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Chapter 2: My First Dungeon

When I awoke this time I did not bolt upright. Opening my eyes to a ceiling lit with red-orange light was certainly less disturbing than awakening on the platform in the inky blackness of the void. I glanced over to my right at the flame giving off the light. It was much brighter than a torch and illuminated most of the room. The next thing that drew my attention was the sound of running water.

The wall opposite the flame was carved into series of statues looking right at me. Nine of them, arranged in a circle. I recognized Celestium as the one furthest from me. The closest one had huge breasts and a wolf's head. What I assumed were the gods were holding an aqueduct over their heads. The aqueduct divided in two. The left half flowed into an elevated basin that emptied directly below the upper basin through several small holes. It was a basically a shower. The right side of the aqueduct cascaded down and split again into a small basin and a larger catchment. A sink and a tub. Well that was considerate.

The shower, sink, and the tub let out into channels that came back together and flowed down a drain. I hopped off the round pedestal I was laying on and walked over to the drain. It was square and about a yard on each side. I guess it's proper to say it was a stride on each side. In this world, things are measured in strides. There were 3 feet to the stride, and is stride is about 35 inches, just short of an Imperial yard back on Earth. The grate had small square holes. About a quarter inch or maybe a centimeter. The bars of the grate were as wide as the holes, but it looked like the holes went all the way down. It was more like metal plates standing on end than bars. That grate had to weigh tons. I wasn't getting out through there.

When I turned back to the room my eye caught something white on the round pedestal I had awoken on. It was above my head so I hadn't seen it. As I approached it, I could also see some writing on the wall that had also been above my head. The flame in the far wall was inset into an alcove, casting a shadow. Only a little over half the writing was brightly illuminated. The white thing was robe.

It unfurled as I picked it up. I turned it about to examine it. There were symbols arranged in an ellipse on the back. The symbols were made of different combinations of a triangles, circles, arrows, and the infinity symbol. The symbols at the bottom of the ellipse were larger than the ones at the top, giving the impression of circle laid on it's side. There was one symbol in the middle. It looked like the infinity symbol combined with a bowtie made out of triangles. The embroidery of the symbols was exquisite, and made from metallic thread of various colors that caught the light of the flame. I shrugged and put the robe on. It was soft. Hotel bath robe soft. I smiled. Finally, I wasn't naked.

I was going to thank Celestium out loud with a snarky comment, but then I had a second thought. I didn't want to get cursed with only wearing this robe. I was not a boxer guy. I wore briefs. Boxers were for hipsters and office workers. If you're active you need support. You don't see football or baseball players wearing boxers on the field. If I'm going to be fighting monsters, I was going to be wearing briefs. I couldn't be stuck wearing a robe that could fly open at any moment. You could pull that off with boxers, but not briefs. I'd look like one of those perverts that wears a speedo at the beach. I chose not temp fate and kept silent. I was probably being paranoid. It's not like I brought a pussy cat into the dungeon with me. I never could understand why Carl did that, but then it would take a cat person to date someone like Bea.

I shook my head and turned to the writing, which I definitely couldn't read. It was like a cross between Norse runes and Arabic script. It had plenty of right angles and lots of curvy flourishes. At about eye level was a circle with golden handprint in it. I put my hand on it hoping for the best. I touched it and then pulled back as quickly as I could, hoping I hadn't just fallen into a trap. Immediately I started hearing voices.

Greetings Honorable Hero. Welcome to Elfandrael. We have prepared the way for you. Reach level 1, and you may exit the Dungeon into the wider world. This dungeon has been made easy enough to allow you to reach Level 1 with no party members, but you can still die. You have one extra life. Do not waste any of them. Remember that the Laws of Honor and Goodness apply to you, as you take what we have left for you. Enjoy your lives, as we will enjoy watching you living them and losing them. Sincerely, Bastel, Saadis, Fel, Enches, Gaia, Mindal, Fortunia, Valoria, and Celestium.

That was creepy as hell. Because I was definitely hearing voices. Lots of voices. It was like a group of people were reciting something together, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. Then there was a voice in my head telling me what the words meant. As the message went along each word would light up. I guess this was what Celestum meant that it wouldn't be hard to the learn the language. It seemed like it had the same basic subject-verb-object order as English, so at least I wouldn't have to learn to talk like Yoda. I mean, talking like Yoda makes you sound stupid or profound, and I don't think I could be profound all the time.

