“If you’d like to find me, just keep in mind that I’m a phonė… per se,” I savored the words as they left the tip of my tongue and registered themselves onto the pair’s befuddled faces.
That, that right there was an expression I never quite got tired of seeing on people’s faces. That expression--the expression of pure unadulterated confusion--is a crystallization of life itself. To me it’s a sign that someone’s experienced something new--something bewildering-- and to experience is to live.
Think about it. If you’re living your life completely satisfied with the status quo and going through the same motions day in and day out, are you really living? No, no. Not at all. Don’t even try to argue with me on that point. I want people to live in the realist sense of the word.
I’m doing them a favor, and for that very reason I continue to befuddle others and make them live a life I no longer can.
It’s also really fucking funny to watch people open and close their mouths like goldfish.
But anyways. That was probably around the time where I actually started feeling alive again. Not in the literal sense of course, because oh, I’d kill again to be able to get a non-magical buzz or to enjoy some hard liquor again. And I’ve certainly killed for less.
They were... entertaining. They really were. Clara was like the cute little sister that I always wish I had, and I’ll certainly miss the nervous expression she got whenever I teased her a bit too much. And Eric, well, he was interesting in the same way marshmallows being grilled over a fire are interesting. It either melts under the heat or it chars over with a layer of black, and more often that not, it slips off your stick and falls disappointingly into the fire. Despite how much shit I give him though, he’s come a long way. Three years ago, he’d bitch about losing a toe or two. And now? Well, he’d probably rip out his own ribcage to stab a goblin in the eye. Not that I’m saying that’s particularly admirable of course, but the act in itself was quite the sight to watch. Love you too buddy.
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Watching the two of them claw their way up the ranks was quite heartwarming. Not that I have a heart, ha, and even if I did it wouldn’t be warm.
Anyways, I’m rambling again. Part of me doesn’t want to tell this story or write it down in any form, but another part of me wants to cement my fragile legacy into something more definite. Something for the newer generation to learn a thing or two from y’know?
Heh, but anyways. If anyone’s reading this, especially you two, I’m probably dead. Oh boy, I’ve always wanted to say that. Because, you know, I’ve been long dead. This time I mean death in its most permanent sense. My soul could be ripped to shreds, my body stuck in a UV grinder, or I could be sealed into some rock by the glowstick with a power boner (how ya’ doin Samuel? Dead yet? Don’t worry, even if someone else doesn’t, age will get to ya).
If the last scenario proves true, please find a way to kick me into the nearest river or something in the chaos. I’ve seen my share of monstrosities, and I’ll figure out a way to pleasure myself whenever a particularly rugged rock comes on by.
What you’re about to read is my story. It’s no climb to glory, or anything particularly admirable. If anything, I had more moments when writing this that I felt shame instead of pride. I don’t want anyone to read this, yet here I am: being selfless. Oh boy, aren’t you proud Maire? Your little sister is doing something good besides cannibalizing your newest enemy, though you never did fancy it when I did that did you? Was it the spills on your bedroom carpet? It was the spills wasn’t it?
Whoever’s reading this though, whether you’re in succession to be the next queen/king of the underworld, or you’re the newest underdog around the block, learn from my mistakes.
Perhaps I all people have already lost the right to say this, but I’m sure it’s the likes of me that know it best. If there’s one thing to take away from this, it’s to learn a bit of humility regardless of where you stand.
After all, we’re not gods.
From your lovable monstrosity,
Sophie