Chapter Forty-Three

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Inerys sought to compose herself as Rhydian helped her to her feet. She ran her hands up along her damp cheeks, then up into her hair to push the loose curls back and away from her face. Spirits, so much had changed.

Not only had she been practically born anew, but she’d managed to inadvertently bond a wyvern too.

“Does everyone know?” She asked.

“Perhaps with the exception of Vesryn,” he said, “but I wouldn’t exactly count on it. The man and I don’t talk much these days, but he isn’t daft.”

The confirmation of her idle suspicions gave rise to an unexpected weight. The truth of it had been there all along, clear as day, yet time and time again, she had explained away the anomalies. Or willfully ignored them, in some cases. If anyone in this camp was daft, it was her.

“You’re certain these sorts of things happen on their own? I mean, I didn’t somehow force this, did I?”

If she had–

Warmth radiated through the fledgling bond between them.

No one forces a wyvern to do anything, Ephaxus said, voice rumbling through her mind like distant thunder, Not even vipers.

Rhydian gave her a knowing look.

“He’s given you an answer, hasn’t he?”

She grimaced.

“Is he in your head too?”

He gestured to his eyes, “No, but it looked like you were somewhere else for a second. There’s a certain degree of dissociation when communicating through the bond, especially in the beginning. It takes years to learn how to mask it and even then, some of us still have our slip-ups.”

“Us,” she echoed, then stiffened,“Does this make me a Talhavar?”

“A Talhavar? No. I’m afraid there are more than a few prerequisites you’ve yet to achieve on that front.”

She bit her lip, “But Ephaxus and I are bondmates.”

“True,” he said, “but not all Talhavar have wyverns and not all wyverns are Talhavar. We’re merely an order. A sort of national guard, so to speak and members are not limited to any one species. Wyvern’s simply tend to fall under the aerial division due to their inherent nature. By extension, whomever they bond with during their first year or two at the academy also join. It’s always been the way of it.”

“So I’d have to be a member already?”

“And be trained accordingly.”

She relaxed a little.

“Well, at least I don’t have that to worry about on top of this Wardeness business,” she said.

There had to be a limit to the chaos.

If only she knew how to go about implementing such a thing . . .

“The subject of the Talhavar will come up eventually, just not in the way you might have been thinking. While you may not belong to our ranks, Ephaxus does,” he said, “though, given all that’s happened, I was going to suggest an early retirement.”

Her brow knit.

“You were? Is that something he even wants?”

If he wanted to remain, would she somehow hold him back?

“I’m not sure, I haven’t spoken to him about it yet.”

She hesitated, but asked, “Is the bond permanent? Or . . .optional? If he went through all the trouble of training in order to become what he is today, I wouldn’t want him to throw it all away for my sake.”

Distantly, she felt the wyvern’s alarm, though he remained silent.

Was it her thoughts he was interpreting or was he somehow privy to their conversation through her?

Rhydian rubbed at the back of his neck, an edge of concern lining his eye.

“The pair’s first flight typically seals the bond, so in theory, not following through on it might prevent the same level of attachment. To be honest, I’ve never heard of a rejection. Compatible souls are compatible for a reason, Inerys.”

“I was afraid you’d say something to that effect.”

“I know this must all be overwhelming, but these are the sorts of questions only he can answer for you. In this situation, I won’t be of any help or authority, I’m afraid. Bond business is, well, between bondmates,” he said.

She glanced off in the direction they’d come, the forest path quiet, save the crickets. Ephaxus’s mind lingered along the periphery of her own, a certain anxiety weighing on him. He feared she’d reject him now that she knew, didn’t he? She sent a warm assurance across the shared space between them, for she would do no such thing.

“I suppose that makes sense,” she said, “am I able to ask you some questions, at least? About bonds in general?”

“Of course,” he said.

She took a deep breath, nodding absently. She had a whole host already, she simply couldn’t decide which were most pressing. Maybe if she made a list– no. No, she should speak to Ephaxus first. They were bondmates, after all, surreal as it all was. They’d discuss things first, then she could take whatever remaining questions she might have to Rhydian.

She hadn’t realized she’d become caught up in her own thoughts until he said, “Inerys?”

“Hmm?”

“About the Wardeness,” he began, “I hadn’t intended for you to find out that way. I had a plan, you know. Not that it matters much now.”

She placed a hand upon his upper arm.

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“While I appreciate it, there’s no need to apologize. Truly. You had no idea any of that would happen. No one did.”

He knew that, didn’t he?

“It doesn’t change what happened.”

“Perhaps not, but what I said still holds true. Sometimes these sorts of things happen. It isn’t anyone’s fault, though we can choose how we move past them. I’m only sorry I overreacted as I did. Don’t hold it against yourself. Please?”

He sighed, “I’ll do my best.”

If only it were that simple.

She saw the conflict in the man’s eyes and wished beyond anything that she could chase away the lingering, festering guilt. This was a man who held himself accountable for far too much and she hadn’t the slightest idea how to help. For all her assurances, a portion of doubt would remain. She’d seen it happen before. Even now, he was beginning to withdraw, his gaze already growing distant and unfocused as if his mind were arguing with itself.

Spirits, she had to do something.

She hadn’t brought him all this way to seek a resolution, only to have him leave more conflicted than when he’d arrived.

Better, they had to do better. It was what they’d agreed to, right? She might not be able to will away his anguish, but perhaps she could try something else? Attempt to find some other way to save him from his own spiraling thoughts? Assure him that all he’d done and sacrificed had been worth something, as it had meant everything to her.

