Chapter 289 - Drowning

“Why does nobody listen?” Caeli stomped on the gravel back to the residential district.

Kea squeezed her shoulders in solidarity, though she was feeling frustrated herself. “They’re just scared.” It had been naive to think anyone would listen.

They had tracked down the names from Herry’s list. Most slammed the door in their face, the others smiled and nodded long enough to get rid of them, ignoring the warnings all the same. Two strangers speaking of danger didn’t encourage trust in Limgrell, especially when they failed to explain why.

That’s the best we could do for them.

They couldn’t let the kidnappers discover her involvement at Herry’s house; for each person on the list, they talked with two random others. Initially, Kea thought she could ambush the culprits, but who should she guard? They recovered dozens of names, and she had no idea who would be the next target—if any at all. The last girl to disappear wasn’t on the list. A moment of distraction had been enough for the mists to take her.

Damned cowards. There must be a way to catch them.

The more she tried to wrestle the situation under control, the more it slipped away. Her nails dug into her palms. She hated feeling powerless, and she hated this rotten town. A headache pulsed behind her eyes for the lack of sleep, and she couldn’t say when it started.

“He would have found a way…” Caeli muttered when they turned into the street of their rented house. “He was like that even when we were children, you know. The perfect son. Always so insufferable,” she said with a somber chuckle. “I would have never escaped our family if it wasn’t for him…”

There was no need to say who, Caeden’s shadow hung between them like a void that couldn’t be filled. When they first met, Kea also found his effortless self-assurance annoying, how he seemingly had an answer for everything. She had wanted to best him so badly. Without anyone realizing it, he had become an integral part of her team and disappeared before she could figure out her new feelings.

Today had been a month since he went missing. What had those madmen done with him? Had he been harmed? Tortured? Was he alive? Each day was harder to keep the flickering hope alive.

You promised you wouldn’t die till I beat your smug face.

“We’ll get him back,” Kea stated to encourage herself as much as Caeli.

Her friend mutely nodded, not meeting her gaze.

Opening the iron fence, they climbed the ramp of stairs to the apartment. Kea raised a hand to cut the mana filament inside the lock—a trick an old adventurer taught them to check for intruders. Only the filament was gone.

Panic choked her thoughts, blood pumping as her body tensed for action. Had the cultists been here? Were the others hurt? Had someone else been taken?

“It’s on the hinges,” Caeli grumbled behind her. “Your friend changed the alarm yesterday, remember? Less chance it’ll get spotted there.”

“Oh, I…” Her heartbeat slowed and embarrassment flushed her cheeks. “Right…” The hair-thin filament was still woven around the iron hinges, just out of sight. Kea cut it and turned the key with more strength than necessary—she could hear Mari and Flynn breathing inside.

They’re safe. I’m just distracted.

She had yet to digest the shock of Kai’s reappearance when her brother started lecturing them on how to place their wards and arrays. Entering the living room, she replaced the filament on the hinges with a burning irritation. They had spent a whole year on the mainland, and the moment Kai arrived he started changing things.

He’s just trying to help. Kea reminded herself; his suggestions did make sense. She should be happy that he was alive. If only he wouldn’t be so…

“You’ve come back early.” Flynn stood up to greet them, cheerful and kind despite having been dragged into a mess that had nothing to do with him; Mari sat with her nose buried in books behind him. “How did it go?”

His smile didn’t waver when Caeli marched past him to shut herself in her room. He lowered his tone, leaning closer. “Is everything alright? Did you not find the people on the list?”

“We found them,” Kea said. “It’s just… they won’t listen or run. The ones who agreed to talk only humored us to make us leave. We can’t guard them. And they’ll be of no help for finding the culprits…”

Another lead that closed in a dead-end. She wanted to scream and cry beneath the waves. Anxiety and urgency grew louder each day she failed to make any progress.

“We’ll find another way to get them.” Flynn lightly patted her back, holding her gaze with a certainty she had lost. Then his expression softened. “Do you want something to drink or eat?”

“I’m… I’m good. I just need some time to think.” Kea strode toward her own room following Caeli’s example. The wards on her door had also been rearranged for efficiency. Filled with a surge of annoyance, she nearly punched them out of the wall.

Keep your cool. Everything is fine.

The lie had never sounded less convincing.

Shutting the door, Kea rested her back against the hardwood. Her heart thumped in her chest like a hammer. Exhaling and inhaling, she counted to ten to get a grip on herself. None of it helped. The clutter on the floor and bunk bed made the room too cramped. The window was too small. She felt like drowning, each breath shallower than the last, no matter how much air she drew.

I can’t do this.

