Oswald Manfred

The hours had passed, and Richard told me that Mimi had gone for her tests. As I understood it, she just had to pass the physical portion, but that was a ruse. I updated her profile, explaining how she was slightly stronger than a Fiend now. Her joints had evolved from the Whispering wolf, to something that could coil and release quickly. Such a motion was likely to tear the arm apart, and leave it useless, but anything she hit with it was likely to suffer much more. I glanced out the window, to see how late it was.

There was so much left to puzzle out. The Herald was sent to escort Mimi to Vivian, this was the King's message to me. He was watching her, and the fact that all they did was escort her meant something more. I stroked my beard for a few moments, before I came to the realization. Charles didn't want to lose her for some reason. That he either had plans, or needed her for something in the future. I truly needed to talk to him before going to the Northern kingdom and the Beard Cutters.

It was a shame, I hardly talked about her with Mal. Though it was likely she wasn't aware of what the king was planning either. I moved to one side of the room, resting my hand on the wall. The thoughts slowly fading, as I steeled myself. I had something more pressing to do, something that made me uncomfortable. Using my magic, I slowly undid the protection of simple devices and other such things within the wall. Slowly, I felt the ashes hidden within this secret compartment. Piece by ashen piece, the fire that burned it flared to life. The same fire that burned this book to ash, now rebuilding it. Every sooted page slowly taking in the smoke, as ink became more legible.

The process itself was easy enough for me, I was well beyond the skill needed to reverse simple burning. The box made for this book was special, as there was a single crystal of air in it. The entire thing sealed, so I could undo the burning that destroyed my journal. Such that if an assassin ever got lucky, no one would have my journal. Once it was complete, down to every mistake I made and scribbled out. I finally opened the box itself, to show the leather bound book, with other fragments of paper still within it's pages. I slowly took it out for the first time in years. Closing my eyes, I opened it, letting my magic check it properly.

Everything was still there, everything exactly as I remembered. A book that alchemists would probably pay through the nose for. A journal that people could lose their lives over. It was so plain, only having my name scratched onto the surface. I smiled a little, as the memories of my youth washed over me. My first days in Dark Fall, the people I met, the monsters I befriended only to kill later. My blunders, my greatest feats. Everything I ever discovered, that was never made public, all of it within this book that barely weighed two kilograms (four lbs).

I heard movement behind me, and more on instinct I closed the box, and the hole in the wall with magic. My hands hiding the book under my beard, right in front of my heart. Richard knocked on the door, "Hey brother, do you have any idea how long before Mimi comes back?"

I turned to him, a slight smile on my face. "It will likely take until midnight, if not a few hours past that." The lad was truly happy to call me brother, even if he was nervous I was going to tell him to stop. He was a far cry from the young brash lad I met at first. He did his best not to swear in my presence, even if that habit would resurface from time to time. He was more clever than he gave himself credit for, and he truly did have a knack for alchemy. In the two years he was under my study, he managed to control a single cell. Something that took fifty years of my life, and it made me damn proud.

Richard rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah, okay." He smiled back, it was nice to see him doing such more. Ever since he came back, he seemed shocked, though I certainly didn't help there. As if he was struggling with something, that I could only guess at. "Anyway, it's starting to get pretty late. Would you like me to go ahead and start cooking?"

"Of course lad, you should try charring the edges and undoing the char." My voice was low and calm, but it was hard to keep it that way. Despite leading people into battle, and talking to monsters stronger than myself. I could not shake this feeling of anxiety. The sooner I could tell him what I needed, the better. These days were the last I might spend with him. After I leave this city, I truly may never come back.

Richard gave me a nervous look, "Do you think I can? I've been trying brother." He frowned a little at the end, as I nodded. Truly, the only thing holding him back, was himself. While the boy used to be arrogant, now he was just defeated.

"You can do it lad." I stroked my beard, waiting for him to look at me properly. "It's not that you can't, but that you're going too fast with cooking. Slow it down lad, char it slowly, feel the fire cooking the edges of the flesh, burning the fats. You told me you could feel this when you first started." He truly shouldn't be struggling with this. He could control a ruddy living cell, and this should be ten times easier. Was he keeping himself from doing it for some reason?

Richard pursed his lips, before looking down. "I'll try brother..." He turned and left, as I stood in the room alone once more. I really was a coward when it came to these things. I was mentally convincing myself that now wasn't the perfect time. That I could tell him tomorrow, that I could give him the journal. Yet, I couldn't tell him I was going to 'die.'