Her heart raced, for there was something she could try.

But it was foolish at best.

Reckless, even.

She brought her hand to his cheek and dared to brush his lips with her own. With the pair of them nearly matched for height after her transformation, it was easy. Her kiss was gentle, but steadfast in its surety.

“I never thanked you,” she murmured, “for saving my life a second time.”

He stiffened, but made no move to pull away. If anything, the man appeared utterly stunned. He stood motionless, searching her face and as he did, she felt her cheeks grow hot.

“I’m sorry, I–”

Rhydian deftly backed her against the tree behind her and silenced her with a kiss so thorough, it pushed all else from her mind. Her gasp was lost to the wind, arms wrapping about his neck to draw him closer still. Blood roared in her ears, but she didn’t care. Couldn’t think beyond the taste and feel of a man who had seen her through the most terrifying moments of her life and helped her move beyond them.

Whether their escapade had lasted mere seconds or perhaps minutes, she couldn’t say. She’d been kissed before, but not like this. They were both breathless by the time they came back to their senses, mirroring tentative smiles.

Spirits’ breath, but she’d wanted to do that for far longer than she’d care to admit.

“Too much?” He asked.

“Hardly.”

His low chuckle made her heart flutter.

“Good.”

Inerys returned her hand to the side of his face, though this time, his came to rest over hers.

“Scars or no, I would do it all again,” he whispered.

The confession made her heart ache.

She closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to his.

“I feared I’d gone too far, that you’d let me take too much.”

Thinking back on it was enough to make her sick.

“I’m fine,” he promised.

“I know.”

She felt she hadn’t been able to breathe until she’d seen him step out of his tent again.

“I am curious though,” he said, drawing back after a time, “What made you decide to attract so many flame spirits?”

Her brow knit.

“You were cold as death. I wasn’t sure what else I could do to help, shy of starting a bonfire in your tent.”

“You weren’t afraid they’d decide to burn it down all on their own? You saw what they did to my boots.”

She shrugged as casually as she could manage.

“Someone once told me they could be an asset under the right circumstances. All I had to do was keep them happy.”

His eyes playfully narrowed.

“Whoever told you must have been wise indeed. Where did you manage to find the fire-aspect flowers?”

“Those were Ayduin’s doing,” she admitted, “I may have dared her to find something better after she made fun of my little bundles of sticks for the dozenth time.”

He laughed.

“She can work miracles with the right motivation. It’s good to see the two of you back on amicable terms.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re the best of friends, but she’s gone out of her way to help me these past few days. Especially when it comes to the blood memories.”

“You’re still experiencing them?” He asked, brow furrowing in concern.

She bit her lip, sobering in light of the change of subject.

“It happens every time I feed.”

“Every time?”

She nodded, stepping around him to continue down the path while they discussed the specifics.

“I told Ayduin about them on our way back to camp after and we both agreed they were worth looking into. We’ve spent the last couple of days performing different tests in order to determine how it all works.”

“What have you found?”

They’d learned more than she’d originally anticipated, if she were honest.

“That I can see the memories of whomever or whatever the blood belongs to whether I want to or not. I don’t have much control over what I see, but focused meditation has helped me access some of what I’ve already seen. The amount I consume doesn’t have any bearing, though. It’s all the same whether I have a drop or a full cup,” she said, “The fact I can do any of this makes the others nervous. They haven’t said as much, but they don’t have to. I’m not blind to the implications. I only hope they trust me enough not to take a bite out of them for the sake of learning their secrets. It’s not like I can decipher them, anyway.”

He took it all in with a thoughtful expression, a hand rubbing at the stubble along his chin.

“Interesting. Did it ever happen before your advancement? Perhaps to a lesser degree?”

She shook her head.

“No. It came about afterward. So far, everyone agrees it was just another one of the changes.”

“It makes sense. The fourth ascension often comes with the most alteration. None so extensive as yours, but I believe we’ve long since determined you’re an outlier to most rules.”

“Apparently I’m fascinating enough to have a whole journal dedicated to my study,” she hummed.

Rhydian winced.

“Did Sorisanna finally decide to show you her handiwork?”

“She did. I wasn’t exactly surprised though, she’s alway struck me as the sort of woman who documents everything.”

“It makes for thorough work.”

“Oh, I’m sure. I’m starting to see why she terrifies you. Those sketches of hers are hauntingly perceptive. It’s like she’s been able to mentally dissect me.”

“The longer you think about it, the more disturbing it all becomes. Trust me.”

She shivered.

“You don’t have to tell me twice. I have enough to fret over as it is. Coming to terms with the fact our sweet, innocent sage is actually a horrifying, flesh-weaving monster is on the very bottom of my priority list.”

Rhydian chuckled, coming to a stop beside her when they reached the lake.

Of course, he’d already noticed what awaited him.

She hid her smile as she toyed with something in her pocket. She was rather proud of it, for it had taken her hours to determine which scent would compliment his natural one most.

“What’s all this?” He asked, thumbing through the neat stack of linen resting upon the largest of the mossy stones.

“Oh, that? Consider it a waking present.”

“Inerys . . .”

“Yes, Rhydian?”

“This was all a ploy to get me to bathe, wasn’t it?”

She pivoted and thumped a bar of soap against his chest.

“Guilty as charged. You smell terrible.”