Well, it was unimaginable to find myself in a stickier menagie than a molasses scandal, but it turned out the sweet old lady had some dark secrets.

Olive and I followed the officer upstairs and our eyes were beset with a bizarre shrine of some kind. Across from her twin-size bed, was a Q shaped pentagram drawn in a reddish substance around the stone head of a very strange monster. It resembled a goatish creature with hollow eyes and it had two question mark shaped horns, adding to the enigma. I shivered when I saw it. I was into the steam-metal aesthetic as much as the next girl, but I got genuine shivers from those souless eyes.

"Wowee!" Olive exclaimed, "It's always the sweetest, nicest friendliest woman who turn out to be real maniacs."

Everyone was silent, including me. "Why's everyone looking at me?" she exclaimed.

"I kid," I laughed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "This is even more fascinating than the lady's two bit scheme. She clearly worships something sinister."

My eyes focused on the statue, its fixed gaze working on my mind like hardcore brain surgery. This wasn't any run-of-the-mill piece of art. I had never seen such a terrifying statue before.

I thought of those mysterious shapes in the old lady's eyes. They were as curious as this setup looked. Was there a connection?

Before I could speak, Olive said something stranger.

"Ya know, sometimes when we go to fancy dinner parties, I see statues like those!"

My mind was running a marathon. Some of the highest nobility had these too? What exactly were they?

Cornberry and his men could offer no explanation, or at least, nothing to me personally. And because of my 'scandalous' family name, I didn't get invited to such parties.

Olive's comphone buzzed and she removed it from her blouse. "Oh yes," she added, her eyes scanning the text message. "Seems the dean wants us back at the school ASAP. My father wants to congratulate us."

The southcity belle raised her hand and moved it in front of my face. "Yoo-hoo, Jacky? Are you ok? You seem a bit stuck in something."

I blinked my eyes awake. "Sorry," I said. "Let's just change. I need to get my arm fixed. I feel all grody."

"Me too," Olive exclaimed. "That old lady was so sickly sweet, I'm bound to get diabetus or somethin'."

I gave a hollow laugh at Olive's joke, but my mind remained focused on the statue. What exactly was this question-mark-monster statue?

What did a restaurant owner have in common with members of the highest nobility? I'd have to get Olive alone and interrogate her myself. First, however, I'd shower to cleanse myself of this sugary mission.

After spending an inordinate amount of time in the school showers, I freshly emerged, dressed in my Enigmatic Academy uniform. With dual matching question marks on my fedora and blazer, and a plaid mini skirt, I had to look my best for when Colonel Sutherland did his worst.

Much to my surprise, inside Professor Archie Bald's office, there was a great big smile plastered on the colonel's face. Either he was actually happy to see me, or someone had spiked a jar of his molasses with some happy juice.

Olive was smiling too–a big improvement over the heartbroken raccoon she was earlier. Archie, in particular was the happiest (though he always seemed to be, no matter the event) and upon seeing me, he nudged Mr. Sutherland. "Well…" the dean said in his avuncular way. "Those praises aren't gonna sing themselves, Mr. S."

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The smile disappeared on Sutherland's face. He looked like a child who had to eat his vegetables and do his homework at the same time. "Do I hafta?" he grumbled.

Archie chuckled. "Only if you don't want Jacky here to save your face, name and booty all in a day anymore!"

Sutherland sighed and stepped forward. "Thank y'all for saving my daughter from an outrageous scandal. Yer name may be mud, but it's clear your services ain't."

"What was that?" I said, putting my hand to my ear. "I'm a little hard of hearing."

Sutherland's mustache bristled like an enraged walrus. "Yer name may be mud, but your services ain't."

I removed a tape recorder from my pocket protector and grinned. I clicked it off. "Good. I just wanted to have that for prosperity's sake."

"Now now, Jacky," Archie squawked. "Don't get too big a head. You won't be able to fit through my doorway."

Suddenly, Olive's eyes lit up like the tail end of a firefly. "Oh and daddy, also tell her what else!"

Wordwise, Mr. Sutherland was clearly constipated. But he managed to force out the following words: "And yes you can still hang around ma daughter…"

"Ooh, didja hear that, Jacky," Olive exclaimed. "Now we can stay up all night watching endlessly reruns of Hint at your place!"

"Hey now," I said, holding up my hands. "I'll still need some me-time, but I'm glad we can still enjoy each other's company."

The smiles on everyone's face (including the forced one on Sutherland's) lent to the adage, 'all's well that ends well." But as soon as I said my goodbyes to Olive and Sutherland, I expected something even better: lavish praise from my handsome mentor.

"Professor Bald…" I stated coyly.

"Call me, Archie," he answered suavely. "I have mentored you for a long time now."

"Archie–" I said, turning to the fireplace. "Do you think I did a good job out there?"

Archie's eyes like emerald fire, flared brightly. He put his fingers together. "Indubitably!" he grinned. "Jacky, my protege, I don't know how you managed to pull off each of these high profile cases, but, well, actually, I do. Ya learned from the best!"

My cheeks ignited with a crimson blush. He was too much, praising himself to praise me.

"Thank you, Archie," I said, my lip curled gently in a small smile "Did we figure out exactly what that statue is?"

"We did!" Archie exclaimed rubbing his goatee with a winsome grin. "That statue is…"

I perked up. My passion for the truth was burning as bright as the fireplace behind me. Oddly enough, my mentor repeated himself for dramatic effect.

"That statue is….the statue isssss….100% certified plutonium!"

My brain nearly inverted itself in response. The only thing that betrayed the dean's age was his fervour for dad jokes. "Come on now," I groaned. "We don't know anything about that statue?"

Archie ruffled his goatee like he often did. "Well then, I may be a dean, but I'm no history geek. This totem seems like a kind of relic from a bygone era. Maybe even dating back before the Toxic Calamity."

"Hmm," I said, rubbing my hairless chin. "So are you saying I should…"

"Visit our search engine in the digital library, my dear. You were always such a little dataworm. I'm sure you'll find it in no time, Jacky-poo!"

I blushed again. Only he could compare me to a worm and make it seem cute.

"Of course," I answered and I kicked myself. "I wish I thought of that before. My brain always turns off when I'm embarassed."

Archie stretched his arms and yawned. "Ya know, I have the same problem except when I'm hungry."

He walked to his desk and removed a brown bag. "Think I'm gonna treat myself to my pumpernickel and pickle sandwich. Tastes as good as it rhymes."

I sighed again. He was so cute when he ate disgusting food. "Yes…of course, I…"

"You run along now," the dean smiled knowingly.

"Oh-kay," I stumbled over my metal leg towards the door.

"Oh and Jacky-poo," the dean said to me with a wily glint in his emerald eye. "Curiosity is the birthplace of many great mysteries, so stay curious, my friend!"

Laughing and nodding nervously I nearly walked straight into a closed door. All that praise made me dizzy, but I couldn't let that offset me. I had to pay a visit to the ever-churning search engine database before the Academy closed.