I turned to my chair grabbing the cane with the Queen's emblem. How I wished she was still here, that her suffering was over. I rubbed my thumb over the abdomen of the silver spider. At this point, I didn't know if it was best to keep her alive, or to just kill her off. Charles struggled every day with a husk I could never see. This city was amazing by every right, but so much more could be done if he could pull his attention away. I shouldn't have to guess at his plans, at what his goals were. He was my closest friend, and with every year I just felt him moving further and further away.

It was through desperation that I clung to Richard. The youth that reminded me so much of myself, and Charles when we were young. He helped fill that void Charles left me with. Now, the lad was like a son to me, rather than a brother. We were not equals by any means, but because of my own uncertainty, I couldn't lose the only chance to hear him say those words. The boy didn't understand the significance, and if he told anyone that we were brothers... I shook my head to clear those thoughts.

Slowly, I moved the cane with my steps. Hobbling out of the room, before I lost myself again. Just holding the book to my chest made me far too sentimental. It was the only thing I held dear in this world. More than every coin I ever touched. More than every overview I ever wrote. I could never bring myself to give it to Charles, even though I trusted him with my life. Charles wasn't an alchemist, he could never succeed me. Deep down, I truly wanted to give this to someone I felt could succeed me. I burned the book nearly a decade ago, when I realized the cousin that could do alchemy was using my name. The bastard used my name to sleep with women, and moved through noble families with a reputation as a bloody playboy. He didn't deserve this book, the one thing that showed who read it, everything I was.

I made it to the stairs, clutching the book still. I could feel my heart beating against it. This book was the best, and the worst of me. Every step down made me worry more. What if I was rejected? That the lad no longer wanted to consider me family because of what I have done. What I had to do? The things I chose to do? I gritted my teeth, forcing the emotions down. Most emotions came from the brain, affected by hormones and reactions. I had control over my own brain, but the emotions I felt shook me to my core. I couldn't just rid myself of them, because they were me. I was never a great person, despite my posturing. The good I did in this world, did not outweigh my sin.

I made it to the bottom of the stairs, shuffling to the next. The flesh on my nails peeling back, as I struggled to steady my soul. I never knew that something so simple could unsettle me so greatly. My family were parasites from the start, feeding on those that took pity. Disguising what they stole as the world being blessed with their being. Anyone with a brain knew this, but they were the closest thing I had to a family. Charles was a friend, and would always be one. I loved him at one point, but even that became twisted the closer he got with the Queen.

I made it to the next set of stairs, as the realization hit me. The true reason this had me struggling so much. I was an old dying man, with no one that truly understood me. I pushed those that tried to come close away, pretending no one was worth a second glance. Yet this young lad tried to steal from me, as I had stolen from a powerful family before. It was like looking in a mirror, that showed what I had always wanted. That if Charles and I could have had a child, Richard might have been a result. The lad was changing, and maturing by the day. He rarely spoke back these days, he rarely cursed. I do not regret breaking those deplorable habits, but I won't be there to see him become the man I know he can be.

I stumbled on the last few stairs, catching my hand on the railing to not fall. I tore a gash across the palm on the corner and frowned. Looking at my bleeding hand, and the cane I dropped. I took a moment, before bending down to pick up the cane. I understood that I cared more for the Kingdom, then I did myself, my well being. I slid my hand over the still slick blood, willing every cell back into place. Every bit of skin knitting the wound closed, while the tissue started to scar. My flesh slowly started to move from the thicker parts to the wound, completely sealing it. White blood cells and antibodies destroying the pathogens that entered me. My duty had to come first, not for my sake, but for the people.

I took a few seconds to steady myself some more. Richard could not know I was going to die, his reaction needed to be real and genuine. I was no better than the family I looked down on. I couldn't tell the lad that saved me, that I was going to leave. I was using him for my own ends. The hope that someone might cry for me, that might truly mourn my passing. That part of me, that I hated so much, but that I needed to survive. I couldn't give Richard this journal yet, not until the Ball. Until then, I needed to make certain he was able to take care of himself. If he betrayed me in those last moments, if he smiled and laughed I would accept it.

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I might even laugh with him, because it was such a grand lie. Something that just fit so well, because of all the lives I tore apart. Deep down, I wanted Richard to use me like everyone else I knew. To somehow justify the fact that I couldn't give him this estate like I said I would. To make the world as cold as I felt it was. I didn't deserve love, because I was worse than the monsters I wrote about. I was a disgusting old man that couldn't handle the idea of someone genuinely caring for me without personal gain. I only started teaching Richard, because he wouldn't leave me alone. Our time was far too short for such strong feelings, far too short for us to be a proper family.

