A shiver rippled through Kaller as he opened his eyes. The room around him was dark with only the dim yellow glow of lighting strips that lined the perimeter of the low ceiling. The musky dampness of being underground filled his nostrils. Kaller took long slow breaths to settle a distinct emptiness that he felt inside.
He’s been carrying the bond to Emperor Ghar Zahn for thirty-one years, four months, and nine days. It was strange for it not to be there anymore. He had heard all the stories from retired Protectors who had gone through the same process. They all said it took weeks, and sometime several months, to get used to being normal again, and many of those who had gone through the bond severing talked forlornly about the gifts they were no longer blessed with.
The full extent of the benefits of bonding with a charge was the most closely guarded secret of the Protectorate. If everyone knew the extent of what a Protector was able to do and experience with the benefit of bonding, far more people would seek it out. But the bonding agent was a finite resource to the College. It also had its downsides that could very well result in the death of the Protector being bonded or severed, and to a very small degree, the charge.
Every Disciple that entered their final classes before graduation was made aware of the full benefits of the bond and the risks of taking it on. Then a choice had to be made, continue on by swearing secrecy and commitment to what came next and moving to Pledge status, or drop from the Program to take a staff position at the College with a memory block put in place about the secrets of the bond. By that point in training, most were committed and were ready and even eager to make their pledge to the Protectorate. Kaller certainly had been more than eager and ready.
He had been young and felt so invincible back then. Kaller certainly wasn’t feeling that now. His body ached in a way he’d never quite experienced before. Many of his muscles felt sore like he’d slept all night on rocky ground. There was a deep throbbing in both his legs that seemed as if it went all the way to the bone. And his head pounded in such a way that he was afraid that his midday meal might make a sudden reappearance.
Certainly, Kaller had been warned, but no amount of lecture or discussion could truly describe what he was going through right now. And if this was what his new life was going to be like, then maybe it would have been better to not have woken up at all from the severing. He had had little better than fifty percent chance of it, and there was still a possibility of his demise.
Kaller had held a bond for longer than the twenty-five year mark, which meant his brain might not be able to function without it. There had been centuries of proof that a Protector had a far better chance of surviving a severing at twenty-four years and earlier without a replacement bond. So to help stave off his withdrawal symptoms and mental decline, Kaller would be receiving several treatments a day for the next two weeks. But no one, not even the Caretakers, could keep the brain from shutting down if decided it could not cope without the bond.
As Kaller lay there in the semi-dark trying to adjust to the strange and horrible sensations that encompassed much of his body, the now retired Protector felt even more deeply––a sense of devastating loss. A loss of the extra vitality, strength, flexibility, and speed the bond provided. The loss of now having to heal like a regular Ethian, instead of wounds repairing themselves within minutes or hours without a Remaker depending on the severity of them. But by far the most noticeable was that distinct feeling of absence to the one he had been bonded to.
Since he had first become the Protector to the Emperor, Kaller could feel the vital force of his charge. It was like a constant background humming in his mind that he had learned to ignore most of the time. But if he ever needed to know the whereabouts of his charge, Kaller could easily tap into the hum and pinpoint the Emperor’s exact location immediately. Kaller could also sense if his charge was in physical or emotional distress, and could respond accordingly. But that was all gone now, and he could feel the heaviness of that emptiness as Kaller slowly sat up. For the first time in thirty-one years, Kaller felt, for lack of a better word, alone.
“Easy. Take it slow. It will be an adjustment to just move for a few days. Without the physical enhancements of the bond, you will feel much weaker than you are used to.” A soft voice said from somewhere in front of Kaller.
Of course, Kaller knew this, but now that he was experiencing it, he realized he hadn’t really known what this was going to be like. It felt comforting to hear the man’s words, but even more, to know that he was not really alone in this. That others had gone through this and had lived perfectly normal lives afterwards. Just like Master Meh-len.
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Kaller peered into the dimness to see the robed form of the Quat-lo Master. As all who attended the proceedings of a bonding or severing, Meh-len wore a floor length robe of the deepest black. In the already dark room, it made it difficult to see him and the other three witnessing the severing. It was always customary for those closest to the one undergoing a severing to attend in a show of support.
