forest around the valley made me think that it was ok to sleep where I did.
When I made it to the valley I noticed how much it didn’t change, everything seemed to be in the same place, just like the moon was. It wasn’t like nothing was moving, the trees around the valley rustled with the wind, and the grass in and out of the valley swayed along with it. Hell, even the silvery luminescent stuff in the river had ripples on its surface.
I took a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs. I was on the cliff's edge trying to find a way down, but that’s when I felt an immense sense of unease. I felt a chill down the back of my neck like no other. As my eyes darted around I felt sweat start to drip down my back, clinging to my white shirt.
Nothing had changed, the river was moving, the leaves were rustling, and the grass was moving. I was missing something, and it was driving me insane. I kept my eyes peeled for anything, not allowing anything to take me unawares. I kept my back towards the mountains, the valley had nothing that would scare me, so I kept my eyes on the forest.
I stood there for a few seconds, the only thing moving was my head and eyes, scanning the forest for any threats. Then I saw movement, a shadow crept over my shadow onto the grass, I couldn’t tell what it was, and I couldn’t hear anything. While turning around I finally saw what I should’ve noticed, the moon and sun had moved, and the sun was coming overtop the mountains, casting a shadow over my shoulder.
My breathing was shaky and uneven. Trying my best I took long deep breaths, and as I saw black spots in my vision I became more panicked. I soon felt dizzy and my foot must have slipped as I started to fall down the cliff edge. I remember falling into the river below, feeling myself get dragged to the depths of it, and then trying my hardest to claw my way out. I even tried to strengthen myself with ether to no avail.
I couldn’t go anywhere being this disoriented, getting slowly dragged along by the river. I felt my lungs scream for air, and eventually, I relented. I figured that I was going to die, but all I felt was cool air entering them. I started gasping for breath, before letting myself get carried by the river’s currents.
I was stuck in the river, too weak to move. As soon as the dizziness faded I felt myself get weakened by nausea, followed by something else, and then something else, the cycle never seemed to end.
Eventually, I found myself in the lake, the source and end of every river. The rivers all led into the next one in their line, the saving grave was the little piece of land separating the river I had exited and the one I was about to get carried into. The water led me beside the bank where I started to claw my way out of the river.
Every single movement made my body scream in agony, no doubt the latest in the long line of effects my body had been feeling. It felt as if my veins themselves were on fire, burning away from inside of me. Every muscle felt as if it was getting torn apart.
I took it finger by finger, one hand in front of the other. I slowly got onto the shore, forcing any air I could down my lungs. By the time I was fully out, I rolled over onto my back, still in agony from whatever was happening to my body. Was this why I didn’t see any animals anywhere near the valley?
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The worst part was that I was stuck there, my body refusing to move, and anytime I did make any progress it flared up in pain. I was stuck with the pain for a long time, longer than any of the other symptoms I had felt.
While I was lying on the ground I noticed that it had turned to night once again while I was in the river. I also noticed that the moon wasn’t in my sight, meaning it was almost day again. The strangest thing was how I wasn’t hungry, or thirsty, even though I’d been here for at least two days.
While stuck in my thoughts I noticed how the pain started to subside, and at the same time, I saw rays of sunlight start to come over the tops of the mountains which I could barely see. I tried to sit up, it went slowly, and very painfully, but I managed to make it to an upright position.
Watching the sun start to peak over the cliff was calming, especially compared to how the day had gone so far. Then I noticed something else unique about this place, the glow from the sun started to shrink behind the cliff.
Watching in awe and pain, I saw the sunlight diminish, minute by minute it faded from the sky. Eventually, it disappeared completly, followed by the moonlight coming from the opposite side.
However, the awe faded as soon as my body started to seize up completely from my left leg. I felt the numbness spread up from it, towards my waist, then encroaching farther up my chest. I then felt my body give up on holding itself up, and I fell backward onto my back. I was panicking as I soon found myself completely paralyzed, unable to move, staring directly up into the sky.
