Practices of the occult were something I had witnessed before in the past. With the rise of the Party in the empire, romanticism toppled realism from its throne and sunk into all aspects of culture. Objectivity was discarded as inherently impossible, all is subjective. It was a way of thought that I deeply rejected, yet had to pay at least lip service to in public. Somewhere deep down, there must be a pure and objective truth, measurable with the right equipment. As a scientist, this was what I believed, my thoughts were anachronistic for my time, a relic from a bygone era.
If reality was really subjective, it must be malleable by mind or force of will or other powers of some kind right? The rise of romanticism was naturally followed by a growing interest and rise of the occult. Even in the higher echelons of the party, the occult held sway. Some occult figures even held access to VIP's of the party, and there were rumors of a hidden society that had ties with the upper echelon. In my eyes they were all charlatans, making use of a fleeting fancy to claw up the social ladder, and I distanced myself from it as far as possible. My disdain for the occult was no secret, but it did not spare me from seeing it practiced occasionally, And I was forced by a superior to attend a seance session before. It was bogus probably, but the strange ritual which I witnessed in the officials mansion that day still chills me. The depths of human depravity are truly endless.
These same chills were running along my back right now, as I was trying to strike a conversation with a possibly dangerous specter, that apparently can touch and interact with me just fine. Luckily I was not the only one that was having difficulty with the situation. The ghost was still staring with a shocked expression at the hand that helped me up my feet after that initial jump scare swept me of my feet.
“It has been so long... so this was what it felt like, to touch something.” A tear rolled down pallid cheeks, before quickly being wiped away by the back of her hand. “To think that I still had it in me, to feel these emotions.” I felt her attention turn to me again. “Oh sorry, my name is, Sarah, I think. It's just been so long since I’ve been able to talk to anyone, or touch anything. It overwhelmed me a bit.” Her voice remains raspy like before, like she has been trying her hardest to keep a cough down, but her smile puts me a bit more at ease. She doesn't appear hostile, and friendly conversation is possible.
“Oh, I don't mind really.” I reply with a smile in kind. An honest one this time, happy about this good outcome. “It is good to meet you Sarah.” I hold my small, childlike hand out in greeting, and I feel cold skin envelop my fingers as she reciprocates the greeting. She holds them for quite a while after one would normally break hand contact, but I suppose indulging her in this is not really a problem.
“Elaine right? That was your name. You have no idea how happy it makes me, to finally be able to touch, to feel again. Since my death, I have been unable to do such things after all.” I feel her eyes size me up, trying to measure my reaction to her words, did she suspect I didn’t know the breadth of the situation due to my childlike appearance?
“I can imagine, it surprised me as well you know. I figured out what your where a while back, or at least I imagined I did, but one would normally think of ghosts as being immaterial right?” My casual words seems to take back Sarah quite a bit, and she finally lets go of my hand. “You mean you knew? That I was already dead?” She has a surprised look on her face. It was not that big of a mystery right? And with the marks of the rope around her neck that I've seen up close now, my hypothesis was practically confirmed.
“Yeah, it is pretty obvious right? I live in the castle and I've always seen you sitting here at the edge of the moat, untouched by seasons and time. Never moving once. I asked some of the guards about you, but they all thought I was making up stories to scare them as a kids prank.” My voice was a bit indignant at the end, it still struck my nerves a bit, having no one believing my words. I used to be a respected person of in my community.
“You mean you knew and you still came to talk to me? But why!” Sarah flared up at me, hoarsely squeezing out those words. A flabbergasted look on her face. “Well, why you ask? I guess you could say it was due to me being curious. “
“Just for that? ” Sarah was sending me a questioning gaze, apparently not wholly satisfied with my answer.
“I wanted to know if it was really true, what I thought you were. I want to know why you always sit at the edge of the moat. I want to know why I'm the only one that can see you, and now I want to know how I'm capable of touching you. There are a lot of things I want to know, and I hoped interacting with you would help me know more.” Sarah was shooting me a gaze that might have been filled with amazement, incomprehension or apprehension upon hearing my words. I had no reason to lie to her, as there had been no malice in my actions as far as I could tell.
“Well you are a bold child, I'll give you that Elaine. Willingly approaching a ghost for something so pointless” She sighed a bit. “You know I could have been very dangerous you know?” She suddenly starts lecturing me. I look like a little girl right now, but my mental age was far removed from my current form. Getting lectured to by a teenage looking girl irks me a bit. Even if it is by the ghost of one.
