I pulled myself together and finished getting ready to communicate with the orcs who invaded and robbed my city. You’d think they’d be more cautious considering a town that wasn’t here last year magically rose in less than a full year. I guess I couldn’t stop them until I had the defensive perimeter completed.

My only recourse was to communicate with the--do I call them people? Orcs. I’ll just talk with the orcs.

I changed Robbie enough to put a speaker inside his head case and allow me to control his actions via Virtual. Once ready, I walked over to my Zero-G and got comfortable.

“Theia, are you handling communications?”

“No.”

“I’ll need to talk to them. You’ve learned their language, right?”

“Of course. Rudimentary at best. I need a longer study of them to know all the words in their language.”

“Yeah, yeah. I got that part. So, if you’re not talking to them, how are we going to talk to them.”

She popped back into my room and walked over to my Zero G towards my head. She leaned down to whisper in my ear, which wasn’t necessary since we spoke telepathically. “You are going to learn it.” Her voice was silky, and I relaxed. She then thrust her hand into my skull.

Blinding light threatened to tear me apart when just as suddenly as it came on, it was over. “W—What the hell?”

“I’m sorry, Most High. You did say you wanted to learn the language didn’t you?”

“NOT THROUGH A LOBOTOMY!” I rubbed my eyes and moved to the temples trying to erase the memory of the pain.

“It won’t hurt next time.”

“Next time? There’s a next time?”

“I assume this won’t be the last time you want to learn something.”

“No, but you could have warned me.”

She giggled. “Would it have hurt less?”

“No. Why did it hurt?”

“Because your brain is very inefficient.”

“This brain created you.”

“And I’ll forever be grateful, Most Holy.”

“Theia, please stop using deity honorifics on me. Please. I’m not a God. I’m a kid.”

She started to hum a tune and then began to giggle again. “Sure.”

“Is that a sure, you will stop or a different kind of sure?”

“Would you like to talk to the orcs now or after they break off more gold?”

Thieving animals. I knew Theia was dogging the question and saw the wisdom in having APRIL’s be simple-minded. I heard her giggle again.

Why does she giggle? UGH!

###

Robbie exited and made his way down to the growing city below. Luck was on my side that the orcs hadn’t noticed the egress from the castle. I had no desire for the orcs to try breaking into my mountain.

Sitting in Virtual, I controlled the movements of Robbie and slowly approached my first orc. I stood still until he noticed me. He jumped at the sight of me and a spear ricocheted off my chassis.

So much for nonviolent greetings.

“I come in peace,” I spoke in Orcish. Yes, I made that term up. I doubted the had a name for their language.

Apparently, you can crap while running since the orc I approached, defecated and ran. I sighed. Spear in chest…check. Defecation while running…check and check. So, far I’ve learned a couple of things today.

I could have asked him to take me to his leader, but I felt that was a cliché best avoided. Luck for me I didn’t have to go very far before I found Mr. Crappy Butt. It’s a good thing I couldn’t smell.

The group of five orcs approached cautiously, each with a raised spear, and stopped ten feet in front of me. I slowly raised my hand and tried my Orcish again. “I come in peace. I mean you no harm.”

Five spears bounced off my chassis again.

“Seriously?”

Okay, that was in English but what part of peace doesn’t translate. I sighed and tried something different.

“Stop!” That caused them to take a step back. “Who is the chief?”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

They looked at each other, and if their ugly face could smile, then they smiled. The next thing I knew, I was knocked over by a large rock coming from behind me.

“Zeus, you couldn't have warned me?” I asked inside my Virtual space rather than through Robbie.

“That was funny,” Theia giggled.

I stood Robbie up and turned my robot body such that I could keep an eye on the group of thieving orcs and Mr. Big Ugly.

“You are stealing from my land,” I said in Orcish.

A deep grating voice responded. “You in our land. You will die.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond when he thrust a spear into the chassis. I had to give him props since it penetrated. Unfortunately for him, his shaft snapped in half.

“Okay, Ugly.” The insult was weak, and it was in English, so it lost meaning to him, but I was getting irritated.

“Since you—”

Mr. Crappy Butt tackled me and attempted to bash my skull in with a fist the size of a large ham. I had to appreciate that he didn’t stop even after seeing the skin peel away from his knuckles.

I sat Robbie up with a little effort. My servos whined as I pushed him off of me. The robot wasn’t built for hand to hand combat. Robbie was manufactured to work not fight.

With that said, when I threw my right hand into Mr. Crappy Butt’s face it pushed through the opposite side. Oops.

Things got a little weird after that. I found my self-being attacked while dragging Mr. Crappy Butt’s body around. It took a few swings, but eventually, his body sloughed off my arm.

Two more orcs died before they retreated. These six Orcs were the only ones inside El Dorado, but I knew there were more than one hundred outside the walls.

Robbie was strong, but I didn’t want to have to fight an entire army of orcs. I gave Robbie instructions to clean himself.

“Theia, I can’t fight off an army of these things. Eventually, they’ll figure out a way to steal my robots as well.”

I looked up at Theia when she didn’t respond, and her usual golden hue was green. “That was gross. You’re a sick man, Caden.”

“What? I—“

She started laughing. “You should have seen your face.” She grabbed her midsection and bent over in laughter. “He was stuck to your arm, and you’re flopping around like this.” She started and exaggerated mock of my movements, all the while laughing at me.

She does know she’s an artificial brain in a jar, right?

She calmed herself and looked all serious at me. “Oh, relax. Who’s going to tease you if I don’t? Zeus is boring, and DJ just wants his ears rubbed.”

Her words must have gotten DJ’s attention since he ran over me and proffered his scalp to my resting palm. I grunted and then shrugged. I couldn’t punish my best friend for her teasing, so I offered him a scratch from virtual.

It’s strange trying to control your real body while in Virtual but when a dog needs his ears scratched you do what you can. Once satisfied, DJ left me alone once more.

“So, tell me, Miss Theia, what can I do to defend my walls from these orcs.”

“How long do I have?”

“Hours, days? I don’t know. You’re the one listening to them.”

She gave me a severe look. “At least they give their females attention.”

“You’re an artificial brain in a jar!”

“You cut me, Master.”

The look on her face was anything but from someone offended. However, manners being manners…”I’m sorry, Theia. However, you have no gender.”

“I choose to be female.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but I knew this argument would be one I’d lose.

“I’m sorry, Theia. Back to the problem on hand. I don’t know how long. We need to defend the city, and I thought I’d have time.”

“You’d want to kill them before you talk to them?”

I threw my arms up. “I did try to talk with them. Didn’t you just get done laughing at how that went?”

She giggled. “Try talking to them like a God.”

“Pray tell. How do you talk like a God? They don’t exist.”

“You exist,” she said barely above a whisper.

I started to rub my temples. “Theia, why do you keep calling me a God?”

She stared at her feet for a few minutes. I’ll have to admit it was adorable, but I was curious as to her behavior and beliefs.

“You created me. You created Roknar. You created all those robots.”

“You helped me with those robots but that’s beside the point. Theia, Gods are supposed to be immortal, all-powerful, able to change the very world around them. I’m—”

“Some Gods have died. Osiris was murdered by Set and later resurrected at Isis. Jesus wa—“

“Theia, I don’t know if those stories are true or not. If I died I’m not sure I’d come back. There is so much I don’t know about life and death, but I can live a long time with the help of Zeus. However, an orc could easily kill me. I’m not immortal.”

Theia looked like I’d just kicked her kitten. She didn’t say anything for a long time. I walked over to her and reached out to her virtual body. I was surprised when I felt her and pulled her into a hug.

She resisted at first then melted into my arms and started to cry. My emotions and thoughts warred with one another. Computers didn’t cry, AI’s didn’t cry, yet my Theia was crying. She wasn’t human but acted and reacted much like a real person. I was confused on a level I can’t explain.

“Cayden, I don’t want you to die.”

It was the first time I remember her ever using my name without an honorific. It shocked me into silence for a moment before I could speak. I pulled her body away from my and looked into her violet eyes.

“Hey, there is not need to cry. I’m not planning on dying. If possible, I’d never die, but I live in the real world, not make-believe. I need to be realistic. I can’t take risks that would put me in jeopardy. We need to figure out a way to protect the city. I’m open to an idea.”

Theia bit her bottom lip, and I felt an urge to kiss it, but mentally slapped myself. “Well, you can try projecting your image using holographic emitters. They won’t be able to hurt you or see the nano-emitters.”

“I guess that would save me from repairing my robots, but we’ll still need something to protect us.”

“Lasers and rail guns are easy to make. Plus, they’d never see it coming. However, I would prefer if you didn’t kill them all.”

“You’re a pacifist?”

“No. However, you’re more powerful, and they don’t know better. They are doing what they know. You know of better ways.”

I ground my teeth at her logic. Of course, she was right, but I didn’t want to risk a future attack.

“Master, they might not attack.”

“Did you just read my thoughts.”

“Um. You thought about me when you thought it. It’s allowed.”

I bite the inside of my cheek in an effort not to get upset. She was technically correct.

“Okay, Theia. Let’s do it your way. How do you want to proceed?”

She told me.