It was all falling to pieces. Her team expected her to find a solution and keep them safe. Soon they would realize she had no idea what she was doing. She wasn’t like Caeden, or even Kai. She couldn’t pull miraculous solutions from aether. Why had she come to the mainland? Moui had warned her of the dangers.

I’ll fail them. They’re going to die like Dad. Caeden is probably already…

She froze the thought before the admission shattered her. Taking a single step forward felt like swimming for miles, she collapsed on her bed, her head sank into a pillow while her hands grasped the sheet to stop her body from shivering.

Determination had never been an issue for her. The spirits witnessed she had tried her hardest, but perhaps this time her best wasn’t enough. They were no closer to a solution than the day they arrived. If anything, they were probably further away without Caeden and the two who left, scared by the mists.

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No, nothing was fine.

The convictions that always pushed her forward cracked under her fingers. Kea kicked off her boots and curled beneath the blankets, her body shaken by quiet sods. She buried her face beneath a pillow, wishing the world would forget about her.

Why did I come here…

Minutes later—no more than half an hour—a knock from the door jolted Kea from her stupor. She hugged the pillow tighter. Perhaps if she ignored the sound, they would go away.

Leave me alone!

Ten heartbeats passed before another knock came.

“Wha—” Kea croaked and cleared her throat to speak. “What is it?”

“Can I come in?” Flynn said in a steady tone.

Why can’t I get some peace?

Kea considered yelling at him to leave. Knowing him, he would wait outside till she came out on her own.

C’mon, pull yourself together.

“I… give me one moment.” She wiped her cheeks on the wet pillow and turned it over so it wouldn’t show. The room was a mess of clothes and discarded equipment. Order had never been among her priorities.

When did I let it get this bad? I’m such a mess.

She kicked a bag beneath the bed and straightened the quilted blanket. A silver mirror hung on the opposite wall. She ran a hand through her hair. Her eyes were swollen, but there was no fixing that. “Come in.”

“How’re you doing?” Flynn carried a tray with a glass of milk and a bowl of mango cookies in one arm. “I thought you might be hungry.” His gaze skipped over the clutter on the floor to look at her. If he noticed her puffy face, he made no mention of it.

“Breakfast was two hours ago,” Kea grunted, not that she ate anything. “I’m good.”

“It’s never too early or late for a snack.” Flynn sat on the bed beside her, offering the first pick of the tray. “I always thought one breakfast was too few anyway.”

“I’m not hungry,” she mumbled. Kahali only knew how he managed to make her feel like a child despite only being a year older.

He shrugged, stealing a pillow from the upper bed to cushion his back against the wall. “More for me then.” Without wasting a breath, he dunked a cookie into the milk and chewed with a satisfied groan. “Mhmm… they’re still good. I missed the flavor. It’s almost like being back home.”

Kea examined the golden-speckled cookies in the bowl. She had never seen mango sweets on the mainland. “They are from the archipelago? How?”

“Yup! Straight from Higharbor’s best bakery. Kai’s ring is amazing for preserving food. Something about the lack of air and low temperature.” He waved his hand dismissively. “His usual bizarre explanations. He felt bad that I lost my things in the shipwreck, so he gave me these. They’re the last bag, but if you don’t want any…”

“Give me one already.” Kea stretched to reach the tray, slapping his leg when he used his longer arms to keep it out of her reach.

“Ouch! Why did you choose violence? A please would have sufficed.”

“Please, can I have a cookie?” She rolled her eyes at his antics, finally reaching the bowl. Whatever occult magery controlled Kai’s ring, the pastry was a little dry, though that improved the pairing with the milk.

The bits of chewy mango filled her with memories of home. Suddenly famished, she reached for another and raced Flynn to clean the bowl.

She swallowed the last crumb, knowing he had let her win. “Thank you.” She wiped her hands on her trousers. How could she have let herself lose control? Whining like a crabby toddler never helped anyone. She felt the shame rise to her cheeks.

“You’re welcome.” Flynn didn’t mention her reaction. He looked at the empty bowl with a mourning look for the missing snacks. “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Of course he noticed.

That kind of patience and planning would have made him a great hunter, though she wished they’d enjoyed the moment in silence. “Do I have to?”

“No, but I would be glad if you did. Sometimes talking helps. No one can handle everything on their own. I’ve seen people try.” Flynn stared at the mist beyond the tiny window and shook his head.

“What if it’s not just one thing?” Kea chewed her nails. “What if everything’s going wrong?”

“Well, you pick one to start. I’ve heard divide and conquer is a good strategy.” He chuckled.

“Divide and conquer…?” She liked how that sounded.

