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Empress of the World
The Better Cheat

The Better Cheat

Xander was brought from his daydream by the blast of a horn he could not see. He saw the ends of the magical and Imperial armies rush forward to meet with his allies, and the captain was more than a little happy to have no part of it.

"Who knows? They may yet wear each other out and leave me in control. I think Emperor Xander or even Supreme Ruler Xander has a nice ring to it. No little brat will try to pit me against her lover then," he muttered the last part to himself as his mind drifted to a certain heiress.

"Captain?" the first mate interrupted Xander's musings, which earned him a sharp look.

The leader wondered how much his subordinate had heard, but decided not to ask. "This better be important. The show is just getting started." Xander's eyes narrowed as he tapped his fingers impatiently on the railing.

"I think one or two of our ships may be having trouble…" the first mate tried to sound casual, but there was a nervous tick in his eye that told the captain of his concern.

"One or two?" Xander turned his eyes toward his fleet behind him.

"Maybe four? It is hard to tell." The first mate spoke more and more timidly as he pointed. "But that one over there is definitely low in the water and tilted over to one side. I think it maybe sinking. That one over there is missing its rudder and those two seem to missing their men. At least no one responded to our signals."

"Why did no one tell me earlier?" The pirate asked in a deceptively calm tone.

"We just not noticed. Just like you, our eyes have been on the shore. Oh look! That ship's mast is tilted. Guess I was right, four ships are in trouble."

Xander rubbed his forehead. "I am surrounded by idiots," he mumbled, suddenly missing his former first mate that he had killed for stealing.

"Captain?" The first mate asked, not understanding.

"One, plus one, plus two, plus one equals five…" the pirate captain was on the edge of losing it as he held up five fingers.

"I never was very good at math," the thin pirate admitted.

"Obviously," Xander responded with gritted teeth. "I hope you are better at swimming." He pushed the man overboard and turned to the closest man. "You are my new fist mate. Now get this ship turned around and rally the others that are still seaworthy." The Captain pulled his sword. "We are under attack!"

———-

The fourth ship had not been the disaster that Devrim and Junayd had feared. In her quick thinking, one of the selkies had used her more feminine human form to distract the peeping pirate long enough for the general to lasso his rope around the gawker and pull him into the sea. From there the mermaids eagerly retrieved their prey and carted him to the sandbar to feed on his fear.

"By the time this is over, those pirates are going to beg to be arrested," Devrim realized. He had been under the merfolk's spell. It was not fun. The Emperor finished his task and cleared out the rest of the pirates. His small but tenacious crew had taken out hundreds of pirates already without any loss on their part. That feat in itself seemed impossible. 'Well, we do have some magical help. That has to count for something,' Devrim corrected himself.

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It was the fifth ship in the line that gave them trouble. By the time the Emperor and Junayd arrived, the main mast was already cracked and listing to one side. Fighting had broken out on board. With the help of a green-haired merman and his water spout, the general and Emperor were quickly on board the vessel where the fighting had broken out.

"What happened?" Junayd asked one of the men who was fighting a pirate. Both he and the other soldier were still dripping from the ocean.

"They spotted us, general!" the man reported. "And one of the men threw a chest overboard in order to dislodge us from the sides. The water nymph did not like that treatment very much and she chunked the metal chest back at them with all her force." With the general's help, the two men took out the pirate and chucked him, like the aforementioned chest, into the sea. "The box must have hit a weak spot in the mast because it immediately made a sickly cracking sound and keeled over."

"So much for being subtle," Devrim sighed as he looked toward the lead ship. Already it had turned to head toward them. "See if Wai can knock out any more of the masts or rudders. Maybe even steal a few oars. We are about to have a real fight on our hands. Let's try and keep them from coming all at once."

"Yes, Sire!"

------------

"What is that thing?!" the new first mate screamed in horror as he watched Wai cause a wave to push their large ship off course. Xander grabbed the steering wheel and pushed it back toward their goal.

"Just a nuisance. Do we still have that powdered soap?" the Captain asked. He was annoyed but not scared.

"The stuff we stole from the laundress?" the pirate asked, confused.

"Yes, that! Pour it on the creature. The soap should get it off our backs." Xander figured if the creature were made of water, it would not take kindly to to the suds.

The first mate found the white flaky powder and poured it onto Wai when she came in for another strike. The water nymph tried to brush away the snowlike substance from her body, but it only internalized itself and began to bubble. Wai gurgled in panic, as even her mouth began to foam.

"Run yourself through the sea as much as you can, Wai," Phoca advised her. "The soap will wash out. Go!"

Rubbing her eyes with her watery hands, Wai dashed through the water and out to sea, leaving a bubbly trail of suds behind her. It was a heavy loss to the Imperial troops, and the pirates were rallied by her departure.

Turning the wheel, Xander steered the ship carefully. Due to the somewhat shallow water and the lack of wind, Xander called to the rowers below deck. "Final stoke! In oars! Get ready! We are about to board." With the last thrust from the oars, Xander guided his ship alongside the boat with the damaged main mast.

His men took ropes with hooks on the end and tossed them at the other ship to lash them together. On the other side, a second fully functional pirate ship was also attaching itself to the railing. Xander was confident as he pulled out his Merpearl.

"It was a nice try," he said to the Imperial troops as he held up the glowing orb in the air, "but you lose."

However, nothing happened. Having vanquished the pirates on the ship with the broken mast, the men in the soaked, royal blue uniforms just stared at him with their swords drawn. They had backed up to other of their allies and were ready for a two-front attack.

"How?" the pirate captain asked in disbelief.

"Science," Devrim answered with a smug grin. "Surrender now and I will make sure you get a fair trial."

"You do not play fair." Xander motioned to Devrim's magical allies bobbing in the water.

"Neither do you," the Emperor responded as he pointed his tip of the sword at the pearl.

"Then we shall see who is the better cheat," the Captain gave a toothy grin. If there was anyone who was good as playing unfair, it was him.

"I suppose that means you do not surrender? Very well." There was a confident glint in the man's eye that made Xander the slightest bit unsure.

It was then that Xander noticed that his enemy all wore the strange orange glasses that he had seen once before. The princess had been wearing them when she thwarted his plan at her birthday party. "Get rid of that blasted orange eyewear!" the captain bellowed. "Kill them all!"

The pirates surged forward from both sides and clashed blades with the Imperial troops. Even buoyed up by the other two ships, the broken ship, with holes in its hull and its main mast cracked, sat lower and lower in the water as the pirated piled onto its deck.

The Imperial troops only needed to dump the sailors overboard, while the pirates were out for blood. Xander watch the pirates go after the soldiers and cursed when the soldiers chucked them too easily into the water. It was infuriating and insulting! Even worse, when the soldiers somehow went overboard, they were brought back up on deck by a spout of water. Those blasted creatures in the sea were helping the Emperor.

It would have been a humorous game of cat and mouse, if only it was not so deadly when things went wrong. As some of the soldiers in royal blue lost their glasses, they involuntarily gazed on the pearl and were entranced by its magic. Seeing their chance, the pirates made quick work of the men and dispatched them to their Maker. Those bodies, when dumped over the side, did not return to the deck.