Another part of me did want to believe it was real though. That in this world of lies and death, there was a small glimmer of hope it was worth something. I wanted to be wrong, but I couldn't explain how I wanted to be wrong. All my answers would come at the Ball, and then nothing would matter. If he betrayed me, I would be happy. If he didn't, I would feel a deep gouging pain for having betrayed him. The irony was not lost on me, on how much more it would hurt for him to genuinely be a good person. A youth from the underground, a slum dweller who by all rights should be every bit as terrible as the people we put in the Hole. That such a youth might be better than my fucking noble family.

I heard laughter around the corner, and jumped because of it. Creeping around the corner, I saw Richard slowly turning the spots he charred back into raw uncooked flesh. A large grin on his face, as he slowly let the fire creep over the meat he held with the tongs. Even after watching him fumble around so often, it still impressed me with how capable he was. It also saddened me, because I knew it meant he was not going to have a life near as long as a proper dwarf. He might live a couple decades past what a typical human might, but that was it. Unless he was a true genius, which I didn't feel was a proper term for him.

Humans really did move too fast, as if they were always in a rush. Their emotions driving them in ways that could be downright suicidal at times. You might not see them for a few decades, and their lives would change them. They were practically strangers after a few years of not seeing them, let alone a decade. I held my cane firmly, before giving it a solid tap on the ground.

The sudden noise caused Richard to jump, charring more of the meat than he intended to. He looked at me a little annoyed at first, then smiled that tooth filled grin when he did something he was proud of. "I got it brother! Thank you for the help."

I nodded, "You are welcome lad. Go ahead and make us some dinner, instead of playing around. You can spend all night practicing on this if you'd like. Remember, that if you are struggling with something you might need to slow down and focus properly. Look at it a different way, alchemy is more about knowing what your working with. How it all reacts together, then you can control that reaction. It's far more important that you keep yourself from jumping at any small noise or distraction. If you lose your focus, you could hurt yourself. Especially if you plan on growing your focus from your cells."

Richard blinked a little, as if trying to commit every word to memory. He kept the grin even as I walked away. "It'll be ready in about twenty minutes. I just need to fix the char right quick." I just grunted as I normally did, before walking to the dining room. There was so much more I wanted to tell him, far more that I needed to tell him. Yet, I was a coward to my core.

The time passed, as I adjusted the book in my suit to not have to hold it. Hidden under my beard a bit more properly. Richard came out a few moments later. We ate in relative silence for most the of the meal. Then Richard spoke up, "Hey brother, I've been thinking about a couple things."

I raised a brow, but continued eating. It was best to let the lad ask his questions, we had so little time left.

He took my silence as permission, and swallowed hard, "Would it be okay for Mimi to go to the Ball with us?"

Out of instinct I asked, "Why?"

He flushed a little, before looking at his plate. "It's just that I can't seem to help her. I mean, she takes care of herself. I just don't want anything to happen while we aren't around her I guess? I'm not sure what it is."

I laughed a little, "You want others to see you with her, to make sure they know she is your monster."

Richard blushed a little more, "N-not really. I mean, she said she loved me while off her rocker. I don't think she was lying there."

I tilted my head, "Oh? Did she say why? Some monsters can be very cunning, and lie about those things. Are you certain you just don't want to show off the rings coming in tomorrow?"

Richard's eyes went wide, as if he remembered them. "I honestly forgot about the rings. I mean, with so much going on right now." He blinked a few times, "Ah, um... she said I smell good and that's why."

I smirked a little, "We don't know her mating habits yet lad. She might be the type of monster that eats you for a little extra energy to make offspring. It really isn't worth the risk, especially when it comes to insectoid monsters."

Richard paled a little, "Ah, yeah I remember a few you had me read up on. They are weird, and you can't tell unless you observe them doing it first, right?"

I nodded, "Aye lad. I understand that you're young, but there are girls out there with less risk. Not only is there the risk to your health, but if you do have children they could be terribly deformed. Her body is a dark elf, that is an insectoid monster. At best her offspring will be born in eggs and it will sort itself out. Even then, she might lay the eggs inside you. At worst, she gives live birth, and the child will be an abomination. Don't give into that temptation, unless you really are prepared for the consequences."

