These days I wonder if I’ll ever see the light of day again. The sterile environment of the facility I’m residing in is certainly livable, but having been unable to even go outside for months, I’ve begun to manifest signs of cabin fever. I’m often plagued by nightmares, and if I lax my guard I can almost feel my nightly terrors crawl into reality. I have to get a hold of myself, my current task is far too important to fail because of psychic maladjustment. I try to calm down by thinking about home and my parents, it helps getting my mind off the pain a little bit. Bless their souls.

I execute a long string of commands on the computer in front of me, to begin the startup of the reactor. Today is the day that our crew are finally running the first test run of this new reactor type, which is deemed of critical importance to the survival of the empire. To overturn the current state of events that has driven us all to near extinction, a new great source of energy is required. How ironic that my job has changed from creating weapons of mass destruction to creating the hope of our prolonged survival. Somewhere god must be laughing at this turn of events, but for the sake of the empire, no, for the sake of the entire human race I will pledge myself fully to the task given to me, even if that means sacrificing myself in the process. For me salvation will not arrive in time no matter what happens anyway. This shall be my final gift to the empire.

Over the course of my career I have already been lauded as one of the most influential and brilliant scientists of the empire, having helped with the creation of multiple devices and weapons that overturned the course of the conflict.

Looking back I have been through quite a lot despite my relatively young age. Shortly after getting my doctorate in physics war broke out between the Empire and the Confederacy. Feeling a threat to my future and the livelihood of my nation I applied for an R&D position within the military to put my abilities to use. This is how I got wound up in the great arms race between the two superpowers. As the war advanced through the years I worked on several teams that brought vital new techniques to the army. Wide-range electronic jammers for stealth mission and for cutting off the enemies’ information stream, extremely fast acting and highly venomous nerve gas, as well as next generation generators for the constantly improving artillery devices and combat vehicles. Particularly that last one was one of the projects where my personal merits shined the most, and I got was steadily gaining influence within the science department and even in the party itself. At that point, the war had been raging for close to 3 years and a half. And it had shown no signs of stopping, instead it had only intensified. Countries that originally had tried to remain neutral where forced to take sides and even countries on other continents had started to meddle in the conflict. However on April 1943 the war truly took a turn for the worst.

It started with a pile of successfully decrypted schematics that we had managed to steal from the enemy. Its contents where startling: designs for salted nuclear weaponry. After looking through the notes and research that accompanied the schematics I was tasked with making a model of what would happen should one of the bombs be detonated on our soil. My findings were as follows, the immediate effect of the detonation would destroy most life within several kilometers around the detonation site, but the true threat was in the toxic radioactive fallout that followed the detonation. It would make an area as large as 100 square kilometers uninhabitable for hundreds of years. My findings must have shocked the higher ups, as immediately interception methods and the creation of these new bombs was given top priority. The confederate and its allies had a head start, but the empire and its allies had a larger industrial capacity, furthermore we had already started looking at radio-active materials as a new energy-source and the facilities for refining them where already being built. Now it was on to the R&D department to create a weapon that utilized those principles to create a weapon of mass destruction, before the Confederacy could. I was appointed as one of the senior-researchers for this task.

The days that I would toil more than 15 hours a day over improving performance of the bombs, ensuring their safety mechanisms functioned as well as their destructive payload was sufficient were extremely tense. Under such stress the worst character traits of people start to show. Some of my fellow researchers became terribly edgy, bursting out in anger over the slightest things. Some wallowed in melancholy and even others despaired having lost all hope in finishing the weapon before the confederacy would. I tried not to let the stress get to me, keeping myself motivated with my future prospects should I succeed and knowing that in its darkest hour I must do all I can to ensure the survival of the empire. Perhaps it was in those days that I picked up my habit of silently muttering to myself. Luckily our research facility was not discovered by the enemy and we were spared the bombing runs and black-op strike missions from the Confederacy and its allies. In the end our work finally yielded us the desired result: the finalized version of a missile guided salted cobalt bomb. With this we might finally end the war! The days that we thought that the enemy could be crushed simply with armed warfare between the two armies were long gone. We need to make a decisive strike, even if it leads to a lot of civilian casualties. If this weapon can threaten the Confederacy into armistice it would be worth it, those were my thoughts upon its completion. Even if it would claim tens of thousands of lives, for me ending the war was more important. Besides, my hands where already thoroughly stained in blood, what would it matter now to add a few zeroes to the list of people that died due to my inventions.

With a celebratory mood the weapon was moved to a launching facility in the early days of January, 1945. The empire sought to strike a decisive blow to the confederacy by striking their capital and thus breaking their will and their leadership. The first shot would be to show them the overwhelming difference between the firepower of the Empire and the Confederacy, to give them the chance to surrender on our terms. Should they still continue the offensive, a second missile would be launched, then if they still do not call back their troops a third. We had made around 15 working nuclear missiles at the ready, primed for strategic targets within the territory of the Confederacy and its allies.

The first missile was launched successfully. Unfortunately for us, that had been the case for the other party as well. Apparently, not soon after our weapons had finished, the confederacy had finished theirs. That day in mere moments millions of people died, as the two weapons hit their targets: Berlin and Saint Petersburg. In rage and vengeance, we were ordered to fire the remaining missiles at their targets in retaliation. Dumbstruck and filled with vengeance we immediately did as ordered. As our missiles hit their targets, so too the bombardment on the empire continued. The fate of Europe was sealed. In an extremely short span of time Europe had become a radioactive wasteland, who knows how many must have perished in that initial bombardment. In light of this tragedy the war ended, there was nothing left to fight over. The only thing that mattered now was to ensure our continued survival.