“It was a calculated risk.” I sputter back.
“A gamble you mean.” She shot back, and I couldn't think of a comeback quickly, and my face must have shown my conundrum, as a wheezing sound suddenly erupted from Sarah, followed by some coughs. After looking at her face I soon realized she was laughing at me.
“Ah excuse me, that sounded more horrible than I imagined.” With her beaming smile directed at me like this, It almost makes me forget that I'm talking to a dead person, it melts away the indignation that had built up like snow in the summer sun. “Even if it had been for worse reasons, I'm glad to just be able talk once more like this.” As soon as she finished this sentence I noticed a different sound, coming from the castle ramparts. That must have been Gazlowe's signal to urge me to return to the keep, before other people would notice. Sarah must have sensed my distraction, though looking at me with a questioning look.
“It's Gazlowe, one of the guards of the house. He only agreed to let me come here for a short amount of time, so that nobody would notice. My parents don't want me leaving the safety of the walls after all. That was the signal that my time here's up.” I solemnly declare to Sarah, I watch as her face turns from one of questioning to one of despair.
“You mean you're leaving? But we just started talking right?” Faster than my eyes could follow her hands already grasped my shoulders. If she wanted to hold me here, I realized I would not be able to do anything about it with this body. But her words showed me a way that might soothe her enough to let me re enter the castle.
“I'm just going back to the castle you know? You can just follow me in right? No ones going to stop you, aside from me no one is even able to see you.” My words shock Sarah for a good few moments, but soon a mixture of joy and sadness twists her visage.
“You would really let me follow you?” A feel a faint hint of disbelief in her words.
I'm fine with it really! I mean, there are still a lot of things I want to ask you right? Besides, I think I like talking with you. Even if you could use something to ease your throat.” I grin at her, and I immediately get an elated smile back, followed by a full body hug. Even though it feels soft, none of the human warmth the gesture usually provides accompanies it.
“Thank you, Elaine.” “No problem.” I manage to squeeze out, she really puts more force into hugging than is necessary. After a few seconds she lets me go.
“Well, let's go then. Oh one thing I forgot to say, I can't really talk or interact with you if the servants or my parents are nearby, as I don't want to make them think I'm hallucinating or behaving strangely or anything.”
Sarah looks at me thoughtfully for a bit. “Well your probably right, I'll try to hold myself back then. But the way you talk about the servants and your parents, are they not servants too?”
“Oh, have I not mentioned I'm the lord's daughter?”
Sarah suddenly gives me a shocked look. “No you have not Elaine! Is that not a pretty important thing you should make clear when introducing yourself to someone?”
“Well, I've never had to act my position or something yet, so I guessed it somehow slipped my mind.” That was a lie. I simply do not like people judging me for anything I have not earned myself.
“I called you bold before but perhaps careless might be a better description.”
“Hey, everyone makes mistakes sometime! Besides I don't really think it's that important.”
“It actually is., Elaine.”
“Well are you going to continue to argue or do you want to follow me inside!”
“Oh excuse me, lead the way my lady!” She was clearly messing with me, but I didn't really mind. I guess I really do like talking to her.
As I passed the gate I was hailed by Gazlowe. He asked me if I was feeling alright, and it occurred to me that the interaction between me and Sarah might have appeared strange from his perspective. I told him not to worry, that being outside those walls for the first time had simply moved me and had me fantasizing about lots of new things. He showed me a gaze filled with pity, he said he would allow me to go outside whenever he could, while patting my head. I thanked him for the offer, and for giving me this chance today, before heading to the mansion. I decided to draw him a portrait as thanks later.
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“How cheeky of you, tricking an old man like that!” Sarah grinned to me. She had been walking by my side this entire time. “Well, old man Gazlowe simply has too big a heart for his own good.”
There was a notion in occult stories that certain supernatural beings could not enter a home uninvited, but I do not know if this is the case for specters as well. We had reached the door of the right wing of the manse, the fastest route to my personal quarters. As I look back I notice Sarah is somewhat hesitant about following me inside.
“Well, this is where I live pretty much. Make yourself at home.”
As I walk with Sarah in tow, I realize again I’ve willing invited a ghost to haunt my house. When we first entered the plaza Sarah was silent for a while, staring around in awe. It is likely she never set foot in a nobles house before. Slowly we moved towards my own living quarters. Along the way I encountered one of the maids, and I asked her if she could deliver some refreshments to me in my room if possible. It was not the first time I had requested such a thing for one of my longer sketching sessions, so I only got a curt nod as a response.