Second of all, regarding my so-called 'lives', “...we will enjoy watching you living them and losing them.” Definitely some creepy [Evil] god shit.

The glowing word thing did help me understand the symbols on my robes. Underneath the names of the gods were their respective emblems. Celestium's was a upside down triangle in a circle. Bastel was a black dot with three arrows coming out of it. The arrows were equally spaced apart with one pointing up and two pointing down and to the side. I looked back over at the statues holding up the aqueduct and sure enough, the first one, the wolf headed one, had the emblem of Bastel, the [Chaotic Evil] goddess of Shifters.

I walked over to examine the flame. The alcove had some slots for shelves, but no shelves. It had some sockets on either side that might be for oven doors or something but no doors. Around the flame and the alcove there was some ducting. There was a small hole at the top of the alcove to let out smoke and fumes, and there was another wide duct to allow air into the alcove. The duct at the bottom went to an opening that let out in the wall. Looking closer I could see a wide gash in the wall that dropped lower as it moved along the walls until it past under the writing. I could feel a slight breeze coming from it. Once the gash in the wall passed under the writing it widened until it opened back up into the space with the statutes and the water. I stuck my head in the gash and felt a stiff breeze. This might be a fantasy world with magic, but you still needed fresh air and water to live. Now I needed to find food.

I had fire, water, and air. The other wall gave me earth, in the form of some type of zen garden. I walk over to look at the pit of white sand with a few big rocks in it, and then I noticed the door. It was concealed in shadows because the edge the alcove had blocked of the flame, and hence the light from reaching it. I lept over the sand pit, as it was only a few strides wide. It's a Dungeon. They're are bound to be traps somewhere.

The doors were made of thick stained wood planks, about a foot wide. They were bound together with brass bands at eye-height and the bottom of the doors. Each door was rounded at the top, to match the arch in the doorway. At the center the doors was a brass fitting with a handprint on it. I touched it, but I didn't pull back. It's not like I could detect or disarm traps anyway.

The handprint dissolved and the doors opened. The granite hall beyond extended for a great distance. I could make out a lighting change in the distance, indicating a chamber, but I couldn't tell how far away it was. There were torches every ten strides or so. To my left and right were rooms. Light filtered out of them. The doorways had a shimmering covering like golden glass. While the door covering shimmered, they didn't appear to be casting light even though they glowed to my eyes.

There was some more writing next to each door and hand print under the words. I walked up to the door on my left. Inside the room I could see a brown rabbit chewing on some carrots. I touched my hand to the handprint and I then I heard the word “rabbit” in my mind as the Elfandrael language filled the hallway.

“Huh, a Speak-and-Spell dungeon,” I said.

I was very pleased with my own joke. I was not pleased when I heard the howl of a wolf come from further down the hallway. The howl was followed by a cacophony of other animal noises. I looked down the hall, watching for herd of beast that never materialized. After a minute or two when the noise died back down I turned back to the doorway in front of me. The rabbit had stopped eating the carrots and was nervously watching me. I reached out to the touch the shimmering doorway, but my hand went right through it. OK. First question answered. I stepped through.

The rabbit bolted into a warren in the corner of the room. The room had a forest motif. What looked like trees blended with the wall, even though they were made of stone. It was like someone tried to blend a forest and cave. The room itself was only 10 by 10 strides. The ceiling height varied from three to six strides high. The ceiling itself was erie. Light filtered in but I couldn't make out the limits of the ceiling. It was like a smoke that didn't move. Maybe 'hologram' is the right word. It was almost as if the top of the room couldn't make up its mind were it was going to be.

There were rocks, stones, and twigs everywhere. I stepped over a small stream flowing through the room and walked to the where the rabbit had been eating its carrots. I dug one up and washed it in the stream. It tasted like a carrot. I wasn't going to die of starvation at least. I went to the warren to see if I was going to have to be a vegetarian. I stuck my hand in the hole to try to get dinner. The little guy scampered out the back through another hole.

