I just want to say I appreciate you sticking with this this far. Especially these last four chapters I'm sorry about that. For the vast majority of this I had drafted ahead, up until about chapter 96 or 97, and putting out one chapter a week at the end became tough because all the earlier threads needed to be put together. And that was tough. The first part of this was easy to get words out, I drafted roughly 210k in about 6 months and then I decided to release it. At the time I figured I had maybe 50k words to go so it should have been fine. I missed that mark by about 100k words.
So as far as this goes I still want to finish up my editing pass, especially chapters 90-106 they really need it, so let me know what you think. Leave some reviews so that I know what I need to focus on to really polish this. Off the top of my head the fight with Magpie in the sewers needs a touchup, I need to have her fight more like a Thief and then the 2nd time Mac meets the Council one of the masters says the phrase 'olive branch' which they specifically wouldn't that's a real world phrase. And then if I can cut the number of swears to like 3/4's of what's there. That's a reasonable goal but some characters have filthy mouths.
And then I need to come up with a real book cover. I was thinking about hiring someone but people are doing absolutely incredible things with Stable Diffusion so I may mess around with that. The cover picture I was thinking was like those caution signs with machinery, a hand being mangled by gears. But that's just one idea, I dunno about the cover. I always liked simple, clean covers. Like the catch 22 cover - that cover sucks, but it's distinctive. The sequel the cover idea is easier than this one, its a silhouette of a mouth eating people like grapes.
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Anyway, for the sequel I am going to be changing the POV character. Mac is great - and right now I know exactly how Mac is going to react in any situation - but this story was Mac's. The next one Kate is going to be the POV. I know a lot about how she thinks atm, but I really look forward to fleshing out her worldview and seeing how she changes. I really can't wait to discover her inner voice. So here's my basic, basic outline for the next one. Let me know your thoughts.
1st chapter is a flashback/dream sequence for the day she received her letter of acceptance from the Academy, the day of her younger sister's 16th birthday party. Kate is the ignored middle child, her older brother is successful and her younger sister is the baby. She's had issues with her weight, she's been trying to find a job and graduation is coming up but the search hasn't been going well, she has a bunch of school debt. The letter is a godsend, essentially. She can't wait to leave. So then the chapter ends and she wakes up in chains on the ship.
The first arc they get to the other side of the ocean and they arrive at a major tradehub. There're issues getting in but they manage to dock only to find out the city has been put under quarantine for plague. This arc I think will be a big win for Kate. And Kate needs a win more than anyone. Before writing this I think I'm going to reread Camus' book.
So then they move on and arrive at the capitol. I was thinking a school type arc but Mac is gonna nope out of that like asap, so I think I'm going to put Kate to work in a hospital. One of the main issues during this section of book will be with Cheeses the Rat and also Rudolf. And other stuff. I think the sort of central internal conflict for her character is that she doesn't know if she can actually love anyone.
Then, and I'm really spitballing at this point, they get conscripted and have to go off and fight. Because they're essentially expendable.
The working title for the sequel is The Dead. Which I realize is the name of a very famous short story by James Joyce but I find myself caring about that less and less. Other titles were going to be Empire of the Dead, Ghosts or Ghosts of the Bonneville - that last one because I was thinking that they will find the sort of reincarnations (more like dopplegangers) of the people from the 2nd expedition living in the capitol. I think I may still do that because I want to see the interactions between Kate and not-Lucy. And Paula. It may traumatize Paula.
So here's Kate at level 0
Name: Kathleen Wolfe Profession: Empath Level: 0 Sex: Female Experience: 0(0) Age: 22 Until Next: 2000 Health 15 Mana 7 Stamina 25 Spirit 6 Strength (STR) 68 (9) Constitution (CON) 79 (19) Dexterity (DEX) 63 (11) Agility (AGI) 59 (4) Discipline (DIS) 65 (7) Aura (AUR) 59 (4) Logic (LOG) 74 (12) Intuition (INT) 56 (3) Wisdom (WIS) 67 (8) Influence (INF) 70 (15)
And here's her where she is now at level 18.
Name: Kathleen Wolfe Profession: Empath Level: 18 Sex: Female Experience: 198,750 (0) Age: 22 Until Next: 40,000 Health 109 Mana 93 Stamina 61 Spirit 7 Strength (STR) 72 (11) Constitution (CON) 86 (23) Dexterity (DEX) 68 (14) Agility (AGI) 64 (7) Discipline (DIS) 74 (12) Aura (AUR) 66 (8) Logic (LOG) 81 (15) Intuition (INT) 64 (7) Wisdom (WIS) 73 (11) Influence (INF) 79 (19)
These are the projected Empath training costs. Empath is closer to being more of a physical hybrid than Runemage. Kate gets a +5 to Constitution and Influence bonuses for being an Empath, and a +5 to Dexterity because she's a woman.
