That day, the Aussies received a grim reminder. Being on the defensive in foggy weather is a recipe for disaster!

“By the way,” pondered Jack “We are in the Outback, right?”

“Right” agreed Gurkha.

“It’s hot af and there is barely any water, right?”

“Right” agreed Gurkha again.

“So where the fuck is all this fog coming from?”

Before they could investigate this mystery, a terrifying screech broke the silence of the night.

And then another one, and another one…soon, they found themselves listening to a whole god damn orchestra of emu screams coming from the general direction their machine guns were pointed at.

“Should we shoot blind?” Asked Jack, and eagerly moved to the nest.

“No, we should wait. Who knows. Maybe they are just baiting us to waste ammo?”

The Nepalese elite soldier had a point. Jack, contrary to his hot-headed nature, decided to wait and see what happens.

“By the way, what the fuck is that curved machete you have?”

“That’s a Kukri, you pleb”

“And the other one?”

“That’s also a Kukri!”

Before Jack could inquire why the fact is this edgelord dual-wielding machetes, the emu screams came to a sudden halt. And unsettling silence followed. And then….

*Clomp clomp clomp*

*clompclompcloclopmcloclomp*

The sound of countless bare emu feet splattering the mud echoed across the vastness of Outback. It echoed like terror itself in the hearts of the conscripts of 101 regiment, and one guy even shat himself.

“Fuck, man! We can’t even see them yet, and you’re emptying your bowels already!” Exclaimed Jack, disgusted. Of course, our hero didn’t fear anything. He didn’t even know what fear is!

“It’s precisely cause w-we can’t s-see them....” stuttered the conscript “You can’t hit what you can’t see!”

“Oh ye? You think I can’t!? Then watch me!”

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He then closed his eyes and punched the conscript right in the face, knocking the fuck out of him.

This did miracles for morale. Afraid to be punched by a crazy next, the conscripts pulled their literal and metaphorical shit together and manned the machine gun nests.

No sooner they did that, first emus emerged from the fog, but a few dozen yards away from the trench line!

They had red and white bandanas warped around their heads and held katanas in their beaks. Their bloodshot eyes were crazed, and they were charging at the speed of no less than 31 miles per hour!(50 km/h for all you euros out there)

A rain of machine and rifle fire descended upon them, but for every emu shot, two more took its place!

Needless to say, Jack was having a lot of fun.

*DADADADADADADADA*

He kept shooting even when the barrel overheated because Jack wasn’t no pussy that’s afraid of some heat.That is until the barrel blew up right in his face.

“Fuck! *cough cough* Where was this shit made in, China?”

An emu jumped over the sandbags and knocked Jack off his feet!

“I hope you don’t mind that I have to kill you…” The emu whispered gravely and raised its beak to deliver the final blow.

Just when it seemed like it was all over and this story would end in episode 3, a pair of curved knives emerged from beneath the monstrous rips, and ripped the bird in three halves!

“Holy shit!”

“Now you know what the double Kukris are for!”

Yet, this was no time for idle chatter! The entire trenchline was falling apart, and soldiers were being stabbed, kicked, and beaked to death left and right!

Jack and the Gurkha troop fought valiantly, but even such heroes of unprecedented caliber had their limits. It truly felt like all was lost. Faced with such thin odds of survival, Jack was for the first time in his life considering saying the final prayers but quickly gave up on the idea because he didn’t know any at all.

But suddenly!

A tank shell flew over their heads, and disappeared in the fog beyond! Then another one, slightly closer and slightly lower…..

“Fuuuck! Get on the ground now!” screeched Jack, and did as he said. “We’re getting…reinforcements!!!!”

Unfortunately, the Gurkha mate was a bit slow on the uptake and didn’t get it until a shell hit him and turned him into a bloody mist.

Jack promised to remember him, if only he could distinguish him from other Nepali troops, which he couldn’t. He then used the Kukri of his fallen comrade to dig himself a little foxhole inside the trench, and braced for more bombardment.

Several minutes later, it was all over. The trench was filled with countless human and fowl corpses, and Jack was the last man standing.

And there, from the fog, emerged the dreadful machine that brought such unprecedented destruction on friend and foe alike. Its tracks were rattling menacingly, and its gun was rocking back and forth with every inch of ground it covered.

Jack heard the legends of this apparatus, but it was the first time he came face to face with the monstrosity. It was even more majestic than the stories told….

The Bob Semple tank arrived!

Suddenly, the machine stopped.The earth itself conceded before its seizable weight.

In other words, it got stuck in the mud.

“Fuck!”

With the next wave of emus incoming, how will the Aussie army survive this greatest of pinches!?!?!

ゴゴゴゴゴ(menacing) To be continued——————————>