After taking a long moment to make sure he would be steady on his feet, Kaller slipped from the low stone table he had been laid out on. He swayed on his feet, but thankfully stayed upright. Master Meh-len came forward to wrap a black robe around Kaller’s naked body, which he was grateful for. Without the environmental adjustment the bond provided, which was much like the environmental clothing the nobles wore, Kaller had noticed he was shivering in the cool dampness of the cavern.
Kaller nodded to the Master he had known since childhood. Meh-len had grown up on the same planet and inhabited the same neighborhood as Kaller. Even though Meh-len was a few years his junior, the two had often ran into each other in their childhood and young adult years. Kaller wouldn’t call themselves friends, but maybe really good acquaintances, who both had heard the presentations of a College recruiter and decided to strive for glory instead of the daily grind of farming the vast fields of grain on Tazerian.
So it had been somewhat of a shock when Meh-len had been waiting for Kaller when he stepped out of the Chief Commander Jordem’s office after enduring a long inquisition from the Commander, Captain Dexter, and Director Shiperii about whether Kaller had any business in the attack on the chalet. Interestingly, not a word had been spoken about the Heir’s abduction. It made Kaller wonder if they had suddenly discovered who was behind it since he’d been orbiting Sora X in the shuttle. Kaller had left the office with a stern warning by Director Shiperii to stay out of all things having to do with the Heir, and then he’d almost walked right into the Quat-lo Master waiting for him in the corridor.
Meh-len didn’t say much. He just fell into step beside Kaller until they left the marble halls of the administration building, and then Meh-len had put a comforting hand on Kaller’s shoulder before they parted ways.
“Know you are supported, brother. We are here for you.”
The Master then silently turned away. Kaller had appreciated the gesture, and when he had been asked by the Ceremony Master who he had wanted at the severing, Meh-len had been one of the names he’d uttered among several others. Kaller had to admit that it felt really good to be surrounded by familiar faces in this moment where he felt like his very identity had been stripped from him.
Kaller took a few small steps forward to test out his ability to walk. His legs felt like they were made out of led, and it was far more difficult than it should have been to raise his leg enough to step forward, but he managed to walk from the stone bonding table into the adjoining room that was much larger and didn’t feel so cold and damp.
They were still very much in the bowels of Sora X, but this room was more inviting because of its size, the sprawling lounge area, and someone had thought to install a heating system in the reception area of the bonding chambers. It had been explained to Kaller at some point before his severing that the damp and coolness was better for the bonding agent’s removal. The Ceremony Master had explained why, but Kaller simply had not cared enough to pay attention. All he needed to know was that his life was about to change forever with the removal of the bond.
He took a few more halting steps, he was finding it more and more difficult to move his legs, until he could settle himself on the nearest chair. It felt magnificent to sit down and take the weight off his legs. He sat back with his arms resting on the arms of the chair. He noticed his limbs were shaking.
Master Meh-len and Kaller’s other attending guests quietly took seats except for the Ceremony Master. He stood next to Kaller with a look of sympathy on his face. The man then gave Kaller a slight bow and said, “Your service has been appreciated, Captain Hame. I will leave you now to rest. Your attendees will watch over you until the Caretaker comes for your treatment. Again, I apologize for the delay in treatment, but it is customary to wait at least an hour after a severing for the body to acclimate to being without a bond before using a Remaker.”
Kaller waved the man away a little irritated. He didn’t need anyone telling him more about what could or couldn’t be done, or what he might or might not be feeling. All he wanted was some peace and quiet.
“I know. You told me before the severing. I will be fine.”
The Master bowed again before taking his leave across the room and up the long ancient stone stairway that wound its way through the thick bedrock and up into the more modern marble of the administration building. It was by far the deepest cavern under the College complex and one of the most secret as well. Only those who had received a bond knew the existence of the bonding chambers. Most other people just assumed the process happened in a designated room in the administration building.
Thankfully, Kaller would be taking the transporter put in place just for those going through the severing. All others, even Kaller’s attendees, would have to take the stairs. It was more for tradition than anything. Kaller very much doubted he’d be able to climb the thousand and twelve stairs to the top anytime soon, and was glad for the more modern way of travel installed a century ago. Otherwise, his attendees would have had to carry him out.