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I spent five minutes trying to chase down the rabbit, and another five trying to throw rocks at it. I hit once or twice but not cleanly enough to kill it. It was bleeding all over the room. Not a lot, but I could smell the blood. Finally I took some big rocks, blocked up all the warren entrances but one, and chased it back inside the warren. Once it was cornered I reached in and grabbed it. It didn't struggle for long.

I struggled with what I was going to do next. While I was working up the courage to kill a cuddly little rabbit, I decided I to do a little experiment first. I walked over to the door with the golden covering. I stuck my left hand out through doorway. No resistances. I tried pushing the rabbit through with my right hand. It stopped. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. It looked like the creatures wouldn't be able to follow me back into the dungeon hallway. I had a safezone.

My relief evaporated immediately when I realized what was next. I set my mind to it, grabbed a big rock, and smashed a bunny skull in. It was so quick he didn't feel a thing. At least that's what I tell myself. Even to this day. A parade of little blue boxes popped up in my vision.

Congratualtions! You have made your first kill and taken a life! You gain 10 bonus XP, and gain the Title .

You have gained a [Chaos Karma Point] for your first kill.

You have survived fighting a creature of greater level than yourself and gained the Title

You have killed a creature greater than your level and gained the Title

You have killed your first rabbit and gained 15 XP and 10 bonus XP for killing your first rabbit!

You have gained a [Good Karma Point] for finding food for yourself

I touched the parts of the blue boxes that would bring up more information on the Titles. I guess the best way to describe them as something like hyperlinks. My bloody hands didn't leave any marks on the floating blue screens but they worked fine anyway. The Title made it so that if I equipped it, I was 1% more likely to gain Chaos. improve my Luck rolls by 1%. improved my Spirit rolls by 1% against higher level enemies. After I checked the Title that I had equipped, [Honorable Hero] I decided to leave in place. It said:

[Honorable Hero]-You exude a [Lawful Good Magnitude] of 17 and the world responds accordingly

I didn't know what that meant, but 1% of anything didn't seem like it was as good as Magnitude 17.

I checked my XP. I had a total of 35 out of 1000 for Level 1.

I knew I need to gut the rabbit so the intestines wouldn't foul the meat, but I had never butchered an animal before. I searched around for a sharp stick or some rocks. Skin is a lot tougher than you think. After about twenty minutes I had made a bloody mess. Rocks and sticks got the job done, but my hands smelled something awful. I cleaned my hands in the stream. Unfortunately I got little blood on my new robe. It wasn't much, but I just got the robe. It was a mildly upsetting.

The blood ran off the stone floor into the stream. I needed something to get the blood off of me. I remember the sand in first room. I wiped my hands clean on the ground and went to get some. I scooped it up and made my way back to my kill, only to find the brown rabbit munching on carrots again! The room had reset, and I'd lost my meal. I cursed up a storm, but I was a little glad to see the rabbit alive. It only took 10 minutes to catch him and kill him the second time. I got two pop up notices.

You have gained a [Chaos Karma Point] for killing a rabbit

You have gained a [Good Karma Point] for gathering food

That could become a problem quickly. How was I suppose to stay [Lawful] if getting XP meant getting [Chaos]. When I checked my [Status] I had gained 15 more XP for a total of 50. After I disemboweled the rabbit for a second time, I cleaned up the mess with the sand I had brought in. I broke a green branch off of a tree. In the middle of the room trees weren't stone, but real living things. I used the stick to skewer my kill. I stopped in front of the golden light of the doorway. I pushed the dead rabbit through and followed out of the room. I turned back to see the gore disappear and the little brown rabbit back eating his carrots.

I set the rabbit over the flame in the alcove. The stick fit into the shelf grooves perfectly. My open flame cooking technique wasn't perfect. It took almost an hour and half to cook the rabbit. I probably could have done it faster, but I was trying not to burn the meat. It was acceptable, but I wouldn't recommend it. I hadn't eaten anything at all yesterday. Celestium was pretty strict about even letting me have food. I was hungry, but I wasn't starving. I had never had rabbit before, but I had eaten deer meat. Like deer, the rabbit didn't have same flavor as something like store bought beef. Without a salt shaker, it was pretty bland.