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As I moved to a new facility that sought a way to find a way to sustain the lives of the empires remaining citizens the things I witnessed were simply too much for me. People begging us to take them with us, bleeding all over their bodies. Destroyed cities, heaps of indistinguishable corpses and malnourished and dying citizens could be seen everywhere. We were powerless, unable to help our fellow citizens with the limited supplies we had. After a day of traveling most of us started showing signs of mild radioactive poisoning. We needed to find shelter as soon as possible.

That’s when our days of holing up in this emergency shelter began. It was one of the inactive experimental facilities that had looked at nuclear energy as a new way to power the nation that had been built in the early years of the war in occupied Ostland territory. We had been left with a skeleton crew of several guards and a squad of talented engineers and most of the scientists that were still alive and present. We were currently one of the last teams of scientist that the empire had available, and the task given to us was once again of critical importance. One of the most gleaming problems to the survival of the empire was methods to power our greenhouses and water purifying installations within the country. Most of the old energy facilities had been destroyed and the large quantities of radioactive fallout made the empire ground unsuited for agriculture. The population might have slunk considerably in these months but to provide adequate food and water large amounts of energy is needed. Many people had started fleeing Europe altogether but for me that was not an option. The generated fallout is simply too much, it has already reached the higher layers of the stratosphere, and the entire northern hemisphere would soon be unsuitable for human habitation. Going beyond the equator, protected by the permanently one-directional Passat winds might be a possibility but the southern countries have already started closing their borders. That’s why I have put all my effort in solving this new energy problem together with my fellow researchers. You could probably call us comrades in arms already, the many years we have spent in the lab together in service to the empire. After all these days we would not let it be for naught, our country will have a future, our children will have a future, and one day the empire must overcome this.

“For the country, the people. I must go on for the country, the people...” Unconsciously I had started muttering to myself.

What we are currently working on is an entirely new type of reactor. While we were creating the bombs all of us also realized the potential of this new technology as a potent energy source. The strangest thing was that sometimes we would get energy readings that entirely baffled us, readings that we could not explain with our understanding of physics. At that time due to the arms race we did not have enough time to look further into methods of harvesting this energy, but now this reaction has become our only hope if we are to create enough energy to sustain the empire for the coming centuries.

I make my way to the reactor, after giving a final salute to my remaining comrades. Of the 14 researchers that made it to the facility only 7 where left, including me. Willem was the first one to go, one night his lungs filled with blood and he chocked in his sleep. Ingrid and Wolfgang both died of heart attacks and the others died due to their fevers. Soon to I would follow that fate. My skin had started peeling of and the festering wounds would not heal. Infections ran rampant all over my wounded body. I already avoided contact with the others to avoid further spread of disease. It’s nothing close to a miracle that I even get to see the reactor run. Because my time in this world was already fleeting, the final step in activating the reactor was up to me. The last part required close proximity to the reactor, which would lead to a high dose of radiation. Because of our limited time we could not make it safer. After clearing several doors I stand in front of the reactor.

“Flip this switch, double check the cooling systems, double check the safety systems..."

The necessary material to ensure a safe startup of the reactor was unavailable, ensuring that the person who was to kick start the reactor would be subjected to a large dose of radiation. I had volunteered myself for the task, even with this dying body I could still be of use in my last moments. I give the signal to my fellow researchers and walk back to the door while with a roaring sound I hear the reactor coming alive.

“Structural integrity: stable. Energy levels, stable and of suitable quantity. Chance of criticalities: at appropriate levels. We’ve got power!”

I hear the cheerful voice over the intercom, followed by a chorus of cheers and screams of elation. All at once I feel a weight falling off my shoulders. Our future is secure, after clearing myself out of the reactor chamber I promptly sack down on the ground. “We did it Ingrid, we saved everyone.” Her face comes to my mind. Not the one that I had become used to seeing in these last few months, devoid of hope and sickly, but the face of the beautiful and intelligent woman I had fallen in love with during our years spent together during the long years of constant warfare, working together. We had promised each other to tie the knot after the war was over, but that would not come to pass. When she passed away I was devastated, but I found some strange relief in the fact that I would be following soon after. Her passing was to sudden so I could not even say goodbye, but I swore to myself to see this project through. Our final project, so that we might hopefully some of our combined sins could be redeemed, all those people that died because of us. At least now everyone still has a future. As my strength leaves my body, I feel the impulse to cry, but my body refuses to comply. My tear ducts ruptured and stopped working properly a few days ago. Nowadays blood comes out instead of tears.

“I guess this is it for me…” I had forced myself to stay awake for more than 20 hours already. I knew that if I would ever fall asleep that would be my end. The force of will keeping me awake is fleeting away now, and in my mind I somehow hear oblivion beckon. And its call sounds so sweet to me, suffering from countless wounds and having endured all these horrible events. Both physically and mentally I’m at my limit. I accept it and close my eyes, and like that my consciousness fades.

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Authors note:

Thanks for reading this very first chapter of my story. Since English isn't my native language I do make mistakes from time to time. I would appreciate it if you point them out in the comment section if you find them.

The next chapter will probably be finished and uploaded tomorrow.