“It’s an old saying Kai mentioned. Quite neat, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Kea crossed her legs on the bed, sitting straighter. Where to start though? She most definitely didn’t want to discuss Caeden. And if Flynn had any idea how to find the cultist, he would have already shared it. What did that leave?

There was one thing—one person to be exact.

Yatei protect me, this is so embarrassing.

She heaved a sigh, holding the pillow in her arms to rest her chin on it. “It’s kinda silly…”

“I’m an expert in silliness. I promise not to make fun of you.” Flynn waited for her to continue, the usual teasing grin absent.

She probably wouldn’t share it with anyone else. Flynn… Well, it wasn’t the first time he had listened to her rambles. And this time she wasn’t even drunk.

Spirits, I’m really doing this…

“It’s about Kai,” she said. Once the name was out, the words flowed freely. “He was gone for two years without a sign. Moui, Mom and Ele, we mourned and buried him. I wanted to believe he was alive like you said, but I didn’t have the same certainty. It had been so long…”

Kea couldn’t say when she had lost hope. It just happened. Months added into years; she stopped expecting Kai to reappear and made offerings to the ancestors to help him find rest on the crystalline shores. After landing on the continent, she even prayed to the Seven Moons in case he had followed Dad in the sky.

“Then he came back,” Flynn muttered.

“And then he came back,” she echoed. Like some ancient spirit out of the mists, he reappeared with no explanation and a sword in hand. Taller and harder than the brother she buried, but still himself despite changing his name. “I know I should simply be happy to have him back. And I am. It’s just…”

How could she say it without sounding like the worst sister on the Talthen continent?

“You’re angry?” Flynn put together her thoughts better than she could.

“Yes, I’m angry. I know I should get over it. I really wish I could,” Kea clutched the pillow hard enough to throttle a person—angry didn’t begin to describe it. “He reappeared after two years as if nothing happened, and we should all accept it. Only it wasn’t nothing. I was there when Mom and Ele cried every night. Moui gave up hunting for months. And I…”

She squeezed her eyes shut before the flood of painful memories overwhelmed her—there had been enough tears for one day. “I understand he was stuck in a forgotten realm on some mythical quest. That it wasn’t his fault, and he came back as fast as he could. But I still can’t forgive him.” The realization hit her with painful clarity and self-loathing. She hesitantly peeked at Flynn, relieved when she found no judgment on his face. “I’m a terrible sister, aren’t I?”

“If you’re terrible then so am I,” Flynn said. “I also wanted to punch his nose when he knocked at my door out of nowhere.”

What?

“But you knew he was alive.”

“I chose to believe. It doesn’t mean it was easy, or pleasant.” Flynn wore a rueful smile. “He hurt you. Even if he didn’t mean to, that didn’t make those two years suck any less for your family.”

“Hmm…” Kea bobbed her head. “Don’t you think being angry at him while we’re hunting a shadowy cult is stupid? I should focus on saving the missing people.”

“Maybe so, but we're all human. Anger is no more stupid than any other emotion.” He stretched and crossed his legs on the floor. “We can’t control how we feel, only our actions. If you had refused his help because you're pissed at him, now that would be foolish.”

“I did wish to throw him out of a window a few times,” Kea said. “He has been here a few days and has already taken charge of how we do things.”

Flynn offered her an empathetic look. “He doesn’t really get boundaries, does he? Especially when he thinks he knows best, which—let’s be honest—it’s almost always.”

“Yeah…”

The worst part was how reasonable his suggestions were; her teammates already listened to him. She had spent a year adventuring on the mainland, she should be the veteran teaching him the ropes, instead, it was like nothing had changed from when they were children. He kept ahead regardless of her skills or efforts.

He’s Kai. Comparing yourself to him is pointless.

That had been the sourest lesson she ever had to swallow, still needing the occasional reminder. Likewise, her anger continued to cheerfully crackle, though now she wasn’t afraid to drown in it.

“Thank you.” Kea let go of her crumpled pillow, feeling a little less like a sinking vessel and a little more whole. She wouldn’t give up till the fight was won.

“For what?”

“You know what.”

“Oh!” Flynn widened his eyes at his reflection in the silver mirror. “You mean about being a handsome genius, wiser than the vast seas! Don’t worry, it comes naturally. You don’t need to thank me for that.”

Kea shook her head, smiling despite herself. “Idiot.”

“That also comes naturally.” He gave her a toothy grin and winked. “If you promise to not spread the secret, I can teach you for a small fee. I’ll even give you a friendly discount.”

“You’re always so kind.” She scooted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. His arm gently squeezed her. Her problems were still there but suddenly looked more manageable.