Name Cost Training(s) Name Cost Training(s) Armor Use 8 / 0 1 Arcane Symbols 0 / 3 2 Shield Use 8 / 0 1 Magic Item Use 0 / 3 2 Dodging 10 / 10 1 Spell Aiming 4 / 1 2 Physical Fitness 2 / 0 3 Harness Power 0 / 5 2 Simple Weapons 6 / 1 1 Mana Control 0 / 5 2 Martial Weapons 8 / 2 1 Empathy 0 / 16 2 Two-Handed Weapons 10 / 3 1 Arcane Lore 0 / 20 1 Brawling 8 / 2 1 Decomposition Ranged Weapons 10 / 3 1 Shaping Thrown Weapons 8 / 2 1 Transference Combat Maneuvers 8 / 4 1 Elemental Lore 0 / 20 1 Ambush 15 / 10 1 Air Multi Opponent Combat 10 / 4 1 Earth Fire Survival 3 / 2 1 Water Perception 0 / 3 2 Natural Lore 0 / 8 2 Climbing 4 / 0 1 Cultivation Swimming 3 / 0 1 Domination First Aid 1 / 0 3 Rejuvenation Trading 0 / 3 2 Occult Lore 0 / 8 2 Disarming Traps 2 / 6 1 Clairvoyance Picking Locks 2 / 4 1 Demonology Pickpocketing 3 / 3 1 Necromancy Stalking and Hiding 5 / 4 1 Spiritual Lore 0 / 15 1 Blessings Invocations Offerings
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Empath Spell List - STILL A HUGE WORK IN PROGRESS, IDEAS MUCH APPRECIATED - And while Mac had a relatively straightforward list because Kate is an Empath I think she will end up getting a more fluffy list of what spells do from the system. Just to annoy her.
First rank.
Heal: Reconstructs damaged tissues and restores lost blood. Requires physical contact with the target. Effectiveness is further increased with more ranks of Natural Lore, Restoration.
Second rank.
Regeneration: Continuously heals the caster at a moderate rate, repairing all injuries sustained and restoring lost blood. Always active.
Third rank.
Bone Repair: When combined with Heal aids in the reconstruction of skeletal and other dense fibers.
Fourth rank.
Empathy: Attunes the caster to the emotions of those nearby. At 10 ranks of Mental Lore, Clairvoyance does [something]
Fifth rank.
Wholeness of Body: Fortifies the caster's body, increasing both AS and DS by up to 10. Duration is 20 minutes per rank of Empathy. At 5 ranks of Natural Lore, Restoration also temporarily increases the caster's physical stat bonuses (STR, DEX, AGI, CON) by 2. Every 5 additional ranks of Natural Lore, Restoration will increase this bonus by an additional 2. Any damage sustained or Stamina used is first deduced from the temporary Health and Stamina generated by this effect. Duration is 5 seconds per rank of Empathy.
This second part was originally going to be part of Surge of Adrenalin but I may replace that one
Sixth rank.
Bone Shatter: Causes a disruption in the skeletal system of a target. Cast as a warding spell.
Seventh rank.
Organ Repair: When combined with Heal aids in the reconstruction of delicate tissues and organs.
Eighth rank.
Soothe: Makes the caster seem less threatening, hostile or remarkable to others. Only creatures with animal or above intelligence are susceptible to this effect. Duration is 5 minutes per rank of Empathy. At 10 ranks of Natural Lore, Domination can be cast on others to suppress strong emotions or other compulsions. When used this way the duration is 5 seconds per rank of Empathy.
Ninth rank.
Surge of Adrenaline:
Tenth rank.
Wholeness of Mind: Fortifies the caster's mind, increasing TD against hostile mental attacks by up to 20. Duration is 20 minutes per rank of Empathy. At 10 ranks of Natural Lore, Domination also increases the caster's CS by up to 10.
I think I'm going to radically change this one (or drop it for something else) because there is a much more powerful defensive spell she has access to in a couple levels.
Eleventh rank.
Bravery: Fortifies the caster, increasing AS by up to 15 and also providing resistance against sheer fear effects. Duration is 5 minutes per rank of Empathy. At 20 ranks of Occult Lore, Clairvoyance the spell can be cast on others.
Twelfth rank.
Inner Focus:
Thirteenth rank.
Sympathy: Induces emotions in a target. Physical contact is required.
Fourteenth rank.
Mind Blank: Renders the caster immune to mental attacks and divination effects. All attempts to read the caster's emotions or thoughts will fail. At 10 ranks of Natural Lore, Domination and 10 ranks of Occult Lore, Clairvoyance can be used offensively as a warding spell to deliver a powerful psychic shock.
Fifteenth rank.
Wholeness of Spirit:
Sixteenth rank.
Frenzy:
Seventeenth rank.
Terror:
Eighteenth rank.
Empathic Link:
Nineteenth rank.
I dunno
Twentieth rank.
Wholeness of Being:.
Twenty Fifth rank.
Invulnerability: