I woke up in my room with the sun streaming in through the window. Simon was sitting cross legged in a blue fabric upholstered chair next to my bed reading a book. “Good morning, Hase.” He said, putting the paperback down. “How are you feeling?”
My head was splitting and my bones ached. Then there was the fact that I had watched Gershwin, or rather Echo, use my body to rip apart those katzen. “I feel like… like…” I couldn't find the words. My body and mind had been violated, but it was my own fault.
I went into the Communal Dream and brought Echo back with me, if that was even how it happened. Then instead of waiting for Dr. Basam I triggered the failsafe that knocked me out and put Echo in control. All those deaths were on me.
“I feel like shit, Dad.” I said as memories from the day before flashed through my mind. It was like watching security footage from a home invasion. I knew it was my body, but I hadn't been the one behind the wheel.
“Well, Dr. Basam is waiting in the library. I think she may be able to help you get a better understanding of what happened and how to prevent future incidents.” Simon stood up. “Come along now, Hase.”
“No, I think I'm good.” I said, burrowing underneath the blanket like the hare that was my namesake. “I'll just lay here and sleep forever. It's comfortable and safe.”
“Eden Ruger Braverhund-King,” Simon said, using my full name to make sure I knew he meant business. “You will get out of bed this instant and go see Dr. Basam because she came all this way to help you and keeping her waiting is incredibly disrespectful.”
“Fine!” I got out of bed and stepped into my fuzzy slippers. Simon left my clothes on when he tucked me in so at least I wasn't naked. Though I was incredibly hungry. Probably hungrier than I had ever been. How long had it been since I last ate something?
I swung by the kitchen and grabbed some cold roast beef. Or I would have if someone hadn't eaten it all. I chugged the glass of sickly sweet orange juice then followed it up with a banana and two blueberry yogurts.
Still starving I hunted through the cupboard for some beef jerky. Hunds tended to go for much thicker chewier cuts. Their canine jaws were made for cracking bones and they enjoyed that kind of thing. Luckily a few brands had a thinner sliced version I could eat. But that was gone too.
“Where's all the good food?” I asked.
Simon shrugged. “I have no idea. But while you are in your session I will order some groceries. Do you have any requests?”
My stomach rumbled. “Maybe ground beef? We could have a taco night.”
“I could go for tacos.” Simon made a mental note. “What else?”
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“A quick and easy protein would be good. Maybe those precooked turkey patties and that roast beef I like. Then for veggies, frozen broccoli for sure. Strawberries for smoothies. Eggs if we're out.” I stopped and thought for a moment. That was a very specific list. “Why am I so fucking hungry?”
A short black furred katzen with yellow eyes walked around the corner. Evidently Dr. Basam had gotten tired of waiting for us. “That would be your body looking for raw materials. It's a bit like being pregnant.” She explained. “Your body is changing, improving, building new structures.
Dr. Basam was looking incredibly comfortable in a cable knit brown sweater and black slacks. Her shoes were nowhere to be found and she had a notebook in her hand. “I've never seen anything quite like it. You have a mix of hund and human wetware working together in synergy. Very interesting stuff.”
“Well hello, Doctor.” I said, realizing now what her yellow eyes meant. She had a parasite too. I felt a flutter in my mind and my irises flickered yellow. Technically Echo wasn't a parasite, at least not in the literal sense. Parasites took food and nutrients from their host. “I'm happy you could come.”
“Yes, your father was somewhat insistent but wouldn't go into details. Then when I got here he told me about your infection.” Dr. Basam walked over, resting her hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes. “Tell me, do you think they prefer male pronouns, female, or neither?”
I was also at a loss for how to refer to Echo. Gershwin had been male, but did that mean Echo was too? My eyes flickered. They were making a conscious effort to distance themselves from Gershwin and lacked any specific gender. “If I had to hazard a guess, They/Them would be appropriate. Echo doesn't seem to really have all that figured out.”
“How about you? Historically you have been She/Her, has that changed?” Dr. Basam took my left hand and began to monitor my pulse with two fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist.
“Nope. I'm still a chick, still straight, and only into humans. Nothing new on that front.” I said.
“What about your dating life? Are you seeing anyone romantically?”
I shook my head. “No, I haven't really met anyone and I refuse to use a matchmaking service. So I’m considering the possibility that I may die alone.”
“You're only twenty years old and we don't have good data on how long enhanced humans like you can live. You might live to be a hundred or even a thousand years old. I myself am nearly fifty. So don't give up just yet.” Dr. Basam looked me over. “How do you feel?”
I was going to say that I felt like shit, but that ship had sailed. “Numb. I feel physically and emotionally numb.” There was a vague hunger and that was it. I wasn't mad at Echo and my mood had stabilized. “Before I felt sad and guilty. But now I don't.”
“So you just kind of adapt, does that sound right?” Dr. Basam asked. “You've always been very well adjusted. Simon has shared his theory with me that the demi-humans had some kind of emotional regulation system built in. Perhaps that is what we are seeing here.”
“Is that why I don't feel anything?”
The short black furred katzen shrugged. She was very small, I realized, barely coming up to my chest. She was so dainty and delicate, deliberate in her movements. I wished I could be like that instead of being a big dumb lumbering human.
The doctor inspected my nails and the structure of my wrist as she talked, bending it this way and that. “We don't know much about the demi-humans. Anything is possible. If your ancestors were designed for combat it would make sense for them to dull their emotions.”
She began to feel her way up the muscles of my left arm, looking inside me with her fingertips and sense of touch, tracing invisible structures.
My eyes flickered yellow, she wasn't telling me the whole truth. “What are you holding back?”