“Wow, your really a nobles daughter huh, already ordering people around like that.” After the maid was out of earshot, Sarah quickly spoke to me.
“Such things are expected of me, mother is giving me etiquette lessons as well. The class difference between both servant and master is normally strictly maintained like this. The only people I can really talk to here are my parents and Gazlowe who doesn't really care about such things.”
“So you have no friends your own age, at all?” She doesn't have to be so blunt about it. I can see the pitying gaze she's showering me with, but such a thing is unneeded. I've lived quite a solitary life for a far longer time than can be guessed by my current appearance, and in my previous life I've dealt with having underlings before. It is something that I can bear.
“Yes.” Was all the answer that I gave her, and she remained silent until we reached my own room. My studio to be precise, where I do my sketches if the weather is to bad to do so outside. As we entered the room, Sarah let out a rasp that might have been of amazement, but I do not know for sure. Some easels with sketchworks various states of completion are scattered about the room, and the large window that gives a great view of the castles courtyard and even a glimpse over the walls to the vast horizon illuminates the great amount of completed works that cover nearly the entirety of the walls of the room. Three cushy chairs sit in the back end of the room, their backs to the window. One is obviously sized for the vertically challenged, and is due to circumstances now my go to seat. Sometimes my parents would come by to watch me sketch, or admire the works, but since that incident their visits have almost stopped.
“Did you make all these Elaine?” Sarah asked with a surprised voice. As this is one of my only sources of pride in this world, I cheerfully give her my response.
“Yes, these are all works I have made, over the years.”
I took a seat as I watched Sarah look at the works one by one. Seeing someone so fascinated by them makes me feel a little happiness that rarely comes to me these days. She doesn't even notice the maid arriving with some fruits and a canteen of water, and neither does she notice her leave.
I stare at the plate with food. What this orange fruit is called I do not know yet. It has the texture of a tomato, but a sweetness not unlike that of raspberry, albeit with a different unknown kind of taste. I really like them, and it appears the servants know it. I do not want to interrupt Sarah that is still strongly focused on the sketches, so I decide to just wolf down the rest of the fruits while I wait.
When Sarah is finally done looking at the works, the gloom of dusk has already set in. I lit a small lantern on one of the tables. It is filled with a mysterious liquid that emits light for a few hours when shaken, which can be used multiple times without losing its luminescent power. Another mystery of this world.
“Sorry Elaine, for making you wait for so long. My grasp of time hasn't been that good since my death.” After noticing that I was nearly dozing of in my chair with an empty plate of fruits on a desk next time me she hurriedly apologized, stopping me from further slipping away into dreamland.
“Ah don't worry. You've actually pleased me greatly, the way you looked at my works. I appreciate it” Sarah smiled somewhat at those clumsy words.
“Art is something only nobles get to see, I've never seen anyone as talented at sketching as you are. The way you capture everything with only a pencil, even to very fine details is really impressive. You must be the most gifted kid I've ever seen, on top of being able to see me and all.” As she spoke those words I'm reminded again about the differences between nobles and commoners in this land. This might be the first time she's seen pencil and paper artwork at all.
“Thank you Sarah. Say, if you really like my art that much, would you mind if I made you a portrait?” I've never drawn a ghost before, breaking new grounds fills me with excitement.
“You would? Yes please, by all means!” Sarah looked at me with eyes full of eagerness. I immediately went and grabbed one of the easels, moving away the half finished work on it and replacing it with a blank canvass. I moved one of the larger chairs to the center of the room, and motioned for Sarah to sit on it as I began to work. After asking her to sit as still as possible, so that I could capture her shape, she smirked as me as she stopped all movement, becoming perfectly motionless. That must be one of the perks of being a ghost. It doesn't look like it costs her any effort to maintain either.
I was completely swallowed by the flow of my work, so when I finally looked up from my finished portrait I noted with some surprise that it was already deep into the night. I was very satisfied by my finished product this time around. Even if the rather stationary pose Sarah took made the drawing less dynamic, the contrast between Sarah's brilliant smile and her ghostly complexion spiced it up enough to draw attention, and I felt like I had captured her essence very neatly down to the very smallest of details. It was certainly satisfactory for my first ghost drawing.
