“Please help me!” The girl begged earnestly, her gaze blindingly bright.

“...Why?” I managed to mutter after a moment of silence.

“You’re the only guy I know… ” A slight blush crept onto her cheeks as she averted her gaze from mine. This seems to be a common occurrence. Is she shy? Often embarrassed? Or does she like me- Yeah, right. As if that would be the case.

I sat there, contemplating on the toilet seat. Even if this was true, which I doubted, why would this girl be asking me for help? And moreover…

“Couldn’t you have waited ‘till after I got out of the bathroom? You know it’s a really crappy time to talk to me right now?” Had there been any other way I could have said it, I would have. Why was this girl acting so oblivious? I wanted to go bury myself.

“...right….” The girl mumbled, finally realising she was talking shamelessly to a guy who was sitting on a toilet bowl.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t think of that!” I yelled at her.

“...” She went silent, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Fine…” I sighed, deciding to give in, “Give me a minute.”

As usual, in a seemingly calm state, I finished my business and washed my hands. Of course, I wasn’t actually calm. Far from it. This was the fourth time that girl had caught me pooping. I was really starting to think she was doing this on purpose. What a crappy hobby.

“So, what’s up?” I asked, calmly turning to face her.

“Well, uh…” As she started to speak, the doorknob to the boy’s restroom started to turn. That wouldn’t have been a problem if the girl hadn’t been standing in a red daze as she struggled to formulate her words. Did this poopy girl really forget where she was?

Thinking fast, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into a stall.

“Wha… wha…” She started to mumble, her voice growing louder as she panicked.

I made sure to close the stall door behind us and lock it, then used one of my hands to cover her mouth to prevent her from making any noise. At that very moment, the sound of two pairs of shoes stepping with soft taps across the male toilets’ tile floor let us know we had company.

“What do you think?” One of them asked. They remained in front of our stall, talking unabashedly. It seems they didn’t come here to poop...

“I think she was lying.” The other snorted, clearly annoyed.

“Why do you say that?” The first one chuckled.

“She may be cute, but she won’t allow just any guy to approach her. I just can’t picture her having a boyfriend.” As annoyed as he sounded, there was also a tinge of jealousy in his tone.

Well, that’s a crappy thing to say about someone.

Poop girl (as she had been started to be called in my head) had grown quieter when she realized the reason behind me pulling her into the stall. She had been focusing her attention on the stall door, so I dropped my hand and let her crane her head forward to listen to the two guys.

The two intruders went on to talk more about this girl. It turns out she was a real ice queen if someone tried to approach her. Really snappy with her comments, and rarely showed much emotion to anyone besides the girls she hung out with.

...So pretty much nothing like the poop girl I was currently hiding with.

When they finally finished their conversation, they left the restroom. I can think of a lot less shitty areas to hold a conversation. Granted, this was the only place they could be sure a girl wouldn’t have heard them… Well, normally at least.

My ability to ignore my own embarrassment was already starting to run thin. As soon as the two boys had left, I rocketed out of the stall. The girl had yet to speak a word, staring red faced at the door.

Did she like one of those boys or something?

“Do you like one of them?” I blurted out.

...Geh, I still haven’t gotten control of my tongue.

“Nonononononono,” she stammered, having a hard time forcing the words out as she looked up to meet my gaze, “How could I like any of those crappy guys... I j-just… didn’t like what they said.”

“So you knew the girl they were talking about?” I asked rather abruptly, unsure if I wanted to hear her explanation.

“...You can say that…” I watched her gaze slip to the side suspiciously. Just what was she hiding… Or was the cubicle wall that interesting?

The silence that followed killed me. It wouldn’t have been that bad if the bathroom didn’t smell like shit. I swear, the school could care less about keeping the guys’ bathroom clean. The girls’ one even had incense!

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Geh… I wish I didn’t know that.

Sighing, I placed my hand on poopgirl’s shoulder and asked in a softer tone, “So, what do you need me to do?”

“I need you to be my boyfriend!” She exclaimed, quickly turning back to face me with strong forthright gaze. Someone was fired up...

I deadpanned, staring at her with a blank expression, then letting out in a monotone voice, “...what?”

“I need you to be my boyfriend,” poopgirl repeated in a calmer tone, but still insistent on her request.

“I get that, I heard you the first time,” I muttered as I averted my gaze and scratched my head.

She paused, looking up at me defiantly, “Then why’d you ask what?”

“You don’t like me, right?” Turning back to face her, my gaze was suddenly cold and my voice was no longer speaking in its usual calm tone.

“No…?” She looked at me with confusion written on her face.

“...Then really, why? You should only go out with someone you really like.” I felt like cursing. It’s not like I’m not grateful to be asked out by a cute girl, but this setting was all wrong. This taste in settings was beyond shitty. I don’t want to tell my kids that I started going out with their mother after taking a crap.

“Wait!” Flustering, with a slight blush filling out her cheeks, she quickly tried to correct the misunderstanding and her voice came out in a near yell, “I don’t mean for you to really be m-my b-boyfriend. I just need you to act the part for a bit… You are the only guy I know that doesn’t know my friends…”

Oh… That explains her “doesn’t know any guys” comment. It makes more sense than not knowing any of the males in a co-ed school.

“Right. So, why exactly do I have to play this crappy role?” I demanded, folding my arms and leaning back against the cubicle wall.

Suddenly shy, she dropped her gaze down to her shoes and whispered something under her breath.

“What was that?” I asked somewhat impatiently, leaning forward to hear her better.

“I kind of told them…” Her gaze was still stuck to the floor as she slowly grew silent.

“You told them… what?” Unfolding my arms, I sighed, shaking my head as I figured it out.

“That I had a boyfriend, and that he was super cool and stuff… and t-then they were all like. ‘I want to meet him.’ …and I couldn’t refuse...” Her face was soon flushed with a crimson red and her eyebrows were knit together as she squeezed out her explanation in a tone that was dripping with regret.

“Why not?” Seeing her expression, I was more curious than confused.

“They blackmailed me with some um… You don’t n-need to know that!” She stammered, quickly cutting herself off and pushing on earnestly, “I just need you to play the role tomorrow. Please!”

“Shit…”

“...You can’t do it?” She asked sadly, tilting her head cutely to the side.

“No, it’s not that…” Those puppy dog eyes… I quickly averted my gaze in an attempt to avoid getting sucked in.

“You need to go poop again?”

“No!” I screamed in exasperation, raising my hands to my forehead.

“Pee?” Was this karma biting me in the butt?

“It’s my job to make the lame jokes!” Pushing my hair back, I finally resigned myself and sighed in defeat, “Why am I even bothering to accept this shitty favour from poopgirl?”

“What?! That’s not my name!”

No shit, Sherlock. You never told me what it was!

Spoiler :

Hi~ This is PuPu or PuPiPu on the chat again~

Thank you for reading Shitty Favours! Hope you had a poopy time reading it! *teehee*

Pupu isn't sure when the next wave of constipation will come... [th_084_.gif]

Please leave PuPu or PuPi some comments (and cookies) and look forward to the next poop~

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