While I was cooking I did a little math. I needed 450 more XP to trigger [A Chance at Greatness] At 15 XP a rabbit I needed 30 rabbits. At one rabbit every ten minutes I needed five hours. I could do that today. I was going to need between 55 and 75 uses of [A Chance at Greatness] to [Limit Break] all my Statistics. It could take months to accomplish my plans. I decided to see how long I could keep killing rabbits. I killed the first rabbit in just a little over five minutes. I was getting better, and things were looking up. Until I got my notifications.

You have gained a [Chaos Karma Point] for killing a rabbit

You have gained a [Evil Karma Point] for killing a rabbit for wasteful personal gain

I screamed, “What the hell!” Now killing a rabbit was making me [Evil]! Why didn't my Skill trigger to let me know I was doing Evil? This wasn't working. I needed a new plan. Time to explore the Dungeon. I kind of didn't want to walk in the direction of the howling wolf, but I was out of options.

Or at least I was until I decided to check out the room across from the rabbit. I triggered the hand-print translating thing and it told me “Turtle.” There were more animal noises responding from down the hall, but no wolf howls. I looked into the room to see a turtle about foot long sticking it's snout out of little pool of water in the middle of the room. Looking over my shoulder I said back to the bunny, “Tortoise or the hare? It might not be as reliable but I bet your rabbit meat tastes better.” I know turtles and tortoises are different, but it's more poetic that way.

I made a quick detour back to the rabbit room to get a long stick. It took while, and it wasn't a ten foot pole, but it was close. I tapped the floor as I went along, telling myself I was checking for traps. All I did was keep upsetting the zoo I was headed toward. I checked the next couple of rooms. They were all small animals. A squirrel, a green garden snake, a pigeon, a parrot, a rat, a rat snake, a sloth, and geko. I stopped checking them and just started moving along, glancing in to see what could observe.

I was counting the doorways. They were about ten strides apart, with red-orange flickering torches placed in sconces halfway between each door. When I got to the tenth door I was little shocked to see a chicken sitting on a chicken coop. I touched the hand-print and sure enough it was a chicken. I stepped into the room with the pole and the chicken jumped out of her coop and ran behind a small bush. The room had the flavor of a rustic farm. It had the same twisted and blended feel of the room with the rabbit, but instead of a forest, it had fence posts, gates, and a chicken coop.

I walked up to the coop and inside her roost was an egg! I grabbed and backed out of the room.

You have gained a [Good Karma Point] for collecting food

I could get used to this! I walked back in to get another egg, but I noticed I was facing a rooster, not a chicken. The old bird was coming at me and screeching. I stepped back and he stopped just short of the golden doorway covering. When I made outside, the room reset again. This time with a chicken. I went in and got another egg.

You have gained a [Good Karma Point] for collecting food

I put the eggs in the sand pit and stacked rocks around the eggs so I wouldn't step on them. I went back to exploring. The animals were getting bigger. I saw a young razorback. It wasn't one of those three hundred pound monsters you can find in Arkansas, but it had some mean looking tusks. The next room had a deer. It was a two point buck. I was trying to figure out why it was licking a rock. A white rock. Salt! I almost couldn't get in through the door. My pole caught me across the chest has it hit both sides of the doorway. I backed up and charged in. The buck skitted away. I went to collect the salt. I tasted it to be sure, and yes, I now had table salt and another [Good Karma Point]. After returning the latest find to my lair, I started back down the hall.

The animals kept getting bigger. There was a cow eating grain from a trough. It was too large for me to walk in casually and check the grain, but maybe I could make some bread. I was curious about something so I touched the handprint. The voice in my head said, “A single creature from the type of creatures called 'cattle'.” One of the quirks of English is that there is no singular form of the word cattle. There is 'a bull' and and 'a cow' but no such thing as 'a cattle.' This translation Magic was very accurate.

I neared the end of the tunnel. One hundred doors on each side. Ten strides per doorway. The hallway was one league long. I tapped my way closer to the next chamber when-WHAM! A thud followed by roar of wild beast made me jump. A juvenile tiger was clawing and the golden covering separating us. It was twisting around like alley cat trying to get out of burlap bag. I froze for the few seconds it took the great cat to stop struggling. When it was done it looked at me with hatred. This creature was pissed it couldn't get at me.

I looked back down the hallway from where I'd come. I stared for a minute or two, before turning back to open room in front of me. “Time to meet the neighbors,” I mumbled.