Richard took another bite of his food, nodding. "Thank you brother, that helps a lot. Though I should still do what I can to help her. She saved my life and all. I can't do anything right now, I don't have that power yet. Even when the Guard took her for an interview, there was nothing I could do or say..."

"There won't be anything you can do for a while lad. Not until you're capable enough to be acknowledged. Honestly, Mimi probably has more sway on certain things related to her. Don't rush things lad, it will get you exiled, then you won't be helping anyone." I looked him over, watching as he balled his fist a little.

"I just hate feeling so useless, brother. Please, there has to be some way to do something. A way to get better faster." He looked at me, almost pleading.

I stroked my beard, proud that he wanted to repay a debt. Proud that he wanted to be helpful, instead of leeching off others. I took the time to genuinely consider his request, and came up with a few answers. "From where you are right now as my apprentice, and your age. You could enroll in the guard as an alchemist. You will likely be sent on patrols, but you won't see Mimi often. Likewise, you could use the rings to state you are truly Mimi's tamer. This will let you stay close to her, while allowing you to be held accountable for her actions. This means, good or bad her actions will be held as your own. You won't receive as much training, or funding for alchemy by going this way however. Finally, you could stay with me until you're ready to help more. It's your choice lad, because it is your life debt you are seeking to repay."

He looked at me for a second and nodded. "I'll stay with you brother. We are family, and I can repay the debt when I am stronger. Mimi means a decent bit to me, but she is kind of like a good friend. Family comes first brother." I was surprised by his answer, and how bluntly he just put it.

I coughed a little, "Yes, thank you lad. Don't worry, I'll whip you into shape properly. You should at least see where she's living now. Weren't you going to help her move?" I was a little stunned, but it did make me feel a bit better. Then the pain set in a little more, for the fact that I was going to lose this in just a few days.

Richard grinned, "Yeah, I already spent some coin on renting a wagon for the night. I just need to make sure it's back by tomorrow night. I figured with Mimi's strength, she could just pull the thing herself. Make it all one trip, since it's going to be late and all."

I managed to overcome the slight shock, and stroked my beard again. "Very good lad, just don't be too noisy about it. An old man needs his sleep."

"Yes sir!" He didn't lose his grin for a second. We finished dinner, as Richard took the leftovers to Mimi's hive. He said he wanted to cook her something fresh when she got back. I myself retired to my room with the journal.

I sat at my desk, going over the pages for a few hours. Checking with my own eyes, and remembering my life. My door was closed, to let Richard know I needed to be left alone. There was no knock to check on me, even in the dead of night. I grabbed the Quill and began to write. These were my last words to my true family, on the last two blank pages.

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Richard, my brother, my son. If you are reading this message, it means you have truly and utterly convinced me of your worth as a person. For what it is worth, I am truly sorry I could not give you my estate. That I could not give you the coin I hold. That I could not teach you more of alchemy. There are so many things I need to apologize to you for, but the most important one is this: I am sorry for having hurt you. That I have used you in a political ploy. When I hand this to you, I know you will not read this until I am long gone. I will be in the Northern Kingdom performing my duty for Eclipse. By the time you read this, I may potentially be well and truly dead. These are my final words to you, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive this foolish coward.

Do not claim me as your family, not as a brother, and not as a father. People will come after you, if you do. You may accept me as family in your heart if you so choose, but never utter such out loud. If you wish to disown me completely, I will accept that for what I have done to you. Please at the very least stay safe. Stay with Mimi, or join the guard. I will have talked to the king by then. You will be protected as best I can do from afar. I cannot ensure you might stay safe if you leave for the Underground. All I ask is that you send me a message, to let me know your answer on if we are still family after this. Please send hard bread through the king on a caravan to the Beard Cutters if we are still family. Send ashes if we are not. I truly hate not knowing, but I will suffer until you send your response.

I will never be able to respond to your message, and I will not withdraw any support I give you. This is my thanks for making a lonely old man happy. To repay you for the kindness you have shown me. Please do not come looking for me, no matter what. I do not know why the Beard Cutters truly need me, but they are desperate. They might well hold you against me, and I will do what I can to protect you. This book is my heart, and my oath to keep you safe.

I was never really good at expressing things like this. I could understand how others worked just fine, but I could never truly open up. The world out there is a cold one Richard, find what warmth you can, and keep it close to you. You were a damn good apprentice, and an even better person. Surpass me in everything I have done. I know you can, because you're you.