Installment 40 [https://squirrel.dogphilosophy.net/Installment040.png]
It took some careful coordination, but the four of them managed to move the free-standing bookcase full of magic books out of the study, down the stairs, and to the foyer without any of the books falling out. They opened the front door to find Baron Wulfcynn waiting patiently for them. A skeptical eyebrow rose on his face as Gruntle wrapped his arms around the bookcase, clamped his jaws onto the top shelf, and hefted it, books and all. He shambled sideways through the front door carrying it.
Al had been worried that the baron would be angry, but instead he clapped slowly, and then bowed. When he came back up, he was smiling.
"Well played, very clever. One complete object, still assembled, carried from the keep by one of you. I feared you might take my mirror, instead."
Wikwocket gave a quiet snort of annoyance.
"The books were purchased by the caretaker and not myself, so though they legally belonged to me I suppose I should not miss them much. I encourage you to make good use of them, I expect the results will be exciting. Do try not to precipitate the downfall of the nation too soon, I will need time to position myself to benefit from the chaos. Ha ha," the baron continued.
"Well, I'm glad you're not upset, your lordship," said Al.
"While I am not overly concerned with fairness, I would not have it said that I am a poor sport. Besides, you've done me a great service, and I wouldn't want to be ungrateful. Yes, lady Wikwocket, you have something to ask?"
"Al says you're not ugly enough to be real nobility," she bluntly said.
"I!...I never!...I didn't say anything like that at all!" protested Al. The baron actually threw his head back in laughter, which went on just slightly longer than Al found comfortable.
"Delightful, just delightful," the baron said when he finally stopped laughing, "I shall have to tell that one to Lord Cringely, and then I shall laugh again when he does not understand it and his lopsided face makes that confused look of his."
"What she means is just that we're not personally acquainted with members of the nobility, and we wouldn't really have any way to know the true baron Hearne Wulfcynn from an imposter, and we wanted to make sure we weren't being invited to rob the actual baron. Not that I don't believe you but..." Al began.
"But I don't have the look. It's true that the Wulfcynn family has been more concerned over the health of its bloodline than its purity. Perhaps this is why we have been in decline at court for so long. I can assure you that the name and title of Baron Hearne Wulfcynn is mine. How would you propose I satisfy you all of this?"
"An oath before the divine was suggested," answered Bote.
"An excuse to stand in the presence of Lady Fortuna again is welcomed. Join me in the chapel, and you shall have your oath."
They followed the baron inside, Al pausing to suggest that Gruntle put the bookcase back down and leave it outside for now. The baron opened the door from the foyer to the chapel, giving the statue of Fortuna a small, respectful bow as he entered. Once everyone gathered to observe, he placed his right hand in that of the statue. He looked the stone head of the goddess in the eyes and recited:
> "In the sight of Fortuna,
> By my life and my fame,
> I swear Baron Hearne Wulfcynn
>
> Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
>
> is my rightful name."
It was an odd sing-song sort of oath in Al's opinion, but somehow completely convincing. There were no ominous crashes of thunder, dimming of light, falling-in of the ceiling, or other such signs of divine displeasure, and no hint of dishonesty from the baron himself. Even Wikwocket seemed less skeptical. Bote nodded once after a moment.
"Thank you for indulging us, Baron Hearne Wulfcynn," Bote said.
"It is no trouble. I appreciate your intent. Now, then, if we're all satisfied, I think there is one final matter to resolve before I send you on your way so I can get back to my business. I believe I owe you all a favor in return for the service you have done for me, and perhaps for the subsequent entertainment as well," the baron said, smiling. "Ask of me what you want, and if I can reasonably do what you ask, I shall."
Al saw Wikwocket give the baron a suspicious look.
"Give us...," Gruntle began to say, but Al interrupted him.
"We have all the food we want in Henhaven," he told Gruntle.
Gruntle settled down with a grumble. "Not here."
For the second time, Al thought he saw a hint of annoyance from the baron before the patient smile returned. Al looked to the others. Bote shrugged, and Wikwocket just gave him a skeptical stare.
"Well...the villagers in Henhaven have been a bit worried about the taxes, since the...caretaker hadn't been collecting them. Is there anything you can do about that?"
"Collecting the taxes is one of the duties of Baron Hearne Wulfcynn," the baron explained, "I cannot simply stop collecting them."
"Perhaps you could sort of help them somehow, so the taxes aren't such a hardship, maybe?"
"You'll have to be more specific. I cannot simply give them money, for example."
"Okay, but you seem pretty shrewd, and I imagine you must know a lot of important people. Maybe you could offer the villagers advice, help them with their commerce and trade. You know, just, help them prosper. Then you'd be able to collect more taxes from them, and their living conditions would still improve."
"How very selfless of you. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have something for yourselves?"
"To be honest, this would sort of be for us, too. The villagers of Henhaven have been as generous with us as their modest means allow, and they promised us a place to stay and free food whenever we're passing through. If they're more prosperous, I expect they'll have nicer beds and more variety to eat next time. The goodwill in how they talk to others about us would be good for us, too."
"Ah, there, enlightened self-interest is a very noble way of thinking. With the right lineage and upbringing, you might perhaps have made a fine member of the nobility yourself."
"Maybe you should marry him," Wikwocket said, trying to taunt the baron, but this seemed to have no effect.
"I could do that," he said matter-of-factly, looking to Al.
"Uh...well, no, but..."
"...but I think that would unnecessarily complicate the production of the desired heirs to the family name," the baron finished, smirking with amusement at Al's discomfort.
Wikwocket scowled slightly in disappointment. The baron paid no heed to this. Instead he rubbed his nose thoughtfully. Finally, he smiled broadly.
"If this is the favor you ask of me, I shall honor it. You may leave the prosperity of the village of Henhaven in my capable hands."
"Thank you, your lordship."
"No, it is I who must thank you. Now then, is there any other business you have, or shall we adjourn this meeting so that we may go back to attending to our tasks?"
"I think that's all. We'll let you get back to your duties, and we'll head back to Henhaven and give everyone the good news. We'll probably be staying there for a day or two before we head for Turnipseed for our next job. If you need us for anything we'll be there."
The baron's face registered distaste. "Turnipseed? My condolences. Such a dreary place. I'm sure they will benefit from any excitement that colorful individuals such as yourselves may bring them. I do hope they appreciate you properly. Farewell, then. I expect I will hear more of you in the future."
He bowed and made a flourishing gesture out towards the front door of the keep. Gruntle turned and walked outside obediently, to Al's surprise. The baron held his pose as the others turned to leave as well, then he followed them to the front door. He gave one final, small bow and, without a word, shut the door of the keep, leaving Al and his companions alone outside.
Wikwocket glared at the closed door. "Are all nobles that awful?"
"I don't really understand why you immediately hate him so much," answered Al, "I've only met a few of them and I don't really know any of them, but from what I've seen and heard most of them are a lot less pleasant to be around."
"In that case, let me know when you get around to that downfall of the nation stuff he was talking about. I want in on it."