“Is it finished? Can I move again?” Not long after I started contemplating my work, Sarah noticed I had finished the portrait.
“As finished as can be, with my current skills that is.” I replied, urging Sarah to come to my side. “Do you want to take a look?” That did not bear repeating twice, as Sarah leaped over to my side before I could even blink, and I jolted a bit when I suddenly felt her hand on my shoulder. Was that instantaneous movement? I swear she was still sitting on the chair and in the blink of an eye she was looking over my shoulder.
“Is that really how I look right now?” As I faced Sarah again, I noticed her smile had dissipated. “I tried to draw you as lifelike as possible, well lifelike might not be the best word here, but you get what I mean. Yes this is how you look in my eyes.” After I said that she was silent for a long time. I didn't bother to interrupt her, as she was clearly deep in thought, vacantly looking at the drawing.
“I, I remember a bit more now. Those marks, on my neck, I remember struggling, trying to fight back. But in the end he... yes a man, a man did this to me....”
Sarah started pacing around the room, occasionally vocalizing her thoughts as they raced over her newly regained memories. I don't really know how to react to this development.
“It was night, I was outside... but it was still within the mansion grounds. I remember, flowers? Yes flowers came within view, as my face was pushed against the ground.” As she came to that thought she suddenly froze. And grasped her head.
“I can't remember. I CAN'T REMEMBER! What was that bastards face! I can't recall it no matter how hard I try!”
She was looking more and more unhinged, and was starting to nearly pull out her hair. Can ghosts lose their hair? Does it grow back? No, now is not the time for this!
“Sarah please! Calm down a little!” I try reaching out for her somewhat fearfully, Sarah was looking increasingly disturbed
“HANDS OFF!” Before I can even react, a force pushes me so hard I feel like I'm flying for a brief moment, Before my back crashes painfully against something very solid with a hard thunk. Briefly a flash of black crosses my eyes as I nearly lose consciousness, and I cry out from the sudden burst of pain.
“Oh no, Oh no, ELAINE! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to....!” Sarah hurriedly rushes to my side as she notices what she has done, and I realize she has fortunately regained her senses. As she reaches for my shoulder, I cry out in pain again.
“It, It's, ... alright” I barely manage to grunt out between the bouts of pain. Tears are forming in Sarah's eyes as well as my own she keeps apologizing and trying to soothe me, but none of that helps right now. I made a lot of noise just now, that means the servants will arrive soon and then there will be questions, which I can't answer. I need to think of a way out, but the pain is not helping.
“Sarah, please.. carry me downstairs!” I manage to bring out.
“No, you need to lay down and.. and I need to get some salve and..”
“Carry me downstairs! Please!” I interrupt Sarah's mumbling, time is running out and the pain is nearly making me lose consciousness. Finally, Sarah tries to lift me up as gently as possible. Even for my age, I'm not to tall or heavy, so I easily fit in her arms. Every step she makes feels like a needle being hammered into my marrow. “Can't you... float?” I manage to croak out.
“Float?” Sarah stops for a moment, surprised by my request. “Wait, let me try.” After a few seconds, her feet start to leave the ground, there was after all never a reason to touch it in the first place. Ghosts phase through all matter, normally.
“It's working!” Briefly Sarah lets out a triumphant yell, before quickly remembering our current predicament.
Floating downwards feels a lot loss painful than walking downstairs, but it's like putting out a fire with a mug of water. After what feels like an incredible amount of time, we are finally at the bottom.
“Yes, put me down here.. on my back.” She gently lowers me down.
“Why do this Elaine? If you had just stayed in the room, you wouldn't have to suffer like this!” She starts questioning me now. Isn't it a little too late to do that now? You already followed along.
“But then... I'd have to say you did this to me right?” I needed my parents to think I simply fell down the stairs.
“But I did! It was all my fault! I was just distraught, I lashed out without thinking! Why would you still protect someone like me?”
“You said it yourself right? You didn’t mean to. I'm still... breathing, I'll make it. Some fractures at most” I move my hand from my chest and clasp my hand around her fingers. Her tears are falling to the ground, without staining the carpet, but as a teardrop falls down on my hand, I feel an ice cold fluid on my skin.
“My lady? What is the problem?” The servant girl that brought me the fruit finally hears the commotion and walks over. As soon as she sees me lying on the ground she hurries towards the main house. Sarah stayed at my side even as the servants carried me over to the guards barracks.