Soon I saw the moon just start to appear in my view of the sky. I could barely see it, as it stopped moving as soon as it got to a point in the sky.
I was stuck there, lying on my back paralyzed, for a long while. During this I realized something, I had lost the ability to control my ether. I didn’t lose it completely, as I knew I was still subconsciously cycling it throughout my body, but I couldn’t take control of it.
I was mortified, helpless, not being able to move or control any aspect of my body. All I could do was worry about something killing me.
It didn’t take quite as long as the burning, but the numbness started easing, and when it did, the moon also started to move back toward where it came from. The sunlight soon came after. When I had full control over my body again I noticed that the sun was just coming about to come over the mountains.
I took a few breaths, and each one was begging for air. My body was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. Then I felt my entire leg start to feel as if it was burning. This time the pain was more intense, and it didn’t stop even when I didn’t move. The pain left me crippled on the ground, not able to move. All I saw was the sun start to dip below the mountains once again.
This happened over and over and over again. The moon set, relief, the sun rose, new pain or symptom, the sunset, it got worse, the moon rose. I couldn’t even count the number of days that had passed as I was stuck at the bottom of that valley. All I knew was that it felt longer than my entire life leading up to it.
“Hopefully Rana and Ghezin will wait for me,” I mumbled to no one in particular.
One of the days, I noticed how much faster the moon and sun were moving, eventually the entire change from the moon to the sun only took a minute from it rising. At this point, my body felt numb to all the effects, like they were suppressed, not entirely but enough.
When the sun rose it stayed up in the sky. There were no symptoms, no pain of whatever was ailing me. Then, as the sun was getting higher in the sky which was now in view past the mountains, I heard voices. The voices weren’t my own. I got up fast but saw no one around me. A new wave of symptoms had come, and now I couldn’t even trust my thoughts. As I looked up I realized something, could I even trust my eyes and the cycle that had been here all along?
I was plagued by many things, voices, illusions, emotional distress, hearing loss, loss of eyesight, and different kinds of pain. There were so many things happening that I decided I would lie down on the grass. I wouldn’t do anything else, no matter what voices said, no matter what I told myself. I would stay on that patch of grass, and it would be my last free action. I’d probably already failed to save Rana anyway.
Time passed, and a long amount of it too. I wasn’t sure how long had passed since I first came here, but I fully believed I had gone insane at this point. I’d say it made sense for someone who had seen the same thing for months, and at this point, I’d seen the sun fall and rise enough to believe that I had been there for at least a year.
However, this day the sun decided not to set once again. Now, I hadn’t had any illusions in what felt like years, so I believed that it was time for another set of symptoms, just like last time. I had come to believe that I was getting punished for something, by who or what? Who knew, certainly not me.
The sun continued on its path until it reached high above the mountains, I had never seen the mountain reach that high before which intrigued me. Having something different happen for the first time in months was interesting.
Soon the sun stopped in the sky, and I heard voices. However, these voices were different from all the others I heard. They were always… hollow, and empty, I could tell the difference now.
I couldn’t make out who was saying it, but it was a man and a woman. They grew clearer as time went on, and my vision started to turn black. I watched as the place I had learned to hate slowly disappeared in front of me, and I couldn’t have been happier.
As my vision fully turned dark I realized I was lying down, I felt straps on both of my arms and my ankles, tying them down to whatever I was lying on. Soon after my vision started to come back, blinking a few times to adjust to the light and sight in front of me.
Around me were shelves filled with bottles and different medical and alchemical instruments. There were tubes strewn across it all, with a variety of concoctions filling them. The main thing I saw was a woman’s head upside down, staring directly at me. I looked around for a little before realizing that she had black hair and brown highlights.
“How ya doing?” Aliana asked innocently. As I tried to respond I realized that I probably hadn’t spoken in a long while as my throat was hoarse and I could only make a wheezing sound. “Well, that’s good, just so ya know, you did manage to beat the house record for how long it would take you to complete our conditioning”
After a few moments of coaxing my voice to come out, I managed, “How long?”
“Oh if you must know, you beat our record by about a week or so, really impressive, in total it only took you about three or so weeks,” Aliana stated.
“That… that was three weeks?” I barely whispered. It felt like months on months of agony, I had given up on getting out, I had given up on thinking about anything but waiting for the few seconds of peace.
“Oh I’m sure it felt like much longer, you were injected with hundreds of different microdoses of poisons over and over again, but I assure you, most of us have been through it,” She explained, nodding her head and smiling the entire time like she was making perfect sense, “You never told me your name, and making me wait three weeks was rude,” She pouted, then gasped, “That has to be why you came back so fast, good job,” she said while patting me on the cheek.
I didn’t pay much attention to her antics, as I was too busy being wrapped up in my head. For the first time in what felt like a year, I didn’t feel any pain, no illusions, no false hope, I thought could trust my body again. Though, I still wasn’t sure, not completely.
While I was focusing on all of this, Aliana started to move the bed I was lying on, “Thanks, Doc, I’ma steal him now.”
“Aliana, don’t cart out my patient I’m still making sure he’s ok. He just spent a month not moving,” He yelled back.
She looked down at me and held a finger to her mouth, shushing me, “I’m still taking you, but keep it a secret. Just for me?” Then she yelled back, “It was three weeks, you’ve had him for too long, he’s mine now.”
Aliana started to move the cart I was on, maneuvering through the room. There was a pain in my left shoulder as she said, “Oops, guess he still had you hooked up to something,” Then she started giggling as she got me out into the stone hall, much like the room I had been in when I had first met her.
Groaning she took a moment to look around before looking at me, “Want to just get the initiation done or do you need a little breather?” It was around this part that I started to come to my senses. Feeling my ether move throughout my body I tried to increase how much moved through my veins, but I felt resistance, like sludge, blocking it. There was only a small trickle going all the way around my veins, but most of it was stopped, blocked by something.
Aliana kept asking me something, but I couldn’t hear her over the pounding in my ears as I focused on my ether. I couldn’t make any progress and I felt my heart pang in my chest. I feared that I was still in that valley, I could barely control my ether. Flashes of falling into that river, of being stuck staring at the sky, and many others started plaguing my mind. Unknown to me I also started to gasp for air, trying to get anything into them.
Screaming, I thrashed about, trying to get away, trying to go anywhere. I heard voices, Aliana’s and most likely the Doc’s, but they sounded all wrong, distant, and distorted. I pulled at my restraints, trying to curl up, trying to get away, trying to do anything.
I struggled, and I’m not sure how long I did, but I remember hearing the doctor’s voice when it ended. “This is why we take precautions Aliana.”
She groaned, “I’ve heard this whole spiel so many times, you tell me something, I do what I want, you get mad, and then so on and so forth. So when is the kid gonna be ready to go, I got shit to do.”
“Give him a few minutes, and this time let him actually wake up before you go carting him off, there were still some ether poisons in his system that never cleared out.” The doctor explained.
“Wait, how did that last in his system while everything else was gone?” Aliana asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“I’m assuming it’s because even though he had been poisoned for weeks straight, he was constantly moving ether throughout his body, helping it break them all down. How a kid had enough ether for it, I have no clue,” The Doc started.
“Blah, blah, doctory stuff. Now why didn’t this poison clear,” Aliana interrupted.
The Doc sighed, “The poison doesn’t get cleared by a little amount of ether, it takes a larger influx all at once to get it out,”
“See, easy, less doctor explaining next time,” She responded. “So the poison is all clear now?”
“Yes, he just needs rest. Actual rest mind you, not poison or any other way you would get him to sleep. Actual sleep, say it with me,” The doctor said.
Aliana mumbled something about agreeing, then continued, “Well, thanks for the help Doc, I’ma take my little star now,” I heard wheels rolling and a few different glasses breaking.
The doctor said something, but I couldn’t hear it, however, I knew how Aliana responded. Giggling to herself she said, “I wouldn’t kill the boy, he still hasn’t told me his name.”